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I’m sure in a lot of leagues where people know a thing or two about a thing or two Starling Marte will be one of the things they know a thing or two about. Since it’s still relevant, let’s see what I said last year about him, “The Pirates equipment manager, Buffalo Bill, has to start making a uniform made from Jose Tabata’s skin. Put the lotion in the basket, Tabata! Tabata, “I wanna go home!” You won’t go home, ever. Because you never get on base, that’s the first step to going home. Tabata, “But I was a spring sleeper!” They’re slaughtering the spring lambs. Can’t you hear their screaming? I call that piece, The Mash-Up of the Lambs. In Triple-A, Marte’s hitting .286 with 12 homers and 21 steals *quieter voice* and 12 times caught stealing. So he’s a bit raw like your fava beans. In Double-A the year before, he had 12 homers and 24 steals *barely above a whisper* and 12 times caught stealing. But he did hit .332 in Double-A. I don’t think he’s going to be rosterable off the bat in most mixed leagues, but in keepers and NL-Only leagues, I’d stash him now. He could get 7-10 homers with 10 steals. Plus, with his speed and power combo, he could surprise with nice upside. Now, excuse me, I’m having an old friend for dinner.” And that’s me quoting me! He ended up getting five homers and 12 steals in 167 major league at-bats, and cemented himself in the leadoff spot for the Pirates like he was Jimmy Hoffa. So what can we expect from Starling Marte for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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I’m all about finding me a late-round flyer for the corner infidel slot. Last year, it should’ve been Edwin Encarnacion. This year watch it be Alberto Callaspo (no effin’ way). What do Luis Cruz, Josh Donaldson, Jeff Keppinger, an Eric Chavez/Chris Johnson platoon, Chris Nelson, a Luis Valbuena/Ian Stewart/Josh Vitters blahtoon, Matt Dominguez and the aforementioned Callaspo have in common? Well, besides being unrecognizable to anyone outside their respective families, they’re currently penciled in as their team’s 3rd baseman. True, pencils have erasers, but this crapoika needs a giant bucket of White Out. You have a 3rd base class that will have you looking for the cream of the crap in 2013 drafts. Oh, and don’t even think about how Longoria, Wright and Zimmerman are being looked at as pillars of health and reliability. This year you don’t even have to be of Greek origin to think Moustakas looks downright delicious. The state of 3rd base brings me to Todd Frazier. So what can we expect of Todd Frazier for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring. The 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to place Konerko. Exciting! In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2013 fantasy baseball season. This took me far longer than it probably should’ve. Can’t someone write me a program that sorts all the players by games played at a position? Why do I need to go through every player on every roster? It totally harshes my buzz. I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2013 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of ten games or more played outside of their primary position. Not FIVE games at a position, not six, definitely not seven. Ten games. 10, the Laurel & Hardy of numbers. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Yes, Christmas came a day early this year. (Or you actually got a (C)Hanuk(k)ah present this year, if you get your Jew on.) Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. On a different post, I’ll make some comments about some of the players. In the mean’s while, you make comments in these comments. Say that fast 117 times! Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2013 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:

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It’s time to start looking ahead to the 2013 fantasy baseball season. Here are a couple players noticeably affected by OPS.

Kevin Youkilis – Sigh no more, fantasy owners. I’m expecting a rebound for Youkilis in 2013. I’ll admit that I was worried about The Greek God of Injures at the beginning of this year after his slow start, especially since he’s past his peak years and has a storied injury history. Youk fact of the day: he has never played more than 147 games in a season. Worse yet, he hasn’t played in over 140 games in a season since 2008. Meanwhile, he only graced us with his mediocre presence in 122 games this past season. Despite it sounding like time to jump ship, I’m going to advocate steering back towards the old man. On a side note, how weird will it be to see him on the Yankees? Although this wouldn’t be the first time a Red Sox player moved to the Bronx…

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Now, it makes sense. That’s Justin Smoak and Dustin Ackley sitting in bathtubs overlooking Mt. Rainier. “The beans acting up on you, Smoaky the Bear?” “Why do you ask, Ackalacka?” “Cause I heard bubbles coming up in your tub.” “Nah, I get bubbles in my tub when I get an erection.” The move to Seattle will definitely reduce injury risk for Kendrys Morales. Not because he’s now assured a DH role, but because he can’t hit homers as easily. Snap in an inverted W formation! Kendrys is listed as a Latin 29. If you think he’s 29 years old, I have a bridge in Nova Scotia made of smoked salmon to sell you. It smells and it’s greying on the edges, but it’s worth a lot in retail at the butcher. “Saul, I can get my hands on a bridge made of lox, can you resell it?” That’s you talking to your butcher. Kendrys took forever to come back from his limp-off homer, but finally looked to be in a groove in the 2nd half of last season (14 homers in 238 ABs). He’s a possible Zombino, even though if he’s really 29 that shouldn’t apply. 29? Ha! And I’m fifteen with the most beautiful mustache that your deity of choice ever created! Please! His numbers at Safeco aren’t nearly as bad as you might think. In 120 ABs, his line is 19/7/23/.292/1. I’ve seen worse. Nick Punto in any ballpark over the course of three seasons combined. That’s worse. I imagine now people will look at Morales with a real puss on their faces because he’s in Seattle, but, while the park and lineup aren’t great, he doesn’t have to worry about platooning randomly whenever the Sciosciapath feels like it. For 2013, I’m still going to predict a bounce back for Kendrys, even though I was thinking of an even bigger one before this trade. The projected stat line I’ll give him is 77/26/89/.272. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:

