For the first three months that Mike Moustakas was in the majors last year, he hit .232 with one home run through 250 ABs. Major league pitching looked all Greek to Moustakas. Hehe. Speaking of which, “hehe” is giggling like a schoolgirl, so shouldn’t it be sheshe? On a side side note, if I opened up a Greek restaurant I’d call it, You’re My Gyro. Or maybe The Greatest American Gyro. I have time to decide since I don’t have any plans to open a Greek restaurant. My suggestion to make Moustakas feel more comfortable last year was for the Royals to hand out bottles of tahini and have their fans squirt each other in the face after a home run. Don’t think they listened to me, but something put Moustakas at ease. In September, he hit .352 with 4 home runs. Looked like the guy who hit 10 homers in Triple-A in only 55 games and 36 homers between Double- and Triple-A the year before. If he would’ve hit only 2 homers in each of the other three months he was in the majors, he would’ve had 10 homers in half of a season and we’d be talking about how he could hit 25 next year. And if I had three legs I’d be unbeatable if the word “tripod” came up in charades. So obviously these hypotheticals aren’t doing us much good with Moustakas, but I just wanted to illustrate how quickly perception can change. So what can we expect of Mike Moustakas for 2012 fantasy baseball and what makes him a keeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Before he was called up in the beginning of June, I expected Brett Lawrie would get a 15/15 season in three-quarters of a season. (I also had one of my favorite titles of the season, “Brett Lawrie on Toronto is One Delicious BLT.” Hehe, that still gives me the giggles. BTW, it’s okay for a mustachioed man to admit to giggling. Anyone else over the age of eight should be embarrassed.) Lawrie then fractured his hand, no relation to Brad, and missed about two months. Then in 43 games last year after he was called up, he hit 9 homers and stole 7 bases. That sounds like he would’ve had the 15/15 in the abbreviated season as originally predicted by me. Or as Lawrie would say on Twitter #yabuddy. “You want to convey your emotional state while giving the most information possible, all in under 140 characters.” That’s Lawrie explaining Twitter to his Grammie. How did I know he was going to hit for power and speed? Am I time traveler? Do I read tea leaves under the pseudonym, Future Man? Am I witch? No, nope and I don’t think so, but without a good burning at the stake one can never be sure. I knew what he was gonna do because I looked at his minor league numbers. The things you can do with eyes! In Triple-A last year in 69 games, he hit 18 homers and stole 13 bags. The year before in Double-A, he hit 8 homers and stole 30 bases in a full season. Oh, and he’s only going to be 22 years old this year and he was born on my day of birth. We are both Capricorns. A land sign that enjoys walks on the beach and discreet nose picking. Usually at different times. So what can we expect of Brett Lawrie for 2012 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Curtis Granderson just went 41/25 with 136 runs and 119 RBIs. The least you could do is keep him for another year. Where are your manners? You know who’s going to definitely get an overrated post for 2012 fantasy? Yup. But for now let’s focus on the positives with Grandy. He was pegged as a lefty that only hits lefty but that wasn’t true last year. A new career trend? Sure, let’s say that for keeper purposes with the idea that I can change my mind when I write his overrated post. Okay, that was the last time I’m even alluding to anything negative on him. Last year he hit 16 homers and .272 against lefties. That was the best power in the major leagues against left-handers. A far cry from how bad he was against lefties in prior seasons. Sure, his homer per fly ball rate was absurd against righties and especially lefties, but I’m not here to be negative!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dee Gordon can steal 70 bases. ‘Nuff said. He’s Juan Pierre before he started bulking up and hitting two homers a year. “Juan, did you eat all your spinach?” “Yes, mother!” For some reason, I picture Juan Pierre living with the mother from Throw Momma from the Train and talking like Napoleon Dynamite. Dee Gordon is so fast he just ran into your room, moved your last wisp of hair from the left side of your head to your right side and all you felt was a small breeze. On Bill James’s Speed Score, he had a 9.0 in Triple-A. Jose Reyes was the fastest in the major leagues last year at 8.4. Frankly, the name Dee Gordon just sounds fast to me, and don’t call me Frank Lee. He’s like a coked-out-of-his-mind Ron LeFlore on six Red Bulls. He’s Michael J.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So I go out with this girl the other day on a date. I’m Grey, and I’m playing the field! I take her to this pizza place. It wasn’t particularly fancy, but they had good reviews and oil on the table for bread dipping, so it wasn’t Round Table either. Any the hoo, the pizza comes and she asks for Parmesan cheese. Only she doesn’t call it Parmesan cheese. She calls it “the sprinkle cheese.” Now this is either showing a lack of sophistication or being cute, depending on how expensive the pizza is that you’re ultimately paying for or how horny you are. This is the crux of these keeper posts. Whether a guy is a keeper depends on the price of the pizza and how horny you are (maybe less the latter part). If you have Eric Hosmer for $77 in a 15 team league, that’s too much. But most of you should have Hosmer for cheap, so voilà — he’s here. Here, indeed, he arrived in a big way, says Yoda. Last year in three-quarters of a season, he had a line of 66/19/78/.293/11. That was 128 games, if some of youse don’t know your three-quarterses. (Three-quarteri? Three-quartereaux? Whatever.) His line looks downright Joey Votto-ish (Votto-ey? Okay, I’ll stop). Will this continue for Eric Hosmer in 2012 fantasy baseball or will he be told, “You, sir, are no Sweet Genius!” (<–best/worst show ever)
