In an alternate universe, one in which the Cuban Missile Crisis was more than a crisis, the local family big-box appliance store would be Montgomery Castro. Launching the next holiday sale, Montgomery Castro introduces the exceeding expectations oven, the humidor microwave and the “Honey, I can’t find my [ground] balls,” fake grass-carpeting for the “dry” seasons down south.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mike Stanton snapped out of a 5 for 58 slump with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs in a doubleheader against the Phillies. Was retired lefty reliever Mike Stanton hitting for him? I realize they look a little different (the hitter is 22 years younger, 15 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, a tad darker) but even a young K-prone hitter should avoid that bad of slumps, right?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are making a double switch today.  Rudy is taking the husband slot which will probably bench him for a few years; Grey is taking the best man slot that will put him in the reliever role and I’ll be taking the cleanup spot for today.  If I’m wearing a titanium sombrero after this, just remember Cinco De Mayo is closing in and I’m probably drunk.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday Ramon Something-or-other hit two home runs. Ben Zobrist (a quarter Jewish, not too shabby!) hit two home runs. Others getting in on the action were Mike Hessman, Ryan Raburn (who sounds like he should be dating Angela Lansbury), Casey McGehee, Control Alt-Delete, Jeff Bailey, Francisco Cervelli, Cousin Jerri and lots of dudes that don’t even have pictures in their ESPN player profile so I just assume they all look like a young Micah Hoffpauir.

Please, blog, may I have some more?