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“Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.”

With that being said, it’s officially go time! Time to make that valiant push into the playoffs, time for me, Tehol Beddict, to assist you however possible in turning your dreams into reality. There’s no time to waste so let’s swan dive right into this thang. This is, Disgrace/Delight!

Note: Are you brave enough to battle not just my fantasy football wit, but my fantasy football loins… powered by the Elder Gods? Take me on in our fantasy football RCL’s for special prizes!

 

Players Who Delighted This Week:

Carlos Santana- Dipset Call Santana!! I sit here in awe of Carlos tha God’s .288/.412/.567 batting line with 16 home runs in his last 59 games, as he was left for dead, dissed and forgotten, thought his luck ran out, hoped he was gone, stiff and rotten. Sorry friends, Cleveland is Santana’s town, and the boy is going harder than Ron Jeremy off two dozen oysters and pack of yellow jackets. If you happen to be one of the unfortunate mortals who dropped him, it must burn like 1000 scorching suns. If you either bought low or picked this catcher-eligible wonder off waivers, it must feel like busting a nut and dropping a Van Damme roundhouse in your arch enemy’s face all at the same damn time. The man is hot, ya’ll.

Josh HarrisonIs it odd to anyone else that this 5’8″ spark plug is obliterating any and all statistics he’s put up in his three stints with the big league club? The eight jacks surpasses his previous three season total, COMBINED. And have you seen this broski on the base paths?? Dude is slicker than Lisa Ann’s brown eye after being filled with an entire bottle of baby oil. One wonders what kind of pact Harrison made with the Elder Gods, for he’s beginning to remind me of Mike Trout. Drug test me if you want because of that last statement, but all I’ll test positive for is Cristal and caviar.

J.P. Arencibia- Awwww, an old Beddict favorite; I’ve adored J-Peeeezy since he came up with the Blue Jays briefly back in 2010. I’d certainly love to return to that year in the Hot Tub Time Machine and get him hitting lessons from Barry Bonds and Pete Rose, for we’d be conversing about one of the best hitting catchers in major league history… but that may be going a tad far, but this dude’s power is all the way real .Unfortunately, Arencibia’s career average sits at .210 to go along with this season’s .187 (he’s definitley not murdering anything), so he’ll be luckier than Justin Bieber was ducking Legolos’s punch, just to stick in the bigs for a couple more seasons. Still though, my man is hotter than wasabi on a herpes infested gatito, batting .320 with 3 yack jobs in the last week, so insert him into your lineup, pop yo collar, and smile about it.

Matt KempMatty “Long Dong” has absolutely pulverized opposing pitchers over the past seven days to the tune of a .530 batting average and 3 round trippers. I thought Kemp wanted to be traded? This is certainly not the behavior one displays when hoping to be moved before the deadline, for the Dodgers would look more foolish than Christian Slater trying to gain entrance to the Academy Awards by dumping Kemp now.

Corey Kluber- Klubes should be arrested for sodomy based on what he did to my Mariners Wednesday night. A complete game, 3 hitter with 0 walks on a minuscule EIGHTY FIVE PITCHES??!! I was unaware it was humanly possible to accomplish such a grande huevo’d (speaking a lot of spanish today) feat. Kluberliscious’s ERA now sits at a sparkling 2.61 and should easily surpass 200 strikeouts on the season. Kudos to you if you drafted him.

Josh ReddickDon’t hibernate on J-Redd, cuz this man has been known to rake, and lately he’s been doing just that, hitting .385 with 2 bombs over the past week. He’s batting in a stacked lineup and blasted 32 long balls in 2012. He may be returning to us like Jesus, when the whole fantasy world needs him. He certainly has the beard. We may be witnessing a return almost as powerful Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recent big screen triumphs after he led California to epic prosperity…….Oh wait, Ah-nold’s movies have blown hippopotamus D. Bad analogy. [Jay's Note: Sabotage was underrated in my opinion.]

Marcus Stroman- I’ve written about him recently but the continued dominance is on par with that of a young Nasir Jones as Stro-dog is getting Illmatic on the competition. REPRESENT young brotha, REPRESENT!!!

