When Jim Edmonds was a trending topic on Twitter, I figured he died. Turns out he was just taking the Casino Bus to Cincy, though that might be a riverboat. Edmonds will continue to be a part-timer, gaining no value. Maybe one day he’ll garner 25% of a HOF vote and the interwebs will go abuzz with the travesty of it all. But Jim Rice is in! This is worst than season two of Lost! Chris Dickerson goes to the Brewers, but you knew that. You have the internet or you wouldn’t be reading this. Dickerson is currently on the DL. I like him. In a career 401 ABs, Chris Dickerson has 8 homers and 19 steals with a .277 average and a .369 OBP. In Triple-A this year, he had 3 homers and 6 steals in 43 ABs. I say the Brewers should play him, but I don’t make those decisions. Who is playing? Lorenzo Cain. In 331 ABs in Triple-A, Cain had 26 steals and a .402 OBP with a .317 average. Yes, and thank you. Carlos Gomez is due back at some point too, but he’s not good at, you know, baseball. My guess is Cain and Dickerson, when healthy, will see some sort of platoon. I’d grab Cain right now for speed, then wait to see how this dumbo pot gets stirred. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Drew Stubbs – If you thought his playing time would be squeezed by just sucking on the suckhole, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Edmonds will definitely take time from Stubbs. Heisey’s a better batter too (say that fast 45 times). BTW, Stubbs and Carlos Gomez should be on the same team. Unfortunately, it’s a track team, not a baseball one. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brandon Morrow lost the no-hitter but pitched as well as any pitcher this year. 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 Walks and 17 Ks. Though not everyone was impressed. When reached for comment after the game, Adam Lind said, “If you gave me 27 outs, I could strike out 17 times.” Did Morrow go near-no-no vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Almost a 11 K/9 in the minors is, uh, Mike Minor. He major, Kanye. I hope Roberto Kelly doesn’t come back to visit the Braves because when R. Kelly sees a minor, urine trouble! So should you play some Gary Glitter if you’re lusting after this Minor? In 118 2/3 IP this year, he has 144 Ks and 44 walks. Hello, beautiful. Want me to continue? Of course you do. You’re greedy. In Triple-A through five starts, his ERA is 1.99 while rocking a .171 BAA. He probably only has around 7 starts left in his arm this year before the Braves shut him down, but that’s all right, no one has many starts left. Minor’s a must grab in NL-Only and keepers. In mixed leagues, I’d grab him for his first start vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
J.P. Arencibia was called up by the Buckless Jays. In Triple-A, Arencibia hit 31 homers in 379 ABs. That’s-a one spicy prospect! To go all Latin America on you, there’s a caveat. That was in the PCL, which is like playing on the moon with an aluminum bat. He’s not quite the prospect of Wieters, Posey or Carlos Santana, pre-Kalish yelling at him, “Eat everything off your plate!” I’d pick up Arencibia if you just lost Santana or if you’re just hurting at catcher, in general. Conservatively, I’d give him 6 homers and a terrible average. But he’s capable of more and that’s why you grab him. When we’re dealing with such short sample sizes as the final two months, it’s worth the flyer to see if he surprises with an extended hot streak. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Zambrano – Will return to the Cubs rotation on Monday vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Thumb up the jam, thumb it up! While your feet are stompin’! Sorry, hard to stop that once I start. Kevin Youkilis was placed on the 15-day DL with his jammed thumb. Thumb up the jam, thumb it up! Youkilis was diagnosed with a tear of the muscle that helps contract the thumb. It’s a rare injury. Hey, maybe they can name it after him. Careful, brah, you’re gonna give yourself The Youk Thumb! Sounds like Youk won’t be rating movies anytime soon. If the injury is exacerbated, it could be career threatening. DL him for now while you wait for more news, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Youk’s not back for a while, if at all this year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Lowell – Started at 1st base for the Red Sox and hit a homer. Last August, Lowell put up 14/5/15/.319 numbers, which is pretty much what you could’ve expected from Youuuuuuuk. There’s no guarantee Lowell has that month again, but if you’re really hurting for a corner man, there ya go. Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know that slo-mo video of Homer Simpson taking a cannonball off his belly? This looked more painful. When Carlos Santana, the future of the Indians franchise, went down in this collision, his knee said, “I wish I were Joe Theismann’s knee.” To stay in the world of The Simpsons, you can see the exact moment when Cleveland’s heart breaks. Carlos Santana’s collision was like The Decision, Part II. Only more ghoulish. I’d be shocked if Santana’s back this year. Hopefully, he’ll be fine for next year. On the bright side, Cleveland, you’re still not Detroit. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Shelley Duncan – 4-for-5, 1 Run, 2 RBIs. Surprised there weren’t any other injuries reported from Shelley Duncan high fives. He’s always so intense. Here’s him taking questions after the game. Please, blog, may I have some more?
