Jair Jurrjens has a xFIP of 3.64 and a K-rate of 5.23. Sounds like you should brave the trade winds with Jar-Jar. Or maybe I should say, “Wash that Jurrjens right outta your Jair!” Okay, breathe, Grey, you got puns, I get it.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell
I’ve given much love to Desmond Jennings already on this blog, and since what I’ve previously wrote still works, indulge me for a second, “Desmond’s time is nigh, a word that only sounds negative. DJ is currently on the ones and twos for top ranked MLB prospects. He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. Dora the Explorer, Boots the Monkey and Swiper the Fox all wrapped in one! (What, not street enough?) If he reaches the top end of his ceiling, you’re looking at Carl Crawford. More likely, you’re going to open up this Crackerjack and get half a Carl Crawford. Say a Carlford. You ain’t got the Craw yet, kid!” And that’s me quoting me! In 2010, he swiped 37 bags with a .362 OBP in Triple-A. In only 57 games in Triple-A this year, 9 homers and 10 steals. Somebody gag Sam Fuld, put a gorilla suit on him and send him to Africa. We want Jennings. *fast-herpes-medication-side-effect-voice* Fuld should be benched any day now for Jennings’ call-up. Or in the next week or so. It’s worth the flyer for upside. If conditions persist for longer than 48 hours, call your doctor. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Dee Gordon – Gordon is so fast he just ran into Kitchen Stadium, spit on Michael Symon’s head, buffed it and ran out without Alton even noticing. I see no reason why you shouldn’t own Gordon everywhere for a few weeks to see if he not only sticks but steals some bases. For more on my Dee Gordon fantasy, see that link. I wrote it while picking out all the strawberry Dippin’ Dots from the Banana Split mix.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Joyce a sell? Now I will bite my lip and try not to sob. Quiet, gentle sobs that Joyce used to assuage. Joyce and I had something together that no one else can understand. Well, maybe some of you that also own him can understand it, but the rest of you never will. We shared moments that can only be explained by watching an Ecuadorian couple that has been married for 60 years sharing a mango on a park bench. That’s what we had! Picture, if you will, a giant mustache wrapped like a shawl around Matt Joyce’s shoulders. We were that inseparable for about six weeks. I own Joyce all over the place and he’s about the only hitter I have playing over his head. Alas, playing over his head is the problem with Joyce, to DeWitt. His BABIP is absurd; he’s a .270 hitter currently hitting .360. He’s sandwiched between Votto and Miguel Cabrera on ESPN’s Player Rater. That’s crazy. I know I told everyone to grab him back in April, but he’s not this good. Humble brag! He’s never had more than 5 hits vs.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
In just under two months at Triple-A (45 games), Brett Lawrie hit 12 homers and stole 10 bases. To put that in context, Dave Winfield hitting against Queen Latifah in the 2003 All-Star Celebrity Softball Game never got past 2nd base, on the field. The Blue Jays GM Alex Snuffaluffagus said, “I’m more excited about (Lawrie) today than I was in April when he was hitting .430.” That makes two of us. Once he’s called up, his 2nd base eligibility makes him instantly startable in just about any league. If that doesn’t excite you, he’ll play 3rd base for Toronto. “Wait, what about playing time? Who’s playing 3rd base now in Toronto?” That’s you talking to yourself while you lick your Dorito-stained fingers. John McDonald, Jayson Nix and Edwin Encarnacion. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that. Sometimes John Farrell even has to call Jayne Nix, Jayson’s mom, before the game and ask to be reminded who his third baseman is. Seems like the easy answer there is yes, Lawrie will play. If he’s called up in the beginning of June, as I anticipate, I’d expect a 15/15 season. That’s pretty terrific for a middle infidel in three-quarters of a season. Now Lawrie’s on your radar, but is he on your team? Snap! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Brandon Belt – Just went over my Brandon Belt fantasy. I wrote it while sitting in the Statue of Liberty’s torch thinking about our forefathers.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
As I was sipping from my high-priced stemware that also happens to feature Star Wars characters, I got to thinking about how lucky I was to grab Eric Hosmer in one league. I patted myself on the back and took a dive onto my water bed. As the posturepedic waves crashed over me, I slept. A few hours later, I woke in a panic. Water was dripping from my forehead. Was there a leak in my bed? No. I was sweating, worried I fell for the hype machine like when I bought 10 Gregg Jefferies rookie cards for the incredibly low price of $9. (On a baseball card side note, I was one of those schmohawks thinking baseball cards are only going to appreciate in value. They are going to be so rare! Ooh, a Mark McGwire 1987 card! Better hold on to that one! Wally Joyner has some pop! Stock up! Randy Velarde is the next Bucky Dent! Put that one in a sleeve! Now you can buy 200 cards for a nickel. Alas…) Is Hosmer going to be great with a side order of splendiferous? Probably, friend, assuming splendiferous is a word. But he’s a rookie. A 2007 Ryan Braun rookie season is crazy rare. Most rookie seasons are pretty just a’ight. Some solid streaks, some funky streaks where it looks like they’re playing in a burlap sack. In ESPN, Hosmer went from 1% to over 90% owned in a week. Since 40% of ESPN leagues are filled with abandoned owners, that tells me 130% of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term) are excited about Hosmer. That’s your chance to sell high, you savvy fantasy owner you. Obviously, in keepers, you hold tight. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Justin Turner – I’d have no interest in him if he didn’t have 2nd base eligibility. How’s that for a hard sell? Or is it a hard Buy? Or maybe it’s a soft Buy…
