I’m a pretty harsh critic of Razzball, but occasionally we’ll post things that even I feel are extremely helpful. Usually these are done by other people for our site. Yesterday, we brought you the one and only 2012 Fantasy Baseball War Room. (Honestly, there may be more War Rooms than you can shake a stick at, but who’s intro’ing anything by saying we brought you the “one of a couple zillion War Rooms?”) Another thing we’re offering is the 2012 fantasy baseball tiers, brought to you by regular commenter and all-around solid F.O.R., VinWins. This fantasy baseball tier sheet is like the Cliff Notes version of the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings. The tiers give you where I ranked players and the tier names, which should give you a rough idea of what I’m thinking when you don’t have much time.
If you’re in a tight squeeze in a draft and you don’t have time to look at a dozen different posts or read everything I wrote about a player, you just look at the fantasy baseball tiers and you know quickly know where a guy ranks and a snapshot of what I’m thinking. For instance, you see Asdrubal Cabrera sitting there in your draft. You quickly scan the fantasy baseball tiers and see I have him below Rollins and above Jeter. I also say, “Only four shortstops in and it’s your last chance for a decent one. Yay.” So you can quickly infer I’m saying if you don’t get Asdrubal in this tier, you’re no longer on solid ground. To solidify that, the next tier is called, “Where’s all the freakin’ shortstops?” So obviously there is risk involved with those guys. If you fail to get Asdrubal, you can quickly see another tier below is called, “…this is your last chance for exciting.” So you can quickly surmise, I like those guys too, there’s not much after that and that’s the order. Anyway, you get the gist.
Also, VinWins went the extra mile and put my top 300 for 2012 fantasy baseball into a spreadsheet. It warms my cockles when people do things like this for Razzball. If cockles is what I think it is, warming them means VinWins and I have gotten to 2nd base. Now you thank VinWins.
Finally, there’s the Fantasy Baseball Team Name Generator. I got the Butte Sucka MCs, which sounds like a rap group that performs in the Man Hole night club.
Finally, we come to the end of the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings. (Can we start games already?) A little birdie told me we’re opening up our commenter fantasy leagues on Monday. Giddy to the up. Okay, you know that I like Lucas Duda more than Melky Cabrera in the top 60 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball. You know I like Zack Cozart better than Jhonny Peralta as seen at the top 20 shortstops for 2012 fantasy baseball. But you don’t know how I feel about where these guys fall in the bigger picture. Is Zack Cozart above Lucas Duda? Yup. So to show you where I think players fall in relation to each other in 2012 fantasy baseball drafts, I’m putting together a top 300 for 2012 fantasy baseball. This still needs to be taken with a grain of salt. If you have a shortstop already and Zack Cozart is still on the board in the 17th round, you don’t draft him if you see Lucas Duda and you need an outfielder, even though Lucas Duda is below Zack Cozart on this list. So I might take someone at 200 over someone at 180? Yes, every draft is different. With the top 10, there’s almost no latitude. With the top 100, there’s a decent amount of latitude. With a top 300, there’s lots of latitude. You taking someone at 185 is more or less the same as someone else taking someone at 235. So if you see someone who’s ranked at 250th, but want them at 200, then do what you do. Because of the length of the top 300, there’s no pithy comments with each name, but you kinda do need to know what I’m thinking for each name, so I advise you go over each position in the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings. The top 100 and top 300 is what I would have at my drafts, along with the Point Shares (for auction values; they are coming shortly; Rudy is just waiting on the final projections) and the top 20 rankings posts. I already went over a top 100 for 2012 fantasy baseball, so I’m not going to cover them again. This top 300 will go from 101 to 300. Finally, see our list of all players with multiple position eligibility. Anyway, here’s the top 300 for 2012 fantasy baseball:
