Hey, I can bench Eric Hosmer! That was the first thing I thought when I picked up Matt Adams. First stop for Hosmer is my bench, next stop waivers. Yesterday, our prospect writer Scott said this about Adams, “Despite the impressive audition (in Spring Training), St. Louis sent him to Triple-A Memphis where he’s hit .338/.373/.597 with 9 HR through his first 150 plate appearances… With an advanced approach, solid on base skills, and plus power, Adams has a chance to do damage in the bigs right away. He’s worth an add in most formats. There’s really not much else to say, except Grey is handsome.” I obviously wouldn’t have copied and pasted all of that if I didn’t agree. In a 12 team mixed league, I found room for him (then again my offense could use anything at this point — I have Brian Dozier!) by losing Anthony Rizzo. I do think Rizzo will be up soon and is worth owning, but I could only speculate on one “young 1st baseman that will fix my other young 1st baseman problem (Hosmer!).” With Berkman possibly out a while (as of this writing, his timetable wasn’t clear, but it didn’t look good and he was talking of retirement), Adams just needs to hit to get everyday playing time (please, deity of my choice, let him hit). At first, I could see him platooning a bit with Carpenter so don’t overreact on who you drop when you pick up Adams, but if you’re hurting at 1st base, get smart and don Adams. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Aroldis Chapman – Hey, he’s now the closer! Mazel tov! I remember when he was just a new Cuban raftee and, now, he’s a man. A real fine chap, man. He has yet to allow an earned run in 22 1/3 innings to go with 39 Ks. Man, that is beautiful. Shoot, I have to change my shorts. And…I’m back! You miss me?
Ryan Ludwick – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs with his 4th homer. Just when it looked like Heisey finally bought himself a longer leash, Ludwick comes along to confuse Dusty. (Yes, they both played yesterday, but that was only because there was a DH.)
Paul Konerko – After taking one off his face on Friday, the White Sox said they should be able to punim back in on Tuesday.
Jake Peavy – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. No kidding, who would you prefer: Peavy or Lincecum? Is it close?
Gordon Beckham – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games. If it’s not the Rip Van Winkle of sleepers. If you’re desperate for infield help, I could see grabbing him for your middle infidel spot.
Adam Dunn – 1-for-4 with his 14th homer. Like one of those weekly Bieber’s been trampled by 1400 screaming Asian girls rumors, the reports of Dunn’s death were also premature. Rob Thomas would say he’s come un-Dunn. Fantasy Baseball Blurb Police, “Bieber and Rob Thomas in the same blurb? C’mon, man, don’t make me ticket you.”
Ike Davis – Terry Collins (who?) said that Davis could be headed to the minors. All kidding aside, have the Mets doctors checked him again for Valley Fever? Actually, has anyone but the Mets doctors checked him for Valley Fever?
Kevin Youkilis – Phillies and Indians are “monitoring” Youuuuuuuk. I found this funny for some reason. Next time I’m caught sitting outside an ex-girlfriend’s house, I’m going to say I was just “monitoring” her. Wouldn’t surprise me to see Youuuuuuk moved. Red Sox don’t want to send Middlebrooks down and Youuuuuuk’s so welcome in the Red Sox clubhouse that Bobby Valentine commissioned Billy Ocean to remix his own song to, “Get Outta My Team, Get Into My Veggie Wrap With Swiss Chard.”
Josh Beckett – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. Cliff Lee, who went 7 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, as the two last place teams battled. The Comatose Red Sox and Phillies fans, that conked out the day before the season started, blink their eyes open, “Don’t you mean first place?”
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games, and 7th on the season. Why do I wish he had 1st base eligibility and I drafted him instead of Hosmer?
Mike Aviles – 2-for-5 with his third homer in as many games. Thomas Peefuttle who?! Actually, that’s a made-up name, but Aviles has been good even if you compare him to someone who’s real.
Jonathan Lucroy – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 7 RBIs and 2 homers. Actually, I wouldn’t mind dropping my whole RCL offense and having only catchers.
Corey Hart – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs with his 9th homer as the Brewers exploded for 16 runs. Elias Sports Bureau said Corey Hart was rated by People Magazine as The Ugliest Man Alive. Actually, Elias didn’t say that, but here’s something that was overheard at the Stamford compound of Elias Sports Bureau. “In Accounting, Jeff and Dave have casually joked about switching wives twenty-seven times in the last two weeks for a new office record. Also, Jeff recorded it a record 17 times to be used for blackmail purposes later.”
Colby Lewis – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Astros. In related news, American League pitchers are fully supportive of the Astros’ 2013 league switch.
