We realize that not everyone can handle a daily commitment to Razzball. So here’s the condensed brilliance from our site over the past week.

TWIR Notes

Eric Stults - I loved him as Rocky Dennis. Is he some kind of wonderful? Eh.

Curtis Granderson - I’m not the first one to say this — this might not even be the first time I’ve said it, but he’s a really poor base stealer. I watched Izzy, who’s so slow to the plate Leyland went for a cigarette break during the windup, throw an off speed pitch to Jason LaRue and LaRue, who throws like he’s drunk or handicapped, still threw out Granderson at 2nd base.

Cliff Lee - Two words for you old-timers, Atlee Hammaker. In 1983, Atlee had 1.70 ERA going into the All Star game, then he gave up seven runs in 2/3 of an inning, including the first ever grand slam to Freddie Lynn. After the All Star game, he was never the same. Muahahahaha…. (Is it me or did that sound like campfire story from baseball camp?) BTW, Atlee actually wasn’t that bad after the All-Star break. But muahahahaha anyway…

Rick Ankiel - Hit two HRs yesterday. (Am I the only one who wants the Cardinals to go into the 18th inning of a game and bring Ankiel in to pitch?)

Kyle Kendrick - He’s 7-3. Johan Santana called, he wants his win-loss record back. (Here’s my October prediction. The Phils make it to the playoffs and Kyle Kendrick is something like 15-10. Then in the third game of the 1st series, Kendrick is shelled and Joe Morgan says, “Kendrick had a great season, but just didn’t have it today.” Can you hear the vitriol (Word of The Day) in my voice?)

Shawn Chacon - I read the recap of how he attacked Ed Wade, the Astros GM. I also read about their conversation before it all went down. What I didn’t read was what Chacon did immediately after the altercation. Here’s what I think went down post-altercation. Chacon into his cellphone, “Hey, Milton Bradley, it’s Chacon. Did you hear–” “I’m watching Passions.” “The soap opera?” “What do you want, Chacon?” “Well, I just had an altercation and I was looking for some spiritual guidance. It seems–” “Did I mention I was watching Passions?” “Should I let you go?” At that point, Milton Bradley hung up on Shawn Chacon. If anyone knows where Chacon is now, let him know there are people that care about him and to keep hope alive.

Cristian Guzman - The Nats gave him a contract extension. After the announcement, Guzman said this, “Suckas!”

Jonathan Sanchez - Dirty Sanchez doesn’t do him justice. His stuff his so nasty from now on he will be known as Filthy Sanchez.

Eric Byrnes - Prior to the Red Sox game, the Diamondbacks activated Eric Byrnes from the DL. This entailed letting him out of his body splint and dog cone that prevented Byrnes from reinjuring himself. After 30 minutes of stop-and-start sprints and pats on the heads from teammates, he was ready to go.

Emmanuel Burriss - With Omar Vizquel hitting .171, there are reports out of the Bay Area that Burriss might take the starting job. Mr. and Mrs. Poppadopolous are going to be so proud. Burriss is really fast so maybe he could deliver what Eugenio Velez promised this spring. Or not. You make the call!

Comment O’ The Week

From commenter knighttown explaining how he’s managed 0 HRs all year from his catcher spot. Yowzas!

“ -I wasted a second round pick on V-Mart.
-Now he’s taking up a DL spot for me which leaves me with 3 for 2 (Putz just sitting idle)
-Picked up Rod Barajas
-Sobered up and dropped Rod Barajas
-Picked up the “red-hot” Miguel Olivo
-He retired or something and got 10 AB’s in the 2 weeks I had him
-Picked up Jarred Salta-somehting-or-other
-Started him yesterday, went o-fer.
-Dropped him and picked up Ramon Hernandez…honestly, only because he was mentioned in today’s blog.

YTD summary, ZERO HR’s from catchers this year.”

New Glossary Entries

Click here for the full glossary.

Bernie Lomax - Well-paid dead weight. Often carried by more capable, younger teammates. See Richie Sexson, Andruw Jones, Todd Helton (lately), Barry Zito, etc. (full credit to BSUjam).

Blew Light Special - Waiver/Free Agent option who showed some promise but blew their opportunity. For example, Felix Pie, Bill Hall, any of the schmohawks from the Brave’s closing experiment, etc. (full credit to BSUjam).