With the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings for every position done, we turn our lazy eye towards the top 100 for 2012 fantasy baseball. These 2012 fantasy baseball rankings are one part La Bamba and two parts LDP. They own a cat, a dog and a lizard in a two bedroom apartment where pets aren’t allowed. Know why? Cause they don’t care! None of this top 100 for 2012 fantasy baseball is meant to surprise. *jumping out of a closet* Boo! Sorry, that was meant to surprise. This top 100 is just taking my positional rankings and putting guys in The Big Picture. You really should read each ranking post because the blurbs in this top 100 are on the skimpy side because there’s so many of them. Obviously at a hundred players, some guys just didn’t make it. About 200 or so, to be inexact. It’s okay, there will be a top 300 too. Shortly, Sloth, you’ll have your Baby Ruth. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2012 fantasy baseball league, young premature balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! To help with your drafting, there’s also a list of players with multiple position eligibility. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1. Miguel Cabrera – Let’s take the top off this Popov and shoot one down for Swiggy. Forget the millions of dollars he’s earned. Being Razzball’s number one player is his happiest moment. 2012 Projections: 105/32/115/.325/3
2. Albert Pujols – In the top 10 for fantasy baseball, I said Al Gore invented the internet and Pujols invented Al Gore. Or something like that. 2012 Projections: 100/35/110/.305/7
3. Joey Votto – “His name rhymes with blotto.” That’s Miguel Cabrera pointing at Votto while making small talk at the All-Star Game with Josh Hamilton. 2012 Projections: 100/30/110/.315/10
4. Jose Bautista – Please don’t let Joey Bats fail me now. Not after it took me two years to get pot-committed to him. 2012 Projections: 100/38/105/.265/10
5. Evan Longoria – Your 2012 American League MVP is… Evan Longoria. Now please let him stay off the herpes medication. 2012 Projections: 105/34/120/.280/7
6. Matt Kemp – Some people are taking Kemp first overall. I won’t. 2012 Projections: 100/30/105/.290/25
7. Troy Tulowitzki – If he only misses one month this year, I hope it’s March or October. 2012 Projections: 95/32/110/.305/10
8. Justin Upton – Nothing sexier than Justin Upton this year. Well, maybe Kate Upton. Meow! 2012 Projections: 100/30/100/.300/20
9. Prince Fielder – I hear he’s petitioning the Tigers to change their name to the Zebras. The stripes are slimming. When he went to the Tigers, I went over my Prince Fielder 2012 fantasy. 2012 Projections: 100/37/115/.280
10. Adrian Gonzalez – My hope is he does less spray hitting and more power hitting. I’m also praying for world peace. 2012 Projections: 100/32/115/.275
11. Robinson Cano – Our first Yankee!* (*ESPN passed a law through Congress that by the 450th word of every sports related blog post there must be a mention of the Yankees.) 2012 Projections: 105/27/105/.310/5
13. Ian Kinsler – In the top 20 for 2012 fantasy baseball, I have Kinsler above a bunch of players that are being drafted after him. I didn’t do this with the intent that I would have Kinsler on every team, but I will happily take him. Please stay healthy. Please. 2012 Projections: 100/25/70/.260/25
14. Jose Reyes – I have Kinsler, Reyes and Hanley back-to-back-to-back, so, basically, I’m tempting fate here. If all three stay healthy and produce, I’ll be impressed. Not exactly what you want to hear at this point in a draft. 2012 Projections: 110/12/50/.295/45
15. Hanley Ramirez – Nothing says team player like… Well, whatever the opposite of Hanley would be. Here comes 3rd base eligibility and disgruntlement (Word of the Day!). 2012 Projections: 90/20/105/.305/25
16. Carlos Gonzalez – Can I add CarGo to the Kinsler/Reyes/Hanley troika of risk/upside? Hey, I just did. But now it’s not a troika. It’s a fourka! 2012 Projections: 100/25/100/.300/18
17. Andrew McCutchen – From Ellsbury to here, The Dread Pirate might actually be the safest, which means he’ll be the only one to get hurt. I’m joking/jinxing, or jonking. Sorry, the 2nd round always gets me nervous. 2012 Projections: 95/25/100/.275/30
18. Mike Stanton – I haven’t been as crazy as I am for Stanton since Ryan Klesko grew out his side burns. It’s true love and I have Stanton’s name scribbled all over my Trapper Keeper to prove it. 2012 Projections: 100/37/115/.260/7
19. Roy Halladay – He’s probably safer than some of the above names, but there’s also a gazillion (plus or minus a million) starters. No need to take one so early. 2012 Projections: 20-7/2.50/1.05/215
20. Dustin Pedroia – I won’t own him. Not that I don’t think he’s going to give you the stats that I project, but because I’ll be taking someone else above. 2012 Projections: 105/18/80/.295/20
21. Clayton Kershaw – This is where the rankings get a little tricky. I tried to look at ADP to avoid putting some of these guys above where they’re being taken. So I like Kershaw, but I want someone else to take him first. Just too many pitchers to be taking one this early. 2012 Projections: 17-7/2.55/1.05/230
22. Cliff Lee – I said most of what I had to say about The Adverb in Kershaw’s blurb. 2012 Projections: 18-8/2.50/1.05/215
24. David Wright – Also, I need to say something in general about this top 100. If I’ve drafted Longoria or Bautista already, I’m not taking Wright. Though if I haven’t taken Longoria or Bautista, which is a possibility since they’re the only 3rd basemen in the top 20, then I’m grabbing Wright. 2012 Projections: 85/24/100/.290/15
25. Adrian Beltre – Also, I’m not taking Beltre if I’ve taken Wright, Bautista or Longoria, which means I’m probably owning Jay Bruce this year. Unless I have an outfielder but not a 3rd baseman. Well, I’ll go over all the draft strategy pairings in a separate post. 2012 Projections: 75/28/100/.280/3
