So far I’ve spent my opening paragraph telling you who to pick up and roll with. It’s been a mixed bag to say the least and by that I mean rose petals with kitty litter clumpings in with it. King Felix did fine on Monday. Thankfully none of you had to experience the Klub upside the head on Tuesday. And right now it’s only the second inning on Tyson Ross and it’s not exactly going great…but hey listen to me I know what I’m talking about! So my lead in isn’t to warn you off of starting Phil Hughes today. That’s a gimme and as much as I need a cheap win, I’m not taking it. Nah, I’m taking this moment to tell you to load up on power hitters in Chi-Town. Though I’ll like Hughes in his home starts here and there in the future, I’m telling you to get some Chicago bop into your lineup as Hughes had a 46.5 FB% last year. If he had pitched all year, that would’ve been second best. Or is that second worst? Yeah, second worst. Don’t believe me? Even the Hitter-Tron is telling ya to buy in as Jose Abreu is the top spot on his dirty little list and is an easy pickup at $3,800. And Adam Dunn is 4th if you wanna get a little cheaper at $3,700. Sadly, you can’t get both into your lineup. No DH Draftkings? What is this, the senior circuit of Daily Fantasy Sports? And just for fun, I decided to peek in and see what the $3,700 priced Hughes looked like on the Stream-O-Nator…yup, he sucks. A ChiSox stack is definitely in play. Ok, now that we’ve established all that, let’s move on…to another link! Don’t forget about our Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Go reserve a spot. It’s a VIP thing (not really). And there will be free drinks in the lobby (it’s really BYOB). Ok now on with the show. Here’s our picks for 4/3/2014 contests for Draftkings 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don’t have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

