I don’t spend my days perusing the latest fantasy news.  I don’t spend my hard-earned money on the MLB package or pore through box scores like a Kabbalah follower.  I am not one of those ‘web experts’ that spouts advice from within the friendly confines of their mom’s basement or a Connecticut cubicle.

So who am I and why am I posting on Razzball?  Remember that trade you made last year that blew up in your face?  I’m the guy advising your trade partner.

He likely attended one of the many seminars I run across the country where I impart wisdom to my Fantasy Pickup Artists-in-Training via small group sessions.  And the question I get more than any other during my seminars:  “Diamond, can you teach me how to be an Alpha Trader?”  For your knowledge, an Alpha Trader is what we call a Fantasy Baseball Pick-Up Artist who can seduce another participant into making a trade that is more beneficial to your team’s needs than their own.

You may be thinking, “I believe a trade should help both teams equally” or “I’m in a league with friends and I don’t want to manipulate them just to win a league.” or “I’d rather do research and outsmart my trade partner rather than con them.”  That’s fine.  Organic trades and interactions with league members can often sprout positive results.  You may even win a league by chance (assuming you don’t play with any of my students).  So if you’re content being a ‘Trader Joe’ -  no need to read further.  But if you want to master the art of the fantasy baseball trade and transform yourself from winning by chance to winning by choice, you should study this article and bookmark it for later.

Assuming you absorbed the lessons from my previous post, you already have established a Fantasy Avatar™ that radiates power and confidence.  Working from this position of strength, we just need to identify our target.  Now most experts will tell you to peruse your roster and those of your leaguemates to find someone whose team is the inverse of your teams’ strengths/weaknesses.  Take a step back, Trader Joe, and think about what you really want to accomplish here.  You want to trade for superior players than those currently on your roster.  Everyone in your league must have at least one player that’s an upgrade over yours so why rule out anyone right from the onset?  Compatibility is not how we narrow in our target; susceptability is.

We do this by sending private messages to everyone in the league that allows us to gauge each competitor’s temperature.  We can then rank everyone based on the likelihood we can Trade Close on them.  This process is called Centigrading. This ‘Opener’ must be specially crafted to elicit a response that will determine trading temperature, maintain a position of power, and expose (or impose) any roster insecurities in your opponent.  Here are two Openers – let’s see if you can separate the effective from the defective:

1. Nice draft.  You snagged a few players right before I was going to (K-Rod, Cruz).  Good luck in the league and hopefully we can make a trade at some point.  Any thoughts?
2. Interesting draft.  A SS and 2B in the first four rounds – you must really like middle infielders.  Good thing you shored those up because it’s not like late round and free agent middle infielders ever work out (DeRosa, cough, Aaron Hill, cough, Jason Bartlett).  I like my team a lot but let me know if there are any players you want to overpay for…

So which do you think is the good Opener – #1 or #2?  Trick question – it’s neither.  The first one is too passive and complimentary.  The second is too heavy on the Negs.  Here’s the proper balance:

“I like how you held off on pitchers until the 10th round.  I had a couple of those pitchers on my wish list for upside 4th/5th/6th starters.  Glad to see someone else here has the balls to draft based on instinct vs. the default rankings.  Did any of my picks take you by surprise?”

See what I did here?  Let’s break it down line by line:

I think I’ve given you all that you can absorb in one reading.  In the next post, I’ll go over how to Centigrade the responses from your messages to zero in on our target and my wing Saber will share his secrets on Carrot Theory ™.

I am not a brilliant baseball statistician.  I do not spend hours upon hours combing the Internet for fantasy baseball news or advice.  I do not spend much time watching baseball on TV.  But what I do is win fantasy baseball leagues.  Auction leagues.  Draft leagues.  One-year leagues.  Keeper leagues.  It doesn’t matter – I win them all.

I’m sure you are reading this and laughing.  You may be thinking “Who does this dufus with the wizard hat think he is?”  I’ll tell you – I am a Master Fantasy Baseball Pick-up Artist.

I realize you are skeptical.  All I can do is share my wisdom.  Share my method.  It is up to you whether you use it.

For my first post, I will focus on the importance of one’s fantasy baseball Avatar in online leagues.    An Avatar is the image you project to your leaguemates.  It should not be mistaken for the cartoon images in video games and instant messengers.  It is more than that.  It is every interaction point you make with your leaguemates – particularly in the beginning of the season.

Your first interaction point is your online name.  What do you use?  Is it something based on your real name?  Is it some mildly amusing nickname you have?

What does this project?  It projects you’re an RTS (RoToSchmo).

This is the Phrase Phase – the time when a Fantasy Baseball Pick-up Artist establishes right from the get-go that he is the alpha-male in the league.  He does this by choosing a name that makes this abundantly clear.  Vivid, non-humorous, emotive names that gain respect:  tigershark, 800lbgorilla, spikes_up_slider, grizzlykilla, etc.   We call this Powerphrasing.

You might be saying to yourself “I’m playing fantasy baseball just for fun” or “I prefer to sneak under the radar” or “That’ll make me sound like a prick”.  That’s your RTS voice talking.  Listen to it if you are content fighting for 5th place every year.  The goal of our Avatar is to communicate power.

The next crucial decision is your visual image.  In many online leagues, you can download a picture.  Some choose to leave this blank.  Some use an animated image.  Some choose a normal picture of themselves.

Again, I ask, what are you trying to project here?  The answer should be….confidence.  You thought I was going to say power, right?  That is our Avatar end goal.  But powerful people don’t need to pose with their biceps flexing or holding a weapon in their hand.  This is what non-powerful, insecure people do to appear powerful.  A truly powerful person is confident.

How does one show confidence?  By wearing a baseball hat.  No.  By wearing a baseball hat backwards.  That’s better but no.  Confidence is wearing something ridiculous like a wizard hat.  Yeah it looks silly but it combines with your PowerPhrase to tells your league mates to say, “Boys, you’re playing for second place.”  We call these confidence-exuding accessories MadProps.  Some people – like my wing Saber – just ooze confidence and don’t require a MadProp.  When in doubt, MadProp it out.

Now how do you best leverage this powerful Avatar you’ve created from your PowerPhrasing and MadProps?  We’ll save that for your next lesson….