If you’re havin’ pitching problems I feel bad for you, son… I got 99 problems but pitching ain’t one…. Check the baseline out, uh-huh… Bounce wit it to my bro Ryan’s glove, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh, yeah… Can’t leave the hitters alone, the Nats need me… There’s a new Jay-Z in town and his name is Jordan Zimmermann.
Please, blog, may I have some more?2009 Rookies
All of these rookies are worth grabbing at the right spot, but I wouldn’t reach for any of them. Sorry if that sounds boring, but sometimes Grey needs to instill some right-wing fantasy baseball conservatism into the equation. Longoria, Soto, Tulowitzki, Braun, Michael J.
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The Rangers announced their intention to move Michael Young to 3rd base for the 2009 season to make room for Elvis Andrus, their rookie prospect shortstop. This, of course, threw Michael Young into a tizzy like an Emotionally Stunted Sandinista. *stomps foot* I didn’t tell them to censor all the comics, just Doonesbury!
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Colby Rasmus goes by the nickname Razz or Razzle-Dazzle, which should make him a favorite here at Razzball, but there’s something pricky about him that I don’t like. Might be the name, Colby. It sounds like a total douche name, like a character’s name in a Bret Easton Ellis novel. (Speaking of douche, I have two things to say. First, I went to the original Dollar Store the other day. No, not some weird field trip. Like, “Hey, honey, you wanna go check out the very first Dollar Store?
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Jason Heyward, besides having the surname of a 1930s matinee idol, has the mitts of a Yeti and the sturdies (<– that’s legs) of Frank Thomas. His man gams are 117% oak. You thought Jay Bruce could fight crime? Heyward just saved your life and you didn’t even know you were in danger.
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While regurgigating Jobacum, I mentioned Gamel is a lot like Ryan Braun. All hit, no field. In Single-A ball in 2007, Gamel made 53 errors in 128 games. In that post, I said that he plays 3rd like Jenny McCarthy at a celebrity All-Star game, but I think I was overestimating his glove work. Kenny Mayne might be a better comparison. Last year Gamel cut his errors to 30, but still led Double-A with the most errors by a third baseman. Oh Gamel, you’ve done it again! If he could just get to the big leagues as a third baseman, his bat will be one to own in fantasy. But can he help your fantasy baseball team in 2009?
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Back in September, I wrote about the Rangers catching situation in a post titled, “Rangers Decide Catching Wins Championships:”
Gerald Laird? Yeah, he’s serviceable. Jarrod Saltimbocca? He was enticing enough to get from the Braves and he’s wonderful with broccoli rabe.
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Who’s a 2009 NL Rookie of Year candidate? Who’s a 22-year-old Phillies rookie who should be owned in keeper leagues already? Who won The Pickup Artist and how? Wait, that last one was off topic, but to answer, Carlos Carrasco, Carlos Carrasco, Simeon with negs and DHV spiking.
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Most of the rookie nookie reacharounds I’ve given out so far have been for hitters. But that doesn’t mean all 2009 fantasy baseball rookies will be hitters. Right, David Price? So today there’s Dodgers rookie pitcher, James McDonald, who is in no way related to the smooth-as-a-Mah-Jong-tile, Michael McDonald.
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Andrew McCutchen has been compared to a young Barry Bonds. Not because he takes steroids and kicks puppies. He’s getting the comparisons because McCutchen is toolsy. Hey, Grey, my friend works at Home Depot and we call him Toolsy. Good to know, random italicized voice.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