So apparently as of this writing, Draftkings just doesn’t want us to have a full day of games. I went to check and see if I could build a lineup with Max Scherzer, but then I’m stuck with only three or four games to choose from. But when I pick the bigger slate, we’re stuck with good but not the best options on this fine baseball day. What’s a player to do? Well, adjust sucka! Sorry, that was out of line. I try and avoid short slates as it leads too weird lineups winning out, especially in big GPP leagues. So I’m gonna take my 11 games and stay sad I can’t get in on Mad Max while I do it. Tears…oh well, there are still some good things to find. And one play that I’ve been trumpeting since I wrote a Fantasy Sleeper post on him would be Tyson Ross. Said Ross has a few things going for him. One, he’s pitching in a pitcher friendly park. Deux, he finished 2013 looking downright sexy. Thricely, the Dodgers and Padres have combined to score nine runs in two games. That’s runs total for both teams if you’re having a hard time picking up what I’m putting down. So while I can’t promise you a win, the runs should stay low and hopefully the K’s get high and for the fun low price of $7,400, you don’t have to break the bank to get in on it and go buy Scherzer! Damn, forgot…Y U NO ALL GAMES, DK?!? Oh well, just like you can’t hug every cat, you can’t get all the games you want on DK sometimes. C’est la Daily Fantasy Baseball I guess. Speaking of full slates, don’t forget to reserve your spot for the Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Now I WOULD put a 50/50 here for everyone to hop in on but yesterday…well let’s just say that Razzball Nation let me down. It’s no biggie, clearly you don’t need me anymore. You’re all grown up…fly away, lesbian seagulls *sniffs*. Wow, that got emotional. Let’s not do that again. Instead, let’s get to picks for 4/2/2014 for Draftkings Daily Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I’m writing this prior to Oakland even taking the field for the first time this year which worries me. Baseball is all about streaks. No, no silly, I didn’t need to see the inside of your undies (and gross, BTW). I mean hot and cold streaks. But we’re at the start of it all, so it’s hard to get a grasp on whether you’re hot or you’re cold, or if you’re yes and you’re no…sorry, started thinking about Katy Perry there. You know, for her singing skills…yeah, that’s it. But more on point, maybe Oakland has a huge game to start the year off and feels hot and bothered about playing Corey Kluber. If that’s the case, mea culpa. But I swear by my Corey Kluber Sleeper post that I do believe you get a good outing out of him today and at a dirt cheap price of $7,800. May God remove it from the interwebs if he fails…oh what am I saying, nothing ever leaves the internet! Keep that in mind as JFOH will never live this one down. But as promised yesterday, we’re gonna be a bit more lightning round’ish around here on our Draftkings writeups. That last link, BTW, is your gateway into the DK world care of Razzball. It’s a way for you to show us you love us without having to actually physically touch us. It’s the best of both worlds! And after you’ve signed up? How about another 50/50 Razzball Jamboree League? It’s just a buck. That’s less than a King Size Snickers! And if you win, guess what? You can now afford said King Size Snickers. Wow. But for realsies, let’s move on…to another link! Yeah, yeah it’s the first week, gotta make sure you guys still get in on the Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Go reserve your seat and get your lineups going when they open. Ok, now really let’s move on. Here’s Razzball’s Draftking picks for April 1st, 2014…no foolin…ok I was. Three more important plugs. One is the Stream-O-Nator. Two is the Hitter-Tron. Three is…well, I can’t really tell you about that plug. But I hear Cougars everywhere love it! Now on with the show.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings and salutations my fine and not so fine readers. I’ve peppered you a bit this off-season with Draftkings info, dropping a Primer as well as a little Strategy Guide to wind your way through the @Draftkings world. What’s the first link, you ask? Oh nothing, just a way to sign-up for DK (that’s what I call Draftkings cuz we’re friends like that) that helps us along the way which if you’re reading gives you a guilt-laden excuse to sign up and help a brotha out. Alright, now that the pimping is done, let’s get down to why you’ve arrived here. Wait, what was that? You want more links you say? Well how about a big ‘ole Razzball Draftkings Contest one for this coming Friday. Check the specs and see if it’s up your alley. Also, though we’ll eventually have our very own DK evaluation tool, in the interim, feel free to use our Streamonator and our Hitter-Tron to flesh out if a matchup is worthy or not. And BTW, I wasn’t just punning on DK’s name in the title, y’all. I have a player in mind to kick out the jams with on opening day. That players name is King Felix Hernandez. Plus anytime you can squeeze in a Mel Brooks reference? You do it. The reality is, you’re gonna be hard-pressed to find pitcher value plays. It’s opening day, everyone has their ace on the mound! Besides, as I mentioned in some of the off-season DK content, spending your money on pitching is a wise play. Don’t fight it, embrace it even if it costs you $11K. Also as an FYI, this will probably, maybe be the longest post of the year you see on here. As I’m sure you can understand, I had a little time before it came out. So don’t hold me to diatribes of this nature in the future nor the other six writers we have coming at you soon. Ya dig? Yeah, ya dig. And before we get to the next part of this little game, let’s keep one thing in mind: it’s opening day of a new season. No one knows which team will suck or not. We have our guesses but everything is predicated on a season that is behind us now. Like Rafael Furcal says to himself in the mirror in March each year, ‘I feel fresh and ready to start the season. Nothing can hold me back!’ before he trips on a doggy chew toy and breaks a fibula. Wait, can you break a fibula? I honestly don’t know, I’m no doctor except when on particular ‘adult’ sets. All this to say, it might be messy to start the year, I’d stick with trusted arms and play matchups on hitting as best I can until some small trends start emerging. Also, you’re reading this at 9:45 PST. Seem like an odd time? Well, get used to it cuz that’s when you’re gonna be getting these. So work on your clicking speed and get your lineups right before everything goes horribly wrong. Alright, blathering done, now lets get you lathered up about opening day with Draftkings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So it came to me that some of you or most of you or the whole damn lot of you might not be overly familiar with some basic information regarding Draftkings and the whole daily fantasy thang.  BTW, if you are gonna play some DFS on Draftkings?  Help us help you.  That’s our promo link.  Yes I’m grovelling.  Yes I’ll move on…but before I do, after you sign up through our promo link?  How about joining in on the Razzball Kickoff Jamboree for $1.  Keep in mind it has to fill or it won’t go.  I have my spot, there’s only 19 seats left.  Don’t wanna throw down your money into this game yet?  Why not join the Freeroll for opening day?  What, you don’t know what a Freeroll is?  Well, read on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I know what some of you are thinking. I can’t believe it’s not butter. And you people…you’re absolutely right. It’s part plastic and melted horse hooves combined with yellow dye #88 which causes diarrhea, loss of sight and limb loss in some consumers. It’s in the fine print, yo! But then there are others of you. Those ones are thinking something else. What is this ‘daily fantasy’ business? Fantasy baseball is already ‘daily’. How is this any different? You’re astute, people who speak in italics. It’s true, in many ways Daily Fantasy is nothing new with respect to the game you’re used to playing, per se. Just like Coors tries to trick you into thinking they have more than one crappy product by selling you the same swill in different cans and bottles – oooh, it turns blue when it’s cold? It’ll still taste like deer piss, people – daily fantasy isn’t that huge of a step away from the game you know, love and play. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. For now, I’m simply happy to announce we’re teaming back up with Draftkings this year for 2014 Fantasy Baseball for your daily fantasy pleasure. That link you just saw? That’s a portal to all the fun and it helps us out because its our referral. We’re not begging you to use it but if you plan on playing this year and this is the first time you’ve ever signed up, why not play and help a brotha out, ya know? Two birds, one stone, which is kind of a morbid analogy when you think about it so lets not. Bee Tee Dubs, this post is gonna cover some important news later on that we’re excited about so don’t y’all leave before the buzzer sounds. In other words, hold onto your potatoes Docta Jones cuz we’re gonna tell you all that we can about Draftkings and what it means for Razzball for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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Razzball Nation!  As promised, we have a huge DraftKings contest this week – by far our biggest prize pool – with DraftKings throwing us a RAZZBALL END OF YEAR SHOWDOWN which you can only get into through this link.  I won’t beat around the bush – it’s $10 per entry this week – 50 total spots open with up to 2 per user – with a pay structure of #1 nabbing $300, 2nd place $100, 3rd $50, 4th $30 and 5-6 will break even with $10.  With that money you can pop a lotta tags!  Using my abacus, you can count up the prize pool makes no money for DraftKings, just one huge bash for Razzball Nation to duke it out one final time for a huge cash prize.  A lot of the Razzball family will be in there, so you’ll have to bring your A game to beat us (and well, your D game to beat Rudy).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Nation!  The $100,000 Sweet Spot has come and gone (how’d you do Razzball Contest winners?) and we’ve got only one RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE contest for baseball left this season.  It won’t be this week, but the following week in our normal Friday slot.  I’m not going to give it all away, but the grand prize will be something really, really huge – like Jon Rauch huge – and give you a ticket into one of DraftKings’ Week 1 Kickoff Bash Events for the NFL season, where over $1,000,000 is given away in prizes.  It’s the biggest Week 1 event in daily fantasy, so stay tuned to the Podcast and my Wednesday article next week for the big announcement.

