The Braves should totally give Derrek Lee the number 01 and paint him orange. Too bad Waylon Jennings isn’t around anymore to announce him when he comes up to bat. Lee-haw! The Cubs received back Tyrelle Harris, who I believe is a male model, Robinson Lopez, who dispenses candy from his neck, and Jeffrey Lorick, who owns the Marlins. Derrek Lee has hit 4 homers in his last four games and his numbers should only continue to trend upwards as we head into the home stretch. I could see him getting to 24 homers on the year; he’s at 16. Do the math! The real LUZR in this is Troy Glaus, who the Braves put on the DL with a severe case of We-Don’t-Want-To-Play-You-Anymore-itis. It’s curable, but you usually need a new team. Kelly Johnson had a similar malady when he played for the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Xavier Nady – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base yesterday, but Micah Hoffpauir was recalled. Hip-hip-Hoffpauir! Not really. I wouldn’t pick him up in any league until I saw him start hitting. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL. My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup. Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing? Is this something I need to tell people? While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too. Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested. Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia. Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me. The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night. [dur] Get them all in your lineup. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Francisco Rodriguez will miss the rest of the season; he needs surgery to repair a torn ligament in his thumb that he injured in his sparring match. Cut me, Mackey Sasser, cut me! On a not that serious but kinda serious note, besides Nolan Ryan, are all pitchers the wimpiest athletes? Coach, I have a hangnail, I think you’re gonna have to scratch me. No, not on my back, I mean from the game. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, the Oakland A’s hit Kevin Slowey about as well as Elmer Fudd can pronounce his name. After missing last week’s start with a sore elbow, it was a great sign that he took a no-hitter into the 8th inning, only to be lifted for precautionary reasons. After the game, Precautionary Reasons said, “Don’t blame me, blame Gardenhire.” Well, whoever you believe, Slowey still had his best start of the season, which came only one start removed from his 2nd best start of the season, which came after a quality start. I guess what I’m confusingly trying to say is he’s been good over the last month aside from his last start vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ted Williams hit a HR in his last AB. John Elway won his 2nd straight Super Bowl in his last start. Chipper Jones eschewed a standing ovation in favor of a reclining operation. Sometimes you don’t appreciate greatness until it hits the DL. In between all the injuries, Chipper Jones has had one of the top 5 careers for a 3rd basemen in WAR (behind only Schmidt, Eddie Mathews, Boggs and Brett). Fairly well, Glass Chipper, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars while trying not to pull any ligaments. Omar Infante should now play every day for the rest of the year even after Prado returns. He’s a solid average contributor and… Well… Uh… Yeah, average. That’s it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Freddie Freeman – Frank Wren says the injury to Chipper doesn’t change Freeman’s timetable. Glaus’ inability to hit anything other than weak grounders to the shortstop could change that timetable though. Right now, I don’t think we see Freeman until September. Stay tuned! Or not. Your choice. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Francisco Rodriguez was arrested for assaulting his father-in-law. That’s going to make for awkward holidays. Or maybe they’ll skip Christmas and celebrate Boxing Day. Fred Wilpon needs to put some rubber bands in his beard and get K-Rod and Tony “Shirtless” Bernazard into the squared circle. During the fight, Johan was seen comforting K-Rod’s wife. Johan, “She was looking for the changeup, and I went with the heater.” K-Rod will probably miss a few games while he responds to attorney emails. Oddly enough, K-Rod isn’t the easiest guy to handcuff. His backups in no particular order: Bobby Parnell, who I believe is the little black kid from Role Models, isn’t very good, Manny Acosta isn’t much better, Elmer Dessens is the guy who sells fresh corn on the side of the road when you’re driving through a rural town and Pedro Feliciano is related to Pedro Feliz, I think. Frankly, I’d avoid the whole Mets mess. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Miguel Montero – Was a part of a back-to-back-to-back-to-back homer job with Adam LaRoche, Mini Donkey and Stephen Drew as they did work on Bush. Hey, Googlers of back-to-back + Bush. Betcha this isn’t the kind of fantasy site you were looking for, was it? And for those that found us by Googling Donkey + Bush –> I’m kinda skeeved. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Okay, I’m officially in love. ‘Grey hearts Jeremy Hellickson‘ is going all over the Trapper Keeper. I’m going to put a paper bag on my Science book and decorate it with Hellickson pictures I find off the internet. Then if someone says something, I’m going to punch them in their big, fat mouth. Then while in detention, I’m going to write a song for Jeremy Hellickson and I’m going to get my friends band, The Quadratics, to perform the song at the Sadie Hawkins Dance. That’s what I’m going to do. His line yesterday 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks in only 86 pitches. His line last time nearly as good. His line tomorrow? The moon! Though he’s not pitching tomorrow, but, if he were, he’d have the moon. I’d grab Hellickson in all leagues. He has a nice K-rate and solid control. A terrific combo. Could he go out next time and roofie you? There’s always that chance, but his next start is the Rangers at home and they’re not exactly road scholars. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dan Johnson – 0-for-1, 4 BBs. He has 3 hits and 11 walks since his call up last week. He has a .176 average and a .483 OBP. He’s the one true outcome hitter. Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Jim Edmonds was a trending topic on Twitter, I figured he died. Turns out he was just taking the Casino Bus to Cincy, though that might be a riverboat. Edmonds will continue to be a part-timer, gaining no value. Maybe one day he’ll garner 25% of a HOF vote and the interwebs will go abuzz with the travesty of it all. But Jim Rice is in! This is worst than season two of Lost! Chris Dickerson goes to the Brewers, but you knew that. You have the internet or you wouldn’t be reading this. Dickerson is currently on the DL. I like him. In a career 401 ABs, Chris Dickerson has 8 homers and 19 steals with a .277 average and a .369 OBP. In Triple-A this year, he had 3 homers and 6 steals in 43 ABs. I say the Brewers should play him, but I don’t make those decisions. Who is playing? Lorenzo Cain. In 331 ABs in Triple-A, Cain had 26 steals and a .402 OBP with a .317 average. Yes, and thank you. Carlos Gomez is due back at some point too, but he’s not good at, you know, baseball. My guess is Cain and Dickerson, when healthy, will see some sort of platoon. I’d grab Cain right now for speed, then wait to see how this dumbo pot gets stirred. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Drew Stubbs – If you thought his playing time would be squeezed by just sucking on the suckhole, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Edmonds will definitely take time from Stubbs. Heisey’s a better batter too (say that fast 45 times). BTW, Stubbs and Carlos Gomez should be on the same team. Unfortunately, it’s a track team, not a baseball one. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brandon Morrow lost the no-hitter but pitched as well as any pitcher this year. 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 Walks and 17 Ks. Though not everyone was impressed. When reached for comment after the game, Adam Lind said, “If you gave me 27 outs, I could strike out 17 times.” Did Morrow go near-no-no vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Almost a 11 K/9 in the minors is, uh, Mike Minor. He major, Kanye. I hope Roberto Kelly doesn’t come back to visit the Braves because when R. Kelly sees a minor, urine trouble! So should you play some Gary Glitter if you’re lusting after this Minor? In 118 2/3 IP this year, he has 144 Ks and 44 walks. Hello, beautiful. Want me to continue? Of course you do. You’re greedy. In Triple-A through five starts, his ERA is 1.99 while rocking a .171 BAA. He probably only has around 7 starts left in his arm this year before the Braves shut him down, but that’s all right, no one has many starts left. Minor’s a must grab in NL-Only and keepers. In mixed leagues, I’d grab him for his first start vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?