I usually like to wait a couple of months into the season to look at some of the catchers that couldn’t throw out your grandma even if she loses the tennis balls off her walker. (What is the deal with those tennis balls? I feel like that’s the kinda nonsense thing that would have a Facebook Fan Page. Everyone who likes tennis balls on walkers! Yay! BTW, what did people do before Facebook? Oh, yeah, Myspace. BTW II, The Return of BTW, is there anything sadder than getting an email from Friendster. Hey, come check out the new Friendster! Sure, as soon as I get on the internet with this dial-up modem.) Or some of the catchers that are quite agile — hey, it’s Italian! I wait a few months because new catchers come into the league and I like to see a decent sample size — that’s what she said! Anyway, here’s some of the best and worst catchers for fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Lucroy – Has only thrown out 6 baserunners out of 33. And he doesn’t even get to try and throw out Prince Fielder. “Pretend 2nd base is a vegan muffin…Now run!”
John Jaso – 7 caught out of 35. And John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt doesn’t have to try and throw out Upton.
Rod Barajas – He’s pretty tizzerrible, but Dioner, his backup, is less so. And less Jaso, for that matter.
A.J. Pierzynski – The most runners have tried to go on A.J. outside of McCann. From my two years in Kenya, I can tell you runners are total gossipers and they probably talk about how you can run on A.J.
Josh Thole – This post is an asset for short schedule days when you pick up a guy for one day to try and score a steal. Thole, like Barajas, makes that hard because his backup is good at throwing out runners.
Jason Varitek/Jarrod Saltymochachino – The above comment for Thole doesn’t hold weight with this dynamic duo. You, eating the Cheetos and scratching your underarm? You could steal on these two.
Eli Whiteside – Eli doesn’t like to catch people stealing. He likes to guilt them into not doing it.
Lou Marson – 13 caught, 14 allowed. While Carlos Santana isn’t smooth at throwing out runners, you do not run on Lou Marson. His last name anagrams to No Arms, but that shizz is a misnomer.
Ivan Rodriguez – 9 caught, 10 allowed. Hey, maybe Boras can get him another $5 million now.
Wilson Ramos – Though Boras will have to try with another team, because Ramos is just as nasty — 12 caught, only 16 allowed.
Matt Wieters – 18-for-46. Too bad that’s never his batting line over a week.