Saul Rivera, who is surprisingly not related to Eli Whiteside, was acquired by the Diamondbacks. Big shakes, huh? Yeah, Rivera could get into the mix for saves. Another potential candidate for saves is… Wait for it… Here it comes… It’s here somewhere… Where are my notes… Oh, here they are… That’s my freakin’ shopping list, and I didn’t even spell minestrone right… Oh, here… Aaron Heilman! Not sure how the D-Backs are going to have a bullpen of Saul and Heilman. Sounds like the outtakes for Schlinder’s List. Saul walks 3 batters and turns the game over to Heilman. Heilman enters and says, “I pardon you, Saul.” Heilman will probably get exploited for being, well, not so good and having small fingers, but Qualls is close to getting removed from the closer role. Right now, Heilman’s the setup man and he gave up a run yesterday. The Diamondbacks also dropped Bob Howry. Why? Because. Oh, and there’s Juan Gutierrez. That’s not a closerousel, THIS IS A CLOSEROUSEL! I’d own Qualls and Heilman. Gutierrez and I, we’re like Kramer vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
No, there’s probably no cast in Andre’s future. I’m not even sure they make casts small enough for the pinkie finger. That was Pingping‘s downfall, that and the chain smoking. After Andre Ethier broke a bone in his pinkie, he said something was seriously wrong. Seriously? You got a boo-boo on your pinkie! What, you can’t make shadow animals now? When he found out what it was, he said that it’s the leverage point of his swing and it would prevent him from holding the bat the way he normally does. Who’s leverage point is their freakin’ pinkie?! This is like the pea under the princess’s mattress. His biggest concern is probably how he can stick his pinkie out while drinking tea. Ethier could be out for a few weeks or he can play through it. So he’s damned if he does or a half dozen of the other… Or however that cliché goes. If it is his leverage point, you don’t want him playing through it. If he doesn’t play through it, he could be out at least a few weeks. And here I thought the only time Ethier and the word pinkie would be associated would be from this picture. Draw your own conclusions, but I’m guessing he’s in Key West. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Chad Billingsley – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. What every pitcher needs, a trip to Petco.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m bitter. I dropped Brennan Boesch in one league on Wednesday night for Russell Branyan. Branyan DNP yesterday. Boesch hit a homer off CC. All my ex-classmates at the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston are going get on my case. That’s Waiver Wire 101, man! I’m chagrined.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Javier Vazquez went seven innings, giving up 2 ER with 7 baserunners and recording 7 Ks as he lowered his ERA to 8.10. Though, he could’ve gave up 6 runs in 7 innings and would’ve lowered his ERA. Do I think Javy released his inner leprechaun and found the pot on the other side of his crappy pitching? Yes and no. There was no way Vazquez was going to pitch a 9.78 ERA all year. I mean, c’mon, that was obscene. He had given up more runs than innings. He was getting Pwnson’d every time out. The rest of the way he should be around a 4 to 4.50 ERA guy. There’s room to own that, but don’t expect last year this year, clear? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Phil Hughes – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks and now has a 1.38 ERA on the year. I really wanted to own Hughes this year. Alas, it didn’t happen. Alas II, I did draft Joba. Alas III, I dropped Joba before he got any saves. Alas IV, there’s no Alas IV. Dur.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you. Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts. I know, I have the internal scars to prove it. Oh, Mylanta! Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA. I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category. Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy. In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA. He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets. I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers. Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt. A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo. See how quickly that spiral spun downward? Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you. So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him. His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels. That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season. And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason. If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ken Griffey Jr. missed a pinch hitting opportunity last week because he was asleep in the clubhouse. In related news, Grady Sizemore has been sleepwalking through his at-bats. Maybe Griffey was pooped from his Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial. If the end is indeed nigh for Griffey, and if nigh is the right archaic word, this could mean an extended leash for Michael Saunders. He’s a low teen power/speed guy without much average, so the M’s would be going from yawning to yawnstipating. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Lidge – Stiffness in his elbow. In Italian guy straight from Ellis Island terms, that’s notta so good. The Phils held Contreras to pitch the ninth for the save. Save vultures, commence vulturing.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dallas Braden threw a perfect game yesterday as every single Rays hitter chickened out and didn’t step on the mound. If you know something gets in a guy’s head, don’t you exploit that? I say you send a pinch hitter, say, Pat Burrell out there JUST to step on the mound. So Braden’s still not someone I’d be excited to own in mixed leagues. His K-rate is poor, though he has, obviously, found some success with his changeup. In his game after his perfect game, Buehrle gave up 5 earned in 6 1/3 innings. So perfect is nice, but it means little. If you happen to own Braden, I’d see what he could get in a trade. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K. Stauffer filled in for Correia, who missed the start with a family emergency. I’ve owned Stauffer in one NL-Only league for the last couple of weeks, hoping that he would work his way into the rotation. This probably isn’t that opening, but at some point it’ll come for Stauffer. Either way, he’s been great in middle relief, sporting a 0.39 ERA and 0.94 WHIP, with just over 8 Ks per 9. Worth owning for MR ratio help.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Olsen went 7 1/3 innings, giving up 1 ER and registering 8 Ks, while taking a no-hitter into the 8th inning. Olsen, “Hello, Corner, I think I’m going to turn you.” Corner, “Go for it.” Looks like Olsen has been able to use his changeup more effectively this year and rely less on the fastball. Olsen, “Fastball, you’re my woobie, I think I need to move on.” Fastball, “But where were they going without ever knowing the way?” Olsen, “Sorry, think I dialed the wrong Fastball.” I get worried about putting faith in Nationals pitchers not named, That Kid In Triple-A, but I could see taking a flier on Olsen in 12 team mixed leagues and deeper. At one time, Olsen wasn’t just some random Nats pitcher, he was a top Marlin prospect. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Lance Berkman – Fat Elvis says he’d leave the building if the Astros wanted him to. He’d agree to leave the Astros? That’s just crazy. Cray-zee.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s what my crystal ball said on March 5th, “(Medlen) averaged over a K an inning last year. Will start the year as an MR, barring an injury to someone… *cough* Jar Jar *cough*. Medlen will get into the rotation shortly. Meesa tinks Jar Jar won’t make it the whole year healthy.” And that’s me quoting me! Kris Medlen is now the starter as the Braves wash Jurrjens out of their hair for at least three weeks while he deals with a strained hamstring. I grabbed Medlen in one league where it made sense. He gets a tough first matchup going against the Phillies at Citizens Flank. If Medlen pitches well in his first start, he’ll be added everywhere. So depending how bad you need him, you add him now or prepare to rush to grab him on Saturday. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Heyward – Left yesterday’s game with a sore groin, which would be a good name for a Viagra-type drug, but spelled “soar” and with an exclamation mark. Oh, and speaking of groins…
Bobby Cox – The congratulatory cake made by the Senate for Bobby Cox had an unfortunate misspelling. Maybe Jim Eisenreich was the baker.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The peasant Royals finally called up the first baseman, Kila Ka’aihue, who was blocked by Mike Jacobs last year in a boneheaded move. His name is not pronounced Killer Kahlua. Kila has a career .386 OBP in the minor leagues. I guess Moore has no place for that on his team that has a .325 OBP. In Stephen’s Minor League Review of the Royals, he wrote, “In 555 Triple-A at-bats (across two years), (Kila’s) hit for a .211 ISO. The power is legit. If given the chance at full playing time, the Royals could have a 25 homer, .400 OBP first baseman/DH. Oh, and for Halloween I want to dress up as Grey but I don’t know how to make my head simultaneously big and stupid.” Whoa, I gotta start proofreading these Minor League Reviews a little closer. The only problem with Kila is I’m not sure where the Royals are going to play him. Grab in deep mixed and AL-Only leagues. Everyone else, hold your junk until we see how his playing time shakes out and to make sure this Kila is shooting something besides BBs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Aviles – 3-for-5 with a homer as the Royals finally called up another guy. If you’re hurting for average, Aviles could provide some support, bra.Please, blog, may I have some more?