Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell

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The Kemperor Strikes Back

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 224 Comments

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Matt Kemp doesn’t seem like he cares.  Well, about anything outside of protecting Rihanna’s honor and piercings.  I don’t blame him.  The GM questions his defense.  The manager plays Jay Gibbons over him.  Andre Ethier gets all the cool pink shirts.  Manny was recently overheard saying, “What does a man have to do to get a cool pink shirt up in this mug?!”  I contemplated not going with Kemp for this lead because it’s past a lot of people’s trade deadlines.  If it’s past your deadline, skip down to the Buy section, there will be plenty of schmohawks to grab off waivers.  If it’s not past your deadline, there’s few top players whose value is lower than Matt Kemp right now.  Kemp’s owners right now are having flashbacks to last season when he was batting behind the pitcher.  Torre’s a Sciosciapath with Kemp, his owners know it.  So, step one for value is achieved, Kemp’s price tag is cheaper than his value.  Could Kemp continue to suck on the suckhole for the rest of the year?  I suppose, loyal Razzball reader.  But he’s also capable of a 7+ homer, 5+ steal month and there’s not a lot of guys that can say that, especially at his current price.  Anyway, here’s more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Hisabobby Takafelicianell – No relation to Zoey Deschanel, if anyone was wondering.  This shituation would be clearer if we only had some idea who setup K-Rod in the Family Lunge.  Did Parnell help setup the in-law with a stomach punch or nipple twist?  Did Feliciano come in with a left hook?  Did R.A.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Reds Set To Deploy Cuban Missile

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 251 Comments

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The Cuban legend goes that Aroldis Chapman once threw a fastball so hard that it caused Fidel Castro to say, “I haven’t seen something so beautiful since a young Charo.”   Knowing that Fidel is a huge Charo fan, that’s not mild praise.  (Fidel co-wrote Charo’s unauthorized biography, “My Cuchi-Cuchi” with Kitty Kelly.)  The problem with our Cuban friend, Aroldis, and it’s a pretty major problem, there’s no spot for him in the rotation and he’s been pitching strictly as a reliever for a month or so.  He’s on his way to the majors and I’m foaming at the mouth to own him in keepers and leagues next year.  He can be a top 25 starter next year.  Alas, for this year, you’re looking at a long man out of the bullpen.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  First, wanted to point out that the RCL Standings and Fantasy Razzball Standings have been updated.  Anyway II, here’s the Buy/Sell:

BUY

Brian Duensing – Okay, I’ve mentioned him now to the point where it’s going to start to seem like I really3 like him.  His K/9 was terrible in the minors and not much better in the majors.  He has been able to keep his ratios all tidy-like and he gets the Indians next.  I’ll buy that for a dollar!  (Not much more though.)

Daniel Hudson – Is it Dan or Daniel?  Can we get a ruling on that?  I’m more bullish in NL-Only leagues on Hudson, but he has the stuff to make a difference in mixed leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Them Crooked Save Vultures

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 381 Comments

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The save vulture is a scavenger bird.  They see weakness in others’ misfortune.  A closer goes down or struggles and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff.  Peck, Brandon League, peck.  The save vultures are indigenous to rural and metropolitan areas, especially if a trade is in progress.  Goodbye, Rauch.  Hello, Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard and Sean Burnett.  Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about.  “How does my manicure look?”  “Very pretty, Joel Hanrahan.”   “Did you just call me, Joel Hanrahan?”  “No.”  Kevin Gregg, Kerry Wood, Joakim Soria any of them can be traded in the next 24 hours.  If you need saves, there won’t be many saves coming into the league after the trade deadline.  If you need closers, now is the time to swoop, save vultures.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Domonic Brown – If I keep talking about Domonic, I’m gonna have to do a spin-off blog, Razzbrown.  My Domonic Brown fantasy is clickable.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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A Black Domonican Outfielder That Even Torii Hunter Accepts

