Greetings plebeians and plebeianettes. You may remember a little about this series from the former me: Oregon Nut Cups. Or you probably don’t because it’s been like 2 years since it happened and I’m changing the format to target one player rather than rambling about everyone based on their position. But of course, you don’t care about taking a trip down memory lane with me nor down mammory lane as we talk about great scenes from adult entertainment history. Asia Carrera, my heart and crusty socks go to you…nay, you’re here to snuggle up to some bargain players in your draft this year. As we all know – and if you don’t, now you do – I’m talking to you deep leaguers. Whether it’s a 14 teamer or a large starting roster, you gotta find bargains where you can and of all positions this is tantamount, catcher is probably the biggest in my book. It’s one where the haves and the have nots line isn’t as big as people want to draw it up to be and where you can get away with ignoring a bunch of players once the top few fly off the board…which is just how I like it. Keep in mind, I’m the artist formerly known as ONC that brought you Wilin Rosario with my Wilin Rosario Sleeper post back in 2012. Way back then, you could get a gallon of gas for about 25 cents, your shoes shined for a nickel and Rosario went undrafted. My how times have changed…So here I’m going to bring to you the man that has pretty much been declared the starting catcher for the Indians for this year – Yan Gomes – and why he’s a nice snag in deeper leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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For a seemingly decent leadoff hitter, Angel Pagan gets very little press.  Fantasypros.com has him ranked 246th overall, ESPN has him as the 156th best hitter.  Both rankings have him placed near players like David Freese, Chris Carter, Adam LaRoche, and Alcides Escobar.

Outside of his injuries, Pagan has been exactly what a leadoff hitter should be: getting on base often and have the potential to steal.  In 2012, his last full season, he ranked 66th in OBP among qualified hitters.  That is above players like Jason Heyward, Ian Desmond, Jason Kipnis, and Adam Jones.  If his 2013 numbers were extrapolated to a full season, he would have ranked 73rd.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When I told Grey and JayWrong that I was going to do a deep league sleeper post on Dustin Ackley, the first thing they said was ‘Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!’. It’s true, Dustin is a bit of a sloppy seconds here on the site for me as Jay already waxed both poetically and his taint when he wrote his own Dustin Ackley Sleeper post back in 2013. And what did we learn from this post? Well, one don’t get overly excited about Ackley and two, don’t wax your taint. It’s painful and no one goes down there enough to care what it looks like. Yeah, make all the excuses you want. You’re reading a fantasy baseball site, you ain’t getting busy any time soon, nerd. But where was I? Yeah, Ackley…ooph, this is gonna be a hard sell. It’s not a sexy call but then again, we’re talking about getting to Second Base. Trust me when I say, there’s very little heavy-petting available there in 2014. To put it kindly, 2B is a rancid cesspool of disease-riddled zombie maggot death. In fact, if the question is 2B or not 2B, I’ll take the latter. But to put this 2B angle of my fantasy dangle in perspective, we’re gonna need a new paragraph. So let’s find out why I think Ackley is a good get at second base for deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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There’s different levels of sleepers. Some sleepers are great for 10-team mixed leagues and others are bargains late in, say, a 10-team AL-Only league. Some sleepers never wake up. Todd Frazier, it’s June 11th, c’mon, man, you’re gonna be late for the season! With the Indians fielding more outfielders than fro-yo shops in the Fro-Yo Jungle of So-Cal, Michael Brantley won’t play every day. He’ll come close, but I know in shallower leagues, you’re gonna get sick of moving him in and out of your lineup for when the Indians face lefties. For those in shallower leagues, skip ahead to the comments and compliment me on my manscaping. If you’re here for a deep league special, Brantley just had a career year, hitting 10 homers, .284 and stealing 17 bases. If that were his peak, I wouldn’t be piqued — turn of a phrase point! If that were his apex, I’d be looking for the apexit — can I make it three?! If that were his pinnacle, I wouldn’t be a cyclops with a monocle. Okay, now I’m just rhyming shizz. So, what can we expect from Michael Brantley for 2014 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[Pssst! Keep it down but this isn’t even an editor’s note. I’m interrupting myself. Or at least one of myselves. Wanna play Fantasy Baseball with all these goons you see in the comments? Well Go be a Commissioner. We can’t promise your safety but we can promise you’ll have fun. We all know dangerous = fun. That’s why all the bad boys get the hot chicks. So go commish, you wild animal you.]

