[Pssst! Keep it down but this isn't even an editor's note. I'm interrupting myself. Or at least one of myselves. Wanna play Fantasy Baseball with all these goons you see in the comments? Well Go be a Commissioner. We can't promise your safety but we can promise you'll have fun. We all know dangerous = fun. That's why all the bad boys get the hot chicks. So go commish, you wild animal you.]
Sing it with me! Villar, Villar…the speed of the Astros! Ok, maybe we shouldn’t call it singing. More like gravel-throated barfing on the mic. Thank your deity of choice for delay, compression and a poop-ton of reverb or you’d never get to hear the inner-workings of great minds like Fred Durst who has done it all for the nookie and put cookies in places we never would’ve imagined. Speaking of putting cookies in places that would surprise you…uh…Jonathan Villar is a cookie. Yeah, that’s it! A chocolate chip, macadamia nut infused, tasty morsel that is tucked away because he plays on an Astros team that has more nicknames about how bad it is – AAAstros, LAstros, ‘You can’t say Astros without saying ass’ Astros, etc – than it does different jersey types. And yes, before we move on, I do look familiar. Or maybe unfamiliar depending on who you are. I’m one of those guys on the Fantasy Football side of the Razzball universe. That little link takes you to a world where you get to see my grainy face more than maybe you’d ever want to but it’s there either way, gratis. Heck everything on this site is free, of course…except the awkward hugs that last too long. Wordpress, how many words am I at? Over 200 you say? Right, then lets get on with it. Here’s why I like Villar in deep league settings for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season… Please, blog, may I have some more?
I told ya I’d take it deep! Wait, that doesn’t sound right…strike that, reverse it, scramble to the sidelines, get dropped before you’re out of bounds and call a time out. Yeah, yeah I mixed sports metaphors but what do you expect from the guy who also works over on the Fantasy Football side of Razzball? As my wise friend Tehol once said, just as a leopard can’t change it’s spots, a guy in a leopard thong can’t change his ways just because he’s on the fantasy baseball side of the world. So pardon me while I limber up for some lumber talk and take a little peek at a guy who was a surprise call up after Giancarlo went down last year and who did very little with his time before being sent down and finishing the year with season-ending thumb surgery…hrm, coulda sold that better, methinks. Let’s have a do-over, shall we? Here’s my excitement in doge format. Marcell Ozuna! Much excite! Many power! Such amazing! There, much better. I should work for Apple. But now that we’ve underlined and highlighted what we came to talk about, I guess we should get to it. So here’s why you should target Ozuna in your deeper leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season… Please, blog, may I have some more?
[Ed. Note- Our RCL's are under way! Go be a Commissioner, because there are really no other opportunities in life to have the title of Commissioner. Well, unless you are really into wildlife. In that case though, you can have two Commissioner titles, which is totally what you should be going for.]
Not gonna lie, I never thought I’d be writing a Fantasy Baseball article at 3 am. But when your boss calls you in for some OT late on a Sunday night and you’re thinking ‘nice, a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge and I move up the corporate ladder’ and they wonder why you’ve come to work in stilettos, lipstick and a ‘Spank me I’ve been bad’ pink t-shirt, you find yourself lying awake in the wee hours wondering if you’ll have a job in the morning. Of course, when talking about deep leagues, it’s almost like being an after-midnight infomercial. I mean, when you’re in the late hours of your draft, sometimes you get the Snuggie and sometimes you get the Tiddy Bear. It’s the nature of the beast. But with all that said, BILLY MAYS HERE AND I’D LIKE TO SHOUT AT YOU FOR A WHILE ABOUT AN UNDERRATED PITCHER! In all truthiness, I don’t know of a deep league that has pitching problems. Pitchers are just too abundant to ever say deep league rules apply but that doesn’t mean you can’t bargain hunt late and spend more time on your hitting earlier because of it. So let me introduce to you a pitcher who’s very much under the radar for 2014. Mr. Tyson Ross, c’mon down and see why you’re a contestant for sleeper for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season… Please, blog, may I have some more?
