Rookie pitchers give you a roofie. Rookie hitters give you agita. So why do we keep going back for more like a guest on Montel? It’s sorta like the old joke that Woody Allen quotes in Annie Hall. We need the eggs. Besides said eggs, if a rookie somehow/someway breaks out, he’ll help you win your championship. If you draft properly in the first 7 to 10 rounds, your team will be competitive, but so should other teams. It’s what you do after those rounds that makes the difference. You’re not winning your league with Miggy in the first round, but you could with Zack Cozart in the 20th. As wonky as that sounds, it’s true. If you click on the player’s name, you’ll find whole posts and projections for each guy. It’s like Santa woke up drunk in March. Anyway, here’s some rookies to target for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Zack Cozart- Let’s see, I’ve written a rookie outlook post on Cozart, a sleeper post, he was in the shortstops to target, I mentioned him in numerous other posts…. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Whenever I think of rookies playing for Dusty Baker, I think of the phrase, “Let them eat cake!” So here we are again with another Reds rookie, Devin Mesoraco. With Mesoraco, Cozart and Juan Francisco, I kinda want to take off my Zubaz and wear the Reds rookies as pants. And following that to its natural conclusion, Mesoraco would be the crotch area of my pants. And taking that to an even weirder place, I would have to dry clean my pants once a week. Finally, I’d have to tell the dry cleaner that those stains were dried glue because I was pasting together a collage of Reds rookies. Lastly, if you followed that, you’re sick, go see a shrink! Last year, Mesoraco hit 15 homers and .289 in 499 Triple-A plate appearances, but did poorly in his short stint in the majors (2 homers, .180 in 53 plate appearances). These numbers are in line with his past years in the minors. He hits well once he adjusts to his new surroundings. Maybe he doesn’t trust the baggage handlers with his security blanket and has to wait for it to arrive through snail mail. So what can we expect from Devin Mesoraco for 2012 fantasy baseball? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tyler Pastornicky was born 12/13/1989, which is crazy young, good lord.
Certainly he’s too young to have been a fifth round draft pick THREE YEARS ago by the Toronto Blue Jays. Or not, I suppose.
He made his way down to Georgia as part of the semi-big trade that exiled Yunel Escobar and his “’tude” to Canada, which isn’t a portion of the United States of America. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Janish-Renteria tandem isn’t just the name of a Center for Disease Control in Sweden; it’s also what was standing in Zack Cozart‘s way going into 2011. That was an easy combo to beat out for the shortstop job. But Dusty looks at rookies and laughs maniacally while daintily pushing his toothpick to the side of his mouth. Then Cozart had to have Tommy John surgery on his non-throwing arm. Tough break (or is it tough tendon?) because even Dusty was about ready to let Cozart do his thing in the majors. In his brief stint in the majors (11 games), he hit 2 homers and batted .324. Please, blog, may I have some more?
By my calculations, Anthony Rizzo is the top rookie 1st baseman heading into the 2012 fantasy baseball season. (For all of you screaming Paul Goldschmidt, he has too many ABs to be considered a rookie and too many Christmas presents to be considered a Jew. Sorry to all you, Zimmermaniacs. Though since we’re talking about Goy-schmidt, I like his home park better so he gets the edge over Rizzo if rookie eligibility doesn’t matter, which, in the big picture, it shouldn’t.) Rizzo put up big numbers in Triple-A last year with 26 homers and a .331 average. Unfortunately, those numbers were in the PCL which is like hitting with an aluminum bat on the moon. He also contributed 7 steals, which again reminds me of Goldschmidt or Au-shit as his name translates to in German. It’s nice when a big man can knock the cover off the ball and chuck in some steals. Reminds me of a young Adam Dunn. Rizzo, I will call you Donkey Kong Jr. So what can we expect of Anthony Rizzo for 2012 fantasy baseball? Please, blog, may I have some more?
The way the Yankees have handled Montero makes you want to say what no Jesus has said since the first one, “Oy vey.” Is Jesus Montero ever going to start? Only the Yankees and the mysterious monks that Dan Brown’s probably writing about know that answer. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Is Bryce Harper the best prospect ever? Or if you’re Andre 3000, forever, ever, ever, ever? Forever never seems that long until you’re grown, which Harper has not done yet. He’s like 13 years old. He had his last birthday party at Chuck E. Please, blog, may I have some more?
On September 22nd, Matt Moore went into Yankee Stadium and delivered a gem — 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks. Even though it was against the Yankees B lineup, which was produced and directed by Roger Corman, his lights-out performance in September was exactly what he’d been doing in the minor leagues since 2007. His Triple-A year in 2011 — 1.37 ERA, 13+ K/9 in 52 2/3 IP. His Double-A stats in 2011 — 2.20 ERA, 11+ K/9 in 102 1/3 IP. Together, 1.92 ERA and 12+ K/9 in 155 innings. Those are Bugs Bunny numbers, and if anyone knows what “Bugs Bunny numbers” means, like Alfred E. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Theo Epstein will play Brett Jackson, right? I mean, a new GM can toss out the used-up-and-spit-out pieces he inherits, right? It’s like when a new boss comes into a flailing company and all the employees start quaking in their boots that they’re gonna get fired because they’re unproductive. Alfonso Soriano, Marlon Byrd and Tyler Colvin should be worried about their parking spots. Soriano, “Hey, there’s a Segway in my spot.” Epstein, “Bowden was liquidating. There’s parking on Waveland for $35 a day.” Last year at the age of 23, Jackson had 20 homers and 20 steals with a .274 average splitting time between Double and Triple-A. These numbers are right in line with his previous minor league years. So what can we expect of Brett Jackson for 2012 fantasy baseball? Please, blog, may I have some more?
A quick preamble about the 2012 fantasy rookie series that is coming all this month. Rookies are picked through MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP. That means no Brett Lawrie, no Lonnie Chisenhall, no Mike Moustakas. Last November I said, he is the best prospect currently in the game with under 130 ABs. Only that “he” wasn’t Mike Trout last year, it was Desmond Jennings. With DJ off the ones and twos for top fantasy baseball prospects because of eligibility requirements, we have Mike Trout. He’s currently ranked number two on Stephen’s top 50 fantasy baseball prospect list. He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris! (Or that weird one in Israel that overlooks a goat farm.) Last year in Double-A, Trout had 11 homers, 33 steals and a .326 average in 91 games. Combine that with his major league ABs and he had 16 homers and 37 steals in 131 games. In 2010 in the minors, he had 10 homers and 56 steals between different levels of A ball. A ball, indeed. As in what he had in the minors. You may have noticed I didn’t mention his Triple-A stats. That’s cause he didn’t have any. The Angels skipped him right past Triple-A. Bee tee dubya, Trout’s not legal to drink, i.e., he’s twenty years old, i before e except in Teixeira, there’s room to grow. So what can we expect for Mike Trout in 2012 fantasy baseball? Please, blog, may I have some more?