26. Jay Bruce – Pretty surprised to see Bruce much lower in ADP as of right now. Hey, over-the-internet friend, outfield is shallow. There’s a lot of other outfielders that are giving you five categories? Rhetorical! 2012 Projections: 90/34/100/.270/10
27. Tim Lincecum – Like Digital Underground, he’s outta the Bay Area and he’s a freak of the industry and he’s money, B. Still don’t see any way I’m drafting him. Too many offensive slots to fill early on. 2012 Projections: 15-10/2.75/1.18/230
28. Josh Hamilton – Hey, look at that, Hamilton is ranked 28th. As in the number of rehab days for Sandra Bullock in that terrible movie. Since most everyone likes Hamilton more than Bruce, there’s a good chance I don’t own Hamilton this year. Unless, of course, after drafting something like 7 teams I decide to mix it up for variety sake. Also, the deeper the league, the more I’m avoiding Hamilton. As pointed out in the top 20 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball. Now, if I sense Hamilton going cheaper just because he likes his tonic with gin, then I’d draft him. Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle* would be proud I didn’t let a little thing like alcohol abuse stop me from drafting him. (*Sorry, every 450th word.) 2012 Projections: 75/27/85/.295/7
29. Felix Hernandez – Will be fun when ESPN is talking about how F-Her is having a bounce back in twelve-after-twenty even though he wasn’t bad last year. Good fun! 2012 Projections: 15-12/2.80/1.14/220
30. Nelson Cruz – Imagine you’re playing charades, Nelson Cruz is your partner and the phrase to guess is “always injured.” Cruz would just point at himself. 2012 Projections: 70/30/85/.260/10
31. Mark Teixeira – Albert Lang went over his Teixeira overrated thingie-ma-boob. I don’t disagree. 2012 Projections: 100/35/110/.260
32. Dan Uggla – He is being drafted on average in the 50′s. Guess who has two thumbs, two pinkies, is making the “Hang Loose” sign and is gonna own Uggla this year? This guy! 2012 Projections: 90/35/105/.250/3
33. Pablo Sandoval – Guess who has two thumbs, two pinkies, is making the “Hang Loose” sign, hasn’t showered since last week and is hopefully gonna own a third baseman before he gets out of the third round? Still this guy! 2012 Projections: 80/27/95/.320/3
34. Ryan Zimmerman – Guess who has two thumbs, two pinkies, is making the “Hang Loose” sign, hasn’t showered since last week, is eating ice cream out of his belly button and is hopefully gonna own a third baseman before he gets out of the third round? Same guy, different blurb! 2012 Projections: 80/27/100/.290/5
35. CC Sabathia – I have an idea for the All-Star Game weekend. Pie eating contest between Eugenio Velez and Dee Gordon with CC and Prince as their coaches. Imagine the agony on CC’s face when Dee Gordon can’t get down more than a forkful. Why am I not in charge of the All-Star Game festivities? 2012 Projections: 20-7/3.10/1.20/210
36. Hunter Pence – First full year in Citizens Flank, which could mean he exceeds my projections. Even if he doesn’t, he’s one of the safest bets out of the first 40 picks. Ed Wade’s Toupee would be proud, wherever it is. I’m guessing a tropical island. 2012 Projections: 95/25/100/.280/10
37. Curtis Granderson – I’m a big fan of Grandy this year. Now look at that sentence in the mirror. Here’s a post I dedicated to my Granderson reverse love. 2012 Projections: 100/29/90/.255/18
38. Elvis Andrus – Younger, healthier version of Reyes with 5 less homers. Can’t put it to you any simpler. 2012 Projections: 105/7/60/.285/40
39. Starlin Castro – Usually when people get excited about a player, I get cynical and excuse myself to the lavatory to barf. In this case, I kinda like Castro. 2012 Projections: 100/12/70/.310/20
40. Zack Greinke – First top ranked pitcher I have a legitimate shot at owning. I’m so fine with that, I’m finer with it. If that made any sense. 2012 Projections: 15-8/2.90/1.18/220
41. Cole Hamels – I’ve got no quarrel with Hamels, but if I’ve just drafted Greinke there’s no way I’m owning Cole. Just the facts, Jack Black Kerouac. (<–alliteration in lieu of wit!) 2012 Projections: 15-10/2.95/1.10/200
42. Brett Lawrie – I already went over my Lawrie 2012 fantasy. I had it dry cleaned for you. 2012 Projections: 90/20/70/.290/24
43. Paul Konerko – I want a 3rd baseman early. I want an outfielder early. I’ll definitely take a 1st baseman early. The problem? I don’t have enough picks for all the early picks I want. Um… Crap? 2012 Projections: 85/29/100/.290
44. Alex Rodriguez – Out of 44 picks, this is the 8th 3rd baseman from the top 20 3rd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball. ESPN, “Yay, that means it’s deep!” Reality, “No, that means eight 3rd basemen will be gone quickly and then things get tricky.” ESPN, “Whatever. Go Yankees and Red Sox!” 2012 Projections: 70/24/85/.270/5