Time to finally hang up the fantasy football helmet, slip into my official Steve Balboni athletic supporter and get ready for some of the base and the balls talk. This nipple hardening February morning finds your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru loading the van up with scouting reports, clean turbans, eye black and my Jenny Dell inflatable doll for that long, lonely road trip to Fort Myers to prepare for spring training. As we cross the days off the calendar until we dive into some actual fake baseball drafting, it’s time to dig out the ol’ jammer crammer machine (available on Adam&Eve.com) and dig through this year’s jams and crams by position for the 2014 fantasy baseball season. Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, we’re back again to check and see what kind of junk has built-up Under the Greydar. As sort of a prologue, coming back for another year at Razzball was a forgone conclusion. However, unlike other years, this time, Grey had a requirement of me– limit the number of Padres posts from 478,568.5 down to something more manageable and less-bias driven. Something like, what was the number he said? One? One. But, because I’m always on his good side, and I’m prettier than Sky, I was able to increase that number to five. Enough for a little breathing room. The thing Grey didn’t realize is, there’s a loop-hole. Joke’s on you my mustache’d friend! My strategy is to now to fit multiple Padres into one post… so I’ll be covering not one, but two Padres this time around… Can you taste what the Jay is cooking!? (Totally not sexual… maybe.) Before we get started, I should establish that I am not Hispanic, yet I always love dropping my Spanish language-bombs. Seeing as how I was the only kid to grow up in San Diego and not finish with at least a C+ in Spanish 101, well, that’s basically the long-story of– don’t ask me what I typed in Spanish. I have no idea. Put that in your Google translator and smoke it. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Marco! Polo! No, no, no, let’s start this over. Marco! New Zealand? C’mon, readership, you’re better than that. It’s in the title! Deep League Thoughts? Now you’re just eff’ing with me. I’m gonna remember this. I don’t even know why I let you italicize in my opening paragraph. If you were on twitter, I’d unfollow you at this point. We’re here to talk about Marco ESTRADA!!!! I hate you all…yes, we’re here to talk about Marco Estrada. You may say to yourself, ‘didn’t we already do this last year with unsuccessful results?’ It’s true, Grey brought us a Marco Estrada Sleeper post last season. If you wanna know where most of this post is going, that’s probably a great place to start. Not much has changed about Marco going into this season except for perception as he wasn’t only a Razzball darling in 2013. Don’t believe me? Here’s the google proof! All this to say, he came into 2013 with a full head of steam as someone who was going to outperform his draft day price. Which of course, changed his draft day price to what it really should’ve been on draft day. Funny how that works. All of this to say, Estrada went from sleeper pitcher to an urban dictionary curse word for failed sleepers. I think Grey wrote that one even…but nevertheless, stop living in the past! We’re here to look into the almost immediate future. So let me grab my crystal balls and tell you why Estrada is a great get for deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season… Please, blog, may I have some more?
Be sure to check out my first post in this series (No If’s, And’s, or But’s, These Kids Got Stuff) where I discussed the approach to SP sleepers by Pitch Scores. Here, I’m going to score full repertoires for some high impact 2nd year pitchers and some late round sleepers. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alright, everyone. It’s time to whip out your blue Metallica shirt or your black AC/DC one. We’re about to rock out. Duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh…hrm, intonation is so important with these kinds of things and since you can’t write ‘DUH-DUH-DUH’ as a musical note, I guess I’m just gonna have to give you the source material. Ok, now you ready? What? You don’t get what we’re doing? Good God, where is your guy’s culture! We’re doing some Air Guitar, Beavis And Butthead style. Ok, now are we ready? What, now you can’t get the timing down? You need a metronome? That’s not really gonna help, you gotta feel the rhythm! I swear this is the worst internet fantasy baseball music class I’ve taught in my life… but while we’re on the topic of odd time signatures, I think now is a good time to segue into our topic du jour: Cream of Scott Kazmir. What, where are you going! Oh, my soup pun looks kinda bad in hindsight. I should’ve called it Kazmir Bisque, I guess. Just be thankful I didn’t call it Cock-a-leekie. But nevermind all that, we’re here to talk about your deep league and how to fill your crockpot with the most savoriest of pitcher from the cheapest part of your draft stock… I don’t know where that metaphor is going, it honestly got away from me. So lets abruptly move on, shall we? Here’s why I think Kazmir will be the Ricky Martin in your Menudo for deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season… Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Jack attack is back. Or, in this case, the Jay Flambé is day-to-day. Makes no sense whatsoever. But it does roll off the tongue, does it not? The main point is, I’m back, your back, and, best of all, Sky is back. And we’re here to spotlight certain players for whom the mighty overlord of mustache’s, Grey, has yet to comb-over. And probably condition as well. You gotta figure with a mustache like that, you gotta condition. And since I’m nothing if not consistent, I’m back to try and sell you more Dick(ey). The innuendo is outrageous. But more outrageous than trying to sell you on him for yet another season? We shall see. Please, blog, may I have some more?
To be fair, I’m here to cover deep leagues with these posts and I don’t know if this pitcher applies given how his 2013 season went and how JB Gilpin gushed all over him in his Pitcher Profile of him last year. But then I remembered some of y’all forget that guys who didn’t reach the IP minimum to qualify on certain lists count too and said to myself ‘Oh Em Gee, these kids gotta start doing better research. They need my help!’ Thus was the beginning of this beautiful Corey Kluber sleeper story born, and after wiping all the afterbirth and poo off of it, I bring it to you. Though… I’m not quite ready to cut the umbilical cord on it. You may have to wait a few more wasted opening sentences for that. Sorry, can’t be helped. Grey tells me repeatedly that I must maintain a 200 minimum word count in these openers and that if I dip below that, the bus we’re driving will explode. Which is a weird thing to say considering we’re not on a bus. I’d call it more a minivan. Rudy is mumbling about SIERRA and WAR in his sleep in the back, Tehol is working on his flow by watching Gary The Snail rap (NSFW), JFOH is putting his gum in Mike’s hair, Jaywrong is making Jennifer Lawrence gifs on his laptop, and Tom Jacks is busy reading the politics section of the newspaper. Ha, Tom…what a nerd! But all this to say, Grey is driving this band of misfits while wearing mom jeans so we must abide. But enough about the Razzball Family life, let’s trudge on. So let’s look at why Kluber should be on your radar in deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season… Please, blog, may I have some more?