Tommy John Surgery, “Hey, has anyone seen Billy Wagner’s arm?” All Pitcher Arms ignore Tommy John Surgery as they continue to read Men’s Fitness Magazine. Tommy John Surgery, “Well, it’s important he gets this message. His arm’s not going to get better without me.” Other Pitcher Arms whistle.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Daily Notes
You are now about to witness the strength of fantasy baseball knowledge.
Verse One: Ice McLouth
Crazy motherf**ker named Nate McLouth…
From a gang called Piratez With Attitudes…
Sandoval hit blooper, cuz he was sawed off…
With an eye injury, Nate got hauled off…
Just when he started 100 Miles and Runnin’…
To steal 40 bases by Thursday, he was gunnin’…
Agent said, “Ya know, it looks better if you get to 20/20?
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for $10 schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate.
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Ervin Santana went 7 and one-third innings yesterday, gave up one earned run and struckout eight. For the season, he has an impressive 169/51 K/BB ratio– Oh, wait, that’s Johan Santana. Ervin Santana has actually been better at 191/44. (BTW, no wonder Earvin Johnson went by Magic.
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Yesterday, Carlos Zambrano was scheduled for an MRI but failed to show. Possible reasons why: A) He showed up five minutes late and his appointment was given away to Steve Bartman. B) The doctor looked like Michael Barrett. Z was escorted out.
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In 2005, Brandon McCarthy was an important part of that White Sox team that won the World Series even if he was left off the playoff roster. Tell us, Grey, tell us what you think of him now? Okay, but get off my lap.
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Yesterday, Adrian Beltre and Stephen Drew both hit for the cycle. Hadn’t happened on the same day for two players since 1920 when George Burns (Yes, that George Burns) and Bobby Veach did it. But back then there were five bases, everyone wore aviator goggles and most played because they thought it would help them avoid scurvy.
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I left Matt Antonelli off the September call up post because I thought this season’s struggles would mean no promotion, but the Friars cut Tadahito Iguchi and decided to reward Antonelli for a miserable minor league season. Though he has been better recently.
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Usually on Friday we do our Buy and Sell feature, but with September 1st knocking on August’s door — August 31st is that you? Uh… No. August 30th? Nope. August 32nd? No, you nitwit! It’s September 1st! – it’s time we looked at September call ups.
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Let’s take a quick stroll down memory lane for what we’ve said about Ryan Zimmerman this season, “Out with a shoulder injury. Recovering from a wrist injury. We recommend that they just amputate the arm, put on a new one, and call him Ryan Zimmerhands,” “Being outslugged by Aaron Boone.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