45. Howie Kendrick – Random Razzball Commenter, “Why is Kendrick ranked above some outfielders here that he’s ranked below on the top 40 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball?” February Grey, “Because he has 2nd base eligibility. If Matt Holliday had 2nd base eligibility, he’d be ranked here.” Random Razzball Commenter, “I love your mustache.” February Grey, “Thank you.” 2012 Projections: 100/18/70/.290/15
46. Brandon Phillips – Wanna see some value? Why are you looking under your desk? The value isn’t there. Look at Pedroia’s projections and look at Phillips’s. There’s the value. 2012 Projections: 90/20/85/.275/17
47. Matt Holliday – Maybe Holliday will pull a Claire Danes, but I doubt it. To explain: I don’t like Claire Danes. I’ve managed to avoid everything she’s ever done. Yet, she’s surprised me with Homeland. Best drama on TV, assuming Mad Men’s on hiatus. Yes, better than Boardwalk Empire. Though, I haven’t started watching Breaking Bad yet and am still trying to figure out how I feel about Luck. Confused is one word that comes to mind with Luck. Only thing disappointing about Homeland is I keep waiting for Claire Danes to introduce her gay best friend played by Carlos Beltran. 2012 Projections: 85/24/90/.305/5
48. Carlos Santana – Taking a wild guess here, but I’m thinking I don’t draft Santana anywhere ranking him this low. Last year, I took a lot of heat for ranking Posey in the 90′s overall. How’d that work out for you? 2012 Projections: 80/25/90/.260/5
49. Madison Bumgarner – I’m uber-high on Bumgarner. Yes, I used uber. Here’s my Bumgarner 2012 fantasy too. 2012 Projections: 15-8/2.90/1.18/200
50. Yovani Gallardo – If I didn’t draft a starter yet, obviously I’m taking one in this player grouping. Or plouping, which sounds like a Swedish person going to the bathroom. 2012 Projections: 15-9/3.15/1.20/210
51. David Price – Leave the fan on cause we’re still in the same plouping. If you’re pooped from this ploup, there’s good news. There’s only one more to drop. It’s below you. No, down. 2012 Projections: 15-10/3.20/1.18/200
52. Jon Lester – Hey! Glad you found it. He’s the courtesy flush before we leave this plouping. 2012 Projections: 16-9/3.25/1.22/200
53. Chase Utley – Worth pointing out here that Utley is the 7th 2nd baseman from the top 20 2nd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball in 53 names. What’s going on here is I’m making sure I have at least one top 2nd baseman so I can grab another 2nd baseman for my middle infield slot. Then I only have to deal with one shortstop. 2012 Projections: 80/20/85/.280/15
54. Aramis Ramirez – I’d throw Aramis in with those Hamilton/Cruz-types that I’d be careful about in very deep leagues where it’s not as easy to fill in off waivers because Aramis always misses time. 2012 Projections: 75/25/95/.295
55. Kevin Youkilis – I see Youuuuuuuuk being drafted in the 80′s overall. I hate to write a sleeper post on him because it’ll be as lame as my Vernon Wells sleeper post, but Youuuuuuuk’s a bargain in drafts this year. Cust kayin’. 2012 Projections: 75/19/85/.270/3
56. Lance Berkman - You know what’s gonna be weird? When I don’t have a 1st baseman yet and Berkman’s name pops up in my queue. That’s gonna be awkward after all the bad things I said about him last year. 2012 Projections: 80/24/95/.275/3
57. Michael Young- Old Young is being drafted on average fifteen spots before Youuuuuuk. Whole lotta average lovers out there. 2012 Projections: 75/15/90/.310/5
58. Eric Hosmer – Trying to figure out how to justify putting Hosmer ahead of Berkman and Young even though I don’t have him in front of them on my top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball post. I could see a potential scenario where I don’t have a 1st baseman and I take Hosmer before the previous two. What I’d prefer to happen is I have a 1st baseman so there’s no need to take Berkman or Young, and then Hosmer is around for me to take a little later for my corner infidel slot. This seems highly unlikely though since Hosmer’s ADP is above even 58. Oh, well. 2012 Projections: 85/25/95/.280/10
59. Brian McCann – I punt catcher so this is merely a formality ranking him here. I’ll go over catcher strategy in its own post. Continued in the next blurb. 2012 Projections: 70/25/85/.275/3
60. Matt Wieters – But, and this is a J. Lo-sized but, I could see ignoring Wieters if he’s there at the 60th pick, but grabbing him before his ADP of 100-ish. 2012 Projections: 80/24/85/.280
61. Dan Haren – Doesn’t he seem older than 31 years old? Maybe he’s got that Benjamin Button disease. That was a true story, right? 2012 Projections: 17-10/3.30/1.12/190
62. Jimmy Rollins – Now here’s a guy that seems older than 31 years old. *checking notes* Oh, he is. He’s 33. Yeah, speed doesn’t age well. Neither do Phillies. Comatose Marlins Fan, “Too bad my team never spends any money or we might actually compete this year.” Comatose Marlins Fan, I have some good news for you. 2012 Projections: 80/14/55/.270/24
63. Asdrubal Cabrera – I was all ready to write an overrated post for Asdrubal, and maybe I still will once more people come out with their rankings, but right now I think the fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) are on the money with where they’re taking Asdrubal. 2012 Projections: 80/14/70/.270/15
