Carlos Zambrano has managed to win 13 or more games for 6 straight years. It wasn’t easy. He had to get through a Sweatshop Foreman in Dusty Baker and a pitcher hater in Lou Piniella. He’s managed 17 HRs in his career and has almost hit his weight (.240). But, for some reason, he decides to lay down a bunt single and strains his hamstring trying to beat it out. Somewhere Michael Barrett chuckles. This sucks if you’re a Zambrano owner but doesn’t do much to change his value. He’ll miss 3-4 starts and come back to pitch at about 4.00 ERA, solid Ks, and a Win every other start. That’s assuming, though, he stops trying to emulate Juan Pierre. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Sanchez – 4 IP, 4 ER. Walked in a run in the 1st. There’s got to be a direct correlation between pitchers walking in a run and how undesirable they are for fantasy. Maybe we can get Rudy to draw up a chart.
Alex Rodriguez – Farted yesterday. Big news!
Alex Gonzalez – Headed to the DL. Hey, who’s going to hit .220 while he’s out? Don’t worry, the Red have Paul Janish and Jerry Hairston Jr.
Chris Iannetta – Hit his 5th home run yesterday and collected 4 RBIs to bring his total to 10. John Baker has 2 home runs and 10 RBIs. You’d swear all the questions I answer about these two schmohawks that one was remarkably better. Here’s the deal with punting catcher. They’re like scabs. Just leave them alone! Iannetta will have 17-20 HRs by September. You don’t have to keep picking at him.
Mike Napoli – 4-for-4 yesterday. Hey, it’s the other catcher that works his way into every “Baker or Napoli or Iannetta” question. Pick one then let them be. Please. You’re going to leave a scar.
Brandon League – Got the save opp because Downs had worked three straight games and League gave up three runs. Mad Libs, The Pun Edition: Out of His ________.
Matt LaPorta – HR yesterday. After the game he said, “I’m this year’s Bruce. Now… let’s dance!”
Andy LaRoche – Hit his first home run yesterday as he hits .253 on the season. After the game he said, “Adam went off-book. We’re a 2nd half family.”
Eric Stults – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER. You know who really appreciated this performance? Peter Bogdanovich.
Javier Vazquez – No one pitches better for five-sixths of a game than Vazquez.
Andrew Bailey – There’s some rumblings up in Bub Rub country that he might be moving in on Ziegler territory.
Nick Markakis – Hit his 4th homer yesterday with 3 RBIs to bring his total to 27 as he bats .370. I am Sparkakis!
Fausto Carmona – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER. Yeah, I’m glad I dumped this knucklehead. Good luck to you, Carmona. Don’t write.
Kyle Lohse – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Hope who ever had him in April heeded my advice to loshe him.
Franklin Gutierrez – 3-for-4 as The Big FraGu goes yard!
Russell Branyan – Hit his 7th homer yesterday. When I say cheap, you say power… Cheap… Power… Cheap… You got it.
Matt Capps – Came in to save a 4-3 game and left down 7-4 after a sac fly and 3-run gopherball to Rickie Weeks. So what happened to the Pirates’ Jolly Roger tonight? Cappsized! On a less snarky note, that’s three straight outings where he’s given up a run. And he’s given up 6 runs and 9 hits in his last 2 innings pitched. Pittsburgh doesn’t have a better option but John Grabow might be worth handcuffing at this point.
Edwin Jackson – 6 IP, 5 ER. Pulled his best Javier Vazquez impersonation as he was great through six innings then was roughed up when he went back for the 7th.
Jon Lester – 7 IP and 10 Ks. With 33 K and 10 BB, he’s a solid buy low candidate given his 5.00+ ERA. Just realize he comes with some risk given he threw a zillion pitches last year.
Phil Hughes – Not a great start. Maybe because it was a chilly, rainy night. Too early to give up on him. Sorry, I know everyone’s dying to drop him for Eric Stults now that Juliette Lewis has left him. (Razzball: Perez Hilton’s Favorite Fantasy Baseball Site!)
Jose Reyes – Right now, he’s at 10/1/8/.257 with 5 SBs. That’s looking pretty crappy when Bobby Abreu has 11 SBs and guys are stealing 5 bases in a day.
Rick Ankiel – Tripped and went head first into the outfield fence. We’re rooting for you buddy. (And, note, we don’t have him on any team. We’re not THAT callous).
Huston Street – 1-2-3 inning for his 3rd save. That’s 5 straight outings without a run. And rumors are circulating that Manny Corpas might get send down. The Colorado closer situation has been settled once and for all for the next 2 weeks until Street gets hurt.
Zack Greinke – Another shutout. The trick? He gets dressed in the Visitors’ locker room.
Francisco Liriano – Won his first game of the year – after losing his first 4 – with 9 Ks in 7 IP against Detroit. Anyone that bet on him going 0-33 should be feeling mighty stupid.
John Maine – Evened up his record to 2-2 after giving up only 3 hits in 6 IP with 7 Ks. Yeah, that’s the good part. Did we mention 3 ER and 6 BBs? We own him, but that doesn’t mean we have to like him. It could be worse I guess (we’re looking at you, Oliver Perez).
Mark Teixeira – HRs from both sides of the plate. Let’s check the calendar. It’s now May. Yup, makes sense. Time for Marco Scutaro to suck now.
Ryan Zimmerman – 4-for-4, 22 game hit streak. First slow-starter Adam LaRoche has a great April with little brother Andy at the other corner. Now Ryan Zimmerman starts hitting like crazy when Jordan “Two-N” Zimmermann was called up. So don’t be surprised if the Red Sox sign Russ Ortiz.