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For whatever reason the Rockies never gave Eric Young Jr. a fair shot at an everyday playing job. I’m pouring out some of my forty-oh for EY. Okay, enough of that sob story. What is this a Lifetime movie? Sheesh! BTW, if I ever had a son, I’d name him Sheesh. Talk about the annoying looks he would get. “Sheesh, where are you?” “I’m on my way other, why are you so annoyed?” “I’m not. Sheesh!” “You sound it.” “Sheesh!” “What?!” Man, my offspring could lose a good three years total of his life just explaining his name. The Rockies have committed 2nd base in 2013 to Josh Rutledge. In 356 Double-A at-bats last year, he dominated with 13 homers and 14 steals with a .306 average. Then jumped to the majors and kept it going. In 277 ABs, he had eight homers and seven steals with a .274 average. So what can we expect of Josh Rutledge for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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The Jays started this trading season with a bang by sucking the soul from the Marlins, leaving them soul-less. Now they’re finishing up the winter trading season by reaching into the Mets’ chest and ripping out their heart like Mola Ram. The Mets trading Cy Young winner, R.A. Dickey is the smartest thing I’ve seen the Mets do since they clearly labeled the foul lines during their 1986 championship. There’s no reason people need to be sniffing powdered limestone. “Hey, Mex, wanna go to Tijuana to get some Devil’s Dandruff?” “Doc, we got a World Series game today.” *blank stare from Gooden* “So?” I don’t think Dickey is a one-hit wonder (pun noted); he was solid enough since 2010. His last three seasons ERAs are 2.84, 3.28, 2.73. Sure, there’s some xFIP issues in those years and his K-rates in 2010 and 2011 were 5.37 and 5.78. This was not an ace. Last year, he was. He matched his insane 1st half (2.40 ERA, 123 Ks in 120 IP) with a great 2nd half (3.09 ERA, 107 Ks in 113 2/3 IP). He’s 38 years old, but knuckleballers age at wildly different rates than most pitchers. Phil Niekro didn’t really peak until he was a doppelganger for Phil Donahue. I mean, when your fastest pitch couldn’t win a SpongeBob at a local carnival it’s not unreasonable to think Dickey can still have success. Still, Dickey has nowhere to go but down. This is a classic sell high trade, so I say good for the Mets. Dickey is a tough pitcher to predict. It’s not surprising that he had a great year last year vs. the AL. He had a great year vs. everyone. In 24 IP, he had a 1.88 ERA and a 0.50 WHIP with 28 Ks vs. the AL. In 26 IP in 2011, his ERA was 2.08 with a 1.08 WHIP and 24 Ks vs. the AL. I think his Ks are going to fall a bit closer to his career average. Give him say a 7+ K-rate instead of a 8+ K-rate, and, due to Metco suppressing homers a tad more than Rogers, I’m going to bump up his ERA a bit. For 2013, I’ll give him the line of 16-8/3.38/1.17/182. There is admittedly a larger margin of error in this line than I’ve given other pitchers. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:

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I’m not sure what the L stands for, but Josh Hamilton obviously felt LAA was a good fit for him. What I’d like to know is how is California a bankrupt state? The Dodgers and Angels’ salaries combined are equal to the GDP of every country, except China and Switzerland. Mozambique couldn’t afford just Pujols and Hamilton. Forget Greinke, Hanley, Vernon Wells, Matt Kemp and Carl Crawford. Alone, Arte Moreno could sell the Angels and buy Africa. Africa Moreno, that’s what they would call it. Burundi would become Aybarundi, Djibouti would become Dbootyhole and Chad would stay the same name, because that’s a badass name for a country, but Arte would put a country-wide golf course there, because anything named Chad and golf go hand-in-hand. The Angels now have Trout, Aybar, Pujols and Hamilton at the top of their lineup. October 1st called and said Aybar just scored his 197th run. Batting fifth, Kendrys could hit .220 and drive in 100 RBIs. Howie Kendrick… Well, he’ll still disappoint, but this is slightly bizzonkers to have three of the top hitters in baseball all in the same lineup. Trout, Hamilton and Pujols alone hit 103 homers last year. The Astros whole team only hit 146. Specifically about Hamilton, I could throw a lot numbers at you about about how his June through September were well short of his April/May. How his BABIP in April/May buoyed his season average. How not quoting these exact numbers but saying how I could quote them is a lot easier. Honestly, none of these numbers matter. I’d take six months straight of 5 homers/month and a .280 average. I don’t need a .380 average month with 12 homers. The bigger issue for me is you have no idea what you’re going to get from Hamilton year-to-year. One year, he hits 10 homers; one year, he misses 30 games; one year, he misses 55 games. Last year, his K-rate wasn’t good and his homer/fly ball rate was obscene. His swinging strike rate was the worst in the majors. This wasn’t just bad for this year. He had the worst rate since 2002. Mark Reynolds set a strikeout record one year and had a better swinging strike rate. Oh, and he’s 32 years old as of May 21st. He could be in for a huge year, but he’ll probably be drafted before I’m willing to look at him. For 2013, I’ll give him the line of 92/29/109/.277/7. You think adding a top hitter to an already stacked lineup will make it exponentially better, but for fantasy it just spreads out the wealth, as the Angels and Dodgers should do. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?