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It’s here!

The $100,000 Sweet Spot is up this Friday (fact!) and we’re ready to have a Razzballer take da paper!  If you’ve won one of our past 5 Play With Rudy contests, looking at you CramIt and Margaret (sorry I left out other winners, I got depressed and drank my sorrows away with a Crown & Coke in the other contests [and enough with the wasting delicious Crown with Coke - it's damn tasty OK!]), then you’re looking at a $20,000 pay day if you can top the field this week.  I think I just set a record of the most hyperlinks I’ve ever put in a paragraph…

Anywho, with the Sweet Spot taking the spotlight front and center, we’ve got no Razzball exclusive contest this week… But you can still play all sorts of satellites to get your Sweet Spot ticket, and I’ll tweet out and shoot up a comment Friday morning with the Daily Dollar I’ll be playing in on Friday Night (I’m broke as a joke!) to keep the Friday DraftKings spirit alive for those of us just plain not good enough to win that Sweet Spot ticket…

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Two top ten finishes in a row!  You gotta stop letting me doubling up Razzball Nation!  Now I can leave the roadkill rest in peace and afford to make SPAM or canned sardines gravy on my big biscuits.  SPAM is pretty much good on everything, right?

We’re back with another RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CAN YOU BEAT RUDY GAMBLE contest, getting you one step closer to the $100,000 Sweet Spot for a shot at a $20,000 top prize – which is like, two million cans of SPAM.  Tickets to the Sweet Spot are $100 otherwise, so you’re winning a huge value if you can can the Razzball players.  First time I’ve ever said “can can” without meaning the dance, which according to Wikipedia is “physically demanding.”  After years of malnutrition and roadkill dinners, I guess it’s “can’t can’t” for me…  It’s the usual game, $5.00 an entry, up to two per person, and you can only get in through our exclusive link.  Spots 2-10 double up, and get you enough money to start eating healthier…

Please, blog, may I have some more?