Poo Poo Platter - What is served in a deep and/or competitive league when you scour the waiver/FA wire. When torn between Scott Hairston, Rajai Davis, Reggie Abercrombie, and the Artist Formally Known as Luiz Gonzalez for an outfielder, you know that you’ve hit the poo poo platter. (full credit to BSUjam).

Red Light Special - Waiver/Free Agent option that should never have been on clearance but the owner got too impatient. (full credit to BSUjam).

Willy Waiverez - A speedy hitless wonder who wavers from waivers to rosters depending on teams’ desperation for speed. (full credit to PWNightmare).

Extended Riffs

Grey with a sobering look into Josh Hamilton’s latest injury and recent history…

Josh Hamilton left yesterday’s game with a sore knee. Well, you knew the injury was coming at some point. The good news is he didn’t leave immediately so it couldn’t have been too bad, right? Um, yeah, hopefully. The bad news, he’s a recovering drug addict and as we all learned from Dylan McKay’s battle with drugs on 90210, addicts can’t take pain killers. This banged up knee should serve as a reminder to all of Hamilton’s fantasy baseball owners. He’s not only injury-prone, he doesn’t bounce back that quickly. Maybe it was the years of huffing? Maybe he sold his soul for a bag of rocks? Who knows. But at some point you might lose Hamilton to a more serious injury, don’t rely on him for everything.

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While we at Razzball are content toiling within the modest confines of fantasy baseball blogdom, we occasionally like to flex our journalistic muscles and take on a challenging interview.

Our interview subject is the well-respected director of such films as Do The Right Thing, Malcolm X, He Got Game, and Bamboozled as well as a well-known devotee of New York sports.

The incomparable….The incorrigible….Spike Lee.

Rudy: Thank you for accepting our interview request, Spike.

Spike: My pleasure. You know I love talking ‘ball. Knicks 2009! It’s our year. We get a ball handler with our first round…

Rudy: Spike, we don’t cover basketball. We cover baseball - fantasy baseball to be exact.

Spike: What?! (uncomfortably long pause) You’re lucky you’ve got a black man as your avatar.

Rudy: Sorry for the confusion. So we know you’re a Knick fan - what baseball team do you root for?

Spike: Crooklyn Dodgers, Homestead Grays, The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings

Rudy: Any non-fictional teams that have played a game within the last 40 years? C’mon, you must be either a Yankee or Met fan?

Spike: I root for all New York teams but I just stopped rooting for the Mets after what they did to my boy Slick Willie. If I had to pick a favorite Major League team other than the Yankees, I’d say the Toronto Mo’ Better Blue Jays. Show ‘em how it’s done, Cito G.

Rudy: You’ve exchanged words in the press recently with Clint Eastwood on the dearth of black characters in his WWII movie Flags of our Fathers. You feel it disrespected the many African-American soldiers who fought nobly in that effort. Baseball and race have a long, intertwined history - I’m wondering if you have similar views on baseball movies.

Spike: Don’t get me started, Rudy. I’m not sure Hollywood ever got the memo that baseball is integrated.

Rudy: Isn’t that a tad offbase? Hollywood released The Jackie Robinson Story a couple years after he started playing for the Dodgers.

Spike: Yeah, and they cast Jackie Robinson to play himself. God forbid they hire an actor so two black men could prosper. At least it had Ruby Dee in it. Nobody does it like Ruby Dee.

Rudy: Let me throw out some other baseball movies and you let me know what you think of them. First one: Bull Durham.

Spike: Is there one black guy on that team? No wonder why they sucked. And I’ve been to Carolina. Trust me - a white ho’ like Susan Sarandon’s character Annie wouldn’t be deciding between Kevin Costner and Tim Robbins. That’s like choosing between vanilla and butter pecan. Real life, Annie has a mad case of Jungle Fever. Chocolate or chocolate chocolate chip.

Rudy: A League of Their Own

Spike: More like a A League Keepin’ To Its Own. Where are all the sistas? I’ll tell you where they were. They were all in the trenches. They were stormin’ Omaha Bee-yotch. Don’t believe Spielberg’s jive - no Tom Hanks-lookin’ guy saved Matt Damon. It was a sista.

