Did a little bunny hop around your yard this weekend and leave you brown little nuggets of joy? Well, since we are in the business of informing around here at Razzball, THOSE are NOT candies! Do you know who does have something sweet and tasty for you? Our friends at DraftKings were nice enough to have this Sweet Spot drawing so go get some of that and get the taste of bunny nuggets off your tongue. As always you don’t have to listen to me you can use sweet Razzball tools like Stream-O-Nator and Hitter-Tron for yourself if you like doing work you don’t have to.

It looks like since yesterday was 4/20 and I guess that means something we will keep you mile high and stack up heavily on Rockies and Giants at least in the hitters department. The pitching matchup of Jorge de la Rosa and Ryan Vogelsong is music to hitter ears. The Stream-O-Nator puked out the fact that they are second and third to last ranked starting pitchers respectfully for tomorrow.ve to.

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Giancarlo Stanton ($5,800) is locked in to start the season, hitting .329 with six homers and 26 runs batted in. He’s taking his walks as well, but when the young slugger gets a pitch to hit, he’s not missing. Hitter-Tron is liking him to the tune of $40 for this Easter Sunday / four-twenty festivus for the rest of us. Where did we hide the Easter baskets, guys? Nobody can remember, but someone ate all of the Peeps. Not cool. I’m liking Stanton today against Blake Beavan, who’s got a great name but a not-so-great arm.

Let’s crack a few Easter eggs and make a DFS omelette, shall we? As always, there are some great tools here at Razzball for daily match-ups. The Hitter-Tron and Stream-o-Nator will give you an idea of each hitter and pitcher value for the day. If you’re thinking about getting your feet wet in daily fantasy sports, sign up with our friends at DraftKings. In addition to the daily contests, there’s also a big Sweet Spot event happening that you really need to check out. Sign up via our promo and get a free ticket. Here are today’s picks…

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While I would love for you top just give me all your money and draft your daily team over at DraftKings, I can not in good faith just take your money with out giving you a free pen like the deaf people at the airport or mall cafeteria. So last week was my first shot at learning you good people some of my picks for Saturdays games, I did ok. I am not going to go back and see because I am like Magellan or De Soto and have the expression ever forward. We here at Razzball provide you with all the tools necessary like the Hitter-Tron and Stream-O-Nator that you will need to construct your team. We unfortunately don’t offer common sense or crocheting tips however so you are unfortunately out of luck. Over at DraftKings they have games for all comers; size, smell, and upright walking status are not discriminated against. You got the loot, they have the league. So check out their Sweet Spot contest, along with a cavalcade of other emotion daily roller coaster that the have to offer. Good luck on the days games.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I’ve been leading with pitchers all the time. That shizz is seriously gonna get boring fast. And believe me, I’ve been married for basically 10 years so I know boring. I ain’t playin’ DraftKings to feel like all I got is top or bottom! TMI? Yeah, TMI…but I’m gonna do things a little differently because I feel like it. And because Justin Morneau is feeling it, whatever that ‘it’ is when he can’t seem to miss the ball. Morneau just finished a road trip to San Diego, aka Petco Park, aka the vast desert of homerunlessness and came away with a couple of doubles and a HR. Before that, he hit a HR in San Fran in the previous series. And now? Morneau gets to play at home against a pitcher named Jonathan Pettibone, or ‘Mr. Bonepetter’ as he’s known on his adult film sets. To put it mildly, Jonathan is ‘WHOOOEEEFFF’. That’s me spelling out the sound of throwing up. Don’t look at me strange, we all throw up differently. The Stream-O-Nator spells throwup ‘-9′. That’s his dollar value today. No this isn’t golf, negative numbers aren’t good around here. Needless to say, both I and the Hitter-Tron agree that Morneau is set up for a fine day in Denver and given his price is only $4,400 on the good ‘ole DK, it would be smart to get a least a small piece of the Rocky Mountain High that’s sure to come. Not that kind of high. Unless you’re actually in Colorado. Then it’s totally cool and legal. Wait, aren’t we still teaching D.A.R.E. in school? You so crazy, .gov. Speaking of cool and legal, before we move onto the picks for the day, I wanted to remind you of the Sweet Spot like my wife does like all the time…TMI again? Oops…anyways, sign up to DraftKings via our promo and get a free ticket. You win with said free ticket, you get a shot at working your way into said Sweet Spot for free and get to take a picture with me as I take your oversized check and run away with it down the hill like Shooter McGavin does with Happy’s jacket. But enough about my impending thievery, let’s do this. Here are the Razzball picks for the 4/18/2014 slate over on DraftKings…

