Welcome back to another weekly review for everything that was Razzball this past week. I’m always of the opinion that every week is better than the last, but that’s mostly because I know your mother. Which is apt, seeing as how tomorrow, you and I will be celebrating the fact that your mother gave birth to you, raised you, and made sure you always carried around a sweater, even when it was a sweltering 90 degrees with humidity. You know, because just in case. You mother even loves you despite taking up valuable storage space in her basement. You are her lovable storage space. DEEP. So while we take a moment this Sunday to celebrate everything your mothers have done for you, just remember, I’m here celebrating what your mothers have done for me. There. I’ve done it. An entire lede as one big “your mom” joke. I hereby retire.

Follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week four AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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As has been the theme since day one of this series, I’ve been stressing the fact that you shouldn’t panic. The fantasy season is still very young, (very fragile, like your mom, sure), but anything can happen in any amount of short time anywhere. SO META. For example, does anyone think they’d notice Evan Gattis going 12-for-73 in the month of June? Probably not, as the first month of the season shines an unfair spotlight on a player’s production (or lack thereof). Also, Evan Gattis isn’t really that good, which probably would have an affect on someone not noticing as well. While the majority of players (that aren’t suffering from an obvious injury or velocity loss specifically with pitchers) it’s been fairly easy for me to say, “It’s April”… well, that actually doesn’t ring true any more. Nope. Instead, I’ll just simply say “It’s May.” Now, if there are some players in a few more weeks that are wildly off their career norms, then we can talk. But until then, have patience, but here something you can do… and that’s start assessing your needs, wants, dreams and start gauging the market for those things you seek out. Excuse me while I go search the free agent wire for a date… Anyhow, follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week four AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you remember (no problems if you don’t, since I don’t remember at all… alcohol folks), last week, I went over the generic “this is April” schtick that many fantasy players love to hate. But it’s true! It is, in fact, April. But to other meaning, it’s still way too early to come away with any profound conclusions. True, a whole week has passed by, a whole week I tell ya! But I’m going to tell you the same thing… and that is the Phillies and Twins are still terrible. Honestly though, don’t throw away Gregory Polanco. Give Shin-soo Choo a chance! (Eh, maybe.) Try not to sell high on Joey Votto… (health is a big deal, whowuddathunk?) Again, I’m probably repeating myself, but just try and stay calm. It’s going to be okay. Unless you’re Mark Melancon. Then yeah… you’re toast. (Hopefully French toast. Because French Toast is Best Toast. Coincidentally, that’s my team’s name in the popular e-Sport of DotA 2. Because I only deal in facts. Also, my pocket protector says hello. We will also be playing in our first tournament starting on this Sunday, so wish us luck!) Anyhow, follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week three AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fun fact, Cameron Maybin has more home runs (2) than Matt Kemp (0). Also, Jedd Gyorko still sucks. More like Jerko, amiright? And while these are my own “Padres” problems, also commonly known as my “first-world problems”, in the context of fantasy baseball, there’s a lesson here to be gleaned. And you know how I like my gleaning… (At least your mother does). And that is, we are only two weeks into the season. No need to panic, no need to hyperventilate, and no need to drop Starling Marte. Unless you’re in a league with me. Then by all means, drop away. But remember, this is a long season, and there’s no need to make judgments that are irrationally based on just 10 games. Well, except that the Phillies and Twins are pretty terrible. Those judgments are just fine. Regardless, follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week two AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, baseball is finally back. And boy, were there some things to talk about. Welcome to another installment of This Week In Razz, a review of what you might have missed while being productive at your respective workplace (I’m productive at least three times a day, if you know what I mean. Wink-wink. You know… Wink-wink. I’m talking about masturbation), or maybe you were busy enjoying the nicer weather (your mileage may vary), or perhaps you were too busy watching hockey. Just kidding, no one knows what that is or what it does. Except maybe the utlra-pleasant people of Minnesota, but that’s only because it roughly takes a decade for the local baseball team to score anything higher than zero. I’d resort to watching soccer for their high-scoring affairs at that point. Regardless, follow me after the jump to take a look back AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the first official “This Week In Razz”, because we all know how good it is to be in Razz. Technically, last week was the first official post of this series, but that was more of a “welcome to the site, here’s what you can expect” type of thing. So I guess we had two beginnings, which means twice the fanfare, twice the laughter, and twice the, uh, yeah, I ran out of stuff that we got double of. Whiplash may work here. Regardless, I’m here to go over the week that was, in case you missed anything here on Razzball, and to go over what to expect next week…and what a special week it’ll be. Baseball finally starts, with Sunday being sorta-kinda-you-just-get-one-game Opening Day, and then Monday brings baseball to 100% operating levels. Unless you’re a fan of the Phillies. Then you’re really just working with 18 or so percent. But that’s okay! You have Philly Cheesesteaks, Chip Kelly innovating, I don’t know, stuff I guess, and yeah. Batteries to throw at people I guess? It could be worse! I mean, you could be living in Cleveland! (I’m kidding. Maybe.) So follow me after the jump to take a look back AND a look forward on all things Razzball. (Including helpful tips using Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, hello there. I’m not quite sure why I’m greeting you like you’re at my front door, but if you are, well played! Here’s a restraining order OR a certificate of approval. (To be fair, I never know the difference, at least legally speaking.) As the title reveals, the 2015 Baseball season is upon us, and I’m here to just take a moment to give you the insider info of what to expect from Razzball this season. As this series continues weekly, we’ll review what happened the previous week on your favorite fantasy baseball site (and if it isn’t your favorite, just lie to me and say it is), and what to expect the following week. Kind of like going over the lay of the land, if you will. The land of mustaches, math, and, um, well, I can’t really think of another ‘m’ word. Midgets. Yes. The land of midgets. That makes no sense. Regardless, whether you’re brand new to the community, or a veteran among the Razzballian (Razzballer?) readership, follow me after the jump for intriguing and interesting things. Anybody have another “I” word for me? Anybody?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