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 296 Comments

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This year in the minors Domonic Brown had a line of 62/19/64/.323/14 and .385/.580/.965.  Let’s recap, whoa/wow/nice/yum-yum/don’t mind if I do and yowsers/that’s lovely/yowsersthat’slovely.  To break that down for the people who skimmed the first two sentences, he has 20/20 potential with plate discipline.  It’s the fantasy baseball equivalent to:  “I don’t think this glazed donut can get any better.”  “How about we sprinkle bacon on it?”  Drool.  By my estimation (and Keith Law’s), he’s the number one prospect in the minors.  (Desmond Jennings is a close 2nd in my book that was rejected by Simon & Schuster.)  Either Werth will be shown the door or Philly fans will kidnap Raul Ibanez and toss him blindfolded into the newly-constructed Octagon in Citizens Flank’s parking lot.  Is Domonic Brown more trouble than he’s Werth?  No, I don’t think so.  Unless we’re talking about spelling his name.  I’d grab Brown in 12 team mixed leagues or deeper.  In keepers, you should own him already.  If you don’t, then now might be a good time.  Or now.  Or now.  Or… You get the point.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we head into the post, just wanted to say the Commenter and Razzball league standings were updated.  Anyway II, onto the Buy/Sell:

BUY

Alex Gordon – Is this the Alex Gordon that was called up three years ago after tearing up the minors only to flame out?  Or is this the Alex Gordon that is called up today that just got done ripping up the minors that will finally fulfill his promise?  I don’t know.  He crushed the minors this year — in 277 ABs, 14 homers, 8 steals, .310 average, .451 OBP and a 1.018 OPS.  He can be a 20+ homer, 15 steal guy over the course of a full season if he doesn’t get in his own way and the Royals give him every day ABs.  I would take a flyer on him for your corner infidel spot for the chance he finally makes good on the promise.  If you’ve heard this story before about Gordon, it’s because you probably have, so don’t drop anyone too valuable.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Sometimes Nolasco Means Yeslasco

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 281 Comments

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Member when you drafted Ricky Nolasco in the preseason?  You guys had high hopes for each other.  You figured he’d strikeout 200 in, like, a game and he thought you’d change your boxers occasionally.  You thought he’d have a low 3 ERA.  He thought you’d stop hiding your bitten fingernails behind the couch.  Three months later, there’s been some disappointment.  There was an abuse of trust.  He’s currently showing a 4.55 ERA and a lower K-rate than usual.  You’re wearing the same boxers with lobsters on them, trying to convince yourself those are butter stains.  Conservatively, in the top 100 for the 2nd half, I gave Nolasco a line of 4-4/3.60/1.20/90.  In 2008, his 2nd half line was 5-4/3.29/1.00/98.  In 2009, 7-2/4.39/1.13/105.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Never Say Never Surrender

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 425 Comments

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Since breaking Pink’s heart, Corey Hart has been living the surreal life.  He has 19 homers already with his career high being 24.  He has 61 RBIs, his career high is 91.  He has an Amish beard, his career high was scruff.  The Brewers are talking of trading their 80′s pop icon.  Say you, say me, are they crazy?  No, actually, those talking heads are making sense.  Yes, I’m talking to you owner of a Corey Hart.  (Oh, Corey Hart and your endless punsabilities.)  Hart’s HR/FB is way above his career high and the RBIs are a product of dumb luck.  His speed hasn’t really shown up this year, though it could.  But if it doesn’t, he’s giving all his fantasy value in power, something he can’t be counted on.  Not to mention, Corey Hart has never been the model of consistency.  In 2009, he was injured.  In 2008, he had 15 homers and a .289 average pre-All-Star break.  After the break, he hit .239 and 5 homers.  It’s nice you think you have Hart for a career year, but you really have Hart for a career 1st half.  Don’t trade him for a half ounce bag of oregano and three Phillie Blunts, but I’d see what you can get.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Corey Patterson – Looking for a guy that can give you an 0-for-35?  Look no further!  For a limited time only, Patterson might be a worthwhile fantasy add for steals.  SAGNOF!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Edinson Rediscovers Electricity

| Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 314 Comments

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Last summer, something felt wrong for Edinson Volquez.  He said it was his arm.  Dusty gave him two after-dinner mints and said they were “reconstructive surgery,” then threw him for 160 pitches.  Unfortunately, the mints didn’t take.  Dusty blamed Edinson’s inability to believe.  Neverthehoo!  (I’m trying to get neverthehoo to stick, go with it.)  Edinson went for Tommy John surgery, or as they call it in the Tommy John household, “my surgery.”  Usual recovery time is longer than his current 11 month timetable, but all signs point to him returning in the next few weeks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?