Non MLB Delight:

Razzball’s 32 in 32 in 32I’m sure you all know about this exciting opportunity already but it’s my civic duty to humbly request your presence at one or more of the 32 Razzball TELEVISED draft parties. If you like incredible prizes, astoundingly beautiful women, fine brew and fantasy football, this is the party for you! I, Tehol Beddict, will be kicking off the celebration in Seattle on August 4th (along with the Guru, Sky, and Nick), so if you live anywhere in the vicinity I suggest you show up. You draft a fantasy football team, and it’s gone in a year (not including dynasty obviously). You take a picture with Beddict and frame it on your mantlepiece… that my friends, lasts a lifetime. Guru and myself may even hit the strip club with you afterwards. Capozzi might be able to join, but not until he’s written in his own blood that I’ll be receiving weekly guest spots on the show from here on out, or he’ll be locked in my basement. It puts the lotion on the skin. DO NOT MISS THIS!!!

 

Players Who Disgraced Themselves This Week:

Madison BumgarnerThis is for my girl Diamond Lilly, who despises everything Bumgarner represents, especially his irregularly enormous thighs. Bum Bum obviously hasn’t been that horrific over the course of the season but be honest with yourselves; You were expecting much better than a 3.41 ERA and 1.23 WHIP and you certainly weren’t expecting him to get bent over like Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction this week for 5 earned in 4 innings pitched.

Jesse ChavezWow, my boy J.C. fell off like a bad bag of dope. I suppose we all knew it was a matter of time but Chavez owners are going crazy and shaving their heads like Britney Spears back in the day. Save yourself the stress and drop this future middle reliever as he has thrown only 1 quality start in his past 6 appearances.

Kendrys Morales- The supposed savior for the Mariners lineup has dropped more duds than Luke Perry post 90210, and that’s saying something! With 1 hit in his last 22 at bats it’s safe to say Morales is purposely sabotaging the M’s offense for he never wanted to be back here in the first place. If only we had Marlon Byrd or dare I say, Domonic Brown, we could be a true contender. K-Mor is no better than the rest of the useless frauds in this pathetically inept lineup and I for one, hope they release him outright as each at bat looks more peon like than the last. #DISGRACE!

Shelby Miller- It must have hurt Shelby deeply when Michael Wacha surpassed him as the future ace of the franchise. Getting clowned by Wacha flocka flame is one thing, but when Joe Kelly is making you hand wash his jock straps, well that’s a whole new level of disgracefulness. I’m sick of waiting for Miller to come around and it’s obvious the Cardinals have missed their best chance to flip him for anything of value. I’m assuming none of you own him at this point but if that’s not the case, do so now or my boy J-Foh will give put you in a Boston crab. You don’t want that, trust your friend, Beddict. Dude is like a mix of Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart and Razor Ramone.

Tim Lincecum- You remember that incredible run Big Time Timmy Jim was on? Yeah, it’s finished, so drop him like Mike Tyson did THESE chumps.

Thank you for joining me for another session of Disgrace/Delight. I enjoyed myself per usual and I hope you did the same. I very much look forward to meeting some of you in person on this Razzball journey as it could lead to some very interesting evenings. Yes, I’m speaking to Diamond and Fantasy football hottie out in Tennessee. Feel free to leave questions and commentary below as well as tweeting me directly at @Tehol143. Have a fab weekend, my friends.

 

  1. Egg Zach Lee says:
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    that link to JCVD roundhouse led me to a 30 min adventure of Van Dammage

    curse you and your wonderful links

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Egg Zach Lee: Bro, I’ve just had it on repeat on my projector for the past 24 hours. i may never turn it off

  2. clicker seeker says:
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    20 team, keeper league

    Which end of this trade would you prefer:

    Goldschmidt, Jordy Mercer, Jeff Locke vs. Ortiz, Zobrist, Rios, Leake?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Goldy

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Grey: GREY DOG IN THE HOUSE!!!!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Booya!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @clicker seeker: Goto be Goldstein mos def. this a no doubter, playboy

  3. Zar says:
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    How about gyoko? Looking good so far eh? Just snagged him and he hit a home run today!

    Allen Craig to v

    • Zar says:
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      @Zar: yeah stupid phone

      Anyways, allen Craig worth anything in Boston?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Zar: Craig might do better there if he can get time at first with Nap dogs numerous injuries. generally speaking he should be better but not majorly better as the season is lost there.

        • Zar says:
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          @Tehol Beddict: My season is almost lost with last night’s performance by lincecum. Garza, Peavy, Odrisamer Despaigene (sp?), McCarthy, and Keuchel are all available. Any of them over Lincecum (I’m finally cutting ties with my hometown team…)

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Zar: keuchel has been nice wit it.garza probably more trust worthy as well

            • Zar says:
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              @Tehol Beddict: And Mancush Stanton. He have a chance for a 40/20 season?