64. Jered Weaver – I’m pretty down on Weaver (not like that!) compared to other ‘perts. February Grey’s mantra, “Too many pitchers to choose from so, if I’m not into one of them, I’m moving on.” So it’s not the most soothing mantra. 2012 Projections: 16-10/3.35/1.12/200
65. C.J. Wilson – You can read what I wrote about Weaver in the mirror. .artnam gnihtoos tsom eht ton s’ti oS No, I meant, I’m up on Wilson compared to being down on Weaver. Still don’t mean it like that. 2012 Projections: 14-8/3.45/1.21/190
66. Shane Victorino – “Every time I try to get out of drafting Victorino, I get pulled back in!” That’s me looking at Victorino’s ADP compared to where I’ve ranked him. Is it too much to ask for people to get excited about him so I don’t have to draft him? He’s really good! Did that help? 2012 Projections: 85/15/55/.275/20
67. Craig Kimbrel – Yeah, I don’t draft top closers. SAGNOF! 2012 Projections: 5-2/2.20/1.08/110, 40 saves
68. Michael Morse – From this next plouping of outfielders, I’m looking for my 2nd outfielder in 5 outfielder leagues. Since at this point, I’ll have quite a few players I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m taking Morse over Jennings. If I have Bruce or Stanton, I may feel like I need speed more than Morse provides. If I have Uggla, I may not take Fellatio Upton because of average concerns. If I have Wright, I may not take Heyward because they both need to bounce back. This is where things become interesting. I mean that sincerely. I’m a nerd! 2012 Projections: 80/27/90/.275/3
69. Desmond Jennings – I’m gonna go easy on my love for Jennings because if Stanton hears me… Well, I just don’t want to ruin what we have. To read my Desmond Jennings 2012 fantasy. Do that click you do. 2012 Projections: 80/16/65/.275/35
70. B.J. Upton – Spoiler alert: I like B.J. Usually before I say that, I say, “Soiler alert.” 2012 Projections: 80/20/85/.250/40
71. Adam Jones – I drafted Adam Jones in my first 2012 fantasy baseball mock that I’ll post next week. I gotta be honest. Drafting Jones didn’t get any tingling going in my nethers. 2012 Projections: 80/25/90/.285/12
72. Drew Stubbs – Stubbs and Krispie both seem good in theory. Don’t under any circumstances draft them on the same team or with any other guy who I have projected for .250 or lower. Cause if two of them miss their marks and hit .240, you’re like Dunn done. 2012 Projections: 80/17/55/.240/40
73. Krispie Young – See Stubbs’s blurb or 1/8th of an inch above. 2012 Projections: 85/25/80/.235/25
74. Jason Heyward – Here’s something that I don’t think I mentioned in the top 40 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball post. If Heyward has another terrible year, he’ll be ranked around 200th overall for 2013. I just don’t see that happening. 2012 Projections: 80/22/90/.280/10
75. Shin-Soo Choo – This is a plouping inside a plouping. I’m not crazy about Choo, but I have him low enough where I shouldn’t own him anyway. 2012 Projections: 80/17/85/.280/17
76. Carl Crawford – Really wanted to believe in the bounce back. I did, really. Really, really. But wrist surgery, really? 2012 Projections: 75/10/70/.280/30
77. Alex Gordon – I’m not a fan of guys coming off career years unless they’re like 24 years old and could get better. That’s just me being real with ya. 2012 Projections: 85/20/100/.280/12
78. Brett Gardner – If Ellsbury is less valuable than Gardner in 2012, you have to pay me a $1. Any takers? (Sure, there’s no scenario here where I give you money, but are you taking the bet? Yes or no?) 2012 Projections: 105/8/50/.280/50
79. Jayson Werth – Watch Werth carry the Nats to the World Series. That would surprise you? Okay, a little. But it does sound within the realm of possibility. 2012 Projections: 75/22/90/.265/15
80. Mike Napoli – I already went over my Napoli overrated post. It was written by Mike Scioscia. 2012 Projections: 60/25/70/.250/3
81. Buster Posey – As someone mentioned in that Napoli overrated post, I could’ve just said any catcher drafted before 100 overall is a schmohawk. Kinda true when you think about how many people have wasted Posey draft picks in his short career. 2012 Projections: 65/20/75/.300
82. Michael Cuddyer – Kinda surprised me how high I ranked Cuddyer. Not a good surprise, or a bad surprise, just a surprise. 2012 Projections: 75/22/85/.275/5
83. Mark Reynolds – Draft Reynolds and get the Mini Donkey show. Home run, steal, strikeout whiff strikeout whiff strikeout whiff, home run, steal, strikeout whiff strikeout whiff strikeout whiff. He likes to get his whiffs in. 2012 Projections: 75/35/90/.230/7
84. Adam Lind – Let’s see if you can guess what I’m drafting now. No, not a pitcher! I’m drafting a corner man. I have no problem filling up my corner infidel slot before I even have a shortstop. I actually don’t mind drafting a middle infidel before a shortstop. That would mean two 2nd basemen before a shortstop for those slow on the uptake. 2012 Projections: 90/32/105/.270
