Fantasy Baseball Advice

If you’re havin’ pitching problems I feel bad for you, son… I got 99 problems but pitching ain’t one…. Check the baseline out, uh-huh… Bounce wit it to my bro Ryan’s glove, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh, yeah… Can’t leave the hitters alone, the Nats need me… There’s a new Jay-Z in town and his name is Jordan Zimmermann. Hey, it’s everyone’s favorite for the National League Rookie of the Year.  Hey, how ya doing, National League’s favorite for Rookie of the Year?  Can I get you some hundred dollar bills to use for toilet paper?  Jordan Zimmermann went from no one’s cheddah to melting his Velveeta all over people’s draft sheets.  So where’d Jordan Zimmermann come from and is he here to stay?  Is he, dare I say, a 2009 fantasy sleeper?

In our Nats preview post, the owner of FireJimBowden (prescient!) was asked about Zimmermann and he said, “I would be careful. The Nationals defense is going to be terrible. He probably won’t open the season in the rotation. And I see him as more of a #2-3 eventually anyway.”  And that’s me quoting him!  Granted, that was before Zimmermann took it to spring trainingers.  Through Monday of spring training, Jordan Zimmermann has struck out 16 in 12 1/3 scoreless innings.  Now I understand the hype!  /sarcasm  With four pitches and Colin Balester in the rotation, there’s no reason to think Zimmermann can’t crack the Nats staff.  It’s a matter of whether the Nats will give him the shot.  With the team’s overall performance and the whole Bowden riding his Segway to the bank with overaged prospects thing, the Nats could use some good pub so I think they probably will let ‘mann open the season in the rotation.  But what can we expect of him?

Since Jordan Zimmermann is unfortunately on the Nats, don’t count on Wins.  As mentioned early, he has 4 pitches.  He uses those 4 pitches to strikeout snitches.  He K’d a little more than a guy an inning in the minors.  Then couple that with good (enough) control.  Since ya’ll know me better than I know myself (what did I have lunch?  Wrong!  Pastrami!), guess what I say to a youngster that can strikeout people?  Sign me up!  In the deep rounds of a draft, I’d definitely take a flier on Jordan Zimmermann.  But remember, for every Volquez, there’s a Parra and Cueto.

All of these rookies are worth grabbing at the right spot, but I wouldn’t reach for any of them.  Sorry if that sounds boring, but sometimes Grey needs to instill some right-wing fantasy baseball conservatism into the equation.  Longoria, Soto, Tulowitzki, Braun, Michael J. Fox in the first year of Family Ties, etc. panned out.  But for every time you scored with rookie nookie, there was a time when you struckout, Adam Jones, Johnny Cueto, Fukudome, Towles, Hughes, Parra, Justin Upton, Brian Bonsall, etc.  If you click on the links on the players below, you’ll see I covered all of these rookies for 2009 fantasy baseball back in November/December.   (These fantasy sleeper, rookie doodes are in no particular order.  Well… Technically, I did wrote them down in an order so they are in some order…)  Anyway, here’s some rookies for 2009 fantasy baseball:

David Price – I think he hits 150 innings and makes a huge difference for the teams who own him.  I’d pursue him like a third or fourth fantasy starter.

Matt Wieters – He’s been discussed ad nauseum since I discussed him way back in November.  I won’t have him in any league.

Cameron Maybin – I’m going to go out on a limb and say he’s a top 30 outfielder at the end of the year.  That’s a hunch more than anything.   What, I can’t have crushes?

Colby Rasmus – I like him in NL-Only leagues if he leaves spring training with a gig.

Travis Snider – Cheap source of 20 homer power.

Elvis Andrus – Liked him a whole lot more before Omar “I Will One Day Die At The Hands Of Jose Mesa” Vizquel joined the team.

Andrew McCutchen – Keep your eye on him in NL-Only keepers.  He might be a doughy bagel as soon as 2010.

Carlos Carrasco – I like him more than most, but he needs an injury to someone else to see some RT (that’s Rotation Time.  Acronyms don’t work as well when I have to explain them.)

Brett Gardner – I loved him back in November.  Now I’m a bit lukewarm.  If he can find legitimate PT, he swipes 30 bags.  Two things are going in his favor 1) Melky’s his main competition.  2)  See Number One.

Kenshin Kawakami - Two parts Kuroda, one part Hideki Irabu.

Jason Heyward – Keep Heyward in mind in NL-Only keeper leagues.  He’s my early frontrunner for NL ROY for 2010.

Chris Dickerson – Dusty Baker is talking of playing veterans.  Oh, Dusty.  You card!

Mat Gamel -  If he leaves camp with a full-time gig, he will be worth owning in mixed leagues.

Taylor Teagarden – I’d like him more if the Rangers didn’t have Saltymochachino in front of him.  Yet, I still like him.  I like Salty too.  To quote your Mom’s favorite movie title, “Something’s Gotta Give.”

James McDonald – If McDonald gets the fifth starter job in The Los Angeles City of Los Angeles (<–required by Anaheim law), he could be a great NL-Only sleeper.  James McDonald is a fantasy sleeper?! That’ll be a big seller in Google searches.