OH-WA-AH-AH-AH! Woah, sorry about that. A little rough for a Saturday morning for you? Well what can I say but toughen up, kiddos. There’s only a little over 60 games left on the season for you to tell your significant others that you’re scouring the waiver wire for decent players at 12:30 AM on a Tuesday morning with that ‘Brown Chicken Brown Cow’ sound in the background playing on your computer and no, you’re not listening to Trace Adkins. You don’t like country and you don’t even know who that is. But you do know who Jason Kipnis is…was that a segue? I’m not even sure. If it was, it was a little weak at best but it’s done and now we’re here so lets get down to the goods of it all. Kip – I can call him that since I have a friend from OH with whom I’m bros with; that’s how these things work – hit 2 bombs from the lead off spot for the Tribe on Friday, finishing the night 2/5 with 4 RBIs and 2 runs. And here’s me telling you to sell on dat chit. He’s had a little hotty toddy, we likes to party July, hitting near .300 with 2 said HRs and 5 stolen bases but let us not forget what he has done for his career in the second half. He loses about 20 points of average, about .040% on Slugging and even finds a way to steal less down the stretch. Obviously, past doesn’t always dictate the future. I mean, look at people who get married a second a third time. The percentages staying together get better right? *Looks at percentages*…oh. History is just not on the side of Kipnis being a second half savior for you and I’d make a move if I can still get a price return on him close to what you had to draft him for. In other news from the All-Star break return to our 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…oooh, on the TLC tip! Just a friendly reminder that myself and some other cool cats (I think Mike might be a Toyger) do this thing called DraftKings for you all every day of the week. That last link takes you away to Daily Fantasy land care of our VIP card but this link shows you all the content we’ve been providing to help you get the game down while you’re with us. BTW, didn’t bring up Mike just cuz. I’m swinging for Dan Pants today because apparently he’s pantsless or something. I told him just to change his name to Dan Assless Chaps for the day but he declined. That said, I’m gonna be away from the good ‘ole ‘puter for the day but Mike will be fielding all your burning questions. No, not those questions. If it burns down there, go see a doctor. Mike is just a cool cat and cats aren’t doctors. Duh. But enough chicanery, let’s really get back to this show…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Oakland A’s have been the team to beat in the first half of 2014. They own the best record the majors, their offense, which is comprised of a ragtag bunch of misfits from the other side of the tracks, ranks second among all teams in RBIs and total bases. They lead the league in ERA and WHIP, and they just upgraded their rotation with the acquisition of Jeff Samardzija and Jason Hammel, all without the help of fat Jonah Hill. You don’t need Andy Serkis’ acting school to show you you’d be a real monkey to doubt these guys. They’ve been just as good from a fantasy perspective. Josh Donaldson, Brandon Moss and Sonny Gray have carried over their success from 2013, and Jesse Chavez, Sean Doolittle and the two-headed catcher platoon of John Jaso and Derek Norris have all been first half surprises. So which A’s can you hitch a ride on for some second half fantasy glory? Jed Lowrie (2-for-4, RBI) can get real hot, real quick, and is currently on a seven game hitting streak, with multi-hit performances in six of those games. You might want to scoop him up before he explodes, or gets injured again. Similarly, Stephen Vogt (3-for-3, HR (4)) has been excellent since receiving everyday at bats and is slashing .435/.480/.652 over the past two weeks.  He’s got an 11 game hitting streak (six multi-hit games in that span) and two homers in his past three days, and that catcher eligibility makes him extra valuable. P. Diddy says Vogt or die, so you should grab Stephen while he’s still just under 30% owned. We may be through a little over half of the fantasy season so far, but there’s still plenty of time to ride the Oaktown bandwagon to some fantasy glory, at least until they get to San Antonio. #keeptheAsinOakland!

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night (*All-Star Edition*):

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Well, you should be sorry, Ronald Belisario. You have been pretty rough on your owners since stepping into the closer role, testing the limits of SAGNOF and just how much pain a fantasy owner will endure to capture those elusive saves. Belisario was at it again last night and gave up three hits and two runs to the Blue Jays, recording just one out before being removed from the game. In just 12 innings pitched since inheriting the job, Ronny has surrendered 10 ER on 20 hits with three blown saves in in that time. More like RonaldO-No! Hey, a World Cup pun, how topical. In Belisario’s defense, he did manage eight saves during his stay as closer, but that’s more a testament to Manager Robin Ventura sticking with him this long. Well, Ventura has had enough. Alrighty then, Ventura, who’s your closer now? Jake Petricka finished out the game last night and notched his second save of the season. Petricka has a 2.08 ERA and 1.27 WHIP on the year and looks like the most likely choice to take over the closer role. Javy Guerra, Zach Putnam and Daniel Webb could also be names to watch and see chances were the Sox to go to a committee. Whatever the case, Ronald is out. And although he may not apologize for killing your ratios over the past month, you can drop him now, which is definitely something you won’t have to feel sorry about.

Please, blog, may I have some more?