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There’s a theorem that says if you gave a monkey a typewriter and an infinite amount of time, it could produce a Shakespearean sonnet.  My question is, what if every monkey with a typewriter writes something more ingenious than anything Shakespeare ever came up with, but since we don’t have monkey brains (entirely), we don’t understand it?  Deep Thoughts with Grey Albright.  As for the theorem, how much monkeying around does it take in Boston to get one Bard?  The Red Sox got the infinity part of the theorem right (Aceves’s ERA and WHIP), and they got what you usually get from a monkey and a typewriter… Crap thrown against a wall.  Mark Melancon’s ERA is 36.00 and WHIP is 5.00, which looks downright beautiful compared to Alfredo Aceves’s ERA and WHIP which are just letters — INF, and if you owned Aceves for fantasy you know the INF stands for I am Now F***ed.  To be, or not to be:  the real question is who will close for the Red Sox?  Bobby Valentine hinted they might go to Daniel Bard.  Valentine doth protest too much, methinks!  Of course, Bard should be the closer.  You mean the one pitcher with the stuff to close that is now in the rotation that doesn’t have starter stuff?  Over the last three years, Bard has the third most Holds, 213 Ks and 1.06 WHIP in 197 innings.  But no Holds, Bard, now.  Thine own self be true, and thine self is a closer.  Give him saves.  In the meanwhile, trattorias in Boston’s North End are adding Fedupfitzy Alfredo to their specials.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Clay Buchholz – 4 IP, 7 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  This Tigers/Red Sox series lived up its billing, and that billing was, “Both teams have one ace, then agita.”

Austin Jackson – 4-for-6, 3 runs yesterday and 8-for-14 in the series.  In related news, Vanity sang her big hit, Nasty Girl, at karaoke.

Max Scherzer – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  If Max Scherzer sounds like a character that Michael Chabon created, then yesterday the Nazis won.

Doug Fister – Off to the DL with a costochondral strain.  That’s what you get when you eat too many $1.50 hot dogs at Costco.

Miguel Cabrera – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and a homer.  On Saturday, 2 homers and 3 RBIs.  Now hitting .455, which coincidentally is his BAC.

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  The Giants three-headed ace (Lincainbum?, Caincecumgarner?) didn’t fare so well in Arizona as the Giants’ petition to play their next series in Arizona in the Grand Canyon.

Brandon Belt – 1-for-10 this weekend with 5 Ks, as he was out-hit by his bench replacement Brett Pill (1-for-1 with a homer).  I’m not making excuses, but I think for Passover Brandon Belt was replaced by his Jewish doppelganger.

Buster Posey – 2-for-4 with a homer and no broken ankles.

Aaron Hill – Homered twice on Saturday.  Love to see him combine his crazy homer year of 2009 and crazy steal year of 2011.  Imagine 36 homers and 21 steals from Aaron Hill.  Will take a whole lotta tryin’ to just get up that Hill.

Bryan Shaw – Got the save yesterday since Putz recorded saves in the first two games of the season.  Nothing to see here, the Diamondbacks just aren’t jerking around with their Putz.

Jay Bruce – Hit his 2nd and 3rd homers yesterday.  I’m Eskimo-kissing Jay Bruce on all of my fantasy teams.

Zack Cozart – 1-for-3 yesterday and hit a homer on Saturday as he bats .545.  You don’t want to know what I’m doing to Cozart on all my fantasy teams.

Heath Bell – 1/3 IP, 2 ER as he joined every reliever in major league baseball and blew the save.  Why do I feel like 2012 is the year we all do Chinese fire drills on closers?

Chris Perez – Got the save yesterday after I got to the red light, ran around the car, grabbed Pestano and got back in the car.  I’m sure we’ll hit another red light by Wednesday.

Carlos Santana – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs with 2 homers.  I don’t own Carlos Santana anywhere, but as long as he’s not doing duets with Rob Thomas I’m happy.

Corey Hart – 3 HRs over the weekend.  Shame on those of you who didn’t get the memo that he does really well overcoming spring training injuries in even years.

Ryan Braun – Homered on Sunday.  The homer is under review because it was postmarked on Friday.

Fernando Rodney – 2 outs, 2 saves over the weekend.  First Farnsworth, now Rodney.  Joe Maddon is like the Crappy Reliever Whisperer.

B.J. Upton – Expected to return April 20th.  Just think, if the Rays were married to this then they’d have to a wait a lot longer for a B.J.

Carlos Pena – Hit his second homer of the weekend yesterday.  He’s the kind of player that hits 7 homers in 10 games, then 20 Ks in 5 games, so get in while the gettin’ in is good.

Jeremy Hellickson – 8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Pitched a superb game for the “Grey Says He Hates These Guys, Let’s Make Grey Look Wrong” team.

Mike Minor – 5 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Here’s me yesterday, “Hey, Minor’s through 3 innings with 5 Ks and only one run.  Finally, one of my pitchers is performing.  It’s about time.  I won’t look back at this game, so I don’t jinx it.”  That No-Look/No-Jinx worked out perfectly!  I will now stick my head in the oven.

Lucas Duda – Hit 2 homers on Saturday.  Oh, what a Duda day.

Jason Hammel – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks as he switched bodies with Gio Gonzalez, Madison Bumgarner, Matt Cain and Yovani Gallardo.  Not cool, Jason Hammel, not cool at all.

