So apparently as of this writing, Draftkings just doesn’t want us to have a full day of games. I went to check and see if I could build a lineup with Max Scherzer, but then I’m stuck with only three or four games to choose from. But when I pick the bigger slate, we’re stuck with good but not the best options on this fine baseball day. What’s a player to do? Well, adjust sucka! Sorry, that was out of line. I try and avoid short slates as it leads too weird lineups winning out, especially in big GPP leagues. So I’m gonna take my 11 games and stay sad I can’t get in on Mad Max while I do it. Tears…oh well, there are still some good things to find. And one play that I’ve been trumpeting since I wrote a Fantasy Sleeper post on him would be Tyson Ross. Said Ross has a few things going for him. One, he’s pitching in a pitcher friendly park. Deux, he finished 2013 looking downright sexy. Thricely, the Dodgers and Padres have combined to score nine runs in two games. That’s runs total for both teams if you’re having a hard time picking up what I’m putting down. So while I can’t promise you a win, the runs should stay low and hopefully the K’s get high and for the fun low price of $7,400, you don’t have to break the bank to get in on it and go buy Scherzer! Damn, forgot…Y U NO ALL GAMES, DK?!? Oh well, just like you can’t hug every cat, you can’t get all the games you want on DK sometimes. C’est la Daily Fantasy Baseball I guess. Speaking of full slates, don’t forget to reserve your spot for the Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Now I WOULD put a 50/50 here for everyone to hop in on but yesterday…well let’s just say that Razzball Nation let me down. It’s no biggie, clearly you don’t need me anymore. You’re all grown up…fly away, lesbian seagulls *sniffs*. Wow, that got emotional. Let’s not do that again. Instead, let’s get to picks for 4/2/2014 for Draftkings Daily Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don’t have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

Around here at Razzball we are one big family that is some freakish hybrid of the Brady Bunch meets the Addams Family. Honestly, I’m not really sure what to make of all this. First we have our father Grey, the dad who works all day, comes home every night to a daiquiri, and goes out on the weekend and buys us the $100 high tops we want, but mom won’t let us have. He does this to make up for all the little league games he missed because he was bringing home the bacon. Now, Rudy is our mother, and I mean this in the nicest, most masculine way possible. He’s there to keep everything sensible, clean, and in order. Jay and Sky are the older brothers we come to for advice when we get in trouble, or to teach us how to undo a bra with one hand. Guru is Grey’s illegitimate child from a high school girlfriend that is re-connecting with us, and getting to know his dad. Jeremy and I are the younger brothers just glad to get scraps and a hand me down that isn’t filled with holes. Mike is our reliable uncle, who taught us how to properly swing a bat and to drive our shoulder to the plate when we pitched. Smokey is our cool uncle, who gives us beer and taught us all how to roll a doobie so we’ll be ready for high school. Tehol is our creepy uncle, who wears ridiculous clothes that border on illegal, and who our parents never want to leave us alone with since the “incident”. Nick is our neighbor that takes too many pictures and video of the family, even when we aren’t aware of it. Scott is our bachelor neighbor, who drives a kick ass Iroc-Z and dates a different 20-year-old every week. Our cousins Pete, Josh, Dano, and Tom are always hanging out because their mother, Paulie, and father, Dan, are either drinking or drinking. It’s a family over here, I’ll cut any mother f***er who tries to mess with these guys, and have no problem doing a couple a months in county to protect them. That’s why when Jay called upon me to help him out and cover the RCL recap this week I was ready to step up to the plate and help a brother out.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I’m writing this prior to Oakland even taking the field for the first time this year which worries me. Baseball is all about streaks. No, no silly, I didn’t need to see the inside of your undies (and gross, BTW). I mean hot and cold streaks. But we’re at the start of it all, so it’s hard to get a grasp on whether you’re hot or you’re cold, or if you’re yes and you’re no…sorry, started thinking about Katy Perry there. You know, for her singing skills…yeah, that’s it. But more on point, maybe Oakland has a huge game to start the year off and feels hot and bothered about playing Corey Kluber. If that’s the case, mea culpa. But I swear by my Corey Kluber Sleeper post that I do believe you get a good outing out of him today and at a dirt cheap price of $7,800. May God remove it from the interwebs if he fails…oh what am I saying, nothing ever leaves the internet! Keep that in mind as JFOH will never live this one down. But as promised yesterday, we’re gonna be a bit more lightning round’ish around here on our Draftkings writeups. That last link, BTW, is your gateway into the DK world care of Razzball. It’s a way for you to show us you love us without having to actually physically touch us. It’s the best of both worlds! And after you’ve signed up? How about another 50/50 Razzball Jamboree League? It’s just a buck. That’s less than a King Size Snickers! And if you win, guess what? You can now afford said King Size Snickers. Wow. But for realsies, let’s move on…to another link! Yeah, yeah it’s the first week, gotta make sure you guys still get in on the Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Go reserve your seat and get your lineups going when they open. Ok, now really let’s move on. Here’s Razzball’s Draftking picks for April 1st, 2014…no foolin…ok I was. Three more important plugs. One is the Stream-O-Nator. Two is the Hitter-Tron. Three is…well, I can’t really tell you about that plug. But I hear Cougars everywhere love it! Now on with the show.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s back to business as usual with the SAGNOF column after an offseason on Team Preview Island. It was awesome. T. Moore [Ed. Note-- Cheater!] and I sipped little umbrella drinks on the beach while we chatted MLB teams. Before we get to this week’s SAGNOF players, I’m afraid I will have to link bomb you, so heads up.