Elliot Johnson – He sounds like a Vice President candidate from the early 1900s. Elliot Johnson is a firm believer in woman suffrage. Hopefully Nucky backs him. It feels like the middle of the Rays infield is a black hole for upside. Hey, is that Reid Brignac floating past the Russian space station? Way to reach your potential! Johnson has decent speed (~25 speed potential over a full season) and some light power.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
With 4 homers for Kelly Johnson, there’s still the Kelly Ka-POW, see? With the 6 steals, he’s still running. If you extrapolate those numbers out, it’s a 20/20 season. If extrapolate is the right word. From radio, to the video, to Arsenio… Tell me! Yo, what’s the best case scenario for Johnson? Last yeario, Phife Dawg. That’s not happening this year though. This is what currently is happening. His balls batted into play are showing he’s been unlucky, so he’s pressing and his Ks have gone up and walks have gone down. If a couple balls fall in front of fielders and Johnson gets on base, his confidence will rise and he’ll start being more selective at the plate. His average will then rise and he’ll continue to hit for power and steal bases. His average isn’t likely going to get up to .280, but a 18/15 year with a .250 average is still very possible. That’s better than the current perception of him. If he’s been dropped, I’d look to grab him.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jake Peavy is due back in less than a week unless he has a setback. That ‘unless’ eats deep fried butter with a side of blooming onion, needs a crane to go to the bathroom and a mop to clean its inner thighs. I’ll admit Peavy makes me smize, as Tyra would say. I smized more when he was in Petco, but he’s pitched well in his rehab. Does he deserve another chance? Sure, why not? What, he kicked your puppy’s nads? Now if anyone tells you what you can expect of him this year other than three more DL stints, they’re lying, those no good liars. You take the flyer on him if he’s on your waivers just hoping he stays healthy and produces. The rest is icing. …Actually, I’m using the rest is icing cliche wrong. If he stays healthy and produces, that is the icing. Can you tell I wrote this when I was hungry? Mmm…Deep fried butter. Anyway, here’s some players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Vicente Padilla – I feel like one small point that’s getting lost in all of this Padilla talk is that he sucks.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
At least that’s the creed that Francona and Epstein keep repeating to themselves as they sit in the fetal position on opposite corners of the clubhouse shower. Carl Crawford seems like a nice guy. Something about the name Carl. So innocuous. “Hey, sis, what’s your new boyfriend’s name? Carl? I’m gonna like him on Facebook.” That’s you jibber-jabbering with your family. Because Carl seems like a nice guy could be partially why it’s so sad to see him struggle this much. Doode better not stand too close to the Pesky pole in a lightning storm cause he will get struck. That’s been his luck so far. Franconian measures were taken to get Crawford going by openly mocking him with a lineup switch. That never helps. It’s like when you’re a teenager and your Mom makes an appointment for you to see a dermatologist. Suddenly, you realize you’re not hiding your acne as good as you thought you were. Crawford is really doing nothing wrong other than getting extremely unlucky. That luck will turn around and he’ll suddenly look like the 2nd round pick he was in the preseason. To misquote a cliche, get in now while the gettin’s not good. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Justin Smoak – I just went over my Smoak fantasy. I wrote it riding on the back of a bicycle through downtown Milwaukee while Shirley steered.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
The man who looks like the man from Man Vs. Food’s father, Lance Berkman, is on a ginormous Kaiser roll. Speaking of pastry, it’s not a coincidence that Lance Berkman’s initials are LB. When he got to St. Louis, he asked the cabbie where the second arch is and why isn’t it painted gold. If you think you have 2010 Konerko, you might. But you also might have the 2011 Berkman, which isn’t nearly the player the 2006 Berkman was. For Berkman, this is either a great month or it’s the beginning of a great year. When dealing with a player on the downside of his career, I invariably go with the former, if the former is the first one where I think it’s just a great month. At least when he was on the Astros, they could just play him at 1B so he didn’t injure himself in the OF. It’ll take an apocalyptic event for that to happen in St.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not that there’s anything wrong about being from NJ. Both Rudy and I are proud to be from NJ, though not in NJ. NJ ex-pats are great. We spread our love of high-haired women and capicola around the country. As for Jay Bruce, he’s sucking on the ol’ suckhole. You can say that again, but please don’t just say it again cause that’s lame; I really don’t like when people do that.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
