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Greatings once again everyone. It is I, Sky from Razzball fantasy football to try and mess up your 2013 fantasy baseball season before it even starts. Wait, I’m here to help…yeah, that’s it. Before you scoff at seeing Dan Uggla, I would like to let you know I’ve come from the future and I’ve seen some amazing things. In this far off dystopian future, I see people drafting Uggla within the first 5 rounds of the draft and being forever butthurt about it for years to come. And in this same macabre, twisted forthcoming destiny I see Aaron Hill being the second best second baseman (say that 20 times fast) on the season when he went undrafted in most leagues. Behold, my tool from which I foretold the future: The Razzball Fantasy Baseball Player Rater! *Reads email from Grey* Well this is awkward. I’ve just been informed that link guides us back to 2012 information which is only the future if you went into a coma in 2011 and just came out of it. Now you are going to ask ‘What was the point of this nonsensical romp into the cavernous wastelands of your imagination, Sky?’ You see, I’m here to tell a tale of possible ADP redemption that has already once been told by looking back at our dear sweet FA darling Hill to gauge just whether or not Uggla is a bargain for 2013 fantasy baseball. To the stat-mobile!

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Throughout the annuls of history, we, as a human species have learned that it’s not easy being green. While it’s not easy being green, it is also not easy hitting at Safeco. Looking through the ballpark values, I can surmise that if I jumped off the roof of Safeco, I would have a hard time hitting the ground. It’s well documented, the struggles of high-ceiling prospects donning a Seattle Mariners uniform. Most especially with Justin Smoak, Jesus Montero, and our subject for today’s post– Dustin Ackley. Despite a strong showing at the end of last season, Smoak is the closest to becoming the next ‘falling star’ cautionary tale, putting him right next to the likes of Delmon Young, Rocco Baldelli, and Chris Brown’s fist. But both Montero and Ackley still have a fair chance to reach their potential, and from what I read at TMZ the other day, Chris Brown’s fist has made a sudden turnaround. At the very least, they (the players, not fist) have one more season before the grumblings become deafening, and players like Stefen Romero, Nick Franklin, and Mike Zunino start knocking on the 25-man door.

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Well this pick is a little strange. After covering guys that probably won’t get drafted in most regular leagues this year, I’ve come back to a guy going in 13th round currently in mock drafts with Kendrys Morales. I could lie to you and say I like a guy like Brandon Belt more because he’s going so cheap but until he hires a professional make-up artist that makes him look 35, he’s going to have a hard time staying on Bruce Bochy’s good side and away from Huff’s rally thong. I’m suggesting we take a look at whether or not Kendrys is a discount seeing as first base isn’t all that deep. Scoff all you want but I suggested Allen Craig to you last year when he was merely a pipe dream. Yes, that’s a picture of Jay ‘Bones’ Buhner and yes the writer calls himself ONC. Well that was me before I went Red Dragon on y’all and ‘transformed’. You see, I’m that dude Sky from the fantasy football side of the Razzball world but I cut my teeth on the baseball side by dropping helpful preseason nuggets to you last year and one of which is the afore mentioned Craig. The same Craig who’s now going 7th in mock drafts over at MDC amongst first basemen. For such a power-heavy position, doesn’t 22 HRs in 514 PAs scare you a little with where he’s going? Exactly. So with that, I think it’s time we take a look at why you might be paying less for more with Morales.

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How did I GET here? Did Grey open a magical portal and whisk me away from my fantasy football world like he was Dr. Who? I don’t remember stepping into his TARDIS. The last thing I do remember was some guy with a mustache, free candy and a windowless van but he said he wanted to step into MY TARDIS. I don’t think I’m remembering that last word right. In any case, just like Eddie Munster and him being a public notary, I’m also a fantasy baseball writer so I’ve got that going for me too. That last sentence was a Simpsons reference that only the cool – read ‘forever alone’ – kids are going to get. But of course, none of this filler is what I came here to tell you about which you no doubt knew from reading the title because you’re clever like that. Nay, we’re here to talk to you about a catcher north of the border whose game travels down my treasure trail and warms my southern hemisphere. We’re talking about none other than the starting catcher for the Toronto Blue Jays, J.P. Arencibia, and whether or not his current low value at mock draft central is justified or not. Hence the title ‘Discount Double Check’ which is also a reference to Aaron Rodgers and fantasy football. See how clever that was and how it all ties together? They don’t just keep me around here for my looks is all I can say. But enough of that, on with the show.

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Like Tobias from Arrested Development, the Miami Marlins will forever be known for their offseason fire sale. OH, THE BURNING! Giancarlo Stanton seems to be the last man standing in South Beach. However, rebuilding can often mean opportunities for young talent to shine. This will be the case for catcher Rob Brantly. Brantly, 23, will have the chance to be the every-day catcher (sorry, Jeff Mathis) for Miami in 2013.