Rudy: Eight Men Out

Spike: Why you gotta call them the Black Sox? Ain’t no black men on that team. THAT’S the scandal if you ask me.

Rudy: Field of Dreams

Spike: This might be a white man’s dream but it sure ain’t a black man’s. Somewhere in the midwest they build a magical field where the lilly-white Black Sox ghosts can play. A white man (Kevin Costner) then kidnaps a black man (James Earl Jones) to make him watch baseball. Then when the white ghosts leave for the cornfields aka plantation, they invite James Earl Jones but tell Kevin Costner he can’t come. What do you think happens in the cornfield - they all sing kumbaya? Take out the weepy music and that scene may as well be in Birth of a Nation.

Rudy: Wow…um, Major League.

Spike: How come it’s gotta be a black man praying to Jaboo? And what’s up with turning my boy Wesley (Snipes) into a baseball playin’ Stepin’ Fetchit? I cast Wesley in a movie and make him a proud African-American architect who’s neck deep in fine Italian punani. This movie it’s all “Yessah, I’ll do some push-ups. I shoulda never been poppinin’ up dem balls” and “Nossah, I should’nta gone and stolen all dem bases”. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Rudy: Are there any baseball movies you do like?

Spike: Besides The Bingo Long & The Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings and The Jackie Robinson Story, nope. Well, I kind of dig The Bad News Bears. Let them play! Let them play!

Rudy: You’ve done a basketball movie (He Got Game). Any thought of doing a baseball movie?

Spike: Funny you should ask. I’m working on a biopic right now of Reggie Jackson called “JaXon”. Denzel is getting fitted for over-sized glasses as we speak.

Rudy: Can’t wait for it to hit theaters. We love Reggie over here at Razzball. Last question: Do you play in any fantasy baseball leagues?

Spike: Nah. Stopped playing years ago. Too hard to find players I like beyond outfielders and power-hitting 1st basemen.

Rudy: Spike, thank you for your time. it’s been a pleasure.

Spike: Go Knicks!

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This week’s Fantasy Roundtable is being hosted by the roundtable creators over at Fantasy Baseball Generals.

THE TOPIC: What sleeper has the best chance to get 20 steals for the rest of the season?

I wasn’t able to contribute this week but it’s nice to see that the roundtable is pretty liberal when it comes to the word ’sleeper’….

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This week’s Fantasy Roundtable is being hosted by our boys Zach and Pete at MLB Front Office’s Rotonomics. I picture them having cubicles outside Bud Selig’s office and being summoned from time to time to get him a brat and a brewskie.

THE TOPIC: What injured pitcher and hitter do you think will pleasantly surprise owners when they return later this season?

I did the pussy thing and picked as many guys as possible in hopes that one or two come through so I look good in hindsight. But if my surprise pitcher actually does perform, I’ll be as surprised as anyone….

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Back in the preseason, we launched a new method for rating players called Point Shares. The objective was to create a methodology that converts player’s projected or real stats into a metric that would allow for easy comparisons across players. The metric we settled on is deceptively powerful - Roto points.

Assuming you have a completely average team (55 points in a 5×5 10 team league), each player’s point shares reflect how many points they would add/subtract from your team’s totals if they replaced the average stat projections at that position. For example, if you swapped out an average team’s 1B (Mark Teixeira, David Ortiz) with Lance Berkman, they would increase from 55 points to an estimated 67.5 points. Point Shares also allow for basic trade comparisons (add the points of each side) and assessing your team vs. others (just add up the points and add to 55).

Seeing that we’re 2 months into the season, we thought it was a good time to update our Point Shares rankings - in this case, it is based solely on actual stats through June 8, 2008. So this is more comparable to the ESPN Player Rater vs. ESPN’s player rankings or Yahoo’s Big Board. Except better. (Not saying there aren’t flaws in ours but, c’mon, Ichiro is #17 among all players with a .290/43/3/17/26? At OF?)

June 8th - Point Shares for 5×5 10 team league and for Fantasy Razzball (play for worst team)

(Click on images to enlarge)

Pre-Season - Projected Point Shares for 5×5 10 team and 12 team leagues

Pre-Season - Projected Fantasy Razzball Point Shares

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