I already put my feet on your coffee table while typing up my notes on the September call-up hitters and September call-up pitchers. Oh, and I didn’t use a coaster for my forty of Colt 45. Natch! Not too many surprises in the call-ups. The peasant Royals are dragging their feet on Mike Moustakas, not calling him up. What else is new? Carlos Carrasco was called up and got the start. Go Indians, it’s your birthday. I’ll get to Carrasco later on. I’ll fill in a Mad Libs blurb for Wilson Ramos’ call up. I’ll even go over J.P.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Desmond Jennings will be called up by the Rays on Wednesday. I’m as excited about owning Jennings as the next guy, assuming the ‘next guy’ is excited about owning Jennings. But where’s he playing? Is he gonna Tonya Harding Carl Crawford? Okay, but he needs a Jeff Gillooly. Who’s his Jeff Gillooly? Are you Gillooly’ing? Sorry to burst your Gillooly bubble, but, you sir, are no Gillooly. Jennings should see spot starts and steal bases, but you obviously can’t start him every day because the Rays won’t be. So if you can alternate him and out in daily leagues, go for it. Or go 4 it, if you’re a 13-year-old who only understands text messages. In 2009, he had 11 homers and 52 steals. This year, 3 homers and 37 steals. He’s Carl Crawford as soon as next year, so if you’re in a keeper, he’s a must own. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Hawpe – Will be the Rays’ DH vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
J.A. Happ went the distance yesterday, throwing a shutout with 3 baserunners and 4 Ks. Somewhere, Ed Wade’s Toupee smiled. Now Happ has almost a month of quality starts. So all’s good under the Happ hood, eh? Eh, indeed. Or more like crapp. Something’s not copacetic when a guy has 32 walks against 41 Ks. His xFIP says he’s a devil’s uncle. If a devil’s uncle means Happ has gone lucky. His team’s been better in the 2nd half, but they’re still the Astros. And all of those reasons are why I’m short of Happ-y on J.A. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dan Uggla – Strained right groin knocked him out of the lineup yesterday. His left groin said the right groin was always ‘acting pissy.’
Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, but gave up 3 more unearned runs for the ticker shock.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Raburn isn’t just some old fashioned name that sounds like a matinee idol from the 40′s. Grandpa, tell me again about the time you were working as an extra in Hollywood and you stole Angela Lansbury away from Ryan Raburn. Well, it all started late one night at Musso & Frank’s. We were all pickled pretty good on Cuba Libres, remember this was before the House Committee on Un-American Activities banned them… So, Raburn hit 2 homers yesterday and is now batting over .400 in the last week and 8 homers in the month of August. He’s starting every day since the Tigers were hit by injuries and the power is for real. In his last full year of ABs in the minors, he hit 20 homers. Last year, 16 homers in 113 games. The average could bottom out, but with 2nd base eligibility there’s no reason not to take a flier on him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. Has now given up only 4 hits in his last 14 innings. Okay, I don’t fully trust him, his Ks are just blahtastic. Neverthehoo! You can’t deny the type of groove he’s in right now and he gets the Royals next time out.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The longest journey begins with a single step then, of course, an oblique injury. Can we get a team of crack scientists working on a cure for the obliques? The other day someone asked me for money for Doctors Without Borders so they could help people in The Congo. Why isn’t there a guy in front of Whole Foods asking me to donate to find a cure for Jose Reyes‘ oblique? It might be an everyday item that could fix this. Maybe a steady diet of cucumbers is all he needs. How do we know if no one’s doing the leg work? Film a PSA with Chipper Jones and Julie Andrews and show that shizz before movies. We need money to stop the spread of oblique injuries. Now! The Mets are saying Jose Reyes’ newest flare up is mild. They said the same stupid thing with their same stupid mouths two months ago when he missed three weeks. I’m hoping for the best; I’m expecting the worst. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jon Niese – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. I’m probably give him more of a benefit of the doubt than maybe I should, but Niese was done in by a bloop ground rule double that was barely fair and Dessens allowing inherited runners to score.