So you have the same song stuck in your head while you read this as I have in my head while writing it, let me just say this, “Black and yellow… Black and yellow… Black and yellow…” At least I didn’t say, “I whip my hair back and forth,” because that’s much worse. Or anything by Ke$ha. You know what the dollar sign stands for in the middle of her name? The money you have to pay me to listen to her. When I looked at Ryan Zimmerman back in September, I said, “Seems like Zimmerman’s career is following the two steps forward, one step back Electric Slide approach. In fairness, it was due to some thigh tightness in April and missing the last two weeks that caused Zimmerman to fall just short of projections. I have to say, for a top guy, he kinda bored me for stretches. Particularly, the 2 homer, .245 month of June and a zero homer month of September.” And that’s me recapping the recap! That didn’t sound like a huge endorsement, but he was also 25-years-old for the majority of 2010 and he was still a top five 3rd baseman. A position that is hella shallow in 2011. So what do I think Ryan Zimmerman can do in 2011 and what makes him a fantasy baseball keeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
For all major league starters named Francisco Liriano and not named Francisco Liriano, he only ranked 37th overall in ERA, behind Anibal Sanchez, Chad Billingsley and The Wandwagon. Liriano only won 14 games, which ranked 25th overall, tied with Jon Garland, Lackey and Brett Myers, amongst other yawnstipating names. So on first glance, you may not realize how good he was last year. He had the fifth best K/9 for major league starters last year. Above him, Lincecum, Lester, Yovani and Filthy Sanchez. Of those five, guess which one had the best xFIP at 3.06. Go ahead, I’ll wait. *taps finger, scratches head, flosses* It was Liriano! C’mon, that was a gimme. Okay, of those five, who had the best BB/9? *takes out garbage, wipes dandruff off shoulder, uses dandruff to add ambiance to fake Christmas tree* It was Liriano again! Now for the next fifteen minutes, I’m also going to throw in that Francisco Liriano was drafted on average around 200th overall. That alone makes him a keeper for 2011 fantasy baseball but let’s see what we can expect from him in 2011 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
David Price is the favorite player for Tampa-area Jews until they promote Ben L’Chaim from Double-A. They like to invite Price to mahjong games then haggle over him. All true. Oy. Last year, David Price raised his K-rate, lowered his walk rate, knocked a run and a half off his ERA and won nineteen games. You say it’s him showing his maturity, I say it’s due to him bending his cap just slightly to avoid the fate of other flat-billed pitchypusses. Luckily, Price didn’t win the Cy Young. That would’ve sent Keith Law into a shame-the-BBWAA spiral like no one had ever seen before. I will draw a mustache on your picture, Mr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m taking a break from telling you some obvious guys are keepers (Joey Votto is a keeper?! Get outta town, Grey!) to tell you Jhoulys Chacin is a keeper in some leagues. No, he’s not a keeper in 12 team mixed leagues if you’re choosing between him and Halladay (unless Halladay will cost you $75). At some point in January, I’m going to quote this article telling you how much I like Chacin in redraft leagues. Sleeper, anyone? At some point in March, I’ll probably post one of my teams and you’ll see Chacin on there. Not to mention, I have Chacin already on a keeper team of mine, so I’m pot committed. Yes, I’m holding Yo-lease tight. In his 2010 — rookie!Please, blog, may I have some more?
This will probably be the last time you hear me talk positively about Carlos Gonzalez. He’s going to be overrated next year. (Well, that positive stuff was short-lived.) There’s no way around it. But, for one last time, let’s live in the moment and assume you drafted him around the 10th round last year. That makes him some kinda keeper because he’s not going that late in 2011 fantasy baseball. Shoot, he may not see the 2nd round. You could probably trade CarGo right now for, say, Prince Fielder and sex with your leaguemates’ wife. It’s Indecent Proposal with….Please, blog, may I have some more?
I sit in a circle of a overweight men. One guy’s nervously tapping his foot, waiting to go for a cigarette break. Another guy is downing doughnuts like there’s no “ugh” in them. We all, obviously, have mustaches. Everyone but me wears a Mets hat. The guy next to me finishes his story about how K-Rod’s father-in-law used to come into his pupuseria and hook him up with free tickets. He breaks down rambling about how he can’t drive past a Howard Johnson without sobbing. It’s my turn to speak. Getting out from under that cloud of Minayal is a good start for the Mets, but — and here I try to be gentle — I tell them I’m not a Mets fan. One of the guys interjects, “I have an idear, let me smash you in your melon, you fargin’ icehole.” Before one the “sanitation” guys can move in on me, I tell them about how much I like Jose Reyes for 2011 fantasy baseball.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Travis Snider hit .155 in April and nearly lost his starting job. Where the OBP was solid in the minors, it abandoned him. Nothing was working. Then in May, he turned things around hitting .378. Gaston giveth time, Snider giveth power and OBP until he hurt his wrist and went to the 15-day DL for 62 days. Wrist injuries can be tricky things. Maybe when he returned in August with little power he was still nursing it? Maybe his power didn’t really return until the last week of the season when he hit four homers in 6 games? Maybe Green Day’s been singing the same two songs for the last fifteen years, one fast and one slow? I do not have the answers to these questions. I’d like to think all three are answered in the affirmative. So why is Travis Snider a 2011 fantasy baseball keeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Dread Pirate is in the top five for Grey’s most favoritest players. (People using third person for themselves is in Grey’s top five annoyances. It’s irony! Or not, did we ever decide what irony was? Ask the British, offer them some dental assistance.) Member when I said Andrew McCutchen was a poor man’s Shane Victorino? Feign Victorino. No? Probably cause I said that about Dexter Fowler. Nevethehoo! McCutchen’s the next Carl Crawford. How’s dem apples? Delicious!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Momma Weaver has a mullet too. Has to, right? I mean, Jeff and Jered both look they’re on the way to the gun show. When Jered Weaver comes in from the bullpen, he should be driven in an RV. Okay, but his stuff is not trashy. It’s nasty! Hello, I am Almost Poet, I make almost rhymes. They are enough to stymie!Please, blog, may I have some more?