85. Billy Butler – I kinda wanna own Butler this year. I know, it makes little sense. But so does that fact he just had a solid year and his ADP actually went down from last year. 2012 Projections: 90/20/100/.300
86. Ryan Howard – The positive is you’ll be able to DL him. The negative is no one knows for how long. 2012 Projections: 70/28/100/.260
87. Gio Gonzalez – People will look at this high ranking of Gio like I lost my stuffing that stuffs my head that some people call brains. Fair enough, but there’s no way the rankings go exactly in this order, unless 12 people are all drafting from the same top 100 list. And keeping exactly to it. As soon as some schmohawk drafts Mariano Rivera 80th overall, the entire order shifts. So the chances of you drafting Gio at, say, pick 120th is good. 2012 Projections: 15-8/3.50/1.28/200
88. Matt Cain – Recently, saw someone I went to high school with post on Facebook a bumper sticker that said, “Kane is able.” Then they wrote, “Clever!” Then 20 people thumbed it up. On a related note, I have no idea who these people are I went to high school with. 2012 Projections: 14-10/3.10/1.10/180
89. Mat Latos – The thought is that a pitcher leaving Petco will take a hit-slash-get hit. Yeah, agreed. But Latos has the stuff to play in any park and now he’ll actually have an offense. Win-win. Literally. 2012 Projections: 16-10/3.50/1.20/200
90. Stephen Strasburg – I don’t see how I’m going to end up with Strasburg unless I reach way above this ranking or compete in a 12 team league with 11 relatives who don’t like baseball. I don’t even think I have 11 relatives. Grey’s family is small, yo! 2012 Projections: 12-5/2.90/1.10/165 in 160 innings
91. Daniel Hudson – I don’t look at where people are drafting every player until after I do my rankings, so I’m not needlessly influenced. With that said, I was happy to see Hudson around this spot so there’s a chance I could get him. Yay for me. 2012 Projections: 14-8/3.40/1.18/190
92. Jordan Zimmermann – Would’ve been crazy to think this in 2011, but as early as next year, Ryan Zimmerman could be drafted after Jordan Zimmermann if Ryan can’t hang with J-Z and the “Ninjas in Paris.” That is what the asterisks are for, right? 2012 Projections: 14-6/3.25/1.15/170
93. Logan Morrison - My best friend Harry has a brother Larry in five days from now– Oh, sorry, was listening to my iTunes. Um, yeah, Morrison… Um… Well, you know what he does. 2012 Projections: 60/25/75/.270/5
94. Peter Bourjos – Frequent commenter and, I believe one of our three girl readers, pubscout, alerted me that Bourjos is nursing a hip injury. If that’s the reason why he’s fast like a gazelle, but his steals were down last year, I might have to drop him in my rankings. You’ve been caveated. 2012 Projections: 85/15/50/.255/35
95. Ben Zobrist – Maybe his Christian-rock-singing wife can write a little ditty called, “There’s No Middle Infidel In My Heart That Does What You Do.” 2012 Projections: 75/17/90/.255/17
96. Rickie Weeks – Draft him and then start thinking about who you’re going to pick up to fill in for him when he’s hurt. 2012 Projections: 65/18/50/.260/10
97. Ike Davis – Here’s hoping the Mets move their fences to just off the infield grass. 2012 Projections: 85/22/90/.280
98. John Axford – To talk as if all I watch is infomercials, I think Axford is gonna be more wow than sham, but I’m still not drafting a top closer. 2012 Projections: 5-1/2.40/1.16/90, 38 saves
99. Matt Garza- Pray that somehow, against all odds Phil Collins-style the Padres become contenders and they trade for Garza mid-season. 2012 Projections: 12-10/3.40/1.25/190
100. Anibal Sanchez- I already dropped on you an Anibal Sanchez fantasy. I talk about things in that post that are unprintable. Luckily, no one’s printing it out. 2012 Projections: 15-8/3.50/1.24/190
We fill out the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings with the last few hitters, the top 5 utility players for 2012 fantasy baseball. Tomorrow we take this mother to one hundred! Not one hundred utility men. The top 100 overall. Then we take this to 300! Again, not 300 utility men. Okay, these players are only eligible at DH aka Utility. Frankly, I don’t think you should draft any of these designated hitters. They don’t allow enough flexibility. For example, what if you had Vladimir Guerrero clogging up your Utility spot last year and you really wanted to pick up Desmond Jennings? You would’ve been wretched, retching on all fours to borrow from The Decemberists. These guys have no position eligibility for fantasy baseball. As with past rankings posts, this top 5 for 2012 will be broken up into tiers, and their 2012 projections will be included. Anyway, here’s the top 5 utility players for 2012 fantasy baseball (they suck, enjoy!):
1. Billy Butler – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until here. I call this tier, “Look at dem cans!” (Butler had 11 games at 1st base so he might have eligibility for you there.) To see Butler’s 2012 projections go to the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball.
