Twins aren’t winning. Twins haven’t won all year, actually. You can look it up. They’re 0-for-2011. But Ben Revere wants to steal bases for no reason. I love that. I’d prefer my fantasy players act selfishly and just try to inflate their own value.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Snap, snap, claw, claw, save. That’s The Save Vulture Dance. Snap, snap, claw, claw, save… Sing it like it’s The Electric Slide. The save vulture is a scavenger bird. They see weakness in others’ misfortune. A closer goes down or struggles and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dexter Fowler has been hotter than a junebug on the back of a furnace’s ass, or some other yokelism. Dexter? I hardly Fowler! Huh? In his last seven games, a .423 average and 2 homers. He’s not good for anything more than the occasional dinger, which only sounds talk between a wife and her friends.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Big Donkey, Adam Dunn, was a big ass. Carlos Quentin’s status is TBD even when we know the ETA which we don’t right now. This leaves Dayan Viciedo playing. It’s addition by the subtraction of Ozzie’s choices. “Can Brent Lillibridge play first and third at the same time?” Things Ozzie has recently asked his bench coach.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This will be the last time I mention Logan Morrison for some time. Hashtag that. Not that I don’t like him, it’s just I’ve given him enough press, assuming the word ‘press’ still makes sense even though I’m dictating this post to a Montessori-taught monkey that I’ll occasionally catch looking at me like he wants to kill me and take over Razzball, which makes dictating that even more awkward.Please, blog, may I have some more?
If the name Casper Wells doesn’t get you excited, check your pulse. You probably still have one, otherwise I’m not sure how you’re reading this. Are you reading this from beyond the grave? Wow, nothing else to do in the afterlife but read about fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
And all the pitchers in the top 10, please allow Stephen Strasburg to bump thee. Let’s see what we can say about Strasburg that hasn’t been said before. Mikhail Gorbachev’s port wine birthmark on his head is actually Strasburg mid-windup. I don’t think that had been said before.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On this episode of Solid Goldschmidt, we have Neil Young performing, “I’ve Been Searchin’ For a Heart of Goldschmidt,” and later the nursery rhyme, “John Jacob Paul Goldschmidt, His Name Is On My Buy List Too,” song by Various Artists. Well, I’m just full of Goldschmidt!Please, blog, may I have some more?
While balancing a book on their head, the Blue Jays were poised to call up Brett Lawrie just when he fractured his hand. That’s worst timing than the guy down at your local Chuckles nightclub doing an open mic set. But flip our Supreme Buddha In Funny Poses day calender two months later and the hand is healed.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jeff Niemann has always been a sell in your eyes. The light, the heat… Your eyes. The low K-rate, the walks… Your eyes. The luck with homers per fly balls, the tough division… Your eyes. So why am I saying Niemann’s a buy?Please, blog, may I have some more?