The Rangers announced their intention to move Michael Young to 3rd base for the 2009 season to make room for Elvis Andrus, their rookie prospect shortstop.  This, of course, threw Michael Young into a tizzy like an Emotionally Stunted Sandinista.  *stomps foot*  I didn’t tell them to censor all the comics, just Doonesbury! How dare the Rangers move Young’s 12 home runs to 3rd base where he would become even more fantasy irrelevant?  When Michael Young first heard of the Rangers plans, he was livid, saying, “What are my houseguests going to think now of my towels that are monogrammed with SS?  That I’m a Nazi?”  It’s surprising to see any reluctance from Young.  He was only the same guy who played through a fractured finger last season in his quest for an inconsequential 200 hits.  What’s really getting lost in all of this about Elvis Andrus replacing Young and Young moving to 3rd base?  What’s going to happen to Travis Metcalf?!  Okay, maybe that wasn’t lost.  Maybe that was sidestepped and picked up with a plastic bag.  So is Elvis Andrus a 2009 fantasy baseball sleeper?

There hasn’t been an Elvis so full of speed since The King passed away 30+ years ago.  Andrus just needs the playing time.  In Double A, Andrus stole 54 bases in 118 games.  So, B-I-N-G-O, he’s fantasy relevant, because, as we know, SAGNOF.  But will he get playing time?  Well, Young’s agreed to drag his woobie over to third.  Unfortunately, Andrus is not the strongest defensive shortstop, which normally would be ignored by us fantasy baseball ‘perts, but if he can’t field in spring training, he’s not making the club.  Last year, he had 32 errors in 109 games.  This is, how do you say?  Not good.  I think this might hold him back.  I doubt Andrus makes the club out of spring training, so I would ignore him unless you’re in a very deep league or a keeper.  But if things break differently in the spring and if the Texas daily newspapers are printing groaners like, “Elvis Has Entered the Building,” and “Rangers Infield is All Shook Up,” then Elvis Andrus will absolutely be worth a draft pick, even in shallow leagues.  Cheap steals from a late MI flier are exactly what you want.

Colby Rasmus goes by the nickname Razz or Razzle-Dazzle, which should make him a favorite here at Razzball, but there’s something pricky about him that I don’t like.  Might be the name, Colby.  It sounds like a total douche name, like a character’s name in a Bret Easton Ellis novel.  (Speaking of douche, I have two things to say.  First, I went to the original Dollar Store the other day.  No, not some weird field trip.  Like, “Hey, honey, you wanna go check out the very first Dollar Store? There’s tours at 12 and 2.  Oddly enough, not at 1.”  I was walking by it and I went in to grab a Gatorade.  The store was extremely small and there’s a giant one across the street.  So I ask them why don’t they close up this stankhole of dollar-priced items.  They tell me it’s the first store ever.  Yeah, it’s a real historic landmark.  Put up a plaque and add this to the World Famous Skyline Tour.  “On the right is the Hollywood Sign.  On the left is where they sold the very first discontinued-candy-that-might-get-you-sick-but-at-least-it’s-only-a-dollar.”  So what do I see in the dollar store, besides the aforementioned discontinued candy?  Summer’s Eve Douche.  I tell you this because I’ve been trying to think of what kind of woman buys douche at the Dollar Store for three days now.  I want you to be scarred too.  So there.  Okay, second thing, doesn’t it seem like the word “douche” should have an accent?)  Anyway, the real question is, will Colby Rasmus have any fantasy value in 2009?

Okay, I lied.  The real-real question is, will Rasmus win the starting job in 2009 for the Cards?  He might.  In February of 2008, the Cards GM said Rasmus will be in the majors in 2008.  A funny thing happened on the way to The Gateway to the West.  Rasmus sucked down a big bottle of Mediocre in the spring of 2008 and then went down with a knee injury in July.  He skipped out on winter ball, choosing to do his own strength and conditioning program (Beer and German pretzels?).  The good news is his knee should be healed in time for the spring of 2009.  Rasmus still has the skills of someone who can run, homer and strikeout with the best of them. To give you an idea of what to expect, if you’re showing Colby Rasmus and the dealer shows Krispie Young, that’s a push. His value could go up in the April, if he leaves spring training with a starting OF job.  In NL-Only and keeper leagues, you should pursue Colby Rasmus right now as a late round sleeper.  In mixed leagues, wait to see if he has the job in spring training.  If he does, then you should be buying in too.

Jason Heyward, besides having the surname of a 1930s matinee idol, has the mitts of a Yeti and the sturdies (<– that’s legs) of Frank Thomas.  His man gams are 117% oak.  You thought Jay Bruce could fight crime? Heyward just saved your life and you didn’t even know you were in danger. Look over your left shoulder — quickly!  See that shadow shrinking out of the room?  That was Heyward.  He’s now going to Ireland to sing harmony with that Once guy.  So being a globetrotting, harmonizing, crime fighting love child of a Yeti and Frank Thomas is all well-and-good, but can the the Braves outfield prospect, Jason Heyward, help you in fantasy baseball leagues in 2009?

Nope.  But… You said he was Yeti-like! Sorry, random italicized voice, it’s a bummer. I know.  So you’re probably thinking to yourself why am I even talking about him? (Yes, I can read your mind. Spooky, huh?)  Firstly, when I decided to go over 2009 fantasy rookies — Wait, you don’t need to know it from the jump, as the kids said in the early naughts. Fast forward to my reasoning… Twenty-seventhly, Heyward is going to be something special probably as soon as 2010.  This is a wake up call for all keeper leagues, NL-Only and mixed ones.  You know all that power and speed you love about The Uptons?  Heyward has that in duckets.  He’s my early 2010 NL ROY frontrunner and should be owned in all keeper leagues.  You want a prediction limb? Heyward goes 25/15 in his first full season with the Braves and he invents a Snuggie that doesn’t look quite as monk-like.