Hello, new readers. No, this isn’t High Times dot com, but don’t worry there’s Doritos at the end of this post. Hey, don’t skip ahead. You have to read the post first. Yes, the computer is talking to you. Aw, I’m just messing with you. The computer’s not talking to you. You’re just reading, silly! So, Bud Norris didn’t come out of nowhere to be my new Razzpick du jour. Yesterday, he went six innings, giving up one run and K’d 4. In the not-too-decent past, I mentioned liking his upside. For our friends in Latin America, the caveat is his wildness. The love comes from the fact he has more Ks than innings. There’s only ten other starters with more than 110 innings in the major leagues that can claim that. That’s one starter for every finger. Unless Antonio Alfonseca is reading this. The wildness is still there, but he hasn’t walked more than 3 batters in a game since April. I’d absolutely grab Norris for the last month if I needed Ks (who doesn’t?) and some upside (of course you do). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Johnson – 4-for-6, 1 RBI in a 16th inning game that saw Roy Oswalt play left field and Tim Kurkjian’s voice cracking at the sheer craziness of the game. Can you believe this game, fellas?! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jose Bautista hit his 39th and 40th home runs last night. As frequent commenter, VinWins, pointed out yesterday, in the Blue Kays last 162 games, Bautista has 50 homers. Okay, I was way off with this guy, but Jose Bautista didn’t see this year coming. His own mother doesn’t recognize him. Every morning he wakes up wondering if the last five months were a dream. This is the craziest home run year since Scooter McGillicuddy blasted 6 homers in 1901 while battling scurvy. Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in twice as many games. His HR/FB% is nearly double his career mark. His fly balls are through the roof, literally. His Isolated Power is near Babe Ruth’s career mark. The HR department thinks Bautista lied on his resume. A mouth enters on the left side of the screen and says, “Im,” a mouth enters on the right side and says, “Probable.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks. Hello, beautiful. I hate AL East pitchers, but I might just own Morrow on all of my teams next year. Right after, I draft Daniel Hudson. Please, blog, may I have some more?
‘Uh-oh’ doesn’t really do the sight of Stephen Strasburg throwing a pitch and shaking his elbow in pain. Word is now he might go see Dr. Freeze. Usually a visit to Dr. Freeze means the pitcher will be out for at least a year. I think a visit to Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Paul Konerko went 5-for-5 yesterday with his 31st homer. Paul Konerko is also winning your league for you. You had your back up against the wall. You took Hanley in the first round, Halladay in the 2nd and then you hit the 20th round and you were like, “Hmm… I totally screwed myself by not taking a 1st baseman. Do I take that guy on the Marlins with a girl’s name or should I take Konerko?” When you took Konerko, you figured you would need to trade for someone. Whoa, what’s this? Konerko’s hitting? “Hey, baby, you’re eating dinner by yourself tonight. Paul Konerko due up sixth this inning, according to Fantasycast. Now please don’t come into my man cave.” When you go to the White Sox Fantasy Camp in seven years, you can tell him how he won your league for you while ruining your marriage. These late round fliers in drafts are always so maddening. If I would’ve just took Konerko instead of Stupid-Face Headley. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. His season ERA is down to 3.87 and 12 wins is pretty good, but that’s now 8 Ks in 28 IP for August. Is there a less aptly-surnamed player in the game? Seems like Mark Crafty or Mark Wiley would be better names. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Braves should totally give Derrek Lee the number 01 and paint him orange. Too bad Waylon Jennings isn’t around anymore to announce him when he comes up to bat. Lee-haw! The Cubs received back Tyrelle Harris, who I believe is a male model, Robinson Lopez, who dispenses candy from his neck, and Jeffrey Lorick, who owns the Marlins. Derrek Lee has hit 4 homers in his last four games and his numbers should only continue to trend upwards as we head into the home stretch. I could see him getting to 24 homers on the year; he’s at 16. Do the math! The real LUZR in this is Troy Glaus, who the Braves put on the DL with a severe case of We-Don’t-Want-To-Play-You-Anymore-itis. It’s curable, but you usually need a new team. Kelly Johnson had a similar malady when he played for the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Xavier Nady – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base yesterday, but Micah Hoffpauir was recalled. Hip-hip-Hoffpauir! Not really. I wouldn’t pick him up in any league until I saw him start hitting. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chase Utley went 0-for-5 as he returned from the DL. My favorite advice by fantasy ‘perts is when they tell you to get a returning superstar into your lineup. Do people often leave their 1st round picks on the DL when they’re playing? Is this something I need to tell people? While you’re at it, get Pujols in your lineups too. Oh, and put on some pants before you get arrested. Another returning middle infielder with an oh-fer yesterday was Dustin Pedroia. Scrappy Doo fought hard to come back early, so he might not be at his usual 110%, but at, say, 80% he’s Dustin Pedro and that’s enough for me. The last man to recover from the 2010 Middle Infieluenza Epidemic was Martin Prado, who actually had some hits with a 3-for-5, 2 RBIs night. [dur] Get them all in your lineup. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Francisco Rodriguez will miss the rest of the season; he needs surgery to repair a torn ligament in his thumb that he injured in his sparring match. Cut me, Mackey Sasser, cut me! On a not that serious but kinda serious note, besides Nolan Ryan, are all pitchers the wimpiest athletes? Coach, I have a hangnail, I think you’re gonna have to scratch me. No, not on my back, I mean from the game. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, the Oakland A’s hit Kevin Slowey about as well as Elmer Fudd can pronounce his name. After missing last week’s start with a sore elbow, it was a great sign that he took a no-hitter into the 8th inning, only to be lifted for precautionary reasons. After the game, Precautionary Reasons said, “Don’t blame me, blame Gardenhire.” Well, whoever you believe, Slowey still had his best start of the season, which came only one start removed from his 2nd best start of the season, which came after a quality start. I guess what I’m confusingly trying to say is he’s been good over the last month aside from his last start vs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ted Williams hit a HR in his last AB. John Elway won his 2nd straight Super Bowl in his last start. Chipper Jones eschewed a standing ovation in favor of a reclining operation. Sometimes you don’t appreciate greatness until it hits the DL. In between all the injuries, Chipper Jones has had one of the top 5 careers for a 3rd basemen in WAR (behind only Schmidt, Eddie Mathews, Boggs and Brett). Fairly well, Glass Chipper, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars while trying not to pull any ligaments. Omar Infante should now play every day for the rest of the year even after Prado returns. He’s a solid average contributor and… Well… Uh… Yeah, average. That’s it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Freddie Freeman – Frank Wren says the injury to Chipper doesn’t change Freeman’s timetable. Glaus’ inability to hit anything other than weak grounders to the shortstop could change that timetable though. Right now, I don’t think we see Freeman until September. Stay tuned! Or not. Your choice. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Francisco Rodriguez was arrested for assaulting his father-in-law. That’s going to make for awkward holidays. Or maybe they’ll skip Christmas and celebrate Boxing Day. Fred Wilpon needs to put some rubber bands in his beard and get K-Rod and Tony “Shirtless” Bernazard into the squared circle. During the fight, Johan was seen comforting K-Rod’s wife. Johan, “She was looking for the changeup, and I went with the heater.” K-Rod will probably miss a few games while he responds to attorney emails. Oddly enough, K-Rod isn’t the easiest guy to handcuff. His backups in no particular order: Bobby Parnell, who I believe is the little black kid from Role Models, isn’t very good, Manny Acosta isn’t much better, Elmer Dessens is the guy who sells fresh corn on the side of the road when you’re driving through a rural town and Pedro Feliciano is related to Pedro Feliz, I think. Frankly, I’d avoid the whole Mets mess. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Miguel Montero – Was a part of a back-to-back-to-back-to-back homer job with Adam LaRoche, Mini Donkey and Stephen Drew as they did work on Bush. Hey, Googlers of back-to-back + Bush. Betcha this isn’t the kind of fantasy site you were looking for, was it? And for those that found us by Googling Donkey + Bush –> I’m kinda skeeved. Please, blog, may I have some more?