Fantasy Baseball Advice

Here’s what I said in January, “I’m just going to point out one negative. In 650 ABs, he walked 33 times and struck out 109 times. He’s got speed; he’s in a great hitting park. He will not hit .288 again. At the first sign of struggle, he starts swinging for the fences and he goes into a deep funk. Hitters who don’t take walks fall into slumps. Do yourself a favor and let someone else draft Phillips. Projections: 80/19/75/.240/25 and is benched in July because his slump is “all in his head.”” And that is me quoting me. Through yesterday’s game Brandon Phillips is at 10/2/6/.250/3 with 20 Ks and 6 walks through 88 at-bats. Also, his BABIP is above the league average, so he actually is doing better than he should. As Rich Dad would say, Brandon Phillips is a liability, not an asset. Will he become completely unusable? I think he could. That’s not to say he will. It’s a bad sign when there’s chance. Don’t trade him for a Sportflics Canseco rookie card and a can of cola, but I would entertain offers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Carlos Gomez - He homered yesterday, but I don’t think that’s an indication of great things on the horizon. As I said two weeks ago, a guy who tries to bunt with two strikes to get on base is not really someone you want to invest too heavily in. Picture this: Guy buys a Ferrari, but can’t afford gas.

Francisco Liriano - I told you to trade him two weeks ago. He has no value now.

Johnny Cueto - I began writing a strongly-worded letter to Dusty Baker when he let Cueto bat in the fifth inning, but Cueto surprised me and made short work of the Astros in the sixth and seventh inning. I feel like Cueto’s my little brother and I have to defend him, but he really only made a few mistakes in this entire game and half of them were to Berkman, who is on fire right now.

Corey Patterson - Was good to see him get the start against a righty (it’s bad that it’s not a given). Then Dusty pulled him for Freel when he was about to face a different righty. Oh, Dusty, you do have your way, huh? Corey made a baserunning mistake prior to getting yanked; he’s now probably further in the doghouse. He better give Jayson Nix a call for some moral support.

Brian “The Brain” McCann - He was the only top catcher I liked coming into this season for his value versus ADP. Hasn’t disappointed thus far, not to mention his slide into third for his triple was like a Triple Lindy gone bad.

Dustin McGowan - Seven walks. Sixteen on the season. Like when a girl calls you after a first date and says, “I had a really good time tonight.” Too much, too soon.

Jayson Werth - Four home runs and a .300 average. When The Flying Hawaiian returns, Jenkins isn’t going to play a whole lot.

Donnie Murphy - 2 home runs yesterday. Still nothing to see here.

Cliff Lee - For those wondering where this is coming from, he did finish fourth in the Cy Young voting in 2005 when he won 18 games and posted a sub-4.00 ERA. Though the strikeouts to this point are high. If you can move him for Wainwright or Maine, I would.

Miguel Olivo - I thought the lack of Miguel Cabrera post-home run hugs and booty slaps might affect Olivo adversely, but he’s hit three home runs in ten games.

Rafael Betancourt - In case you forgot because he hadn’t recorded a save yet, he is the closer.

Melky Cabrera - 4 home runs and counting.

Adam Melhouse - Injured his right hand. Whoopie-dee-doo, right? If he goes down, Salty comes back. Come again? You need a catcher, right? JARROD SALTALAMACCHIA might get the call-up. (I kinda hope he doesn’t cause his name is a nightmare to spell.)

Mike Napoli - 5 home runs and counting. Does it really matter if he’s not starting every game?

Chad Billingsley - I’m going to try a little experiment. Before the game starts, I’m writing this *****GUESS ALERT: Billingsley’s going to strikeout a lot because the D-Backs are swing-happy, he’ll walk a few cause that’s what he do, and he’ll still lose.***** Okay, I’m back. Wow, I did pretty well. And so did Chad, 12 Ks and only two walks. Very nice, but he still gave up five runs. I have no idea how he pulled that off because I had to watch Survivor. SPOILER ALERT: I can’t believe Jason, James and Erik didn’t try something. They made me embarrassed to be a man (as if it’s not embarrassing enough watching Survivor). James needs to stop talking about Eve and the stupid apple and start playing the game. And when did they develop Natalie’s character? Um, never. She was completely out of left field. You need to plant the seeds that someone is an -ocker short of a rocker. Okay, Survivor rant over. Sorry.

Nomar Garciaparra - He’s batting third. The Dodgers’ offense called and they said they wanted Mike Piazza back. They’d even take ‘07 Piazza. (BTW, You know that twitchy shizz Nomar does before he gets into the box? You think he does that before he gets into Mia’s box? If Mia were to let him.