Vance Worley – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks making his mom, Jo Anne, so proud and me, since he was, like, the only pitcher that I liked that did well this first weekend.  On a serious note, don’t throw out the baby with the fantasy team.  There’s only three games played for most teams.  You want your pitchers to come out and pitch well, but Bumgarner, for instance, had an ERA over 6 last April.  Gallardo’s ERA was also over 6 last April.  You can’t win your league in April, but you can lose it by overreacting.  Chillax is the portmanteau of the day.

Juan Nicasio – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Pitched a terrific game until Rex Brothers blew it for him.  Last time, I buy furniture from him.

Wilin Rosario – Homered in his first start of the year.  Can we get someone to Gillooly Ramon Hernandez?

Bud Norris – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Triceps issue behind him, and now unto bigger and better injuries like shoulders and obliques!

Eric Hosmer – Homered in back-to-back games this weekend and had the always-delicious slam & legs on Easter Sunday.  Guessing Moustakas is waiting until next Sunday to do the same.

Pedro Alvarez – 1-for-3 with a homer.  Way to show up to the party 12 months late.

Lance Lynn – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Looking for someone that can come out of nowhere and be valuable?  Here ya go.

Jeff Samardzija – 8 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Someone already grabbed Lance Lynn, but you’d prefer a guy with a last name you can’t pronounce?  You’re in luck!

Matt Kemp – ESPN reported, Kemp homered on Sunday to extend his hitting streak to 16 games.  Huh?  Did the Dodgers and Padres play back-to-back-to-back quintupletheaders?

Dustin Moseley – To the DL with a strained right shoulder.  What an odd thing to find in your colander.

Chase Headley – 1-for-2, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer in Petco and equaling his Petco homer output from last year.  Chase “Doing Just Enough To Stay Rostered on Your Fantasy Teams” Headley.

Hector Santiago – With heat from the fantasy baseball community and Nolan Ryan, Robin Ventura finally relented and decided on Hector Santiago to close, saying Thornton will maintain his 8th inning role.  Not sure why it took so long for Ventura to say that.  It’s like the White Sox manager hat is The Mask.

  1. Electric Wombat says:
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    How do you feel about ol Milone against the Royals tomorrow?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Electric Wombat, I like him…

  2. Good morning, Grey –

    In my 14-team roto league, another manager just dropped Doug Fister. I’ve already got Stauffer in my DL slot but I’d rather have a fully healthy Fister (at least in part because I’m a Detroit fan) than a fully healthy Stauffer, and in the preseason you had Fister ranked significantly higher than Stauffer. But is there any reason to think that because of the nature of their injuries Stauffer will be more effective once he comes off the DL?

    Also, are you guys in any holds leagues? Any chance of a future column on who to target for holds? I’ve won my holds league once and finished second once but keep getting killed in holds … I need to remember HAGNOF! Any help?

    Thanks!

  3. Shin-Soo Choo Choo says:
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    I preferred Vanity in Never Too Young to Die, which I saw in the theater when I was 12. Hermaprodite-Gang Leader Gene Simmons shoving his giant tongue down Vanity’s throat greatly shaped and informed my love for bad movies.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Shin-Soo Choo Choo, Great call!

  4. Goose says:
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    Hark! The season is officially (no like for real now) underway! And lo, forsooth, how I’ve missed my midsummer’s night, er, recaps. Especially the weekend review at midnight on Sundays. Yea, I smil’d, whence this first o’ the year took a turn for the Shakespearean. Well done, Master Grey. Well done, indeed.

    I have a non-baseball question for you here, if I may.

    Who are some authors/writers you’d call favorites or influences on your writing style? With the Chabon and Willie Shakes shout-outs, just got me wondering who/what else you like to read, when yer not dropping mad blog quintessences.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Goose, Thanks! I like Michael Lewis, Chabon, Easton Ellis, Gladwell, amongst others…

  5. Piranhaman says:
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    i know, it’s only one game, especially versus Padres, in the Petco.

    but, is it too early to smell something like this year’s James Shields from Chad Billingsley?

    i’ve grabbed him before he pitched, so i earned terrific stats.

    now i can’t drop my first part-timer from WW. inconsistent Bills had the worst season ever he could get in 2011. it looks like a James Shields story a year ago.

    Grey, how’s he? just one start wonder? or counterattack of forgotten star?

    • Baron Von Vulturewins

      Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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      @Piranhaman, One start is one start, but I like Billingsley. What do you usually look for in a breakout? Pedigree? Check. Good ballpark? Check. Weak division? Check. Past success? Check.

      No guarantees, but C-Bills seems as likely as anyone to offer a Brett Myers/Edwin Jackson/Shields type breakout. My two cents.

      I say this as someone who a) drafted him in the second-last round; b) dropped him to pick up Brandon Belt; c) watched him torch the hapless Padres; d) picked him back up again right-quick.

  6. DrEasy says:
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    Guess who had both Scherzer and Buchholz in his team, with Aceves thrown in for good measure? Not cool, Boston vs Detroit, not cool.

