There’s just over a week left on the season. Really, at this point, anything goes in non-keeper leagues. If you don’t need home runs because the schmohawk right behind you is 12 home runs away, but you desperately need steals, why are you still carrying Adam Dunn?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did Longoria outproduce Alex Gordon? Yeppers. Ryan Braun? Nopers. Somewhere in the middle’s not a bad place to be, ask Malcolm and Monie Love. Three home runs last night gave Longoria 25 on the year in only 111 games. What’s really nice to see is he hit these three after sustaining a broken wrist.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know how you never really see yourself for who you are? Right, well, I wonder if Sheets doesn’t see himself as injury-prone. Instead, Sheets sees everyone else and thinks they’re Magoo’ing their way through their life. He sits in the locker room and he’s like, “Wow, Fielder I can’t believe you didn’t just twist your ankle right there!” And Fielder looks at him confused, “Ben, I was just tying CC’s shoelaces for him.” (Cause Prince and CC obviously have to tie each other’s shoelaces.) Also, I wonder if Sheets’s family is constantly trying to get him out of harm’s way.Please, blog, may I have some more?
James ‘Dr. Freeze’ Andrews – bah! Not when Canada’s finest caribou and shoulder surgeon can do it on the Canadian dime (worth $.09). Erik Bedard will go under the knife for what they are calling exploratory surgery. How appropriate for a pitcher that shares his name with a Viking.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gerald Laird? Yeah, he’s serviceable. Jarrod Saltimbocca? He was enticing enough to get from the Braves and he’s wonderful with broccoli rabe. Taylor Teagarden? Grand slam yesterday. For his sixth HR in 12 games. Before you rush out to pickup Teagarden, see 1/18 of a centimeter after this period.Please, blog, may I have some more?
What’s the difference between the ‘Stros and Stroh’s beer? The beer has an H. ‘Stros couldn’t manage one. While 110 pitches is a slight stretch for Zambrano given he had missed 2 starts to injury, that was just an exhibition game’s amount of work when Dusty was coaching him.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Roy Oswalt threw his second consecutive shutout yesterday. In his last 32 1/3 innings, he’s been scoreless. Since the All-Star break, he has a 1.94 ERA in 10 starts. He just farted into a bottle and it sold at a Sotheby’s auction for $1.7 million.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There’s so much to love about Fred Lewis. Let’s see… Power — check! Speed — check! A name that sounds like an 80s sitcom character — check! I’ll take Fred Lewis in the center square for the win. Alas, Fred Lewis is about to undergo season-ending surgery on a foot bunion.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pronk, a nickname for Travis Hafner which stands for Project Donkey, used to be cute, now it’s just stupid. Project Donkey? How about Project Jackass? When you drafted him, you wanted Josh Hamilton — Project Junkie — numbers. Not Project Flunky.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tommy John Surgery, “Hey, has anyone seen Billy Wagner’s arm?” All Pitcher Arms ignore Tommy John Surgery as they continue to read Men’s Fitness Magazine. Tommy John Surgery, “Well, it’s important he gets this message. His arm’s not going to get better without me.” Other Pitcher Arms whistle.Please, blog, may I have some more?