He almost lost the job last April. If you can find an owner willing to trade you Troy Tulowitzki for Jeter or Torii Hunter or Carlos Guillen, I’d do it.  I think the Polish have a rite of passion that they have to wear socks with their flip-flops for at least ten years of their life. I had a Polish friend growing up that would delivery newspapers in flip-flops and socks. You know what flip-flops and socks does for you? Makes you look ridiculous, so you know when you’re working it’s not a fashion show. It’s work, dammit. Tulowitzki probably hits the treadmill in flip-flops and socks. Cause baseball is work, dammit. And Tulo takes it seriously. I believe Tulo was genuinely upset with his slump. Do I think he’s out of the woods completely? Nah, probably not. But by the end of May, this slump will be a distant memory. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Matt Diaz - (using my big boy voice) Another home run! (using my little boy voice) Against a lefty.

Matt Stairs - Staying with the Matt theme, he can hit 25 home runs.

Alexis Rios - Two days off with the flu. *writing on pink construction paper* Get well soon, Alexis! (Hopefully he wasn’t kissing Casey “I Had the Kissing Disease for Two Years” Kotchman.)

Edwin Encarnacion - Supposedly he’s only owned in 50% of ESPN leagues. So if I can infer something from that, 50% of ESPN’ers draft their team then abandon them. Another reason why you shouldn’t join a random ESPN league. Maybe ESPN shouldn’t be broadcasting these things. Then again they have given Chris Berman a platform for 30 years, so they’ve obviously made some missteps.

Manny Corpas - Looks like Fuentes will be closing a game by this time next week. I don’t think this is the last we’ve seen of Corpas, but he needs to get away from the closer job for a little bit, maybe spend some time with his family, volunteer at the local nursing home and remember why he started playing this game in the first place, or whatever closers do when they lose their job. He’s a righty and will be in the mix again soon. Remember before you drop him, there’s still over five months left of the season.

Alberto Callaspo - Ye of a .348 average in 23 at-bats was about to get the start because of Grudzielanek’s back soreness, but the game was rained out. Maybe Callaspo can get someone to Tony Harding Grud’s knee.

Carlos Quentin - Hit another home run. Sure, it was off a tired Moose, but whatever, that shizz counts too.

Josh Hamilton - Has 21 RBIs. I’m admittedly a fan, but before we start giving each other reach arounds, we have to remember he’s a bit of health risk.

Daniel Cabrera - Pitched a solid game. Most impressive thing, zero walks. Then again, he was facing the Mariners.

Krispie Young - 0-for-5 with four Ks. You have to expect this if you have him on a team.

Troy Glaus - He’s looked surprisingly okay. Still wouldn’t touch him. (BTW, LaRussa has now pinch hit Wainwright in two straight games. Looks like someone’s hitting the hooch again. Take away his keys, Duncan.)

JJ Putz returns from the DL. Too bad because the Rowland-O’Flaherty-Green-Lowe-Crap-Smith-Whatever were like the Murderer’s Row of setup men. Really holding down the fort. Too bad The Big Sexy can’t pitch like he strikes out, he could’ve lent a hand there. Anyway, I told you to drop all of these schmohawks a couple of days ago, I will second that emotion today. Don’t handcuff your Putz to anything. It’s way too painful. In other closer news, Chad Cordero is going to get his shoulder examined. When a closer goes on the DL because of arm trouble, then returns, but can’t throw only to have his shoulder examined again two weeks later, it’s not good news. By the time you read this, he might already be on the DL. I think Rauch gets more saves than Cordero this year, so if you have Cordero, prepare to cry. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

John Lannan - Is this guy for real? His minor league numbers say he’s only starting in the majors because he’s on the Nationals. In three minor league seasons, he had 229 Ks to 127 walks in 326 innings. That, folks, are pretty bad numbers. So is he for real? I wouldn’t start him against the Cubs for his next start.

Jerry Hairston - He keeps hitting like he did yesterday, Corey Patterson might be on the bench for a while. Dusty, I thought you liked Corey… Wha’ happen? (Oh, and for the first comment, “Grey, should I pick up Hairston?” No, I would not.)

Manny Parra - If you’re looking at a 2.20 WHIP and asking how he only gave up only three runs, let me explain. He was lucky he only gave up 3 runs. Duncan hit a liner to Fielder to get him out of the fifth. That liner would’ve easily scored one more run and who knows what that would’ve led to. Manny hasn’t looked in command of his pitches for a couple starts now.

Eric Gagne - I’m far from a Gagne-apologist, but the blown save shouldn’t have been blown. Weeks threw a ball in the dirt and Fielder couldn’t get his big veggie mitts on it so the tying run scored — costing Parra the win.

Casey Kotchman - Hit his fifth homer. I’ve liked Kotchman for two years while he battled the world’s most drawn out case of mono and, of course, the year I don’t have him on one team, he’s doing well. Here’s hoping he catches a common cold and he’s bedridden for four years because of it.