First, if you’re new here, check out this blast from the past. That’s not a YouTube link, I swear. Here’s the 2013 stolen base data for the best and worst catchers to run against. Here’s the SB Rates vs. SP tool. That’s a great tool for us speed freaks that Rudy came up with. I’ll be referring to it in these posts as the season progresses. Finally, there’s a new steals archive page that will house all of these posts. You can also use it to thumb through some of the offseason articles. There, that wasn’t so bad. Moving forward, it’s time for Week 1. This week’s list includes a young man named Abraham Almonte of the Seattle Mariners, who might be Lloyd McClendon’s new favorite toy…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings and salutations my fine and not so fine readers. I’ve peppered you a bit this off-season with Draftkings info, dropping a Primer as well as a little Strategy Guide to wind your way through the @Draftkings world. What’s the first link, you ask? Oh nothing, just a way to sign-up for DK (that’s what I call Draftkings cuz we’re friends like that) that helps us along the way which if you’re reading gives you a guilt-laden excuse to sign up and help a brotha out. Alright, now that the pimping is done, let’s get down to why you’ve arrived here. Wait, what was that? You want more links you say? Well how about a big ‘ole Razzball Draftkings Contest one for this coming Friday. Check the specs and see if it’s up your alley. Also, though we’ll eventually have our very own DK evaluation tool, in the interim, feel free to use our Streamonator and our Hitter-Tron to flesh out if a matchup is worthy or not. And BTW, I wasn’t just punning on DK’s name in the title, y’all. I have a player in mind to kick out the jams with on opening day. That players name is King Felix Hernandez. Plus anytime you can squeeze in a Mel Brooks reference? You do it. The reality is, you’re gonna be hard-pressed to find pitcher value plays. It’s opening day, everyone has their ace on the mound! Besides, as I mentioned in some of the off-season DK content, spending your money on pitching is a wise play. Don’t fight it, embrace it even if it costs you $11K. Also as an FYI, this will probably, maybe be the longest post of the year you see on here. As I’m sure you can understand, I had a little time before it came out. So don’t hold me to diatribes of this nature in the future nor the other six writers we have coming at you soon. Ya dig? Yeah, ya dig. And before we get to the next part of this little game, let’s keep one thing in mind: it’s opening day of a new season. No one knows which team will suck or not. We have our guesses but everything is predicated on a season that is behind us now. Like Rafael Furcal says to himself in the mirror in March each year, ‘I feel fresh and ready to start the season. Nothing can hold me back!’ before he trips on a doggy chew toy and breaks a fibula. Wait, can you break a fibula? I honestly don’t know, I’m no doctor except when on particular ‘adult’ sets. All this to say, it might be messy to start the year, I’d stick with trusted arms and play matchups on hitting as best I can until some small trends start emerging. Also, you’re reading this at 9:45 PST. Seem like an odd time? Well, get used to it cuz that’s when you’re gonna be getting these. So work on your clicking speed and get your lineups right before everything goes horribly wrong. Alright, blathering done, now lets get you lathered up about opening day with Draftkings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When Grey asked me if I wanted to be the creeper of the week, I thought I was being scolded for inappropriate behavior in the comments section. What a relief it was when I found out I would get to write for the readers on a weekly basis talking about Creepers. After doing some research, I’ve found out that to be a good creeper you need a good pair of binoculars, a really nice van, and a list….lipstick optional.  Unfortunately I didn’t need the binoculars or the van to write this article, but I’ll keep them anyway. Though the list has been valuable and the lipstick is quite empowering,  I think it it’s time to get this party started. I started with a list and whittled it down and realized there were too many young guys people have taken flyers on. But what I did see was a lot of veteran streaky hot schomatato types. As I sat here digging through the piles of the unwanted to find that one guy that should be available in most 12-team leagues and usable in terms of SAGNOF, HR’s, great park/matchups, I came across a name we all know and love to hate…..Adam Dunn (14.3% owned).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As always, probable pitchers are subject to change.  For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