              • Tehol Beddict says:
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                @Zar: doubt he gets there but 35 and 15 not out of the question.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zar: Oh yea! started him in daily leagues yesterday won me hella cash money and all that sh!t. #BoomShockalocka

  4. Clint says:
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    What the heck’s up w/your Mariners helping the Tigers acquire Price, Tehol? They may have gotten A-Jax in the deal but putting yet another CY Young Award winner on your playoff opponent as your in-division-opponent in Oakland loads up w/more barrels themselves toward you’s not a good thing, is it?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Clint: It’s not a good thing whatsoever. At least we’re not really competing with those two teams as of now as they’re division leaders and will almost assuredly win their divisions. What I don’t get is how the Rays didnt even get close to as good a package as Chicago got for Smadge. I could be wrong(its happened before) but I just don’t get it. Jackson is major improvement over what we have but he’s def not a major difference maker. don’t want to speak on denorfia…….ughhhh

  5. Cranz says:
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    Tehol, your column is always a DELIGHT.

    Time to grab Taveras in most leagues?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Cranz: Thanks, buddy!!! Yes, I’d grab Taveras everywhere no questions asked. APpreciate you stopping by, broham

  6. CRice says:
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    With Jackson leaving Detroit and Parra headed to Milwaukee, which Davis would you rather have? Rajai or Kris?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @CRice: oooooooh. Question of the day!!! I’m as big a Rajai Davis fan as there comes but this simply breaks down to if you want speed or power. davis will hopefully be playing daily now so I’m with that but Khris obviously provides the boom stick and I think he’s got another hot streak in him. Probably lean Khris unless desperate for steals. thanks for reading and the great question

      • CRice says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Just afraid Khris will get into a timeshare situation in that outfield now. The other option would be to week both and drop Wilin Rosario? I have Mesoraco.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @CRice: I’m totally fine with that move as well. I suppose rajai could “potentially” play more than khris. is yours a daily league ?

          • CRice says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: It’s a weekly league.

            • CRice says:
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              @CRice: Let’s throw another layer on it. You can carry two of the four…. Khris, Rajai, Lind, Rosario?

              • Tehol Beddict says:
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                @CRice: I would hold the davis bros and dump the other two with mesoraco in place

                • CRice says:
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                  @Tehol Beddict: You advise is both kind and generous. I will take my question of the day award home and hang it on my refridgerator. Then I will learn to spell refrigerator.

                  Be Well John Spartan.

                  • Tehol Beddict says:
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                    @CRice: and you had to top it off with a Demolition man reference?!?? You’re a god damn legend.

  7. J-FOH says:
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    becoming legendary by the hand of the man that has the ear of the elder gods….I’ll take it!!!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @J-FOH: J-Foh, the Elder Gods and I salute you. and your beard. and your dong

  8. y4rivera says:
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    Pujols and Rios or Encarnacion?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @y4rivera: naaaaaah, probably not. rios has to start launching a few. well, how deep is your outfield?

  9. Qbert says:
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    Yo T,

    Currently rockin the Aaron hill at 2B, with pedroia on the bench until he’s out of timeout. Worth dropping hill for gyorko ? I know he’s only had like one good game all year but still…

    Also, do you see Ajax losing value with his move to the emerald city? If so, I’m finna target another OF…venable? Eh maybe not. He may just be a flash in the pan. Your thoughts?

    -Q

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Qbert: Waaaaaassssup, yea I’d make that move ASAP. aaron hill is doing absolutely nothing for me. I would assume A-jax will be about the same minus the runs scored LOL. not great option but possibly serviceable. Venable is more intriguing for the short term but can always dump if it all comes crashing down for him

  10. Leifer maddness says:
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    so should i pick up riddick or tavares need help, and what are your thoughts on solarte now in san de?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Leifer maddness: First off, not a huge Solarte fan. I’d probably grab Taveras over Reddick now that the position is seemingly his for the rest of the season. love dat upside, Leifer

  11. Light Black says:
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    If you had to trade one: Darvish or Strasburg?

    My gut says Stras even if he doesn’t produce gaudy k numbers from here on out. Darvish though may get some rest by playoff time. Not keeping either due to how our league keeper rules are setup so that’s not an issue.

    My staff is..

    Sale
    Darvish
    Strasburg
    Kluber
    Kazmir
    Wheeler
    Kuechel
    Minor
    Chavez

    Maybe for Kemp or Gomez or Brantley I’m guessing.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Light Black: hmmmm that staff is stacked up and racked up but seems like a hog for one of those batters. Darvish def superior player but it’s possible they shut him down since their season has gone in da crappa. Kemp is the most intriguing at the moment but pretty much a coin flip. u can afford to give up one of those pitchers tho. I don’t have problem shipping of strasburg

      • Light Black says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Yeah that’s the prob, Stras would prolly be the guy as far as pure numbers down the stretch to deal, but Darvish being shutdown is a legit concern to me. I prolly should shoot bigger for like Adam Jones,but I really need some Rbi and more pop from the outfield.

