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Do other parts of the country say ‘yous’? Maybe it’s because I have South Jersey roots but I say it a lot. I also say “jawn” more than I probably should and I end up sounding like a crazy person out here in rural Ohio. Yous see that jawn? Yous see Yusmeiro Petit‘s jawn ($7,100) on that DraftKings jawn? No, Mike, we have no idea what the hell you are talking about. Well, let me explain this jawn to yous…

Petit has been solid since joining the Giants’ rotation aside from the hiccup in Colorado. We’ll forgive most pitchers for a hiccup in Colorado though. Take out that start, and the 29-year-old right-hander has thrown 22 innings and has only allowed five earned runs while striking out 26 batters. That’s prettay prettay good. It’s also not counting the 4+ innings of long relief with 5 Ks just before he entered the rotation. Petit draws the Padres in San Diego today. The Pads have a ho-hum 84 wRC+ against righties this season to go along with a 22% strikeout percentage (6th highest in baseball). As a team San Diego is slashing .234/.303/.344 in September. It’s a nice matchup for the price any way you slice it.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check theDFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don’t have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

The commenters can already get going with the harassment. It’s 4 days until Summer ends, but as a sports fan, we all know that once the NFL season begins the Summer is over. Pshh! Details… We’ve already obsessed over wOBA and splits all year so we may as well just admit our Moneyballin ways ya’ll. What we haven’t fully admitted is our addiction to the aces. Well, Beanetown went all in with pitchers and traded away the big bat. I’m following suit today and spending about half my salary cap on the mound. The key is that Billy assesses the landscape and takes the best value available. Today, the values aren’t standing on the hump. I’m spending on the mound and putting together a strong lineup without paying. I’m confident that my late season discount hitters will have a much better value than the A’s of late. That’s right, I make big time predictions! I got the O’s in the East. They haven’t won the division since Cal Ripken was playing… I wonder what his latest streak is by the way. Post your guesses in the comment section? Yes, do that.

If you like winning, other things you should do include checking in with the Stream-O-Nator, HitterTron and the DFSBot. If you like winning and your favorite prize is money you should head over to DraftKings for some late season cleanup on the guys who are trying to fix their big losses from the last 5+ months. Those guys don’t read Razzball or have problems that should be addressed by a non-profit whose last name is Anonymous. That’s not your problem. Don’t feel bad. Money ain’t got no face! Am I heartless? The doctors say I have one AND it works…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check theDFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re starting to run out of ways to superlative Clayton Kershaw.  I think today’s DraftKings salary may be the best way.  The asking price is $14,900.  For some reason, I felt that the period was more emphatic than an exclamatory dot-line vertical stack there.  Perhaps the punctuation is in line with the excitement level of an 8 IP, 9 K W from the Kersh.  Yawnstipating, no.  Expected, yes.  $14,900 huh?  So like, three top tier bats?  That’s the equivalent of Mike Trout, Kole Calhoun and Jose Bautista as your outfield.  Tough call Razzballers… I can’t make it for you.  That’s your gamble.  I’ll offer up my recommendations with and without C-K-sub-2-ERA.

There are so many ways to go today.  The HitterTron is bonkers over bats.  I love the entire top 20 today.  The Stream-O-Nator is calling a big shot on Mike Minor today as well as breaking down values.  But there’s really nothing better for daily fantasy baseball than the DFSBot.  Rudy’s phenomenal tool, as Mrs. Gamble calls it, cranks out the day’s best value plays and even breaks it down to expected $ per point.

At this point, if you’re new to Draftkings, you should probably hop over for the 20 team NFL Razzball play that was gonna go live tomorrow with Sky but shhhhh, don’t tell him I snuck in and stole his linkage.  The result will be riches or fun.  The choice of the two is yours to make.  Just remember to sign up through us before you partake. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve partied in San Diego. There are lots of options for beautiful people to finish your evening with, whether male or female. Either way, you’re gonna need a Jimmy in all likelihood. Ask J-FOH. He’s a local. He knows what’s up. Or ask “Adrienne” about Cam Thomas. Anywho… a Jimmy (hat) is very necessary in San Diego. The Brew Crew happens to be in Petco which is a stadium known more for its depression of hitter statistics than for the amount of petting that occurs. Jimmy Nelson is no fine thang, but he’s got some pretty good swing and miss in him and the Friars are clearly the worst offense he’s faced this year. And if my attempts at hitting a home run in the night clubs of San Diego are any indication, striking out is a very common trend as a tourist there.