    • Paulie Allnuts

      Paulie Allnuts says:
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      @DrEasy, Hey, Doc, on Saturday I had Beckett, F-Her, the Cleveland Streamer of the week, Bartolo Colonoscopy, with sublime relief efforts from Kerry Wood and Car-ma , as well as Vinnie Pestano. the combined line was 19.2INN 35H 27ER 7BB 18K 1W (King Felix picked up the Conshellation Prize) 0S 12.36ERA 2.14 WHIP. I dare anyone to top that Razztastic performance!

      • Paulie Allnuts

        Paulie Allnuts says:
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        @Paulie Allnuts, I guess Colon is one again dropped to ; status…

      • beardcrabs says:
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        @Paulie Allnuts, ok you made me feel better, thank yo…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @DrEasy, Ha!

  7. chata says:
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    “Will take a whole lotta tryin’ to just get up that Hill.”

    you gots to be chillin’ with jeremy jeffress to be singin’ george jefferson .

    • chata says:
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      @ Grey :

      jeffress/jefferson … see how i did that ?

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @chata, Ha!

  8. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:
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    I get all excited for Liriano after his great control during spring, he strikes out the side in the first inning, with his fastball regularly hitting 93 and 94. Stoked, right?

    Trollololololiriano. Ends up with an average fastball of 91 after coughing up a bunch of runs and striking out one more guy over three innings and like 20 batters faced.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Feeding the Abscess, Yeah, glad I didn’t fall for that banana in the ol’ tailpipe again…

  9. Steve says:
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    I like how Lance Lynn(k) is in a post that deals with monkeys…

    Great to have the full roundup back, Grey. Quality stuff as always.

    H2H speaking, what are your thoughts on Chacin at home v SF?

    • Feeding the Abscess

      Feeding the Abscess says:
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      @Steve, the Giants could play on the moon and I wouldn’t guarantee that they’d scratch four runs. I’m not Grey, but for what it’s Werth, I’d start him.

      • Omar Comin', Yo! says:
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        @Feeding the Abscess, For what it’s Wuertz, though the Giants haven’t won a game yet, they’ve actually scored 4 or more runs in all three games so far.

        • Tony says:
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          @Omar Comin’, Yo!, Ya i think the giants have a little more pop than last yr. I mean they have posey back and they’ve added a few bats, and belt should hit at some point right? i think they’re going to score more than 1 run per gm like last yrs giants, this is a new year…..

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Steve, Thanks! I’d start him…

    • beardcrabs says:
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      @Steve, the giants are scoring runs this year boyz… we’ll see…

  10. Aaron Oz says:
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    Speaking of “losing your league by overreacting”, someone in my league just dropped Youkilis for Kyle Seager.

    This is in a CBS Sportsline money league too…

    • TheNewGuy says:
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      I guess the fact Grey doesnt even mention Liriano getting knocked around shows what he thinks of him.

      The problem is what do we do with him now. I took him late in a deep 16 teamer where there’s little of anything available on the wire. H2H league where im currently getting killed in ERA+WHIP, think I need to keep hold of him a little longer just in case so would you bench him next time out or gamble if you have the starts available?

      • Tony says:
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        @TheNewGuy, oh if you drop him you know he’s throwing a complete game shutout… lol

      • Tony says:
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        confidence level on throwing these starters in H2H matchups
        1-10 with 10 being most confident.

        Nova @ BAL
        Chacin vs. SF
        Beachy @ HOU
        Sale @ CLE

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Aaron Oz, Someone in my expert league just dropped Cliff Lee… Not even joking…

      • royce! says:
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        @Grey, Whaa?!! I’m available if you guys are looking for a new manager.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, bit bonkers… I think they’re reverting the move…

          • royce! says:
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            @Grey, Nanny state! How will the experts ever learn if they don’t suffer??

  11. Critter Nagurski says:
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    Standard categories + OPS, I was hoping Montero would get C eligibility, but that ain’t happening…. Soto, Ruiz, Buck, AJ Pierz, Mesoraco…. who fills in best?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Critter Nagurski, Soto

  12. Grey's da man! says:
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    Samardzija or Minor?

    • AdamH says:
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      @Grey’s da man!, I’m no Grey, but Minor!

      • mrobs says:
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        @AdamH, I was thinking of asking the same thing… but Lynn or Minor?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Grey’s da man!, Minor

  13. Penny Kowers says:
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    What? No love for Frank2? How many saves does the guy have to get in a series to get some love from Grey?

    • Paulie Allnuts

      Paulie Allnuts says:
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      @Penny Kowers, Mets 3-0 AMAZIN! Grey promises to relent on Met sarcasm for a week…

      • Paulie Allnuts

        Paulie Allnuts says:
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        @Paulie Allnuts, Almost forgot the Dan Murphy watch:

        5/13 1 0 2 0 .385

        Not Zach Cozart, but not shabby either.

  14. PhillyYorker says:
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    Alex Gordon. (Just in case you needed a confidence-boosting “I told you so.”)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @PhillyYorker, Thanks, still only 3 games…

  15. MrHappyTime says:
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    Nova or Edwin Jackson, who would you go with today?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @MrHappyTime, Neither… Jackson…

  16. 2 Cups 1 Braun says:
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    Grey : I’m sick of you having Cozart all to yourself, Ive got this slut named Aybar blocking me from boarding the SS Cozart. Would you dump Aybar for some Cozart nookie?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @2 Cups 1 Braun, In some leagues, yeah…

      • 2 Cups 1 Braun says:
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        @Grey, 10×10 OBP keeper league as Cozart is in my farm right now.

