There have been some Hall of Fame names over the course of baseball’s colorful 2000 year history. C’mon, Guru, baseball’s not that old! Whaddya mean disembodied voice of Razzball Nation that sounds slightly like my ex-girlfriend Brenda? Why do you think the Roman’s called Caligula “Little Boots?” The dude couldn’t field, booted everything. Then he married his sister Helen Mirren. Thanks, Wikipedia (and Bob Guccione). We’re not talking names like the Babe or Dizzy here, I’m talking Pickles Dillhoefer, Johnny “Ugly” Dickshot and Heinie Groh. And whatever happened to Hall of Namer Rusty Kuntz - and where can I get his throwback? One player making a name for himself these days (and making us some DraftKings cash) is Scooter Gennett. The Brewers second baseman has been rolling lately hitting .376 over the last 30 days and has more runs scored than every other second baseman not named Anthony Rendon. Sure the Scooter is no Wonderful Terrific Monds III, but he deserves a spot in the Hall of Names and more importantly a spot in this weeks edition of Jam It or Cram It.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Or is it Jean a buy quoi? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Segura? Mmm hmmm gotcha gotcha Segura da da? A little help! I’m stuck in a Moulin Rouge-inspired snow globe and I can’t get out! For those of you that don’t speak French, but do speak fourteen-year-old text: Jean Seg-U-R-A Buy! Jean Segura has done a lot of bleh with a side of roasted yawnuts. “I see you sitting there on my team and I wonder if I wouldn’t be better with Asdrubal, at least his name makes me giggle,” that’s you wearing a beret, listening to jazz. I hear ya on Segura; he’s been a bore to own. The good news (if you don’t own him) is he has been a bore to own, so you could acquire him for next to nothing. Right now, he’s on pace for 8 HRs, 30 steals and a .260 average with 74 runs and 49 RBIs. Last year, when he broke out, he had 12 steals and 44 steals and a .294 average with 74 runs and 49 RBIs. So, he’s off on average and steals, the rest is negligible. Well, I’d go as far as to say it’s all a negligible difference. If he were to hit for a better average by getting maybe three extra hits a week, wouldn’t his steals go up and his counting stats? Rhetorical! So, is he capable of a better average? Certainly. Or sointly, if you’re reading this in a Curly voice. He’s fast — no shock there — so a .300+ BABIP wouldn’t be a stretch, and right now it’s below .280. If his luck just neutralizes, he’ll hit for a better average. It’s not like his strikeouts have gone up — they’ve actually gone down. It’s not he’s not making solid contact — his line drive percentage has gone up too. He’s hitting more ground balls and they’re getting caught. I wouldn’t trade the farm, but I’d definitely look to see if I could acquire him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With injuries to both Carlos Gonzalez and Michael Cuddyer, Corey Dickerson has seen his playing time increase and fantasy owners have taken notice. If it wasn’t for Charlie Blackmon’s red-hot start, we all might have been talking about Dickerson from day one (Rudy was BTW). The 25-year-old outfielder was the most added player (+49%) after Daniel Santana. We’ll get to Santana in a minute. In just 143 plate appearances, Dickerson is hitting .325/.392./619 with eight home runs and four stolen bases. We all know what Coors field does for hitters, and Dickerson is no different. He sports a phenomenal 195 wRC+ against right-handed pitching at Coors. A worthy add indeed for fantasy teams in most formats. Dickerson should provide decent counting stats along with double digit homers when it’s all said and done. Here are two more hot adds and drops from this week in 2014 fantasy baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Colorado Rockies have not had an easy go of it this season.  After beginning the year in tremendous fashion, injuries have contributed to a pretty steady drop in the standings.  Once 22-14, the Rockies have fallen one game below .500, to 34-35. Pitching is always to blame when it comes to the blemishes of the Blake Street Bombers, and this year has been no exception, with the team placing last in the majors with a 4.61 ERA.  However, mounting injuries have put an even bigger dent into the psyche of the good spirited people of Denver. First, Nolan Arenado hit the DL.  Then it was Michael Cuddyer (twice) and Carlos Gonzalez.  Pitcher Jordan Lyles, who had been their best starter to date, broke his non-pitching hand on a freak play.  Wilin Rosario even had a stint on the sidelines with a stomach bug.  Presumably, he’s been using that as his excuse for his poor hitting all season long.  The only player who hasn’t been hurt is human house-of-straw, Justin Morneau.  Go figure.

Good news for the Rockies, and for fantasy owners, is that Arenado (finger) could be back by the All-Star break, or perhaps even sooner if he can progress quickly through rehab games. While any possible cancer scare is nothing to dismiss, the fact that CarGo’s injury was “only” a benign foreign mass — and not a torn ligament — was the best possible news his owners could hear.  His original five-week timetable would have him back around the All-Star break.

Now all the Rockies need to do is get superz-sized sheets of bubble wrap for Troy Tulowitzki.

Here are some other injury notes that caught my eye this week…

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Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Go do some dad stuff today. Put on some plaid pants, play some golf, watch some baseball, fire up the grill, drink some Schlitz, and tell them kids to get off your lawn. When it comes to Papa Guru *cue “Cat’s in the Cradle”* I got my love for baseball, gambling and fine scotch from the man we kids called “Run, dad’s home!” When it comes to this fake baseball game we spend way too much time on while ignoring our own kids it all started for me when Papa Guru introduced me to Strat-O-Matic back in the 80’s. I was forever hooked on baseball stats. It was a fun game for father/son bonding until the old man got sent to the hoosgow for safecracking – not the best profession for a man that suffered hearing damage in ‘Nam. No, he wasn’t hurt in the war, he just got a little too close to Ning Pam during her flaming ping pong ball trick. Think The Deer Hunter crossed with Porn Hub. Since I basically played Russian roulette with closers on all my RCL teams this year I’ve been getting my face blown off by the likes of Grant Balfour and Jim Johnson all season long. I’m not hurting so much with steals, but could use a multi-positional bench SAGNOFer to maximize at-bats and grab some cheap stats. Let’s fire up the Jammer Crammer© machine and see if there’s anything left for us SAGNOF! starved Razzaholics to salvage. Since it is Father’s Day, I’ll let Papa Guru give his opinion on each player – he’s going to do it whether we let him or not. It’s time for an encore edition of the SAGNOF! Jam it or Cram it.