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I’m sitting here with the 80′s classic Gung Ho on the TV. Directed by Ron Howard and starring Michael Keaton and Long Duck Dong, it tells the story of how a man tries to save a town by bringing in a Japanese car company to fill an empty car factory. In hindsight what great foreshadowing for the towns in the rust belt that became abandoned by the loss of all the manufacturing jobs. Filled with lots of people you might recognize, like George Wendt and John Turturo, it pulls at the heart strings of my childhood and all the forgotten movies we would watch. Now what does this have to do today’s DraftKings article. Absolutely nothing! I’m just sharing what I’m watching on TV……I’m kidding it has lots to do with today’s daily fantasy. In daily fantasy we have to be key on the match-ups and the value one guy has because he destroys a certain pitcher or team. Yunel Escobar is that guy for me today. Like this movie, we need to take a risk on the little guy when the stars align and use hope as a tool……and some numbers crunching helps too. He has 2HR’s, 10 RBI’s, 4 doubles, 3 BB’s and a .306 BA lifetime vs. CC Sabathia. Couple that with a small price tag and you have what I like to call my blue light special. I’m rolling him out there even if the Hitter-Tron is farting in his general direction. Someone put his dipstick back in! Given that the Stream-O-Nator isn’t that hot on CC, though, I do think there’s room for this to work.

For those of you still new to this daily fantasy thing you really need to get in on this. I don’t always have time to be on the computer throughout the day but I can find a little time in the morning to get a line-up and take on 5,000 other players for a chance to win some sweet cash. If you sign up you can play the free games until you get the hang of it. You can also play H2H against each other or me if you would like to. My handle on there is J-FOH. Now get over to DraftKings and sign up already and while you’re at it, try your hand at the Sweet Spot. This might be one of the few times in life that you are going after a sweet spot that’s not on your wife and she will not only not mind, but be happy about it. Ok, on with the picks.

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Not a bad week for your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru as we cashed in on 15 of 20 contests we entered increasing our bankroll and getting us one step closer to a winter of umbrella drinks in Cancun (or at least a couple weeks in Tijuana). Want to join me poolside? Join the DraftKings Sweet Spot challenge and you could go on a permanent vacation. Their pool is filled with $400,000. If you’re new to the game, keep in mind DraftKings virgins get a free $2 ticket. If I win that thing I’m buying a small island off the coast of Ecuador and a new liver.

If you’re veteran to DFS leagues go ahead and skip to my lineup now as I give our new friends the Guru’s top 5 tips for winning cash with DraftKings.

When it comes to winning real money there are a few things to keep in mind: 1) Pitching leads the way and strikeouts are king. The Stream-o-Nator nails this on an almost daily basis. 2) Build stacks against the worst pitchers. 3) Check the Vegas odds on what games are predicted to have high scores. Vegas knows what they are doing, why not use them. 4) Know the overlay. DraftKings has guaranteed payouts (another reason they are the king) and when a tournament doesn’t fill, the money is still guaranteed. 5) Know the weather situation, know who’s in and who’s out of the starting lineups. Don’t be left with a giant zero because Joey Votto got a day off or it rained frogs in Cleveland. (Shameless plug: Follow me on Twitter @TheGuruGS as I tweet that kind of stuff daily plus yoga pants pics.)

Alrighty my Razzballers, here’s your dirty turbaned Guru’s lineup for Wednesday’s 4/16 contests on DraftKings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball.