  17. I am starting Rosario in a 2-catcher league, so basically I am crossing my fingers at your suggestion. Thanks for giving me hope……also thanks for Cozart!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @RambleOn, Cool…

  18. JungleMike says:
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    Grey: Some shmuck just dropped Beachy for Duda in our 6 team roto league. So my shmuch like question for you – should I drop J. Santana for Beachy?

    • Dingbat says:
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      @JungleMike, Yes yes yes and a few more times: yes!

      • JungleMike says:
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        @Dingbat, Even worth a waiver pick up that puts me in the back of the line?

        • Omar Comin', Yo! says:
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          @JungleMike, yes.

    • Paulie Allnuts

      Paulie Allnuts says:
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      @JungleMike, Thats a no-brainer, JM

      • JungleMike says:
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        @Paulie Allnuts, Figured, but I just wanted to double check.

        • Paulie Allnuts

          Paulie Allnuts says:
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          @JungleMike, No problem. Beachy could be a beast; Johan did look pretty good, but tired in the 5th. Even if he is healthy, he is a shell of the stud that was. The Mets have a knack at purchasing All-Star pitchers right at the beginning of their inexorable decline.

  19. Jangle says:
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    Niese, Lynn, or Samardjzia?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jangle, Niese

  20. MattTruss223 says:
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    Oh, Saturday was a great day for my Yahoo! public league team. Started MadBum, Gio, and Latos for a sweet 8 ERA, 2+ WHIP! Whoo Hoo!

    Wanted to throw out there that Vincente Padilla is about the only thing that’s looked good coming out of the sawx ‘pen. (4 scoreless yesterday) I speculativly grabbed him on the off chance he sees some SV opps as the front office stubbornly keeps Bard in the rotation. What can I say, I’m desperate.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @MattTruss223, I have an 8+ ERA in my RCL…

  21. theguarantee says:
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    Broxton was throwing 98-99 according to the radar gun as he came in and struck out the first three batters he faced after Aaron Crow allowed a couple baserunners. Not sure how many others saw that being Easter and all…

    I’m stuck with Gordon Beckham at 2B in a 14 team league (w/ OBP) with little to nothing on the FA list. Any of these guys worth an add (I have a roster spot):

    Infante, Tejada, Andino, Barney

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @theguarantee, I’d hold for now…

  22. mikeZ says:
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    so stick with the hot hand in Hill or move to Kipnis? 12 team 5×5 roto league with no bench…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @mikeZ, Hold

  23. Ronkonkoma says:
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    I have Jesus waiting for his “C.” I need to pick up a catcher for the meanwhile: Ramos, Lucroy, Martin, Ianetta, Buck, or Suzuki?

    • Piranhaman says:
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      @Ronkonkoma, i think the answer could be Wilson Ramos. then, you’d want to keep him longer than you planned.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ronkonkoma, Ramos

  24. DasPeck says:
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    Grey,

    Aceves tried to destroy me…and the Red Sox.

    Pick up Brett Myers? (sigh)

    • Wilsonian says:
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      @DasPeck, absolutely. You shouldn’t even have to ask.

  25. Peter says:
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    There is very little written on AJ Burnett. News has it that he will return very soon. Should he be stashed?

    • Paulie Allnuts

      Paulie Allnuts says:
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      @Peter, Yes, in a Razzball league:)

  26. B.o.B says:
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    Sale or Nicasio?

    • Omar Comin', Yo! says:
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      @B.o.B, Sale.

  27. K!cks says:
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    Lynnsanity!!!

    • Paulie Allnuts

      Paulie Allnuts says:
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      @K!cks, Ha!

    • stumanji says:
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      @K!cks, Lolz

  28. Fletch says:
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    A. Hill, K. Johnson or Ackley?

    H. Alvarez or L. Lynn?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Fletch, Hill… Lynn…

  29. mhfella says:
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    Hey there you. De Aza or Bourjos as my everyday fourth outfielder? De Aza only had 150 ABs last year. Is he likely to do what he did over a full year? Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @mhfella, Hey there you. Bourjos…

  30. Graveyard Duck says:
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    Grey, that intro paragraph was one of your best. What do you think of Laroche’s start? Worth an add in a 12 team H2H?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Graveyard Duck, Thanks! Worth grabbing while hot…

  31. Tony says:
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    Gery/Rudy/Razzers….

    confidence level on throwing these starters in H2H matchups
    1-10 with 10 being most confident.

    Nova @ BAL
    Chacin vs. SF
    Beachy @ HOU
    Sale @ CLE

    • Tony says:
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      @Tony, especially gery…..lol

      • Wake Up says:
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        @Tony, Always sit gery on the road and start grey at home!

      • Wake Up says:
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        @Tony, I would start them all this early

        • Tony says:
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          @Wake Up, ya its just h2h with a 20 inning min in one league and a 32 inning min in the other.

  32. Baron Von Vulturewins

    Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    My rotation: Gallardo, Bumgarner, Gio, Anibal Sanchez, Volquez.

    So…. that was a long week.

    • Sweeney says:
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      @Baron Von Vulturewins, I had Gallardo, Bumgarner, Gio, Anibal, and Cahill for my rotation. For saves, I had Perez, Jansen, and picked up Aceves and Melancon when the Boston job opened up. So… could be worse.