Edinson Volquez - Or should I say Edison or perhaps Julio Reyes (Volquez has gone through three names in his short career.) He looked decent, if not a little wild. If we can get a game like last night from him seven out of ten times, gonna have to take it.

Juan Pierre - The ironic thing (not ironic ironic, but more ironic like “…rain on your wedding day” ironic… Well, now that I think about it, this actually might really be ironic, not Alanis ironic. Anyway…) Juan Pierre is just as bad as Andruw Jones, only a completely different type of bad. What a mess. (BTW, sample Dodgers’ clubhouse conversation — Torre, “Cashman, I got Nomar batting third. I need some free agent bats!”  Cashman replies, “I’m no longer your GM.”  Torre, “Fine! I’ll call George.”)

Adam Dunn - Went deep. Could have five home runs by this time next week. Don’t sleep on Dunn! (Actually you could sleep on him because he’s big and fat and kinda looks like a walking curly-haired mattress. He’s country comfortable!)

Brandon Phillips - Someone I thought would not be good this year so far has lived up down to expectations. But he did homer last night. (BTW, don’t you love strikethroughs, they’re soooooo snarky! It’s also snarky when you put six ohs on the word “so.” Or soooooo I’ve heard. Actually that so doesn’t make sense to have six ohs. Soooooo Taguchi.)

Franklin Gutierrez - The Big FraGu went 3 for 5 with 3 runs and 3 RBIs. But, then again, everyone got a hit in this game, except for Pronk. What the eff, Project-Donkey?

C.C. Sabathia - The news of his demise was prematurely reported (or whatever that pithy thing is people say.)

Miguel Tejada - I thought The Player Formerly Aged 31 would be great this year. He’s playing even better than I thought he would be.

Joey Votto - If I could go back and change my ROY prediction, I’d pick Votto. He’ll go through slumps, like anyone, but he looks like a home run-hitting Billy Butler.

Matt Holliday - When he’s swinging the bat, it looks like he’s thinking this, “Of course I’m going to hit a double. Might even be a home run.”

Jayson Nix - To make himself feel better about being benched for Barmes, he checks into the Colorado Marriott and calls Corey Patterson and Rich Aurilla to find out if they get to listen to their iPod during the game. When Nix finds out they do not, he silently fist pumps.

Troy Tulowitzski - Had the night off, probably to clear his head. This is a great buying opportunity. Find the Tulo owner in your league and trade for him.

Manny Corpas - I have Fuentes on a few teams. Cust kayin’.

Ronny Cedeno - I had him active for that grand slam yesterday… on my Razzball team. I was grand slammed. Oh, and I got a home run from Geoff Blum. Yes, the Geoff Blum that you thought retired two years ago.

Gil Meche - Looks like he let Karabell’s praise go to his head.

The Giants report John Bowker will steal time away Randy Winn. Might take a bulk of the at-bats at first away from Aurilla. This is terrific news for Bowker and the Giants. But for you the fantasy baseball player, I say, “Eh.” Bowker’s minor league stats show a guy who struck out a lot, didn’t walk too much and is being slightly rushed. Could he be a surprise feel-good story for the Giants and fantasy owners? Maybe, but very doubtful. In his last full season of minor league ball (at AA), he went 79/.307/22/90 with 103 strikeouts and 44 walks in 522 at-bats. Decent enough numbers, but this season he should be in Triple A showing that his Double A numbers aren’t a fluke. If I have an empty bench slot, I’d grab a middle reliever before I went anywhere near John Bowker. If you’re in dire need of an outfielder, go Bowkers! But Bowker might be back in the minors in a month.

Andruw Jones - He was batting eighth. If you have him, unfurl your contingency plans — stat.

Corey Patterson - He went into a slide, now he’s not even playing against righties. Not good, friend. Not good at all.

Xavier Nady - Now batting .347 with 17 RBIs. I told you three weeks ago, you never know where hot streaks are going to come from or for how long they’re going to last. Cust kayin’.

Matt Murton - He was called up and benched. Hope he enjoyed sex with Piniella’s wife or whatever it was that put him in the perennial doghouse.

Matt Diaz - He’s sitting against righties again. This could continue indefinitely. It’s much worse than Kelly Johnson sitting against lefties because of the sheer number of righty pitchers.

John Maine - Looked good. Think he can get much better.

Tim Hudson - Don’t take this wrong way, I like him, but he didn’t look that good yesterday. Lots of balls hit hard.

Calos Villanueva - Other than some early inning wildness, he looked decent. Would’ve liked to have seen more Ks, but still a good start.

Mark Reynolds - Why anyone is throwing him fastballs is behind me, but he went deep again. Fingercuffing sucks.

