Some rejected titles were, “Cards Have Jon Jay, Rasmus Have Blue Jays,” “Cards Trade Rasmus For Queen Elizabeth-Visaged Cents On the Dollar,” and “Ervin Santana Threw A No-Hitter, Beltran Was Traded — Hey, Baseball, Spread Some Of Your Breaking Stories Around.” So Colby Rasmus was sent to the Blue Jays, Edwin Jackson was sent to the Cardinals via Chicago and a whole lot of other shizz. Let’s start with Colby. Hey, Geiger, let’s go (to Canada)! Rasmus will move into center field, sending Rajai to the bench. I’m sure Colby will be empathic. “One day we will write a song together titled, “Centerfield” using John Fogerty’s lyrics and music then we will sue him for copyright infringement.” That’s Colby meeting Rajai for the first time. Last week, I was down on Rasmus, in the non-sexual way. Sick of watching him sit on the bench while Pujols farted in his general direction. Now, much like a fugitive from justice, Rasmus has a fresh start in Canada. His value definitely goes from a negative to a positive, Biggie. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Edwin Jackson – Another guy that gets a fantasy boost with a trade. Any time you’re going from the AL to the NL, I like it. Does he suddenly become the meow’s cat? I’m not entirely sure. His NL ERA last year was 5.16, his AL ERA was 3.24. All of his good years have come in the AL. Yeah, he’s a riddle inside of a Sphinx testicle. In deeper leagues or just mixed leagues where you need to gamble, I’d grab Jackson and hope Dave Duncan can do the voodoo that he do. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jonny Gomes was acquired by the Washington Nationals. This is exciting for Gomes’s family and any National fans who like to make signs for the games but can’t write the letter H. Gomes will platoon with Nix and, if anything, his value is hurt a bit by the home venue change. The real story is the call up of Reds prospect, Yonder Alonso. In 353 ABs in Triple-A this year, Alonso had 12 homers and 6 steals with a .297 average. I took all the prospect reports on Alonso and put through my supercomputer and out came, “Should develop into a 20+ homer hitter with a great eye. Reds TV can save time by eliminating instant replay because he runs like he’s in slow mo.” His starting time may be iffy in Cincy, platooning in left field. Did this stop me from grabbing him? Well, to use one of the worst songs of all time, I’d rather hurt you with honesty than mislead you with a lie so I’ll just come out and tell you I grabbed Alonso in every league where I could. My leagues are deep though, so in most mixed leagues you can wait to see his playing time. In keepers and NL-Only leagues, you proceed without caution. Or no caveat emptor, for our friends in Latin America. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Bautista – Left yesterday’s game after getting beaned in the melon. He left on his own power and is being called day-to-day with no signs of a concussion. Maybe the hit on the head will have him return as Jason Bourne. That would be cool. Then he bring down Aaron Hill for trying to kill my fantasy teams. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Collin Cowgill sounds like a Texas radio personality or a DC Comic character, but is actually the Diamondbacks’ fifth round pick from 2008 that is killing the minor leagues. (That’s the urbandictionary killing, which is actually good. I’m hip, snitches!) In 97 games, 13 homers and 29 steals with a .354 average. It was in the PCL though, where they pump helium into their stadiums. And, now, guess what? Well, he’s getting called up, I mean that’s obvious, isn’t it? Why else am I talking about him? In deeper leagues, I’d grab Cowgill to see if he can translate his power and speed combo to the majors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Kinsler – 4-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer. Andrus went 3-for-6, 2 RBIs; Hamilton 2-for-4, 3 RBIs; Napoli 4-for-5; Cruz 4-for-6; Young hit a homer. Frankly, the Rangers scoring summary was denser than David Foster Wallace footnotes. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Desmond Jennings was called up. “No, he wasn’t.” “Yes, he was.” “No.” “Yes!” “Yes!” “No– Wait, I was the one saying yes.” Or so went us, me, you, we for the last two months. Why do we care so much? Because we have a void in our own lives? Please, blog, may I have some more?