      • Baron Von Vulturewins

        Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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        @Sweeney, I think you trumped me. Though I did drop Chad Billingsley the day before he struck out 11 Padres. Then picked him back up. That’s smart management right there. It’s like the opposite of streaming. It’s called steaming.

        I also have Melancon.

        And Aaron Hill has more HRs than my entire team.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Baron Von Vulturewins, Only felt like a week… Was just 3 days…

  33. Baron Von Vulturewins

    Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    P.S. I’m all-in on Lynn.

    Lance Lynn! Sounds like a character from “The Flash” comics.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Baron Von Vulturewins, Ha!

  34. Ed Nugent says:
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    Mike Saunders or Juan Pierre?

    • Sweeney says:
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      @Ed Nugent, I like Juan Pierre to get more playing time in Philadelphia than anybody expected. Many had him getting ~150 ABs, I see him getting more like 300, which should let him be the source of about 20 or 25 steals for your team.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ed Nugent, Pierre

  35. Ed Nugent says:
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    Aaaaand, Lynn or Cahill?

    Aaaand thanks.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ed Nugent, Cahill

  36. Jon says:
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    Chris Heisey or Alex Presley?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jon, Presley

  37. Oregon Nut Cups

    Oregon Nut Cups says:
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    The Twins are going to be streamworthy all year. No HRs and only 5 runs total in Camden Yards. I thought it was bad being a Mariners fan…

    • Oregon Nut Cups

      Oregon Nut Cups says:
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      @Oregon Nut Cups, Oops a Willingham HR in the first game. Still not pretty in Minny, though.

  38. joe from point pleasant says:
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    Is Derek Jeter a suitable 2nd utility player in a 12 team H2H Points league where you start:

    C,1B,2B,3B,SS,OF,OF,OF,UTIL,UTIL?

    Runs and RBI are worth 5 pts each. SB are worth 10 pts. and each total base is 5 points.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @joe from point pleasant, Yeah…

  39. Shin Soo Been Gone says:
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    How worried are you about Drew Stubbs now that he’s batting 7th? I own him in 3 leagues and I’m wondering if it’s time to shop him around for someone who’ll get more than 3 ABs a game and those SBs and runs at the top of the lineup.

    On the flip side, I own Cozart in 2 leagues, so that’s looking good.

    • Shin Soo Been Gone says:
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      Bee tee dubbs, they’re all standard Yahoo 12 team 5×5 leagues.

    • Wake Up says:
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      @Shin Soo Been Gone, Nice name! Sounds like what you would say if Seth Smith left you.

    • DonSlaughtOnslaught says:
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      @Shin Soo Been Gone, I am guessing he will be seeing more than 3 ABs most games; Reds offense is pretty good.

  40. Cutch>Philly says:
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    @Grey, 10-team keeper league (30-man rosters) where I also have Kendrick to play 2B, would you trade Cano for Cozart and Motte? I always have a hard time setting trade value for high-end talents (like Cano)… would Cozart and a starter get it done (trade partner has Latos or Garza)? He also has LoMo or Ike Davis I could ask for. What’s fair value for Cano?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Cutch>Philly, Nope… Cano’s a first rounder… Cozart had three good games…

    • stumanji says:
      (link)

      @Cutch>Philly, No way. Not even close.

      • Cutch>Philly says:
        (link)

        @stumanji, thanks.

  41. Jack says:
    (link)

    Is Adam Laroche for real? As in should he be owned in a 12 team league, real? I watched Alex Rios this weekend at the Rangers game. That homer was nice to see, but otherwise I felt like I was watching pigs eat.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Jack, Depends what your for real is… He’s a 25 homer guy with a bleh average…

  42. Cutch>Philly says:
    (link)

    @Grey or anybody, what would you consider fair value for Cano? (10-team H2H keeper league, deep rosters) Here are some players I’d be interested in from my potential trading partner: Cozart, LoMo, Ike Davis, Garza, Latos, Motte. I have Kendrick to put in my 2B spot, and right now I have Tulo at SS and Rollins at MI. Thanks!

    • royce! says:
      (link)

      @Cutch>Philly, No combination of those players would be fair. Cano is a first round player, you should receive a first round player in return, not a closer and waiver wire pickup. Do not trade for any of those players.

      • Cutch>Philly says:
        (link)

        @royce!, none of those players would hit the waiver wire in this league (or if they did they’d be picked up immediately). Like I said, deep rosters (30 players per team+5 minor league spots and guys stay eligible for these spots as long as you don’t activate them… I have Belt and Minor in two of mine, for example), plus competitive owners. Cozart, Latos or Garza, and Motte seems fair-ish to me… obviously our opinions are pretty different.

        • DonSlaughtOnslaught says:
          (link)

          @Cutch>Philly, Why don’t you try trading Kendrick for one of those guys?

        • dingbat says:
          (link)

          @Cutch>Philly, In such a deep league, it makes a bit more sense to value quantity over quality, but still — if you’re offering an elite talent like Cano, you should be getting more of a sure thing back. If you’re trying to fill multiple holes, try trading Cano + another player for another elite player and one or two of the other players you mentioned.