Armando Galarraga - All he does is win! I wouldn’t pick him up. If you can not look good pitching 5 1/3 innings of scoreless baseball, he did it.

Eugenio Velez - On every other team, he’d be in the minors or a pinch runner.

Joba Chamberlain - Hank Steinbrenner said only “an idiot” would keep Joba as a setup man. Cashman and Girardi said they’re idiots then. Good to see no matter what Stein is behind the wheel, same nonsense.

Adam Wainwright - If I were the type to boost my preseason predictions after three weeks, I would boost his.

Michael Bourn - He already has 13 steals. Could he get 70 steals? Yup. In December of ‘07, I said to draft Bourn not only because of the steals, but “…Baseball America pointed out (Bourn) as having the “Best Strike Zone Discipline.” Okay, not exactly Best Newcomer at the AVN Awards, but strike zone discipline is not a bad thing to have for a leadoff man. I’m talking to you, Granderson.” And that’s me quoting me.

Jimmy Rollins hits the DL. So there goes one of your top two picks. Yeah, that’s no fun. If you didn’t draft him, you’re smiling pretty wide today. Not because one of your leaguemates is suffering (okay, maybe that’s part of the fun). No, you’re smiling because you’re anticipating what I’m about to tell you. There may not be a better buying opportunity on Rollins the entire season. Buy now! Trade for Rollins. Get him. Swindle, people. Don’t wait a week until he’s about to come back. Don’t trade Hanley Ramirez for him; that’s just dopey. No, buy low on Rollins. Know that the ankle injury may linger for a little while, but it’s only April. If you can trade for Rollins offering some package that would have never worked two weeks ago, then you’re still getting a premiere shortstop who will be hitting in front of Utley and Howard all season. In the beginning of the season I had Rollins’s projections at 130/22/70/35/.290, I’d scale that to 110/18/55/22/.290 — so, I guess the question to you is, how much do you want those numbers? If you drafted Alex Rodriguez, you’re not getting much sleep tonight. Arod injured his right quad in Sunday’s game. Arod has a lot of positives going for him, durability is one. I think he’ll be just fine. Sit tight.

Frank Thomas - Hater Bell pointed out how Karabell was a part-mental patient, part-Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer when he called Frank Thomas a big 2008 sleeper. Yeah, it didn’t make any sense in March and still doesn’t, but whatever he’s ESPN’s top analyst, ya’ll.

Mark Lowe - I hope you’re not even bothering with this mess anymore. Putz should be back this Tuesday. Don’t bother with the fill-ins.

Rafael Soriano - He still can’t throw without pain. I think he might be out a month at least. Plan accordingly.

Chipper Jones - I should’ve had WebMd sponsor today’s post. Of course he’s hurt. The guy gets hurt on a base on balls. You know that though.

Edwin Encarnacion - (His last name’s spelling is bothering me. Second “a” or no second “a.” If anyone can get a message to Edwin and ask him, mucho gracias en advancemiento.) Hit two home runs on Sunday. I have him on a lot of teams. I hope this is the beginnings of a hot streak.

Carlos Ruiz - Or as he will now be known, Chuck Ruiz. As in chuck him to the waiver wire. Go Doumit, Mathis, Napoli, etc. It’s three weeks; Chuck Ruiz is being abandoned on my teams. He’ll be on the waiver wire, we can go back later if he starts to hit.

Adam Dunn - If anyone’s worried he’s going to hit under .200 for the season, I’d trade for him in a second.

Scott Baker - Going into the season, I pointed out to all of youse in 143.2 innings his K/BB was 102/29. So far this year, it’s 20/4. That’s really good.

Jonathan Sanchez - He strikes people out and in his next start he gets the Reds in SF. Yeah, he should be on your team for at least Friday’s start.

Eric Gagne - Fatty-No-Roids got hit. He was used four straight days, so it’s not anymore of a harbinger than the whole injury-prone thing. The Brewers really, really want him to succeed, so know that as Riske sits on your staff.

Chase Utley - My pick for NL MVP is looking good thus far. Not many of my other picks look so great. BTW, if you haven’t entered that contest yet, there’s still time.

Jair Jurrjens - I’m assuming after all of the times I’ve mentioned Jurrjens, you’ve already picked him up. If you haven’t, you should. Even when he lost this year, he looked good.

Milton Bradley - He hit a home run off Wakefield today. Whatever, just yesterday he was sitting with a sore knee.

Paul Konerko - He was actually dropped in one of my ‘pert leagues. I don’t understand that. It’s still very early in the season. I’m going to try and get him off of waivers, but since all the other ‘perts read this, I probably won’t get him. So why say anything? If you have him, bench him, but don’t drop him. It’s still early.