As I’ve been saying for the last month, Neftali Feliz will be the closer and he doesn’t have syphilis. Now stop experimenting on him! Feliz shoots all the way back up to the top of the Donkeycorns and can/should/verb be the top closer in the game by the end of the season. This also means Matt Harrison will be a starter. And to that I say, “I enjoyed your work on Falcon Crest.” Matt Harrison shall be now known as the Lone Ranger, as in he’ll be the lone Ranger that no one drafts. Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball news:
Tommy Hunter – Suffered a groin strain. I know too well about those! Oh, wait, no I don’t. *blushes* Maybe they’ll put Neftali back in the rotation. I’m kidding! They’ll probably use Dave Bush. Um, yikes. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Straight from Rudy’s risky pitcher post, “Sliders are the most effective pitch one can throw but are worse on the arm than fastballs/changeups. Pitchers who rely on sliders (15+% of pitchers) take this risk if they feel it’s the only way to reach their expected level of success. Young pitchers relying heavily on sliders for success are more akin to a kid on his tippy-toes trying to make it on a ride – they can only keep it up so much before they fall below that line or get hurt trying.” Following that line of thought, Brandon Morrow was thrown from the big boy ride and will start the season on the DL because he threw sliders with reckless a-Brandon. The Jays are going to backdate Morrow’s DL stint so he’ll only miss one start. Yeah, and I’d like to backdate my fantasy draft where I took Morrow, but that ain’t happening either. If Morrow only misses one start all year, call me Mr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andres Torres went 2-for-4 with the delicious slam & legs. My man has slams and legses for days! This is his 2nd homer and 2nd steal since he’s returned from his appendectomy. Somehow he’s a Latin 32, but he played this season like an Asian 52, which isn’t an official Razzball glossary term, but comes from my belief that all Asians look much younger until they hit 53-years-old then they look much older than they are. For instance, you see an Asian man who’s 52-years-old and you’re like, “Wow, you look like you’re about 32-years-old.” Then you see an Asian man who is 53-years-old and you’re like, “Wow, you look like you’re 97-years old.” Pat Morita is a great example of this phenomenon. At the age of 43, he played Arnold on Happy Days and looked young for his age. At the age of 54, he played Mr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I told you two days ago to own Justin Smoak in his series in Texas. Three straight games, three homers. To paraphrase Young MC from We’re All In The Same Gang, “I try my best to set an example, talkin’ up hyped players over hip-hop samples.” (BTW, the M’s lost yesterday when the catcher went to complete a strikeout by throwing the ball to first for the final out in the ninth but the ball sailed into right field and allowed the runner on first to score. Ha-HA!) Now the question is should you own Smoak the rest of the year… Sure, but that’s not the question. Tricked you! The question is about next year. He hasn’t reached his potential yet, but he is only 23-years-old. Some have compared him to Te(i)x. He definitely slumped for half a season like him. I think those ‘some’ were using that as a compliment though. Next year, Smoak should have the starting job out of spring training and could provide 25 homers with a decent average. In AL-Only keeper leagues and dynasty leagues, I’d make sure Smoak’s owned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chone Figgins – 4-for-4 as Chode tries to make his season numbers seem a whole lot better than they were. Never trust a guy that spells Sean ‘Chone.’
David Murphy – Out with a strained groin. Sounds like an injury that would sideline a porn actress. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kila Ka’aihue went 3-for-3, 4 Runs, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. Also, he just missed a third homer that ended up a triple. Mauna Kila! He hasn’t hit for much average so far in the major leagues. Or is it ma’ajor leagues? His plate discipline is in impeccable and the peasant Royals would be wise to give him a starting job next spring, which could make him a sleeper for 2011 fantasy baseball. But you put the wise moves the Royals make in one hand and the stupid moves in the other hand and you’ll need the empty hand that was supposed to hold the wise moves to help hold up the stupid moves hand. Then have someone else move everything off the counter so there’s room to balance the weight of both hands that have become stupid move hands. Then get some Lysol because it smells like rancid onions. Oh, and Kila has another homer in the last week and is worth playing in the final week if you’ve lost some other players. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Fields – Now 4 for his last 8 with 2 homers. It must be ‘games don’t matter’ time, because the Royals look terrific. Fields is worth a flier if you’re looking for a hot bat. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Miguel Cabrera rolled his ankle the hard way, didn’t make his point and was immediately lifted from the game to have x-rays taken. I have some back-of-a-comic-book x-ray glasses, but I wasn’t wearing them when it happened. I’m only one man! It looked pretty serious. My mom was right, I could’ve been a doctor. There’s a whole lot more zeroes in blogging. Though that’s not zeroes as in money. X-rays said it was a sprained ankle, should be more news about how many games he’ll miss. I’m guessing quite a few. In other words, it ain’t good. In other other words, make other plans. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Martin Prado – Left the game with an injury to his left hip pointer. That’s gonna make it hard for his sales presentation on Friday. I’m guessing he’s done for the year. If you wanna guess he’s not, then we’ll put my guess and your guess in the squared circle and let them duke it out. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Cain had a no-hitter through eight innings until an infield single by Jay Payton (who I believe runs with a cane, ironically enough) broke it up. Final line for Cain was 9 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks to bring his season ERA to 2.95. (Fancy metric alert!) Last year, Cain’s xFIP was almost a run and a half greater than his ERA. Or if Joe Morgan’s reading, gibberish gobbledygook > meaningful stat. This year, more of the same. So my question to you is, does Matt Cain want the Fangraphs Database to commit seppuku? Leave FD alone, it’s still trying to figure out Austin Jackson’s BABIP! Personally, I’m done fighting Matt Cain and his lucky ways. I’ve overthought enough. (Overthinked? Overthunked? Am I overthinking this?) He’s in a pitchers’ park and he doesn’t give up homers. Are they associated? Probably. He strikes out a fair amount and his walks have been in check this year. Looks like a number #2 starter. Wrap it up, I’ll take it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Freddy Sanchez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs. Now hitting over .400 in the last week with homers in back-to-back games. If it wasn’t the last week, I wouldn’t even mention him. But right now, it’s not a bad time to ride Dirty Sanchez. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Zimmerman has a strained intercostal, which runs along the ocean from Miami to Georgia (I believe). Tough break for those making the drive up the coast and for Zimmerman’s owners. It sounds like he’s donezo. The Nats will have Bowden’s old Segway, that was in storage, man 3rd for the rest of the season. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Give that dog a bone! Wait, what? Yesterday, Nick Blackburn went 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. Usually after a team clinches their division, they wake up like it’s Ash Wednesday and they were on Bourbon Street for Fat Tuesday. Not dem Twinkies, I tell ya! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Some rejected titles were, “It’s A Not-So-Wonderful Elbow, Andrew Bailey,” “Old Man Potter Gets The Last Laugh” and “Won’t You Come Home, Andrew Bailey? Won’t You Come Home?” but when presented with a Party of Five reference, I turn to mush. If you can wash Po5 out of your hair, you’re a better man than me. Andrew Bailey is heading off to see Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?