  43. Abell says:
    (link)

    Lynn, nicasio, or billingsley? Or niese?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Abell, Niese

  44. Cutch>Philly says:
    (link)

    What’s fair value for Cano? Trading partner has Cozart, Ike Davis, LoMo, Garza, Latos, Motte (and I have Kendrick to play at 2B… 10-team H2H keeper league with deep rosters). Which of those guys would you ask for in return? Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Cutch>Philly, None of those guys.

    • Whiskey Diet says:
      (link)

      @Cutch>Philly, Only a handful of guys have ever hit 3rd in the Yankees lineup. Don’t trade a strong AL MVP candidate for anything less than another Top 10 guy… (think Longoria, Fielder)

      • Cutch>Philly says:
        (link)

        @Whiskey Diet, ok, thanks for setting me straight.

  45. Cutch>Philly says:
    (link)

    Geez, sorry about the triple posting. They weren’t showing up right away. Now I feel like a d-bag.

    • Tony says:
      (link)

      @Cutch>Philly, if it was a really big league, say 20 teams, maybe, but all in all in a 10 team league I’d never deal a CANO type for sure talent for a bunch of hopefuls. I play in an 18 teamer, we have more players taken than your league, my 12 teamer drafts 27 players, i dont think your rosters are as deep as you think.

      I’d hold man. Cano’s too valuable. deal Kendrick if anything like someone else suggested.

      • Cutch>Philly says:
        (link)

        @Tony, ok. Thanks for setting me straight.

  46. Commish Cauda says:
    (link)

    20-team, H2H-Points Keeper League w/$70 cap

    CC Sabathia $8 and Lucas Duda $2
    FOR
    Bumgarner $3 and CJ Wilson $4

    I need pitching, and am trying to get MadBum while dumping CC’s high salary at the same time.

    You like?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Commish Cauda, Bum side is decent…

  47. gbaked says:
    (link)

    hey grey,

    Austin Jackson for real? or is this just a hot start?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @gbaked, He’s a terrible average guy with steals…

  48. LobBall says:
    (link)

    I’m in a 2 C roto league and I am already getting antsy about my #2 catcher the 0 for 7 Doumit. Should I hold or drop for Mesoraco or Rosario?

    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @LobBall, Hold for now…

  49. RealMcCoy says:
    (link)

    Okay. My pitching got killed 1st weekend. 10 team h2h

    Starters: F-Her, Gallarado, Bumgarner, Gio, Scherzer, Minor, Liriano, E-Jax
    Closers: Putz, Motte, Marshall, Jansen

    Opening weekend line: ERA 8.54 WHIP 1.79

    Should I start streaming starters? Should I drop either Minor, Liriano, and/or E-Jax to add a better starter? Are there any pitchers I should hold and only play based on matchups?

    Waiver Options I’m luke warm about. Should I grab 1?
    Dempster, E. Volquez, McCarthy, Bedard, Lynn, Lohse, Samardzija, Worley

    I’m in panic mode already!!

    • RealMcCoy says:
      (link)

      @RealMcCoy, Also, Erick Aybar or Zack Cozart for rest of season?

      -Thanks

      • Baron Von Vulturewins

        Baron Von Vulturewins says:
        (link)

        @RealMcCoy, I own both — can you keep Aybar and stash Cozart? Too early to put all your eggs in Cozart’s, er, basket. And Aybar will have solid value hitting in front of Pujols.

        • RealMcCoy says:
          (link)

          @Baron Von Vulturewins, I have Cozart stashed now only because BJ is on DL?

          Would you drop Jansen, Liriano or E-Jax in order to stash Cozart (once BJ returns)?

          • Baron Von Vulturewins

            Baron Von Vulturewins says:
            (link)

            @RealMcCoy, BJ isn’t back for two more weeks so you should have a few more starts to evaluate Liriano and Jackson (especially Liriano). I’d definitely think about dropping him to keep Cozart, esp. if he keeps sucking.

    • Wilsonian says:
      (link)

      @RealMcCoy, as many have said above, “I’m not Grey” but I’d take all of those ahead of EJax and possibly Liriano, too.

  50. EK says:
    (link)

    Pls rank these SPs for tomorrow:

    Garcia @ BAL
    Gee v WAS
    Narveson @ CHC
    Humber @ CLE

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @EK, Narveson, Humber, Gee…

  51. Wake Up says:
    (link)

    Wow. Thought experiments, Shakespeare and The Red Sox all tied up into one. Reminds me of the Uptons. Kate(thought experiment). She’s fun to think about, but not possible to experiment with. Justin(Shakespeare). Poetry in motion. BJ(The Red Sox). Neither have been good since 2007. Every time they raise your hopes, you get disappointed. And the only time I see the Red Sox or a BJ, is on T.V.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Wake Up, Ha! Exactly…

      • Wake Up says:
        (link)

        @Grey, Gravatar check

  52. Occasional Poster Formerly Known As Steve says:
    (link)

    Big props for the Greek Easter reference, Grey!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Occasional Poster Formerly Known As Steve, Thanks!

  53. mets fan says:
    (link)

    Grey Danks or Volquez?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @mets fan, Volquez

  54. EnricoPallazzo says:
    (link)

    giving Storen and Gardner for Mike Minor and Jay Bruce

    Kid needs steals and saves… what say you?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @EnricoPallazzo, I’d take Bruce…

    • Whiskey Diet says:
      (link)

      @EnricoPallazzo, Razzball 101…

    • stumanji says:
      (link)

      @EnricoPallazzo, SAGNOF & SAGNOF for big bat & high upside SP. I like it for you.