2. David Ortiz – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until here. I call this tier, “And now you’re hamstrung.” By the tier name I mean this, Ortiz seems like the only Utility-only player that anyone considers drafting. People draft Butler, but as a 1st baseman. So when people draft Ortiz, they really are only getting a Utility-only player. With no hope of getting a 1st baseman from games played during the season. Now they have no flexibility. If you have a guy in your Utility spot all year, you’re hamstrung. BTW, isn’t it interesting how the word utility means something useful, but for fantasy it’s not? I swear that sounded interesting in my head before I typed it. Anyhoo! 2012 Projections: 75/27/90/.270
3. Johnny Damon – (Has 16 games in the outfield, so he might have eligibility there.) This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the post. I call this tier, “You are a damn fool if you draft one of these guys.” Actually, I can see a scenario where drafting one these guys makes sense. You join a ten team league with you and nine other teams that are just you using different aliases. I’d then draft Damon for one of the other teams that you’re sandbagging. When you beat the nine alias sandbagging teams, the girls will be throwing themselves at your feet. 2012 Projections: 50/12/40/.265/12
4. Vladimir Guerrero – It’s definitely not the age of the DH, huh? Somewhere Ron Blomberg is rolling over in his grave. Assuming he’s dead. If he’s not, looking at the current DHs will kill him. I hope you’re happy, Vlad! 2012 Projections: 35/15/45/.270
5. Hideki Matsui – “Does he have outfield eligibility? Does he have a current major league team that is going to play him?” That could also be this tier’s name. 2012 Projections: crap/that/smells/nasty
The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings are just about in the bag, but first we look at the top 20 middle relievers for 2012 fantasy baseball. No, next we’re not going to do the Top 20 Guys Who Will Have The Most Balks. Chillax. The only people that seem to pay attention to middle relievers are those that play in a Holds league. That’s wrong, I tell ya. A great way to balance out your ratios is by carrying a few middle relievers on your staff. (BTW, Ron Jeremy can carry three middle relievers on his staff.) Say you had Francisco Liriano last year and he mistook your team’s ERA for his toilet, but you also had Jonny Venters. With just Liriano, you had the 5.09 ERA dump to clean up. With Venters and his brand new toilet brush, you had a 3.81 ERA. If you also carried Tyler Clippard, you had a combined 3.24 ERA. Not to mention, you had 5 vulture saves. 9 junky wins. 8 maids o’ milking. 7 Gary Matthews Jr.’s leaping. Oh, and your WHIP went from Liriano’s 1.49 to 1.19 and had an additional 200 Ks. Okay, school’s out, Alice Cooper. Now, with that said — yes, I pulled out the “with that said” — this middle men post is for 5×5 leagues where you want to handcuff your closer to potentially snag some saves and get good ratios. I projected Holds for these guys, but they are not the top 20 Holds guys. They are the most valuable when you consider vulture saves, Ks and ratios. Anyway, here’s the top 20 middle relievers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1. Aroldis Chapman – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until Adams. I call this tier, “They might not have the best ratios, but they have the best ratios with the most vulture saves.” Aroldis is being stretched out to start, but I don’t see how that happens without an injury to one of their starters. Then again, Dusty is managing the Reds so no pitcher is safe, which could be a tagline for the movie made about the Dusty Baker biography, “Pitchers Ain’t Sh*t But Hos And Tricks.” 2012 Projections: 7-2/3.00/1.26/90, 22 Holds, 5 saves
2. Javy Guerra – As Aroldis might be in the rotation (doubtful), Guerra could be the closer. I’m going on the assumption that the Dodgers make the right move in regards to their bullpen, but I’m not sure who received “common sense” in the divorce proceedings. 2012 Projections: 2-3/3.50/1.25/55, 20 Holds, 12 saves
3. Jon Rauch – I have him down for ten saves because he has closing experience (though none of it terrific) and Frank Francisco is just passable. Honestly, a lot of guys below him are more valuable than him. That’s not a tall crack either. 2012 Projections: 4-5/3.55/1.30/40, 20 Holds, 10 saves
4. Tyler Clippard – Nats have a solid staff, one of the best set-up men in baseball and a good offense. In twelve-after-twenty, the Nats lost their innocence and their suckitude. Now all praise to Jim Bowden for not being there anymore! 2012 Projections: 5-3/2.65/1.15/90, 20 Holds, 5 saves
5. Mark Melancon – Okay, besides Venters and Clippard this entire tier could be below the next tier if you’re not looking for saves. For ungstance (which is how I say instance), David Robertson is soooooooooo (yeah, 10 oh’s) much better than Melancon if you just want ratio help. Robertson probably won’t sniff a save though, unless Mo farts and explodes his colon and Soriano is a casualty. 2012 Projections: 6-2/3.25/1.25/65, 22 Holds, 5 saves
