Hey everyone! I’m Viz and for those who don’t know me, I’m the head of the hockey side of things at Razzball. Like last year, I’m going to have a post every weekend recapping the baseball posts from the previous week along with a preview of the week ahead. As far as the biggest thing that stands out to me from the first week of baseball, Nomar Mazara leads the list. The former top prospect has multiple hits in each of his first four games of the season, including two home runs. Grey gave us his Mazara sleeper article in the preseason and I have a feeling that this was the last time you’ll be able to draft Mazara outside of the top 50 overall for a very long time. Sure, the steals won’t be there, but everything else has a chance to be elite. Let’s take a look at everything that’s been posted on Razzball since the beginning of the season:Please, blog, may I have some more?
All the season-long projections you could ever want. A kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!.
I’ve been waiting here at my computer crunching advanced sabremetrics in hyper-suspended cryogenic animation since we last spoke a la Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence in Passengers, and yes, that was 100% an effort to shoe horn two of Hollywood’s most famous people into my lede for clicks. I may have had six months off, but I still know how to get those sweet, zesty page views. San Diego Padres outfielder slash hot shot prospect slash fastest man alive, Manuel Margot showed many why he’s so highly touted last night with a 2-for-4 night, including two home runs out of the lead off spot. So what happened while I was gone? The Cubs won what, you say? No way! And who is president? You are messing with me. Another Drake album!? How does he have the time? Well, Manny Margs is now slashing .263/.333/.632 with two homers, three RBI and a stolen base on the young season. Wait, did someone say–stolen base? Yeah, you did, ya joker. Ess Bees are basically the reason you drafted Margot. This doode can fly. The big return for San Diego in the Craig Kimbrel trade, he stole 30 bases in 517 ABs at AAA (.304/.351/.426). His speed and defense should ensure he gets plenty of playing time this year, and leading off for the ‘Dres makes him a player to own. A razzball preseason sleeper, he’s under 50% owned in ESPN leagues right now, but I see that number climbing real quickly after last night’s performance. Like, do your best Manuel Margot impression and go grab him quickly. Grey told you to BUY and if you got a need for speed pick him up before I do!
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yaisel Puig‘s home runs are so effortless they’re like Billie Jean King and Billy Dee Williams only needing to say, “40-love?” to hook up with a girl in the 70s.
Somewhere, Ashton Kutcher is struggling to come off as smart. He is exerting more energy than Yasiel Puig on his home runs. When Yasiel Puig is in El Zono Loco, pitchers should be chicken. When Puig is locked in, he looks as good as all the Cuban graphic novels that were written about him in Fidelphia. Of course, just as quickly as Puig gets everyone’s hopes up, he collapses under his own hype. He’s a (ba)con artist? I’d absolutely own Puig right now that he has three homers in two games (2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and a double slam (3) and legs (1) yesterday), but I wouldn’t be surprised if by May he’s back to disappointing. (By the way, the pitch speed on that homer is 78 MPH. HAHAHAHAHAHA– Oh my God, I can’t breathe! Member that old timey film of Bob Feller throwing faster than a speeding motorcycle? They should have Weaver go against a speed-walking senior citizen.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Somewhere, Melissa Leo is acting out today’s title and it’s so spot on you’re not sure if you should applaud, or put your wallet in the front pocket. “I came straight from the packie because I heard you were having a sale on shamrock undergarments. Are you having a shamrock undergarment sale or not?” That’s Melissa Leo acting out the title. Okay, okay, okay, guys and six girl readers and one girl writer. (She debuted yesterday; is there a female verb for that? She debutante’d yesterday? She debbie’d yesterday? She damsel’d yesterday? I’m asking, don’t roll your eyes at me like I’m a moron; I’ve had enough of that!) Chris Sale looked great yesterday (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks), but you knew he was going to look great. You didn’t draft him in the first three rounds for him to look like hot garbage under Pablo Sandoval’s ass. Or, rather, you didn’t not draft him in the first three rounds because I told you not to. But you know who looked as good in Fenway? Jameson Taillon (7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks). He doesn’t miss a huge number of bats — will average around 7.7 K/9 — but his control is masterful. He will have around a 1.7 BB/9, if not lower. When a guy has a difference of six between his K/9 and BB/9 great things can happen, and Taillon will be no different. I’m not sure if he’ll get all the way to 190+ IP this year, but he had a 3.38 ERA last year, and I’m ready for around the same this year, if not better. Like Melissa Leo would say, “This guy is fahkin spacktackulure.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Me watching Lance McCullers:
The genius thing in that gif is the moment where Tom doesn’t seem like he knows which way to twirl the pool stick, looks about to mess up, and crack a smile, then spins and starts walking away. Scorsese likely had cleaner takes, but it brilliant that he uses a slightly flubby take because the character Vince is so full of himself even when he shouldn’t be. There were no such flubs in Lance McCullers’ start yesterday (6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks). May your God strike me down if this guy isn’t so butter that I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter sees him and says, “You are more butter than I can ever hope to be,” then I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter bows repeatedly, backing out of the room, saying, “Your butterness, I am not worthy.” As I said repeatedly in the preseason, I was thisclose to putting McCullers in my top 20 starters overall, but his health deterred me. Well, de-turd this, because he looks healthy and I wish I owned McCullers everywhere. If he throws 180+ IP, he could be a top ten starter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When did Opening Day for the Padres become a laugher? Was it when Corey Seager (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) homered off Christian Bethancourt? You might remember Bethancourt was a catcher last year, but the Padres brought him back this year as a reliever. If the Padres are going to make every one of their terrible hitters a reliever, their bullpen is going to get crowded. Maybe that wasn’t the moment it became as cringeworthy as Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie’s romance. Maybe it was the moment Jhoulys Chacin was pulled after giving up nine earned in 3 1/3 IP. Considering this was the Padres’ best starter, the game score for their fifth best starter is going to be 38 to 1. Maybe the moment an 0-162 season became a possibility was when Yasmani Grandal (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 2nd home run, tying Madison Bumgarner for the major league lead. Or maybe it was the moment Manuel Margot (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting leadoff) tried to take first base after three balls, because he was facing Kershaw, and no one wants to face Clayton Kershaw (7 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 8 Ks). Kershaw must’ve felt like Meatloaf when he mowed down Dan Cortese’s 1999 Rock n Jock team. Oh, and haven’t even mentioned Joc Pederson (1-for-3, 5 RBIs with his 1st homer, a grand slam). He never gets any love in the preseason, but I can’t ever (I mean never) move past that he was the first 30/30 guy in the PCL in 80 years. Kinda wish I owned Pederson in more (any) leagues. Well, looks like LA now owns San Diego’s Chargers and Chacin. Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles might be the next beneficiary. Though, if LA takes San Diego’s navy, it’ll prolly only be used in a West Hollywood musical featuring Village People songs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not a woman.