As esteemed Creed frontman Scott Stapp once sang: “Let’s play ball, it’s game day. We want strikeouts, base hits, duhbull plays.”

We should be havin’ a party, ya’ll. It’s the year’s first Two-Startapalooza!!

But yet something feels missing. With Clayton Kershaw out, it’s like Hendrix didn’t make it to Monterey Pop. With Yu Darvish out, it’s like Pearl Jam skipped Lollapalooza ’92. With Patrick Corbin gone for the year, it’s like, well, it’s like the Spin Doctors skipped Woodstock ’94. You get the idea.

Plenty of great double-dippers this week, though, so let’s get to it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As you probably know, I not only write these fantastic points leagues posts for all of you, but I also cover dynasty leagues for the football side of the site as well. Yep, I can do it all. In fact, I spent some time doing a fantasy football AMA over on Reddit the other day (which was a ton of fun). Although I’m sure y’all are well aware of it because you read it. Ya see what I did there? Nice little play on words. Yeah, no big deal… Go back re-read it in case you missed it… Anyway, the point is — I swing both ways (no, not that way). Another way to describe it might be to call me versatile, being able to flip back and forth between the two sports seamlessly. That’s not to say I’m great at any of it. Even though I probably am. I mean, come on! All that said, in fantasy baseball, having players that are versatile can potentially be the difference between winning and, well, not winning. If you don’t like to win, you should probably stop reading right now… Still here? Good. What I’m getting at here is that versatility gives you very valuable lineup flexibility.

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What does Beastie Boys and Peter Cetera have in common?! This post…

Back in the day

There was this post around the way

It pointed to SP sleepers as good late round plays

You asked, “Are they worth an add?” I said, “You May”

THEY’LL MAKE YOUR PANTS TIGHT AND THAT’S OKAY

If you clicked on the link in the first…stanza?… I listed a slew of pitchers as sleepers by their pitch repertoires. Some interesting sleepers starting with the fastball was Burch Smith, Erasmo Ramirez and Hector Santiago.  That post and my prior post on pitch repertoires took into account mainly pitches’ Swinging Strike% and GB/FB ratios. There are many others I’d point out on that list – Devastating Danny Salazar as my favorite, but I’ll attend to ESPN’s % ownership in conjunction with this ‘Stuff’ for waiver wire options. Here are guys with < 10% ownership that make my pants tight:

Please, blog, may I have some more?