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The first time Manny Ramirez went on waivers was before the 2004 season when the Sawx dared any team to accept his $20MM/year contract. No one did and he helped the Sawx win the World Series. Now it’s the Dodgers’ turn. Say goodbye to Mannywood? Could be. If no one dares take him, the McCourts will be fighting over custody of him during the divorce proceedings (You take him…No, you take him…No, you take him to Central Park and let him play on the jungle gym then, when he falls, carry him 20 blocks to the nearest ER). Hopefully for Manny’s sake, the Patron Saint of Bad Contracts (Kenny Williams of the ChiSox) claims him. If Manny goes to a new team, it could invigorate him like a healthy dose of estrogen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Octavio Dotel – In the closerousel in L.A., Dotel recorded the save. Broxton worked a perfect 8th, then Torre threw three relievers in the ninth with none of them being Kuo. Of course not, why would Kuo be used? He was only labeled the closer replacement while Broxton figures his shizz out. Assuming no meltdowns, Broxton will be the closer again soon.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hello, new readers. No, this isn’t High Times dot com, but don’t worry there’s Doritos at the end of this post. Hey, don’t skip ahead. You have to read the post first. Yes, the computer is talking to you. Aw, I’m just messing with you. The computer’s not talking to you. You’re just reading, silly! So, Bud Norris didn’t come out of nowhere to be my new Razzpick du jour. Yesterday, he went six innings, giving up one run and K’d 4. In the not-too-decent past, I mentioned liking his upside. For our friends in Latin America, the caveat is his wildness. The love comes from the fact he has more Ks than innings. There’s only ten other starters with more than 110 innings in the major leagues that can claim that. That’s one starter for every finger. Unless Antonio Alfonseca is reading this. The wildness is still there, but he hasn’t walked more than 3 batters in a game since April. I’d absolutely grab Norris for the last month if I needed Ks (who doesn’t?) and some upside (of course you do). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Johnson – 4-for-6, 1 RBI in a 16th inning game that saw Roy Oswalt play left field and Tim Kurkjian’s voice cracking at the sheer craziness of the game. Can you believe this game, fellas?!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jose Bautista hit his 39th and 40th home runs last night. As frequent commenter, VinWins, pointed out yesterday, in the Blue Kays last 162 games, Bautista has 50 homers. Okay, I was way off with this guy, but Jose Bautista didn’t see this year coming. His own mother doesn’t recognize him. Every morning he wakes up wondering if the last five months were a dream. This is the craziest home run year since Scooter McGillicuddy blasted 6 homers in 1901 while battling scurvy. Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in twice as many games. His HR/FB% is nearly double his career mark. His fly balls are through the roof, literally. His Isolated Power is near Babe Ruth’s career mark. The HR department thinks Bautista lied on his resume. A mouth enters on the left side of the screen and says, “Im,” a mouth enters on the right side and says, “Probable.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks. Hello, beautiful. I hate AL East pitchers, but I might just own Morrow on all of my teams next year. Right after, I draft Daniel Hudson.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Paul Konerko went 5-for-5 yesterday with his 31st homer. Paul Konerko is also winning your league for you. You had your back up against the wall. You took Hanley in the first round, Halladay in the 2nd and then you hit the 20th round and you were like, “Hmm… I totally screwed myself by not taking a 1st baseman. Do I take that guy on the Marlins with a girl’s name or should I take Konerko?” When you took Konerko, you figured you would need to trade for someone. Whoa, what’s this? Konerko’s hitting? “Hey, baby, you’re eating dinner by yourself tonight. Paul Konerko due up sixth this inning, according to Fantasycast. Now please don’t come into my man cave.” When you go to the White Sox Fantasy Camp in seven years, you can tell him how he won your league for you while ruining your marriage. These late round fliers in drafts are always so maddening. If I would’ve just took Konerko instead of Stupid-Face Headley. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. His season ERA is down to 3.87 and 12 wins is pretty good, but that’s now 8 Ks in 28 IP for August. Is there a less aptly-surnamed player in the game? Seems like Mark Crafty or Mark Wiley would be better names.Please, blog, may I have some more?