        Harper and Cuddyer were suppose to be 30 home run guys for me and have less than ten total for the year. I thought even Gordon would have somewhere around 18-20. I’m great in runs, sb’s, OBP and all pitching cats really(dominant in k’s, WHIP and ERA). Middle of the pack in batter k’s. 7 out of ten in rbi’s though and 5 out of ten in homers. Marte,Gordon,Jackson,Eaton,Harper,Carter is my OF. Looking to get one or two rbi/hr guys in there. Cuddyer on the DL.

        Yeah…I really want to win it this year lol. maybe I’ll try something like Kazmir for Kemp and then try to get another guy like Jones with one of Darvish or Stras. Thanks for the reply man appreicate it….still fing stoked about the Tig’s today getting Price!!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Light Black: for sure. Price is insane trade. what a phucking move!!

          I would attempt Yu for Adam Jones but thats probably pushing it a tad. Kemp might actually work out for you . maybe a two for two where you improve at another spot as well. Straburg very well could be more valuable to end season.

  12. Nick says:
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    I’m hearing Asdrubal Cabrera is going to be a back up in the Nats’ infield, and the pickings are slim at SS on the waiver wire. Got any names I should check into? I’d like to see Baez get promoted and ride that the rest of the season, but I don’t see it happening. Not yet, at least. I officially don’t have a SS, what the hell am I supposed to do?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: Mariners’ CHris Taylor is a bit intriguing tho not sure if he’ll get to play daily or not. Lemathieu on rockies? cabrera should produce some numbers in that lineup so Id go there first. Baez thing doesnt seem to be happening anytime soon unfortunately. do u have a moves cap? you just go with best match ups and hot streaks

  13. pickleball says:
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    Tehol, i remember your optimism and worrds of encouragement over the one they call Bryce Harper. I’m sad to say you’ve lost another man in the ‘ones who still believe’. he’s been riding my bench and that’s the best place for young bryce. his trade value is squandered, and i still refuse to trade this guy only to watch him blossom on another rostoer.

    may we rejoice in the hype and expectations fulfilled for next year. next year is the year. yes. yes it is.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @pickleball: It happens all the time but in my heart I know he will have the kind of torrid hot streak that will make women’s panties melt, worldwide. And yes, next year he’s a steal in the 2nd round LOL. for real tho

  14. CB says:
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    10 team H2H 5×5

    Trading Rizzo for Chris Davis and Nelson Cruz?

    Need power and outfield help.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @CB: ooooh, that works for me. a little risky as Cruz will be slowing down but Davis should be picking it up. solid move. Im with it, CBeeeeezy be easy

  15. TheMuppetManiac says:
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    I want to trade deGrom for a bat. Would Teixeria be too much to ask for? I can use a guy that drives in runs.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @TheMuppetManiac: not at all. thats a trade that SHOULD happen, Muppet. Get on that, pippin

  16. TheMuppetManiac says:
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    I want to trade deGrom for a bat. Who would be fair? I was thinking of Teixeria, since I can use a guy that drives in runs.

    • TheMuppetManiac says:
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      @TheMuppetManiac:

      Sorry about the double post. I didn’t think the first one went through.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @TheMuppetManiac: oh I love it. give me more page views.

  17. Mike says:
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    Ive won the past seven weeks, and now it seems my whole team is slumping. I picked up a few guys to shake things up, but im not going to panic. My concerns are Wong, Brantley! Calhoun, and Palanco. Im thinking Wong may be droppable but theres not much out there. Im in a 10team hth. Any sleeper suggestions? Im currently in 3rd place, secure in making the playoffs if I play .500 the rest of the season.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mike: its tough out there for 2b, it really is. I think polanco brant and calhoun should be fine going forward but wong is whatever. Id have to see a list of who’s available but theres not big time sleeper prospects I can think of off hand. ill dig a little deeper and get back to u if I find something. thanks for reading. hit with a list of best available 2b

  18. Bye Felicia says:
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    Kickboxer has to be my all-time favorite. Or bloodsport?

    Best line from kickboxer ” You bleed like my Li, My Li, Good Fuckkkk” Haha Epicness

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bye Felicia: what a mesmerizing film from start to finish. I need that on blue ray ASAP

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