Sing it with me! Villar, Villar…the speed of the Astros! Ok, maybe we shouldn’t call it singing. More like gravel-throated barfing on the mic. Thank your deity of choice for delay, compression and a poop-ton of reverb or you’d never get to hear the inner-workings of great minds like Fred Durst who has done it all for the nookie and put cookies in places we never would’ve imagined. Speaking of putting cookies in places that would surprise you…uh…Jonathan Villar is a cookie. Yeah, that’s it! A chocolate chip, macadamia nut infused, tasty morsel that is tucked away because he plays on an Astros team that has more nicknames about how bad it is – AAAstros, LAstros, ‘You can’t say Astros without saying ass’ Astros, etc – than it does different jersey types. And yes, before we move on, I do look familiar. Or maybe unfamiliar depending on who you are. I’m one of those guys on the Fantasy Football side of the Razzball universe. That little link takes you to a world where you get to see my grainy face more than maybe you’d ever want to but it’s there either way, gratis. Heck everything on this site is free, of course…except the awkward hugs that last too long. Wordpress, how many words am I at? Over 200 you say? Right, then lets get on with it. Here’s why I like Villar in deep league settings for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I told ya I’d take it deep! Wait, that doesn’t sound right…strike that, reverse it, scramble to the sidelines, get dropped before you’re out of bounds and call a time out. Yeah, yeah I mixed sports metaphors but what do you expect from the guy who also works over on the Fantasy Football side of Razzball? As my wise friend Tehol once said, just as a leopard can’t change it’s spots, a guy in a leopard thong can’t change his ways just because he’s on the fantasy baseball side of the world. So pardon me while I limber up for some lumber talk and take a little peek at a guy who was a surprise call up after Giancarlo went down last year and who did very little with his time before being sent down and finishing the year with season-ending thumb surgery…hrm, coulda sold that better, methinks. Let’s have a do-over, shall we? Here’s my excitement in doge format. Marcell Ozuna! Much excite! Many power! Such amazing! There, much better. I should work for Apple. But now that we’ve underlined and highlighted what we came to talk about, I guess we should get to it. So here’s why you should target Ozuna in your deeper leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[Ed. Note- Our RCL’s are under way! Go be a Commissioner, because there are really no other opportunities in life to have the title of Commissioner. Well, unless you are really into wildlife. In that case though, you can have two Commissioner titles, which is totally what you should be going for.]

Not gonna lie, I never thought I’d be writing a Fantasy Baseball article at 3 am.  But when your boss calls you in for some OT late on a Sunday night and you’re thinking ‘nice, a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge and I move up the corporate ladder’ and they wonder why you’ve come to work in stilettos, lipstick and a ‘Spank me I’ve been bad’ pink t-shirt, you find yourself lying awake in the wee hours wondering if you’ll have a job in the morning.  Of course, when talking about deep leagues, it’s almost like being an after-midnight infomercial.  I mean, when you’re in the late hours of your draft, sometimes you get the Snuggie and sometimes you get the Tiddy Bear.  It’s the nature of the beast.  But with all that said, BILLY MAYS HERE AND I’D LIKE TO SHOUT AT YOU FOR A WHILE ABOUT AN UNDERRATED PITCHER!  In all truthiness, I don’t know of a deep league that has pitching problems.  Pitchers are just too abundant to ever say deep league rules apply but that doesn’t mean you can’t bargain hunt late and spend more time on your hitting earlier because of it.  So let me introduce to you a pitcher who’s very much under the radar for 2014.  Mr. Tyson Ross, c’mon down and see why you’re a contestant for sleeper for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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Catcher-rye-full

Get it?

Time to finally hang up the fantasy football helmet, slip into my official Steve Balboni athletic supporter and get ready for some of the base and the balls talk. This nipple hardening February morning finds your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru loading the van up with scouting reports, clean turbans, eye black and my Jenny Dell inflatable doll for that long, lonely road trip to Fort Myers to prepare for spring training. As we cross the days off the calendar until we dive into some actual fake baseball drafting, it’s time to dig out the ol’ jammer crammer machine (available on Adam&Eve.com) and dig through this year’s jams and crams by position for the 2014 fantasy baseball season.

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So, we’re back again to check and see what kind of junk has built-up Under the Greydar. As sort of a prologue, coming back for another year at Razzball was a forgone conclusion. However, unlike other years, this time, Grey had a requirement of me– limit the number of Padres posts from 478,568.5 down to something more manageable and less-bias driven. Something like, what was the number he said? One? One. But, because I’m always on his good side, and I’m prettier than Sky, I was able to increase that number to five. Enough for a little breathing room. The thing Grey didn’t realize is, there’s a loop-hole. Joke’s on you my mustache’d friend! My strategy is to now to fit multiple Padres into one post… so I’ll be covering not one, but two Padres this time around… Can you taste what the Jay is cooking!? (Totally not sexual… maybe.) Before we get started, I should establish that I am not Hispanic, yet I always love dropping my Spanish language-bombs. Seeing as how I was the only kid to grow up in San Diego and not finish with at least a C+ in Spanish 101, well, that’s basically the long-story of– don’t ask me what I typed in Spanish. I have no idea. Put that in your Google translator and smoke it.

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Marco! Polo! No, no, no, let’s start this over. Marco! New Zealand? C’mon, readership, you’re better than that. It’s in the title! Deep League Thoughts? Now you’re just eff’ing with me. I’m gonna remember this. I don’t even know why I let you italicize in my opening paragraph. If you were on twitter, I’d unfollow you at this point. We’re here to talk about Marco ESTRADA!!!! I hate you all…yes, we’re here to talk about Marco Estrada. You may say to yourself, ‘didn’t we already do this last year with unsuccessful results?’ It’s true, Grey brought us a Marco Estrada Sleeper post last season. If you wanna know where most of this post is going, that’s probably a great place to start. Not much has changed about Marco going into this season except for perception as he wasn’t only a Razzball darling in 2013. Don’t believe me? Here’s the google proof! All this to say, he came into 2013 with a full head of steam as someone who was going to outperform his draft day price. Which of course, changed his draft day price to what it really should’ve been on draft day. Funny how that works. All of this to say, Estrada went from sleeper pitcher to an urban dictionary curse word for failed sleepers. I think Grey wrote that one even…but nevertheless, stop living in the past! We’re here to look into the almost immediate future. So let me grab my crystal balls and tell you why Estrada is a great get for deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?