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If you read this fantasy baseball web-blog when it still looked like a Geocities site, you know all about Mike Fiers. Bee tee dubya, I like the new site design and I think we’ve addressed all issues with mobile devices. If there’s still problems — besides, can you change the font to Wingdings? — tell us and we’ll look at it. Things are evolving. We have something coming in March that necessitated the site changes. We had simply outgrown the old site. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for those wild orange flames that caused every fifteenth viewer to suddenly have a seizure. Maybe we can still get seizures…Together…With this new design. Last year, Fiers burst on the scene. Or rather, Fiers spontaneously combusted on the scene like he was a nine-year-old Drew Barrymore. (I’m referring to her role in Firestarter, not to her lighting up a crackpipe.) In Triple-A, he had a K and walk-rate of 8.02 and 2.95, respectively, then bested both marks in the majors with 9.52 and 2.54 rates. His pre-All-Break numbers were a thing of beauty (2.31 ERA, 1.07 WHIP and a 5.56 K/BB rate in 46 2/3 IP). To speak to only the K/BB, a 5.56 K/BB is incredible and would’ve been the 2nd best rate in all of the major leagues behind only Cliff Lee. None of those numbers are sustainable for Fiers and his 2nd half failed to live up to the 1st. Tiring in his first nearly full year probably played a role, but I don’t think a guy should be considered a lock to beat his Triple-A numbers in the majors. So what can we expect of Mike Fiers for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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A little insider info, I wrote all of the pitcher profiles for one fantasy baseball preview magazine. (And here I didn’t even know they made magazines anymore!) Felix Doubront didn’t make the top 100 for that magazine. Did I shortchange them and their readers so I would give more to you Razzball readers? Um, well, I wouldn’t say I shortchanged anyone. I just, you know, had selective fantasy ‘pertness for those outside of Razzball’s universe. Last year, the Po’ Sawx looked like they were a dozen eggs short of an ostrich egg. Ellsbury, Ortiz, Pedroia were hit with injuries and that wasn’t even the big problem. Their pitching looked like one of those fake vomit plastic discs where the factory in China accidentally put real vomit into one. “That’ll teach those stupid Americans to scare people with uncontrollable indigestion problems.” That’s a fake vomit factory worker in China. His name is Wei-Spray. He hates his job. He used to work at a fake doody factory, but felt like it was below him. He didn’t catch the irony of that. For starters with at least 160 innings, Doubront had the 4th best K-rate. Right behind, Scherzer, Darvish and Gio. That’s elite company. There’s not a drafter out there that doesn’t know to look at those three. Doubront’s BB-rate wasn’t great, in fact, it wasn’t good. But of those four he didn’t have the worst walk rate, that honor goes to Darvish. If you asked a hundred fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term), who will have a better season, Darvish or Doubront? I guarantee you that a majority, if not all of them will say Darvish. I’m not sure it’s that obvious. So, what can we expect of Felix Doubront for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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For a few years, I talked about how Mike Minor or Kris Medlen were gonna be my last round starter flyer in all leagues. Never really worked out. Sure, I snatched Medlen off waivers last year when he needed to be, but for a few years they were drafted and dropped numerous times before they rewarded fantasy owners. I don’t tell you this to remain modest. Does my mustache make me look like a man of modesty? I tell you this so you know where I’m coming from when I say I’m going to draft Matt Harvey in every league. At some point, he’s going to be a top starter. It may not be this year, it may not be next year, but at some point he’ll be there. You can look at this as a Matt Harvey sleeper post, a rookie outlook post or simply a heads up that I need to get me some of this young brother, in the non-biblical way, unless there’s a clergyman reading and he gives me his Razzblessing. Speaking of which, do we have any priest or rabbi readers? I could see a Sunday sermon including SAGNOF (Satan Ain’t Got No Face) and how Jesus Montero was a fanny pick. In Harvey’s short-stint in the majors, he did some bedazzling work on fantasy owners’ jean jackets. A 10+ K-rate and a 2.73 ERA in 59 1/3 innings. Awesome called and said he wishes he was more descriptive because that doesn’t do Harvey justice. So what can we expect of Matt Harvey for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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Will Middlebrooks is the reason the Red Sox felt it was okay to trade away Youkilis. Well, that and the fact that Youk and Bobby Valentine were bickering like they were in the final rose ceremony and Red Sox fans were the Bachelor. “He told me he doesn’t love you, and he’s only using you so he can be on the cover of People magazine for the next two years talking about how his heart was broken.” That’s Youk pleading his case. Then Bobby V. started singing Rihanna’s Diamonds, and the fans chose Valentine and that romance lasted about as long as the usual Bachelor romance. Now Youk is a Yank for symmetry sake, Valentine returned to inventing new sandwich types, “I call this the Naanwich. A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Naanwich is a gentrified sandwich,” and Middlebrooks was left behind with the Red Sox 3rd base job and the six hole of the lineup (depending on Napoli’s signing). Last year, Middlebrooks’s stats were stacked like a d’brickhouse (the D is silent). In 286 plate appearances, he hit 15 homers and .288 with 4 steals when his season was cut short with a fractured wrist. He should be healed for Spring Training. So, what can we expect of Will Middlebrooks for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?