  55. Salty Balty says:
    (link)

    Start Milone tonight v. KC? KC’s O looks decent, albeit it’s been 3 games.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Salty Balty, Yup

  56. golfnut says:
    (link)

    David Murphy or DeAza?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @golfnut, Murphy

  57. K!cks says:
    (link)

    Drop Cain to take a flyer on Cozart for Jeter insurance and complete the Cincy monopoly?

    ————–
    H2H, 12-team
    C: JP
    1B: Votto
    2B: Brandon Phillips
    3B: Lawrie
    SS: Jeter
    OF: Pence, Markakis, Torii Hunter
    Util: Tiex
    Bench: Cain, Morneau, Delmon Young

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @K!cks, Okay…

  58. stumanji says:
    (link)

    Aaron Hill with my first SONOVABENCH of the season. Switched him out for Altuve who DNP. COOL, GUYS!

    Fortunately, I had 3 other multi-homerers (stutterer!) in Duda, Bruuuuuuuuce, and The Supernatural Carlos Santana.

    Love me some Daily Notes!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @stumanji, Ha! Thanks!

  59. Hi Grey,
    Would you start Luis Mendoza today in an 11 team standard roto league? I’m thinking of streaming him.
    Thanks,
    Frank

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Frank Kim, I guess, depends on the options…

      • @Grey, The options are play Dexter Fowler or start Chacin or Milone. Chacin had a poor spring and Milone doesn’t excite me. Thoughts?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          @Frank Kim, I’d start Milone…

  60. trick dad says:
    (link)

    h2h points keeper league where you keep the player in the round you get them in the draft (FA’s are last round)….

    pick up lance lynn for either Boesch or Tabata? both are bench hitters

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @trick dad, Tabata

  61. frank rizzo says:
    (link)

    It’s good to be a Tiger fan. Best clubhouse chemistry I’ve seen in years going on right now. OMG Prince and Miggy are BFF’s. Cabrera may put up freakish numbers this year. I mean scary.

    I like almost all their hitters right now. I’d roster any of them. Jhonny, Rayburn, Jackson, Boesch. That offense looks scary.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @frank rizzo, They looked good this weekend…

  62. Dirtyd says:
    (link)

    Drop Chacin for Lynn? For the 5th starter spot in 16 teamer 1bench spot.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Dirtyd, Hold for now…

  63. JP says:
    (link)

    Hi Grey,

    – I have Danny Espinoza at 2b, would you drop for Kelly Johnson?

    – Need a Farnsworth replacement: J.Johnson, B. Myers or Aceves. Points league, and saves are key (as are blown saves)

    – Should I stay put with Jeter or grab Johny Peralta, Cozart or Furcal?

    Apologies for the 3×1 and many thanks for your help!

    Regards,

    Jan

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @JP, No… Myers… Jeter…

  64. theevilempire says:
    (link)

    Samardzjia or JarJar?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @theevilempire, Samardzija

      • Tony says:
        (link)

        @Grey, you hate jarjar dont u grey lol

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          Ha… Yup

  65. DP says:
    (link)

    Rios, lomo, or belt in the of. Choose one please

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @DP, Rios

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @DP, Actually, Morrison…

      • peter says:
        (link)

        @Grey, “What’s your favourite colour?” Brave Sir Robin, “Blue. No, yell- auughhhh!”

        • Grey

          Grey says:
          (link)

          @peter, Ha!

  66. harrrr says:
    (link)

    standard 12 team roto, non keeper.

    Cozart/Minor or I.Davis?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @harrrr, Davis

  67. Chunk says:
    (link)

    Love the ebook so far! I’ll have to save it for reading on those lonely, Greyless weekends…

    Was just offered Duda for my Morales. I know how you feel about Kendrys, but his value seems to be on the rise (especially in my league) and I’m wondering if I can get more for him.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Chunk, Thanks! You should get more from him… But I do like Duda better…

  68. Howard says:
    (link)

    If anyone just can’t get enough roto/drafting etc. there is a Yahoo league draft 5X5 going tomorrow @ 9pm. Gary Carter Memorial League. Leave your info and I’ll get you an invite. Thanks! @Grey my apologies for the shameless self-promotion!

  69. Deadwoods says:
    (link)

    Liriano, Niese or Lohse?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Deadwoods, Niese

  70. Boomer19 says:
    (link)

    Milone’s two start week or E. Jackson’s two start?

    • Whiskey Diet says:
      (link)

      @Boomer19, Hard without knowing match-ups…

  71. Boomer19 says:
    (link)

    milone against mendoza and noesi
    jackson against pelfry and bailey.

    thanks

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Boomer19, Milone…Jackson…

  72. Chillmodious says:
    (link)

    Good morning Grey (unless you’re in Newfoundland or the Himalayas, in which case, good evening and would you like a coat?),

    I have a bit of an outfield conundrum with a dash of Lo-Cain and a pinch of Melancon mixed in. I already own McCutchen and Tabata, with Lorenzo Cain as a bench player. Ideally, that offensive bench spot would be a Pitcher and I have been contemplating Lance Lynn. However, I need to drop Melancon like the hot garbage he’s been and Alex Presley is tempting me.