I’m not a man.
I am something that you refer to as Fantasy Master Lothario.
I’ll never beat you (except in fantasy, that is my pledge).
I’ll never lie (except about how much I once liked Josh Rutledge).
And you’re evil but unless Rougned Odor disappoints I’ll forgive you!
Cause baseball will start 4 2!
*takes a long inhale* Can you smell the freshly cut grass? No, because it’s still freezing in half the country? Where’s your climate change now, Al Gore?! I’m so hyped up about Opening Day, I’m slangin’ bean pies like Ice Cube and picking up and dropping catchers for s’s and g’s! *goes to my Yahoo fantasy team page*
— Razzball (@Razzball) April 2, 2017
All right, so I guess I’m not making changes to my Yahoo team on this glorious of splendiferous days. This day that is more beautiful than Giancarlo’s tukis. This day that is the most frou-frou of all catchpennies! Okay, I think my thesaurus steered me wrong on that last one. On a sappy level, this was a weird offseason, and I’m glad to put the real world in my rearview mirror for six glorious months, and worry about nothing but winning as many fantasy baseball leagues as I can, and helping everyone along the way. Now who was it again that had Greg Bird (0-for-4, but batted third; yes, you should own him) ranked higher than everyone else?! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jeurys Familia was given a 15-game suspension for domestic abuse charges filed against him this offseason. One could say Jeurys was given a 15-day DL trip to Familia, but the DL in this case is Dangerous Love. If there was anyone predestined for Family Court, it would be him. Familia was helped by his family’s testimony to Our Commissioner Manfred. They asked Familia be allowed to go on all Mets’ road trips. The Mets can sure pick closers. Let’s see: Familia; K-Rod attacked his father-in-law and Jenrry Mejia was permanently banned from MLB. The Mets don’t use a belt with their closer pants. They prefer suspenders! This is all an eerie reminder of past Mets violence when Justin Turner tried to help Ike Davis during one of his prolonged slumps. Any hoo! Familia will miss about six to eight saves and I’ve moved him down in my top 500 and moved up Addison Reed, his replacement. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Raisel Iglesias slipped in the shower and hurt his elbow and hip, which could cause him to miss Opening Day. This has to be the nastiest Reds locker room incident since Aaron Harang dropped the soap and fell on Dick Pole while showering. Previously, Harang had only slipped on a banana peel, ya know, a by-product of being The Harangutan. The 2nd nastiest Reds locker room incident happened when Johnny Cueto swept Bronson Arroyo’s leg and he fell into Dick Pole. Now that I think about it, all Reds locker room incidents involved Dick Pole. So, Church’s elbow and hip sound like they will be fine, but Drew Storen, Michael Lorenzen and Tony Cingrani, likely in that order, could sneak into the closer’s role, and steal the job, since I get the feeling Reds manager, Bryan Price, doesn’t really want Raisel in the closer role indefinitely. This will likely be a shituation where Raisel, Storen and others share 30 saves, say, 17 saves for Raisel, 9 for Storen and the rest for others. I’ve updated my fantasy baseball rankings, namely the top 500. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I think there’s a fairly evident reason it took Edwin Encarnacion a while to sign with a team. Doode’s a leather-bound book with dust. In the future, will a little boy sit down to hear a tale from his grandfather and the grandfather will blow dust off a Kindle? “In the fall of 2016, I bought this Kindle from a garage sale. What’s a garage sale, you ask. It’s an informal market of used products that is held outside a house by where one stores their automobile. What’s an automobile, you ask.” Please, Grey, leave this metaphor alone! You’re prolly right, Random Italicized Voice. Speaking of grandfathers, this was overheard at the Christmas table yesterday: My grandfather, “I took Viagra and only my nipples got hard. Don’t think I got the pill all the way down.” Any hoo! Edwin’s ground ball ratio went up and his fly balls went down. He still hits the ball hard, and, if he were 27 years old, none of his red flags would even be flags, they’d be red handkerchiefs for my white suit when I’m feeling especially Scarfacey. His Ks went up, so he’s a .260 hitter now instead of a .270 hitter? Big whoop. I’m having a hard time being negative on Edwin, except he will be 34 years old. Guys do excel in their mid-30s, but not as much as they don’t. Am I excited about Edwin after he signed with the Indians? Not particularly, but thinking he’s going to fall off, is you talking hunches and that only works if you’re making small talk with Quasimodo. For Edwin’s 2017 projections, I’ll give him 88/36/105/.260/2 in 535 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2017 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?