A.J. Griffin‘s initials stand for Alfredo Jettuccine. Fact! At this point, I’d own all A’s pitchers. It’s Moneyball II, starring Don Swayze and the daughter is played by a dwarf. What, it’s straight-to-video, and the video is VHS because Don Swayze’s fans keep it real.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Vicente Padilla had this to say recently to Telemundo about Mark Teixeira, “He should play a women’s sport. When he hits a home run, he can take off his jersey and slide on his knees around the bases… Then, while he’s on his knees, well, let’s just say in my home country, we’d make him a bucket… And, if he wants to cry about me pitching him inside, he can cry into a sanitary napkin.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Picture above ground, there’s different levels of air. In the first level of air, there’s number one outfielders. Ryan Braun, he’s a number one. He’s like a Macy’s Day Parade balloon, big and just off the ground. Then in the next level of air, there’s number two outfielders.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Let’s get in the Wayback Machine. Back in March, Zsa Zsa Gabor was still alive, there wasn’t a legitimate Republican candidate for the White House and Desmond Jennings had loads of potential. Now stepping out of the Wayback Machine we realize those three things are still true.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Zimmerman recently admitted to the Washington Post that his shoulder isn’t at 100%. I recently admitted to the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston Alumni magazine that my pinkie finger has been acting up. I go to type up some fantasy baseball advice and it looks like this, “I drafted Ryan Zimmerman, that piece of @#$%^&*” I don’t reach for the Shift key and symbols, but my pinkie involuntary adds them.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We went over Danny Hultzen in our last fantasy baseball podcast, but that was a bunch of jibber-jabbering, you want the facts! Well, actually, there were some facts in there. Rudy, for instance, stated he thought Hultzen would be up by June 26th. Okay, that’s more of an opinion. Okay, facts. 1) When Hultzen was drafted last year, he was one of the top pitchers in the country and seemed most “major league ready.” 2) “Major league ready” is scout-speak for safe. 3) Fat Jonah Hill fired all the scouts. 4) He throws over 100 MPH. 5) I bet you didn’t know Fat Jonah Hill threw that fast. 6) Hultzen, on the other hand, throws his fastball 91-95 MPH. 7) His ceiling is slightly lower than the top arms in the minors. G) He walked a bunch of batters when he first arrived at a high level of competition, this might translate to the majors.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Wednesday, Jon Lester gave a line of 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks and I said he found the sweet spot between yawn and ho-hum. Some runs, bunch of hits and not at all dominating. It was just another run-of-the-mill start for Lester. Larry Johnson’s Grandmama could throw that line. Perhapizzle, I say, speaking like a hip-hop Yoda. “There is no try, there is only do-izzle and do not-fizzle.” Yo, Yoda, why you wear your Jedi robe so low? “Easy access, I like.” Maybe there was something else to that Lester start. Maybe, Columbo, things aren’t how they seem. Maybe I’m holding a container of Colombo yogurt and talking to it. Don’t judge me, but let’s judge Lester. That start was also his highest K-rate in one game this year, and he issued no walks. Some people are talking about how he’s got a new approach. He’s peacocking without the flair of Ks. He’s about the pitch-to-contact approach that Charley Lau would’ve enjoyed. Yeah, let’s take what makes us great and instead pitch so people can hit the ball against The Green Monster. You don’t need to hit every branch coming down the Rocket Scientist tree to think that makes no sense. If you have strikeout stuff, you strike people out. On Wednesday, he did that. I think that was a corner turned. June is always his best month, but he usually stays hot in the summer because he likes to keep things appropriate. I wouldn’t trade a top bat for him, but I think his owners are concerned and I’d definitely buy him for the right price. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Andrelton Simmons – Speaking of Star Wars, this guy’s first name sounds like a planet in one of those made up galaxies that Lucas sold at auction for $150,000. “Now up for bid, an imaginary planet in the Arkanis sector of the Outer Rim Territories. Do I hear one hundred thousand? We have a bid from the forty-something year old man with acne. No, not you, sir, the man next to you.” Simmons had 26 steals last year in High-A and 10 steals this year in Double-A through 43 games. He doesn’t look like he has burner speed, but in shallower leagues and very deep leagues I’d take a chance on him. I say those two types of leagues because in one options are so abundant that it’s good to take a flyer on someone for a week. If they take off, great! If they don’t, there’s other options and what did you miss? A week of EverCab? Big whoop. In very deep leagues, you take him because your other options are Daniel Descalso.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I almost made Tim Lincecum today’s Buy. His FIP really isn’t bad. He just always seems to have one bad inning. His numbers with men in scoring position: .346/.471/.547 vs. .243/.313/.379 with none on. But I’m not going to tell you to Buy Lincecum. I’m not sticking my neck out for him! He smokes marijuana! Now, Roy Oswalt I can get lukewarm about! How’s dem apples? Mildly delicious! You do have to think Lincecum can come around though, right? Forget him! We’re through talking about him. We’re talking about that handsome man riding a tractor, wearing $400 overalls. “Roy, when you chew straw, you ever feel like neighing?” “Never, Billy.” That’s Roy talking to Billy, who lives next door from him, and they share a special bond because their bathroom windows face each other from across the yard. It’s like American Beauty, but less beauty and more horses. American Black Beauty, that’s what they call it. But, really, don’t you think Lincecum’s at least worth a roll of the die if you can get him cheap enough? Forget Lincecum! We’re not talking about him. We are talking about Roy Oswalt. Yeah, he’s about to sign with someone. I think he can get around a 3.75 ERA, solid WHIP and a 7-ish K-rate, i.e., AKA, vis-à-vis, ergo, henceforth, where’d the rest of this sentence go, a number four fantasy starter. But what about Lincecum?! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Elliot Johnson – He’s 28 years old. I can almost guarantee you his parents named him after the kid in E.T. While Longoria is on Reese’s, Elliot’s piecing together a solid couple of weeks. What? Terrible?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna be out at a family BBQ for Memorial Day. Your weird uncle that has coke bottle glasses is going to ask your girlfriend if she’ll pass the potato salad just so he can get a glimpse of her bra when she moves her arm, and then your friend is going to text you, “Anthony Rizzo called up! I grabbed him… Lqqk who sucks –> You! Say hello to your mother for me.” First thing you’re gonna think is, why are you friends with this guy? Bad enough he’s an ass, but he uses Q’s for O’s. Second thing you’re gonna think is, why you didn’t grab Rizzo and stash him a week ago? He is absolutely raking in Triple-A: .359 average, 13 homers in 37 games. LaHair’s obviously not getting benched, but he can slide into the outfield and Rizzo will be playing 1st base for the Cubs by June 5th. You can wait until June 4th if your league needs Nerf to supply the balls, but, in most leagues, you better grab him soon. In the meantime, let’s start calling Rizzo “The Scer.” You know, if Phil Rizzuto was The Scooter. Okay, maybe that doesn’t work. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Dale Thayer – Street’s closed, use alternate route. I’d consider going down Thayer. Street’s supposed to open again in a few weeks, but city planners and construction have already closed this Street 15 times in the last few years from just wear and tear. Chances are it’s up and running again are never definite.Please, blog, may I have some more?