What I never understood about the trading deadline is why wait until the last second to make a trade? Did the Padres really wake up on July 31st and think they suddenly needed a bat? Wasn’t this apparent on April 2nd? I understand you don’t trade for pieces if you’re out of it, but the Padres, for instance, haven’t been out of it all season, unless they assumed they weren’t contending when the season started. Maybe they wouldn’t have got Ryan Ludwick, because the Cards may not have been selling him in April, but they needed someone. Then there’s the other deals that remind me of my friend who buys things just because they are on sale. “Do you really need a 120 count box of chicken bouillon?” “No, but Shop-Rite was selling Chicken Bazillions for only $2.99.” So, in that vein, do you really need Matt Capps when Jon Rauch is serviceable? No, but we’ve been dying to shed these upside prospects and the price was right. Deep thoughts by Grey Albright, I suppose. Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Lance Berkman – Traded to the Yankees. This is one of those moves that’s actually better for fantasy. In real baseball, adding Berkman to the Yankees lineup is like adding pecan sandies to a tray of chocolate chip cookies. Hey, if you like a pecan sandie, then go for it. I think you were fine with the chocolate chips. Let’s face it, leaving Houston helps anyone’s value. Berkman goes from between Keppinger and The Glue They Once Called El Caballo to hitting in an All-Star lineup. Hey, Runs and RBIs, nice to see you again. As I mentioned in the comments when the trade went down, A-Rod’s sitting at 16 homers, so don’t expect The Stadium They Built Next To The Stadium That Ruth Built to suddenly add 20 homers to Berkman. He’s still old and struggling. Value goes up, but only so much. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Davis is so easy to strike out that pitchers should let him get a 4th or 5th strike like you’d give the small-for-his-age kid in little league. “Good cut, Chris!” Then the parent who needs anger management screams, “It’s on a freakin’ tee! Hit the damn ball!” Davis is also so easy to strike out the Rangers felt like they needed to go out and get someone who is marginally better. Enter Jorge Cantu. Or as I like to call him, the guy I told you to sell back at the end of April when his value was at its highest. Cantu gets a boost in value because he’s now going to be hitting in a lineup with Giant Machine and Hulk Machine, while calling Coors South home. I’d grab Cantu off waivers if I was hurting at my corner infidel spot. Meanwhile, Chris Davis heads to the minors to try and reclaim that glory that had Bill James projecting him for, like, 40 homers and 10 steals. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – Back to the DL with a strained groin and could be out until the end of August. Who had July 29th in the ‘Kinsler goes back on DL’ pool? Kinsler’s officially dropping way down in 2011 drafts. He might be the fourth Ranger drafted next year. I smell a sleeper post about him from January Grey. January Grey, “Leave me alone, I’m watching Jersey Shore.”
Brett Wallace – It’s ironic he’s only a 1st base prospect because he’s getting passed around the majors like a trollop who’s been a lot farther than 1st base. For those keeping score, he’s gone from STL to OAK in the Matt Holliday deal, OAK to TOR for OF prospect Michael Taylor (whom Toronto got in the Halladay deal), and now from TOR to HOU for OF prospect Anthony Gose. The book on Walllace is he’s a great hitter with a bad glove (hence the move from 3B to 1B). Now it’s one thing when STL trades a 1B (when they have Pujols) or when Oakland trades a 1B (Billy Beane likes to keep busy) but when the Lyle Overbay-playing Blue Jays trade a 1B prospect one has to wonder. Is something wrong here 0r is the Jays GM, Alex the Greek just opa’ing prospects into the fireplace? Either way, Lance Berkman looks like he’s about to embark on the Casino Bus. If Wallace gets called up, he’s immediately mixed league material. He hit 18 homers in 385 minor league ABs this year. Though it was in the PCL. BTW, this is the longest blurb ever for a roundup. I don’t even remember who I was talking about. Oh, Brett Wallace! Yeah, he can hit, grab him now in NL-Only leagues, deep mixed leagues and keepers, just in case he’s called up. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Roy Oswalt agreed to be traded to the Phillies after his son, Roy Oswalt Jr., broke it down to him, “Dad, the Astros suck, Ed Wade’s toupee’s been at half mast for years now and Ryan Howard Jr. promised to protect me from bullies.” Well, the first thing you know ol’ Roy’s a millionaire… Kinfolk said Roy move away from there… Said Philadelphia is the place you ought to be… So the Oswalts pack up their stuff and are moving to Philly. The Phils that is. You’re looking at a guy that is a top 20 pitchers right now and that shouldn’t change. Only thing that will change is a switch in where he’s getting his value from. Oswalt will take a bit of a hit with his ratios. The Juice Box’s stats only look like a pitchers’ park because the Astros’ offense is so pathetic. It’s more neutral than anything. Citizens Flank is a hitters’ park. That’s a slight disadvantage for Oswalt, but the addition of a team that actually might score him runs is a positive. The addition of Hamels and Halladay could help Oswalt since he no longer has to be the guy. But the subtraction of Brett Myers from his life will mean he’ll need to defend himself in any barroom brawls. For the rest of the season, I’d give Oswalt a line of 7-2/3.55/1.20/70. I.e., a strong number two fantasy starter. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Podsednik traded to the Dodgers. Call ‘em The Podsgers! Should be convenient for his wife — much closer to the Playboy mansion. Or so I read in an article in Playboy about Playboy while not looking at the pictures. So Pods comes to L.A. Please, blog, may I have some more?