Vance Worley – Has a bone chip in his elbow. He says he’s going to “man up” and pitch through the pain. Who’s he Bruce Willis cutting a bullet out of his arm and bandaging it up with a shirt he rips with his teeth? Ridiculous to think Worley’s going to be anywhere near as effective and not just end up back on the DL.
Anthony Rizzo – That billboard counting down is not how many hours until the America’s Got Talent premiere, that’s until The Scer arrives. The Cubs confirmed yesterday what I was saying on Friday. Rizzo’s arrival, or arrizzal, is imminent.
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 15 Ks. There’s the eggs Woody Allen was talking about that we need. Hopefully, if you dealt with the bad half of the schizo-Scherzer, you also got this good half.
Rod Barajas – B*****s ain’t shizz usually, but, for those in deep leagues, B*****s has 2 homers in his last three games.
Greg Dobbs – 3-for-4, and .154 over the last week, but whatever. I just want to rant about how stupid it is that Ozzie is splitting up Hanley and Stanton with Dobbs. I get the whole righty/lefty thing, but is that really going to change how opposing managers think when they see Greg Dobbs? It’s not like they’re saying to themselves, “I’d go to my righty here but Dobbs, who’s hitting .253 against righties over the last three years, will kill me.” Move Giancarlo into the cleanup spot, I need RBIs!
Josh Johnson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. After the game, his porn star brother, Gosh Johnson sprayed the team with what everyone is hoping was champagne.
Emilio Bonifacio – Ended up on the 15-day DL with a sprained thumb. When asked how it was feeling, Bonifacio stayed true to his name and tried to put on a good face.
Derek Lowe – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.15. He said he’d have an ERA under 2 if it wasn’t for Indians fans.
Mike Trout – 3-for-4, now batting .355. At Sunday brunch, he had a mimosa, grapefruit wedges and a slam & two legs. Trout homered and stole a base off Bass, something the media is calling “Fish on Fish” crime.
Vernon Wells – Headed to the DL with a thumb injury. He’ll have some free time now to reply to all his fan mail that is meant for the actor from Weird Science, Vernon Wells.
Alexi Amarista – 1-for-6, with a steal. He was the piece the Padres got from the Angels for Frieri. Here’s what Bud Black said Scioscia told him, “The first thing (Scioscia) said was this guy can play six positions, he can feel comfortable with them anywhere, he swings the bat and he has some speed, so that versatility plays much better in the National League.” Right, nothing at all like Maicer Izturis. With the Padres now having (n)O-Dog, Amarista has been playing 2nd base. In the minors, he hit for a decent average with speed. In the majors, I could see him having a .270 average with 25 steals. Definitely NL-Only grab. I’d hold for now in most mixed leagues.
Justin Smoak – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. I told you last week to grab him for his road trip and now he heads back to Safeco, so where there’s Smoak, there’s other options off the waiver wire.
Mike Carp – Has homers in back-to-back games. Carpe Carp!
Wei-Yin Chen – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER as he was pitchslapped by Strasburg. I’ve seen Tony Pena pitch better than Chen. And Tony was pitching in a Home Run Derby.
Danny Espinosa – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs with his 4th homer. Going on about ten days of hot schmotatoness.
Jesus Flores – 1-for-4 with his 1st homer. If you lost Wilson Ramos, Flores could basically do the same thing. And that’s a promise or my name isn’t Grey “El Toro” Albright.
Stephen Strasburg – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, but left the start with bicep tightness. He said he should be fine for his next start. He’s going to apply some Hot Stuff and then not touch his groin for the next five days.
Mark Ellis – Will be out for at least 6 weeks as the doctor performed an emergency procedure on him to relieve pressure in his leg. The Dodgers will turn to Justin “The Inspector” Sellers and Elian “I Wouldn’t Mind Checking Out Miami Again” Herrera. Elian and Sellers aren’t much to look at outside of deep NL-Only leagues, especially if they’re sharing time. Since Ellis will be out, the Dodgers may now ask Flavor Flav to no longer stand above Dee Gordon’s head with his giant ticking clock.
Jeff Francoeur – 4-for-4, but I’m giving two of them to the now batting in the seven hole, Hosmer.
Wade Miley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. I see you moving your cursor towards picking up Miley. Stop and back away from your computer. Go splash some coffee on your face. You’re sleepwalking.
Brandon McCarthy – Went to the DL, but the A’s found no damage to his scapula. Sounds like there should be a chicken in there, i.e., Chicken Scapula. BTW, when you’re in a fancy restaurant and the waiter rolls up the cart carrying your entrees, make sure you say, “They weren’t joking when they said it was all a la carte.” It’ll make you look classy.