If you’re looking for some bonus jams and crams, check out Razzball Radio where Nick and your well turbaned Guru talk jams of the week and I share why I hate the World Cup.

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There aren’t many things you need to know about me. However, when something in my personal life conflicts with my ability to provide you with unrivaled fantasy advice, then what’s my business becomes our business. Our business is that I’m in that glorious for some, and miserable for others abeyance between graduating college and commencing my tenure as an employed person. Instead of lamenting during this transitional phase, I’ll be spending the next few weeks on a Euro-trip beginning in Copenhagen and continuing through Berlin, Prague, Vienna, Munich, and Amsterdam [Jay's Note: Niiiiiiiiiiice.] before finally flying out of Paris July 9th. Needless to say, I likely won’t find the time to sit down and write one of these articles during this prolonged muck-fest. Hopefully you’ve gained the tools to maximize you’re lineups yourselves, because you are own your own the next month or so. If anyone has any advice for such a journey or any hotspots I should check out, feel free to share in the comments. [Jay's Note: Red Light District.]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before I tell you what Prospect Scott said, I wanna just say a quick thing about rookies, pitchers specifically. They’re all over the map for value like George Clooney in Up In The Air (that’s a reference for our four girl readers; you think a man with a mustache forgets the ladies? Photocopy my face, take it to Kinko’s, have it made into a pillowcase, rest your head on it; that’s the most comfortable pillow you will ever have, and the sexiest. That pillow is like Clubber Lang yelling into your ear about a ‘real man.’). Taijuan Walker is the top pitching prospect in baseball, according to MLB. Can’t miss, K-Swiss! Doode’s got talent for days. He also is struggling to get out of the minors. Eddie Butler was dazzling in the minors; came up and got done. Andrew Heaney could come up and be Jose Fernandez circa 2013, or he could be Trevor Bauer circa every year. Eventually, Heaney will be great, like most heralded pitchers, but that doesn’t mean it will happen right away. I would, of course, own him because if he is good, he’s going to be better than any other waiver wire pitcher. Now, about Heaney specifically, here’s Prosp. Scott, “An excellent fastball-slider combo and plus command helped Heaney to an impressive 2013 line: 1.60/1.07/89 in 95 IP between High-A and Double-A. That performance has lifted him into the 2014 fantasy spotlight and earned him the #23 spot on my top 25 for 2014. I suspect he’ll get a shot in Miami before long. Speaking of guys, I’d like to shoot…Where’s that feathered hair freak, Albright?” Geez, the hostility! Heaney’s been terrific this year in the minors (2.74 ERA, 10+ K-rate, sub-1 walk rate!) and I imagine he’ll be up within the next two weeks. Now is the time to grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What up blood! What up cuz! What up Gaaaaangstas (Turn this up)!!!  They say I walk around like I got an ‘S’ on my chest. Nah, that’s a keyboard and a cashmere sweater vest on my chest. Greetings! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, internet-thug extraordinaire, returning to you from a much needed creative sabbatical. I can’t truly explain my absence last week. Yes, I was experiencing the kind of migraine headaches I imagine  Christian Slater receiving when he thinks about his career path, for a couple days, but there was something more, something deeper. The creative juices simply weren’t flowing, as I felt like Macaulay Culkin after he made Getting Even With Dad. Where do I go from here? Have I peaked? Do I have anything left to give this world? Has Domonic Brown soul f*cked me to the point there’s nothing left of me but a dried up, useless corpse? My chicken, the normally loving and playful Beatrice, that you see pictured, wouldn’t even look me in eye! The Elder Gods, whom have guided me to countless fantasy championships, had seemingly abandoned me. As I laid naked, curled up in a ball on my polar bear rug, bawling my eyes out, all seemed lost.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before I start, I want to try another experiment for this series. I feel as though I am biased in writing articles on players I choose. I probably go through five or ten players before I find the one I want to write up. So what I want you, my loving audience, to do, is give me player suggestions for the upcoming week. Just leave a comment below with a player or multiple players. I will try to pick one of the more popular responses. There are only four rules:

  1. The player can’t be any I have done in the past (although I am breaking my own rule this week).
  2. The player can’t be out for the rest of the season, because I know some of you would look for any loop hole and suggest Jarrod Parker, Avisail Garica, or any other Tommy John candidate.
  3. No speculation articles on minor leaguers.
  4. Don’t pick obscure players; I won’t be writing on Chone Figgins or Kevin Quackenbush (I bet he got picked on in school).

If you just want me to keep doing my thing my way, that’s cool too. Alright, here is the post:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Money means time. Time is money. I don’t got much of either today, so I’m skipping the silly intro part that I’m convinced no one reads anyway. Don’t worry, my feelings aren’t hurt; I’m what you call a constitutionally strong person. That’s the opposite of a constitutional weakling, you know, the guy who has his night ruined after you tell him his shirt collar has been flipped up the whole time, and the next thing you know, your friendship is on the rocks and you’re sitting on a couch across from Steve Harvey talking about it. That won’t happen with me.

So, as Captain Tenneal would say, LET’S GO!

Please, blog, may I have some more?