I’m not gonna try to say that Nelson is the best option on the board today, but he is a really nice option. There are so many high priced guys today that I feel like taking someone at the lower end is what will set you apart in any matchup. Last night I played in three H2H matchups where we had 4-8… yes 8 of the same players. I don’t’ have a lot of words for how stupidly frustrating that is. Well, I do, but they aren’t more or less than 4 letters of inappropriateness. I’m riding Jimmy today like it’s his last adult feature film. I’m just sayin, cuz if I was Kust Cayin’ I’d be biting Grey, and the cougar has not yet approved that behavior. Nelson gets the Padres who’ve been a teeny weenie bit better lately, but ultimately pose the least threat to pitchers today and are in Petco. I won’t put you in a full Nelson to take him, but you should submit to this wisdom.

As we approach the final month of the season we are starting to really dial in the DraftKings picks. Having nearly a full season of data to rely on helps as the DFSBot proves. Rudy’s phenomenal tool, as Mrs. Gamble calls it, cranks out the day’s best value plays and even breaks it down to expected $ per point. The Ombotsman is now standing among company in its claim that the DFSBot has been a much more accurate method of ranking value than Draftkings salaries have been.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve spent the better part of a decade in the food and beverage business in Sonoma County, the heart of California’s wine country.  I’m not a grizzled vet, not a master of my craft, nor an industry personality.  I am however, a contributing writer to Razzball, a generous person and one who enjoys testing the boundaries of my own comfort zone and palette.  One of the few passions that has surpassed the culinary attention span of my life is fantasy baseball… ok and self-absorbed writing.  If you’ve got a lack of storytelling in your life, I’ve got the anecdotes.

Presuming you hang with us regularly on Razzball, you’re accustomed to many digressions.  Before I get to what we do best, lemme offer up a teaser of our actual job: talking about the clean, more socially acceptable fantasy… sports.  I’ve been rapping not so poetic about some strategies and players to target all year, but I’ll take the platform here to plant some seeds for you next year.  Points leagues are relatively obscure for baseball.  They’re often viewed as fantasy football offshoots or ways to bring in the “casual” baseball fan to fantasy.  Points leagues are not the short bus, ya’ll.  In fact, if done correctly, they can be much better corollaries to actual baseball value than category leagues. The keystone of doing this is called linear weights and it assigns a point value to each action a player makes, whether it be on the mound or from the batter’s box (or in the field, but we’re not talking D cuz we’re too caught up in fantasy baseball to notice).  Wait, where was I?  Ah yes, beer.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first half is in the books.  You suffered through the HR Derby and stomached the ASG.  Congratulations, you’ve weathered the first “half” storm.  We have about 65-70 games left, depending on the team, and you now have a good look at your team.  Or do you?  Plenty of players have outperformed expectations and a seemingly equivalent contingent of guys have been duds.  I’m not gonna bore you with a long intro here.  Let’s look at guys who should have increased value rest of season.  Buy em or don’t sell em, but use it to your advantage.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy July, Razzaholics. Summer is here so let’s plop ourselves down in the kiddie pool with a pitcher of Margaritas and a couple of hotties and make some cash at DraftKings tonight. Have you been partaking in the DraftKings fun? Why not, don’t like money?! Get out of here, hippie! Your friendly Razztenders even provide you with some of the best juice in the biz: Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron and the tasty DFSbot.