6. Jonny Venters – My projections for Venters might be on the low side. He was fantabulous last year. He also pitched in every game and then threw on the side five times a game then was taken to a carnival by Fredi Gonzalez to throw at the speed gun stand to try and win him a SpongeBob. 2012 Projections: 7-2/2.75/1.15/70, 24 Holds, 3 saves
7. Francisco Rodriguez – He’s getting paid something like $18 million to set up one of the best closers in the game, so he might just take a siesta for the better part of the season. Or maybe the Polish Kielbasa from the sausage race will kidnap him to free up some salary money. 2012 Projections: 6-4/2.75/1.26/80, 18 Holds, 3 saves
8. Mike Adams – I thought hard about moving Adams up because of my distrust of Nathan’s stuff, not just his lips and ass. The problem is the Rangers are stacked with potential Nathan replacements. Good for them, not so good on speculating for vulture saves. 2012 Projections: 5-1/2.70/1.05/70, 24 Holds, 3 saves
9. David Robertson – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the post. I call this tier, “Best Holds guys coupled with maybe a chance for some saves, though that’s less likely.” Wow, Robertson’s numbers were insane last year. A 13.50 K/9 and a 1.08 ERA. Seriously, I looked at two different sites because I didn’t believe them at first. His walks are such a mess that if he loses a K or two off his K/9, then the walks might catch up to him. Know what happens when walks increase? Runs. It’s yours, Highlights! 2012 Projections: 3-1/2.70/1.22/90, 30 Holds
10. Sergio Romo – Another guy who had insane K numbers, only Romo’s weren’t coupled with any walks. Like, none. His season seemed like it was above his head, so I imagine his stats will come down a little. Also, I will never use the word coupled again. Sorry about that. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.45/0.95/60, 28 Holds
11. Greg Holland – Speaking of a lot of Ks, Funky Cold Me-Holy-Crap Greg Holland was great last year. I think fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) are gonna want to own Greg Holland more this year than Derek Holland. Or not! The future is a fickle mistress that blackmails you with pictures of your balls. 2012 Projections: 3-2/2.60/1.06/70, 28 Holds
12. Sean Marshall – He worries me a bit, though his recent numbers tell me he’s nothing to worry about. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dusty uses him as a situational guy a lot more than he’s been doing recently, especially if Aroldis stays in the bullpen, which I think he does, and this is a long sentence, but still 40 words short of the world’s longest sentence; damn, that’s really long; I’m not even sure I can get there when I’m trying, which I’m not right now, otherwise I’d be disqualified from Guinness; I think; I’m not sure, actually. 2012 Projections: 4-2/3.00/1.15/70, 30 Holds
13. Joaquin Benoit – He has a good team for Holds, a closer in front of him that should keep him in the set-up role and a cool name. Six of one, half dozen of another and sixteen more gives you 28 Holds. 2012 Projections: 6-2/3.00/1.04/60, 28 Holds
14. Vinnie Pestano – Vinnie invented swag, poppin’ bottles, making batters look like scabs. Proof, I guess Vinnie got his swagger back, truth. New watch alert; he throws. Like the big ‘stache, Rollie; Vinnie got Ks like all of those. Arm out the window through the city, he doesn’t throw slow. Cock back, snap back, every hitter’s swing now has holes. 2012 Projections: 1-3/2.75/1.09/80, 25 Holds
15. Koji Uehara – There was talk of him moving to a new club. Again. I’m sure wherever he ends up he’ll get his Ks, Holds and Korean-fusion tacos. 2012 Projections: 2-2/2.85/1.00/70, 22 Holds
16. Antonio Bastardo – When Ryan Madson left Philly, he told Charlie Manuel you won’t have this bastard to kick around anymore. Then him and Antonio had words. Bastardo was almost ranked much higher, but I settled here because Papelbon should be fine and Antonio walks a crapton. 2012 Projections: 5-3/3.25/1.20/70, 25 Holds
17. Eric O’Flaherty – Top o’ the morning to you! O’Flaherty had a huge number of Holds last year, but I think Fredi Gonzalez is the new Torre, chewing up and spitting out middle men. The Braves should bring in Scott Proctor to be their pitching coach. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.50/1.15/65, 25 Holds
18. Jose Veras – His walks are slightly egregious, but they used to be wholly egregious so we’re moving in the right direction. He is Charlie Sheen in Major League sans the interesting haircut and hookers in the honeywagon, a name Sheen took quite literally. 2012 Projections: 1-3/3.75/1.28/80, 20 Holds
19. Michael Dunn – Another guy who’s trying to do his best Wild Thing impersonation. Stay away if you’re trying for ratio help. More of a Ks, Holds possibility. 2012 Projections: 3-1/3.70/1.32/75, 20 Holds
20. Joel Zumaya – There’s some guys that should be above Zumaya — Chris Resop, Grant Balfour, Ernesto Frieri, Jeff Samardzija, to name a few. I’m more putting Zumaya’s name here to give people a head’s up that he’s coming back and he’s in a place where the closer had Twins fans thinking they were clever every time they’d say, “Oh, Crapps.” 2012 Projections: Probably nothing, but it’s a deep league flyer.