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So you’re down to the last few nickels of your first buy-in this year. You’re pinching pennies—drinking Olympia and thinning out your Cup O Noodles with Ramen. You know you need to do research to come up today, but you can’t justify using that much electricity. Don’t fret, mah people. I got your winning lineup right hurrr. I know. I shouldn’t have. I’ve been invoking Peyton Manning all week. DraftKings don’t slang hot pies, but they do love to hook you up for no apparent reason like Papa John’s. So we’ve teamed up to give you the freshest players in the freshest daily fantasy site out there. But wait, there’s more! Our boys at DraftKings are giving you a chance to get ghetto rich with $2 bucks giving you the chance to cash out $400k in the Sweet Spot.

We’re gonna sweeten the deal a little further today. Once you’ve signed up via Razzball for DraftKings, hit this link, and you can come try to take down Da Schlurricane. I’m opening up a contest for you to see how I do work. I never said I was smart – giving you the opportunity to expose me as a fraud. I’m so brash I even invited Tehol into the mix. The writing may be pro bono but my fantasy contests gotta make some cheddah. I’m betting him 2 tix to Mariners/A’s that I’ll Beddict his ass. You only get to play me for bragging rights and dolla bills ya’ll! But I’m sure you’re studs at bragging. And if you follow my instructions, you’ll have some bills.

Today’s a good day to take advantage of a lot of matchups. I’m gonna give you my lineup today. Go enter a contest or two with it and then invoke the Steam-O-Nator and Hittertron to come take me out. After all, Rudy’s mind is much more elevated than mine. We’re talking catwalk vs. gutter ya’ll.

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Just because it is Monday does not mean you can’t be happy right? What will make you happy you ask? How about going to bed at the end of the day with a fist-full of cash that you just won on DraftKings ? Your already registered aren’t you? Here go now ill wait …. Back already? Guess what? I am gonna send you right back so you can do the smart thing and get in this sweet spot drawing, just a few pesos to get in and a whopping $400k up for grabs. That will buy you a lot of good memories that you will probably forget in Tijuana hombre.

Lets work on getting you that money by checking out the best available lumber for Monday. You don’t have to take my word for it, you can do your own homework with our handy dandy Hitter-Tron and Stream-O-Nator.

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Raise your hand if you got burned by Justin Masterson‘s last two starts. If you detect a touch of Old Spice deodorant and bitterness that’s because I’ve got both of my arms straight up in the air on this one. Bet you’re wondering how I can still type. That’s a trade secret Sky taught me. I haven’t been this mad at an Indian since I caught my neighbor Joe Charboneau peeing on my rose bushes. Don’t think I can’t see you Super Joe! As our fearless leader, George W. Bush used to say, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me…you can’t get fooled again.”

That’s why this week I’m learning my lesson and going for the ace instead of trying to get cute with pitching values. Which leads me to this week’s pick, Max Scherzer, whose nice match-up against the Padres and all-around goodness make him a great start today. He’s perched atop the Stream-o-Nator at a $25 value, and while he’ll cost you $11,900 to roster, he’s worth every penny.

As always, the Hitter-Tron and the Stream-O-Nator are your best friends in this DraftKings venture. Their cold, emotionless robot minds are perfect for gambling. Signing up for DraftKings is easy…just click here. There’s also a great contest happening now called the Sweet Spot. Good luck and let’s look at some of the other picks for today…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So this DraftKings thing is new to the ole Smoke dog. I am not much of a gambler; I gamble every morning wondering if I hit the snooze button correctly and bare the frustration of never really falling back asleep. I dig it though, daily fantasy and it starts over and it only costs me a few shekels. So for today’s goodies I used a little bit of guesswork, some stuff I learned at Julliard and the crafty Razzball tools; Stream-O-Nator and Hitter-Tron. I mean with so many tools at your fingertips here between Razzball and DraftKings how could you lose? You literally should be winning everyday, splitting the profits with your local needy organization and basically making it rain at your own delight. There are lots of great division rivalries today, some that are avoidable but some that are going to be chocked full of nuts and stats. So build your team wisely oh master of your own domain and if you do win come back, gloat and throw it in everyone’s faces. Hatin’ on people is the new American past time. And if you wanna hate on people with even more cheddar in hand, try out the Sweet Spot contest. You can get a free ticket for simply signing up with DK. Wanna help us help you? Sign up using our promo DraftKings link. With that out of the way, enjoy the foray of games and good luck.

Please, blog, may I have some more?