Before we get to today’s plays, let’s talk some strategy. When I’m constructing a roster there are a lot of stats and stuff (that’s a technical fantasy baseball term they teach up at the Mathew Berry Fantasy College for the Criminally Insane) that I look at including home run percentage (HR%), strikeout percentage (K%), walk percentage (BB%), lefty/righty splits, line drive, groundball, fly ball percentage, on-base plus slugging (OPS), weighted-on-base average (wOBA) and batting average on balls in play (BABIP). I also check ballpark factors, the weather, injury reports, Vegas lines and, of course, the lineups. That may seem like a lot to research, but when you got Benjamins on the line you want every advantage you can get. Lastly, I look at batter vs. pitcher matchups. There is much debate in our fake ballin’ world on the validity of using BvP. Some experts use it, others say it’s complete rubbish. I won’t drop any judgement on either, but I will say I check BvP. Daily. And it has won me cash and it has left me weeping in my brewski.

With all the said, let’s get to the plays of the day. We do have a split slate today with eight games this afternoon and seven tonight. I’ll offer up some players that have the best BvP numbers and you can decide if that’s how you want to roll.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hitters cheat all the time.  Some take PEDs, some cover themselves in pine tar like a pre-industrial shaming party.  Sometimes they’ll guess fastball or slider or change.  Sometimes they’ll guess outer half or middle-in.  Some just cheat on their wives.  The one guy who has kept all his cheating on the field is the most respected player since the late Tony Gwynn.  Derek Jeter married himself to the New York Yankees and they don’t care how many women he has as long as it’s only one at a time in the press.  It’s a good thing for the Yankees PR department he isn’t a switch hitter.  It does, however, make A-Rod sad and jealous.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don’t mean to just go on and on about my fake teams or how well I’ve been doing lately, but damn, your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru is on fire. The turban is smokin’! Last night I nearly doubled my bankroll and won a little side wager in which our resident Razzball Radio host must wear a T-shirt of my choice on Thursday’s show. That’s almost as satisfying as cash. Almost. With a few more Benjamin’s we’ll be one step closer to a winter of fun in the sun with enough left over for bail and a possible liver transplant. Thanks, Obamacare!

Have you been partaking in the DraftKings fun? Why not, don’t like money?! Get out of here, hippie! Your friendly Razzaholics even provide you with some of the best tools in the biz: Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron and the mighty DFSbot. Use them and buy us a round later, you know, after the liver has healed up.

DraftKings has eight games on the early slate, seven games on the evening schedule and three late games tonight. There are some high over/unders for KC/DET, MIN/BOS and MIL/ARI that we’ll be targeting today.

Let’s get to it and you could be joining me for sunshine, umbrella drinks and thong watching come December. Here be some of the Guru’s picks for Wednesday, June 18th contests on DraftKings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s been pretty well written about that a top tier starter is the way to go in Draftkings. There’s some really, really, really, really nice, sexy, and really pretty expensive options out there in Mad Bum, Waino and Klubes. I like them almost as much as I like looking at myself in the mirror. There’s a potential bounce back, former ace candidate in Verlander who can remove his underwear without removing his pants. He should turn it around soon… But I’ve been working on my humanitarianisms and I am going to say that I like the stacks of hitters out there today even more than my reflection. It’s nice to a have pitcher who pitchers really good. I’m a fan of pitchers who look and pitch really good. But today, I’m deepening myself and taking a tour of “A Center for Hitters Who Can’t Read a Lefty Pitch So Good.” It’s my newest attempt at beautifying the future children of America.

Many of you may say that I’m punting pitching here. That’s a lie! I see beauty in these matchups. Vidal Nuno isn’t good, but he pitches solely with his left hand which is customary practice in some parts of the world. Did I just confuse his pitching with ass wiping? That’s actually normal if you’ve seen him pitch, but if you’ve seen the Mariners face a LHP then you know he’ll only need one square to get the job done. Pitching in the Mariners home park he’s a Safeco bet to give you a quality start and rack up some Ks. He’s a thrifty, nifty choice today at $6,200.

There’s some beautiful matchups out there today to exploit and we’re stacking across the board. If you haven’t given Draftkings a try, today’s a good day to play. First shot at winning real cash is on the house if you use this link. I got some more nice plays for you to check out, but don’t ever, EVER forget to pay homage to the DFSBot and his parents Stream-O-Nator and HitterTron.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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