They tore down the Lebron ‘Witness’ billboards in Cleveland. If only they waited a year, they could’ve changed them to Kipnis. And pasted it in Kipnis’s face. And, um, covered up Lebron’s body, replaced the basketball with a baseball….okay, scratch all that. Who’s to even say this Kipnis kid is great enough for a billboard and a one-way ticket to Miami in 2019? Let’s see what we know about Jason Kipnis. In Triple-A this year, he had 12 homers, 12 steals in 89 games, a near .900 OPS and his last name sounds like something you’d find at the Passover Seder. Almost every fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term!) loved Chisenhall more than Kipnis. I did too. So far in the majors, the Chisen in the Hall has 2 homers, hitting .235. That’s big to the whoop. I only point this out because Kipnis is no sure thing. He’s young, i.e. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Stephen Drew to postpone all ballroom dancing classes for six to nine months with a fractured ankle. His wife Nancy isn’t gonna be happy. More time for mystery solving! If you haven’t seen the video of Stephen Drew, I’d wait for it on the big screen in Faces of Death: The Drew Edition, which will also feature J.D. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Giants brought Brandon Belt back up from the minors where he was batting .293 with 3 homers in 12 games in July. Last time he was recalled it was the Giants doing their best fill-a-Buster and Belt was a bench bat. The time before that he was promoted and forgot his game back in Fresno. “A box of sparklers, a Groupon to the Macaroni Grill, Brandon Belt’s game.” That’s someone going through a lost and found in Fresno. So those two negatives led to two (stutterer!) positives. Bochy started Belt at first and he homered. I’d look at Belt in all leagues for his sweet, sweet upside, but don’t drop anyone too good or it could end up smacking you upside your head. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into today’s roundup, wanted to mention that the fantasy football leagues are signing up over at our sister site, and I’m using the word sister like in Oz. You click that linkie-ma-who and it’ll take you there. It’s magic! Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Jeff Keppinger – Of course, Sabean acquired Keppinger. Rogers Hornsby was unavailable. Keppinger is a defensive upgrade on the usual flat-footed vet Sabean brings over like Burrell, who plays the mannequin defense. Most times the defense alignment means moving guys in and out, right and left. The mannequin defense requires them deciding if they want to play their fielders with their gloves in the air for a fly ball or on the ground because once the ball is hit there is no time for them to move their arms. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Curtis Granderson hasn’t had a lead all season and you know what? He deserves one, consarn it! Yesterday, he went 2-for-4 with 2 steals. If I was producing a 30 for 30 about my fantasy season, I’d just follow Granderson around with a camera. “Sorry, Grey, no homers today, but how about two steals?” “Oh, okay, Grandy,” as I look down in the mouth. “Hey, tomorrow I’ll hit 2 homers!” “Thanks, Grandy, you’re dandy!” This year he has 25 homers, 17 steals, 83 runs, 68 RBIs, a .274 average and a killer smile. Back in March, you would’ve took that from him for his overall season line and you would’ve liked it. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live and let’s change the Twins closer. Joe Nathan is now the closer with two saves this weekend. As I kinda said last week, Matt Capps was pitching so bad, he picked up Joe Nathan in his fantasy league. And that’s me paraphrasing me! Since Joe Nathan and Ron Gardenhire met on match.com many years ago, their relationship has blossomed from heated affair to full blown love. They’re even Facebook official. Assuming Nathan doesn’t cough up five leads in the matter of a week, he should have the closer job for the rest of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Scott Baker – Placed on the DL with a muscle strain in his elbow, but is only supposed to miss one more start. Mr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was a big day for one of my favorite mancrushes, Brandon Allen, as he was called up. In Triple-A this year, 18 homers, 7 steals and a .426 OBP. He’s cut from the same cloth as all the donkeys that have come before him. Hopefully, he’s less 2010 Big Donkey, because Adam Dunn looks like he’s still got David Eckstein in a bjorn and letting the little man swing for him. In the majors from Allen, first, expect nothing. That’s always a good way to start. At least that’s what I tell the ladies. If the Diamondbacks give Allen ABs, which I do think they will, he will get 10 to 13 homers and a few steals. That’s the baseline. When you hear the baseline, you nod your head. Or maybe that’s the bassline. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Wily Mo Pena – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to stop sucking. Please, blog, may I have some more?