Roy Oswalt made his much anticipated debut in Texas last night and grabbed his first win, pitching 6.2 innings and striking out 9 Rockies. He surrendered 9 hits and had to throw 110 pitches, but otherwise looked solid. Oswalt cruised through the first 6 innings — his fastball was topping out in the low 90s and his slow curve looked especially nasty.  Roy ran into trouble in the 7th and after giving up back-to-back hits to Dexter Fowler and Marco Scutaro, he was pulled.

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Brandon Beachy left Saturday’s start with a sore elbow.  Usually when pitchers have a sore elbow it means one of two things.  One, they’re going on the DL for a long period of time.  Or two, they’re going to say they’re going on the DL for only 15 days but it will be a long time.  Yeah, those are kinda the same things, but it adds a little flare when I break them up into two things.  My English Comp professor would’ve said, “Grey, you add filler on top of your filler then you put commas where they’re not supposed to be then, add more filler.  Have you considered a math major?”  I told you to sell him about two weeks ago, but I understand how hard it is to sell an overperformer, so many of you were probably stuck with Beachy, or stranded, as the case may be.  I’d DL him and hope for better news heretothen.  Bee tee dubya, I just made up heretothen.  Pretty good, right?  Feel free to use it for the rest of twelve after twenty.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Kris Medlen – The Braves stretched out Medlen, then yo-yo’d all over the place with what he should and would be doing.  Fredi Gonzalez said, “I have enough problems to worry about since I can’t pitch Venters 400 innings this year.”  Now with Beachy’s injury, Medlen remains in the bullpen.  Yup.  Instead, the Braves are filling Beachy’s rotation spot with Jair Jurrjens.  Obviously, the Braves management threw a dart at a board to fill the rotation spot and said dart landed in a nearby toilet.

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Carlos Marmol regained the ninth inning duties Friday night as he was called upon to get the save against Boston. Manager Dale Sveum explained he needed more stability and consistency from the tail end of the bullpen. You can’t argue Marmol hasn’t consistently given poor Cubs fans multiple heart attacks (they’re from Chicago so they naturally have multiple attacks). Carlos didn’t waste any time getting back to his old ways; with a 3-0 lead he loaded the bases, walking a batter and giving up a hit.

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We all need a little wonder, so let me pose a question to you after this clunky intro.  Was Matt Cain‘s perfect game the best one game pitching performance in major league history?  I pose that question to you, young prematurely balding man, not to answer.  Remember, I can’t hear you, unless you scream louder than 200 decibels.  I pose this to you to put awe in your heart.  A piece of childhood shoved right into your aorta.  I’m saying, remove your short-sleeved button down shirt, and let me touch your heart with my question.  A 14 K perfect game is kinda hard to top.  I mean, I liked Pedro Martinez body slamming Don Zimmer as much as the next man, but the only pitcher to have 14 Ks in a perfect game was Sandy Koufax and he was coming off a Shabbos.   Yesterday, was pure shock and “Aw crap, why don’t I have him on one single team?!  I love Matt Cain!  Bumgarner, you better throw a 15 K perfecto next time out!”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Belt – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer in as many games.  There’s gonna be some hot schmotatos mentioned further down this post, even a hot thotato, but Belt is an immediate pick up.  If he’s clicking, he could be a top twelve 1st baseman, like fo’ reals fo’ reals.

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Clay Buchholz went down to Miami and, like most visiting Northeasterns, retired….Marlin batters that is!  While his 7-2 record is due to Nova-esque luck and run support vs. year to date performance (5.00+ ERA), this is his 4th straight start of 7+ IP, 2 ER or less, and 6+ K.  Maybe there’s some truth to that whole “rediscovered his changeup thing” (and can he share it with Lester?).  He’s a must pick up in all leagues for as long as he’s on this roll.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brian Roberts – The concusstador is back in style going 3-for-4 hitting leadoff.  Robert Andino can now wait in his shadow and mutter to himself that if his parents named him Jerry, he’d be such a comedy hit that they’d have to start him.  During Roberts’s rehab in Triple-A, he hit around .245 with one homer in 45 ABs and no steals.  If he can stay healthy, I expect about the same from him in the majors.  For the rest of the season, put his stats at nothing/nada/not so good/bleh/more of the same.  If he can get his bleh over .280, his nothing could be better than nothing, but for that he has to stay healthy, which is as likely as me removing my personal mustache groomer from my rider.

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Brandon Morrow left yesterday’s game with an oblique injury that was considered substantial.  Sounds like he’s headed to the DL.  I’d gloat, but then he’ll return in three days and hit .400 for a month with little power.   I’d say I told you to sell Morrow, but no one likes an “I told you so.”  They’re more unlikable than that Joe fella from MasterChef.  I’m just going to say one thing, I feel really sorry for Morrow’s owners.  But I said that sarcastically.  Ooh, the reverse middle finger roll!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carl Crawford – About two weeks away from game action.  Vegas just set the over/under for his next setback at two weeks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?