Right now betting on Jimmy Rollins to turn it around seems like a Horn Bet. Unless Ben Zobrist is rolling the dice. Rollins is too old, he’s too tired and he’s too… Wait, he’s not blind. Though his average might make you think he could use some of Ortiz’s eyedrops. His line on the year is 40/6/27/.225/10. I just popped a zit onto a mirror and it spelled out, “Blech.” Rollins’s K rate, ground balls and fly balls are about where they should be. But, and it’s a J.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You never owned Aubrey Huff before, but going into your draft you glanced at your cheatsheets and saw Huff’s 2008 numbers and thought you really found something purdy. You called your lady and said, “Baby, tonight we can watch any Kate Hudson movie you want, I got Aubrey Huff in my draft!” So you sat through Ten Things I Hate About Kate Hudson and Matthew I’m-Kinda-Gay and thought life’s okay, this movie will end and Huff will still be on my team. Now you’re thinking about how you wish you had Gordo Sandoval and those two hours of your life back. No fear, Flav loves reindeer. Aubrey Huff hit .231 last May and .337 in June. Then .332 in the 2nd half. In 2007, he hit .309 compared to .258 in the 1st half. Listen, I hate Huff. Seems like he leaves 20% in the locker room, but he’s repeatedly shown to be a 2nd half hitter. I wouldn’t buy him with Gallardo, but I think at this point, you don’t have to. You can probably get him for very cheap. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Mike MacDougal – I gave up on the Nats and their perpetually frustrating closerousel, but you, friend, you’re your own person. I’d grab some Tagamet if you’re going for Macky D’s.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There were signs…. He’d call Dexter Fowler, “Dudley.” He’d call Todd Helton, “Tootie.” He’d hit like a menopausal woman with no occasional hot flashes. But you take the good, you take the bad… It’s “Take the good” first! Where’s the good, Garret Atkins? It’s time to clean house and Atkins is the first one to go. Here’s what I said in February in the rankings, “The Holliday trade to the A’s hurts Atkins value too. And, frankly, for the last three years, Atkins was hurting his own value. He’s gone from 29 to 25 to 21 home runs since 2006. If you were taking the SATs, the next number in that sequence would be 17. His slugging percentage has been following suit, as well. The way Atkins is headed, he’s going to need 2nd base eligibility to have any value by 2010.” And that’s me quoting me! Atkins hit 2 home runs yesterday. Sell! Sell! Sell! He’s an average 3rd baseman who will probably be traded from the Rockies in the coming months. Honestly, you’re probably be better off with Mark Teahen at 3rd. Someone somewhere many years ago said Atkins is going to hit 30 homers because he plays in Coors and for some reason people have not stopped believing it. It’s a crock. You know who else is crizzap? Troy Tulowitzki. Who are you, Troy Tulowitzki? I know, Stephen Drew; I know Ben Zobrist. I do not know Troy Tulowitzki. The Rockies are the new blech. So it’s time to shake things up, right? Yes. For you and the Rockies. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy and Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Gonzalez – They’ll probably trade Hawpe to a contender and play Carlos Gonzalez full-time. Or just sit Seth Smith. The Rockies HATE Seth Smith. (Caps for emphasis and the doode reading over your shoulder.) CarGo’s a solid flier in deep, NL-Only leagues, especially keepers. In mixed leagues, if you have room, I’d take the gamble because you never know and you might be able to flip him for a better, more reliable piece if he starts off hot. He does have 15/15 potential, but he’s probably no better than Ben Francisco at this point.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trouble ahead, Casey Jones, if you think Matt Cain is ’08 Lincecum. I went over why this doode was faux-Cain two weeks go when I broke down FIP. Now everyone is saying to sell high on him. And by everyone, I mean ESPN. Two weeks late, guys. Went there already. Oh, and I’m not going to link to them, because, as Berry said, that’s what they want. Well, I want Berry to say I told him not to draft Nolasco and then he went and said Nolasco was in store for a great year. When Berry says, I told him so. I’ll link to them. Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah! Cain! So you got your lugwrench out and you’re trying to figure out how to make Cain able again. The discrepancy between where Cain is now and where he should be is scary like Carol Channing without makeup. Why? Blah blah blah Lower K rate, very high strand rate… yadda yadda yadda… I went over it two weeks ago. Open that FIP link. And, yes, I touted the beejesus out of Cain in the preseason and I own him on a few teams. And, yes, I’d actually feel better if his ERA was just in the low fours like it should be. Don’t overrate his current ERA. You know that. So everyone’s zigging as they try to sell Cain, what do you do? Zag? Do you have the alligator blood to buy him for cheap? Maybe. It’s hard to sell a guy when their player news is calling for a regression. It’s like running headlong into projectile vomit. Then again, someone will drop some Liquid Paper on his stats any day now. Now for the good news, his last time out he dropped his FIP from 4.85 to a more manageable 4.36. One more strong start and who knows maybe he can actually be a 4.00 pitcher. He’s not, I repeat, not a 2.40 ERA pitcher right now, but as long as you keep that in mind, you should be all right. So sell him if you can get a decent deal, or buy him, but know what you’re getting. Right now, people want to sell him so bad, you may actually get a decent deal for him. He’s not terrible, just not quite what he’s been showing. (BTW, CBS was touting Mark Reynolds as a buy this week. I told you to buy him in March. ESPN told you to sell Cain and Jurrjens this week. I told you that two weeks ago. If I didn’t write this shizz, I’d be reading it too. Hey, wait a minute, my ‘stache looks weird with my bigger head.Please, blog, may I have some more?
(Note from Rudy: I wanted the title, “Ditch Stitch Tits.” Over Instant Messenger, Grey thickly said, “What’s with you and the stitch tits? This is about Vlad, not Pamela Anderson.” It means Vlad had a pectoral tear. Your pectoral is in your chest. Sorry none of you could bask in my preferred title. Now, carry on, Grey — lamer!) Vladimir Guerrero is due back on Monday from a torn pectoral. I’m not a doctor, but occasionally I played one in my preteen years. All I know of the pectoral is it’s somewhere in Vlad’s body. Do I have one? Maybe. No idea. So let’s go with what I do know. Scioscia lies; he lies when he cries that Vlad can’t play the outfield, but can DH, which he said on April 7th, right before Vlad missed six weeks. When Vlad did finally hit the DL, some source that Jayson Stark won’t reveal (because this is just so damning I suppose) said, “When those offensive linemen get (the same injury as Vlad) in the NFL, they’re out for the year.” So, assuming Vlad doesn’t need to block Jose Guillen from trying to tackle Scioscia, will Vlad be in the clear come Monday? Not likely. The injury that was only supposed to effect him when he throws has already sidelined him for 6 weeks from hitting. I’m assuming the Angels brass got together and decided half of a Vlad (or Vl) was a lot more intimidating hitting in the middle of the lineup than sitting on the sidelines doing Sudoku. This does not mean you need to have him in your fantasy lineup. Remember last year from June on, Vlad only hit 20 homers, or about what Raul Ibanez has done already (Raul!). Then you throw in the risk of having a player who is a Latin 34 with deteriorating skills and knees and he’s a sell. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Brian Anderson – Could have some slight value in AL-Only leagues. Though if you have a erection for longer than 4 hours after picking up Brian Anderson, you should seek advice from a doctor.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ohmigod, Grey’s totally going against Rudy’s risky pitcher post? They are so fighting. I hope Rudy rips off Grey’s stache. $5 says it’s not real. Uh-hum. I can hear you, random italicized voice. I’m actually typing you! My bad. So, yes, Jon Lester is a risky pitcher. But at this point, he’s also a buy. His ERA’s 6.31. That’s ridunkiculous from where it should be. He’s pitching well (minus some ill-timed long balls), tremendous K-rate, solid walk rate. A pitcher who is pitching well and has a 6.31 ERA is such a crazy buy, that I wouldn’t be surprised if his owners weren’t even selling. But, on the other hand, they’re smarting from his earned runs. They may see LaTroy Hawkins or Jason Bartlett and be like, “Hey, Lester’s killing me, why not take a guy that at least has been good?” That’s why you prey on those suckas. This is why you have brass balls and you just chucked one at your mean lady neighbor who keeps bugging you when you turn the Dropkick Murphys to eleven and put it on repeat. I’m a sailor peg!!! And I lost my leg!!! I love that song. Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Lester — get him, within reason. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy and Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Justin Duchscherer – If he’s on waivers and you can stash him on your DL, stash away.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So this is a fun story for you. When I was a kid, I played 2nd base. Was one of those pesky slap hitters that annoyed the pitchers. I led the way for Orlando Hudson. Call me Orlando Oldson. At the age of twelve, I never struckout once. All season. That’s how Oldson did. Then when I turned thirteen, I sucked. I couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn. If they didn’t have to play every kid, I would’ve never seen any PT. At one point, I had a friend promise to throw the ball right down the middle just so I could get one hit for the year. And that was what I finished with. One hit. So wha’ happened? Where did Oldson disappear to? Well, going into that year, I discovered girls. And all of their fleshy parts. But I also needed glasses. Who was I? Chris Sabo? Chris Sabo got laid once. And he paid for it. So I took the easy way out and never wore my glasses. My baseball career paid for it big time. But I touched a boob! This brings me to Brian McCann. He’s supposed to be returning. Stat, doc. You know what catchers need? Rest. You know what McCann’s had a lot of? Mmm-hmm. See where I’m going with this? Of course you do. You gots smarts! So McCann had a terrible first month of April. Tizz-errible. Well, he couldn’t see like Oldson and his luck (BABIP) was in the shizzer too. Now as long as he’s not embarrassed to wear glasses around Frenchy, he should be fine. So potatoes to chips, he’s still a guy that can hit 20 HRs and bat .290. Buy, snitches! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Josh Whitesell – Starting the Buys with a -Sell? Oh, Grey!Please, blog, may I have some more?
After a great first week (3 HR, 5 RBI), Troy Tulowitzki has done a whole lot of nothing. From 4/12 to 4/29, 0 HR and 0 RBI. He’s K-ing in 28% of his ABs, almost double his career rate. He’s now sporting a .200 AVG for the year.Please, blog, may I have some more?
BABIP is Batting Average for Balls In Play. And they do lie, sometimes. But who can resist a title alluding to a Shakira song? Not me! BABIP is a quick way to know how much luck a hitter is having. There’s more to it, but for the purposes of this, above .300 BABIP for a hitter and it means the hitter could hit a bloop single just over the pitcher’s head with a drawn in infield. Below .200 and the hitter could hit a line drive into the Grand Canyon and it would get caught by Alice on the back of a mule. Then there’s HR/FB%, which is a quick way to know if a hitter is hitting more home runs than what makes sense for that player’s amount of fly balls. Then there’s LD%, which is the percentage of hits that are line drives. Line drives are usually a sign of solid contact aka a player is hitting the ball hard. Finally, K% or the percentage a hitter Ks. So why all the fancy acronyms? Well, the other day a FOR (Friend of Razzball), jsp2014 threw this nugget into the comments:
“I was curious about who’s been lucky and unlucky so far for some buy low/sell high ideas, so I did a little research on Fangraphs. I figured this could be useful to others as well:
Min.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Cornerstone, nay, cornerboulder, Prince Fielder is off to another yawnstipating start. Last year he hit 8 homers through the month of May. Boca Burgers were blamed last year, but maybe he just can’t swing a bat in cold weather because all he can think about is getting back to his hotel room and putting on his Snuggie. He’ll only be 25 in May and is still completely capable of 40 HRs on the year. If you can somehow wrestle Fielder away from an impatient owner, go for it (try a roofie!). Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Jason Frasor – Newest victim of Scott Downs’ Syndrome? Maybe. Or maybe… Downs Goes… Frasor! Downs Goes… Frasor!Please, blog, may I have some more?