The 11 steals look high even though it wasn’t a full season. Everyone on the Royals stole a lot of bases last year. I mean, c’mon, Frenchy stole 22 bases. “Hey, how come there’s only green M & M’s in this bowl?” That’s a Royals player in the locker room. Can Hosmer steal more than 11 bases? Sure. Just like Votto stole more than 11 bases last year. Sike! Votto only stole 8 bases last year. I fooled you bad! Seriously, I made you look silly. When players steal between 7 and 12 bases a year, they’re not really base stealers and can easily only steal 5-7 bases. That still makes Hosmer more valuable than the average 1st baseman, since they usually don’t give you much in the way of speed. His batting average last year at .293 looks more than doable. I wouldn’t be surprised to even see him hit twenty points higher with some luck. I wouldn’t expect that though. His K-rate was a bit high and his walk rate a bit low. Remember a large part of his average was driven by a huge September when he hit .349. His month of May last year looks the most relevant. In 99 ABs, a .283 average with a .295 BABIP. I’d go on the conservative side for average just to play it safe — say .280. Finally, the power. He was pretty consistent with power. He hit 4 or 5 homers in every month, except June when he just slumped all around. Since he just turned 22 years old, his power is not going to be all the way there yet. In time, he should be a 30 homer guy. Next year, I’d hope for 24 homers and expect 22, but as previously mentioned on the aforementioned tip, he’s not going to kill you anywhere and will be in the heart of the Royals lineup. Let’s say 80/23/95/.280/10. That makes him a definite keeper. Now please pass the sprinkle cheese!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not a huge fan of Dustin Ackley. Way to sell the reader on this keeper out of the gate! Why don’t you just tell me he slept with my Random Italicized mother too? Sorry, Random Italicized Voice, just being up front. The real world is already harsh enough with the truth and non-slanted letters. Lie to me!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Member when the Beastie Boys first came on the scene with (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party)? Sounded like a one hit wonder at the time. Even the goofy video seemed like a band that will come and go before Adam Curry’s hair fell. Yeah, they ended up exceeding expectations almost immediately. 2012 was Paul Revere, Brass Monkey, She’s Crafty, Girls and even their follow-up Paul’s Boutique for Asdrubal Cabrera. Last year, Asdrubal had 25 homers and 17 steals and got more hits than Sadaharu Oh. That’s seven more homers than Ass-Cab’s previous career high, if you consider his previous career high 18 homers were hit over his previous four seasons and fourteen hundred and fifteen at-bats. He’s crafty! If you would’ve got that from Hanley you would’ve been happy as a pig in shizz. So what’cha want from Asdrubal Cabrera for next year, and what makes him a 2012 fantasy baseball keeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
What is this, the 50th Razzball post on Desmond Jennings? Cute, Random Italicized Voice. All I can say is my love never peters for Jennings. (<– Cheeky!) Let’s look at some of things I’ve said in the past about Desmond Jennings. “Desmond Jennings was elected Sheriff of Fantasy Baseball Heartthrob Town and finally arrested The Zodiac Killer….Please, blog, may I have some more?
In 2012, Michael Pineda will open the sky and fart thunder. He will do a duet with Bruno Mars that will sound like rap to people who don’t know rap and their song will reach the top of the charts for 12 weeks. He will then put together a table from Ikea in less than an hour without dropping any F-bombs. It’s written and so it will be. You know the Sausage Race in Milwaukee? Of course you do. You’re not living on a deserted island with no one to talk to but a volleyball. So the Sausage Race is going on in my mind right now, but it’s not sausages. Instead, it’s players that I’m excited about owning next year. So far in that race there’s Mike Stanton and Michael Pineda. There will be more runners. We’ll get to those. Where did this jumbo-sized joy come from? In 2011, Pineda had a line of 9.11 K-rate and a 3.53 xFIP. Wait, that’s not a line. That’s okay. That’s all you need. I’ll put on some Marvin, drink some Chardonnay and make love to those numbers. So what can we expect of Michael Pineda for next year, and what makes him a 2012 fantasy baseball keeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I didn’t drop the ball on the keeper posts, things took precedence during the season. But, guess what? Keepers are back every Friday, so let’s talk keepers, boo. In fact, let’s talk Starlin Castro. That commie bastage. In 2011, his line looked like 91/10/66/.307/22. That was hitting third or higher (mostly leadoff) for a Cubs team that found a bread-crumbed rat in its offensive fried chicken. You can’t argue with those numbers. I mean, you can, but then you’d be arguing with numbers and that makes you crazy. You may as well be wearing a suit of someone else’s hair while ripping tags off of mattresses at a department store. Seriously, write loco on your neck and tell the pretty girl to stop looking pretty because she’s making you uncomfortable with your Hantz tattoo that is hard to read even after you spell it out for people. So what can we expect of Starlin Castro for next year, and what makes him a 2012 fantasy baseball keeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?