    Question is twofold: 1) Do I drop Melancon for Presley (already owning the other two Pirates starting OFs) or do I drop Melancon for Lance Lynn?; 2) Should I drop Lo-Cain for Presley/Lynn or hold him?

    Many thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Chillmodious, Ha! Thanks! Drop Melancon for Lynn…

  73. The Sawce says:
    (link)

    Grey, could i have had a more unlucky weekend of pitching?

    Yovani-14.73 ERA, 3.27 WHIP

    Axford-27.00, 3.00

    Luebke- 9.64, 2.14

    Kenley Jansen-6.00, .67

    Greg Holland- 10.80, 3.00

    Haren- 8.44, 2.25

    Should I be worried?

    • The Sawce says:
      (link)

      @The Sawce, And no wins or saves from my other guys

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @The Sawce, Give it time…

  74. jac says:
    (link)

    Leaning Harrison at Minn over Garza at MIL (he’s had issues there). Texas more likely to win too … Agree?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @jac, I’d go Garza…

  75. mets fan says:
    (link)

    Grey start Bailey tonight vs Cardinals?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @mets fan, Sure…

  76. jac says:
    (link)

    Garza is vs Grienke, so Harrison seems to be the obvious choice. Also struggling with Prado vs Freese. Freese faces 5 righties vs 1 lefty, Prado will be at home then at MIL, all week pitchers. Freese will likely slow down no?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @jac, Freese over Prado…

  77. I-Man says:
    (link)

    @Howard, Interested in joining. Lifelong fan of the current NL East leaders. kristopher(dot)woods(at)gmail.

    @Grey, thanks for responding to my roster question in the forums. You’re a sequoia among crabgrass.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @I-Man, Thanks!

  78. Baron Von Vulturewins

    Baron Von Vulturewins says:
    (link)

    BREAKING: Rotoworld, elsewhere, have Stanton out of today’s game against Philly, due to knee pain. Apparently not serious but adjust accordingly.

    I’m actually leaving him in in case he pinch-hits later and hits a HR. This has happened to me before.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Baron Von Vulturewins, Since it’s a short schedule day, I’m leaving him too… Hope it’s a one day thing…

      • Baron Von Vulturewins

        Baron Von Vulturewins says:
        (link)

        @Grey, Let’s wait and see what the Mets doctors have to say. Only a fleshwound…

  79. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:
    (link)

    I’m half expecting “Closer Look” and “Bottom of the 9th” to be daily features this season.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Awesomus Maximus, Ha!

  80. nick m. says:
    (link)

    who do you like in a 2nd Util spot in 10-team H2H points for the year: Morneau, Carlos Pena, Austin Jackson?

    Also, drop Liriano for Mike Leake, Hochevar, or Harrison? Or hold?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @nick m., Pena… Leake…

  81. John says:
    (link)

    Holy crap, was that a Greek Orthodox Easter/Pascha joke you dropped on us in the Hosmer segment? Major kudos for knowing your calendar!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @John, Thanks!

  82. Bermuda Triangles says:
    (link)

    Grey can you calm me down about Brett Gardner? Is he really a platoon player going forward? He’s facing 3 lefties this week! Had to sit him in place of Drew Stubbs in my weekly HTH! Can you talk me off the ledge?

    Thanks!
    Bermuda Triangles
    Get Lost!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Bermuda Triangles, It’s three games, need to chill…

  83. SpiralArchitect says:
    (link)

    What do you think about Jesus Montero over Buster Posey this week? Am I over thinking it?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @SpiralArchitect, Overthinking…

  84. mauledbypandas says:
    (link)

    Grey, or anybody else..

    Bruce +1 closer (johnson, frank frank or nathan)

    I get F. Hernandez

    QS instead of W league.

    in a vacuum would you do it?

    • royce! says:
      (link)

      @mauledbypandas, In a vacuum, I would hold on to Bruce and a closer. But if you are desperate for a top SP, it would be fair because of the QS stat.

      • mauledbypandas says:
        (link)

        Hesitant to give up the HR, but the rest of my SP are

        think i’ll hold, thanks.

        SP are:
        Strasburg, Chacin, Marcum, Holland, Worley, Milone

        • mauledbypandas says:
          (link)

          @mauledbypandas, meant to say, the rest of my SP are not really confidence inspiring.

  85. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    ***THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS.****

  86. Poo Holes says:
    (link)

    I, like many others, have had terrible pitching to start the season. No true ace and a bunch of relievers, I have Beckett, Shields, Romero, Minor, Buchholz, Volquez, Kuroda, then Hanrahan, Walden, Aceves, Kenley, Clippard, and Venters. Drop Aceves now or wait? Nova, Lohse, Niese, Leake, and Nolasco available, 10 team keeper league.

    Thanks!

  87. Kazmere says:
    (link)

    Lance Lynn over Luebke or Scherzer?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Nope… Also, go to the newest post for followups…

  88. jac says:
    (link)

    I started Roger Sharkidina as he’s fighting for his roster spot this week. Shark is gonna give me 3 steals and a homer, I can feel it! Can’t you? Btw, these kids are awesome: http://www.sharkadina.com/
    Let’s hope he is good enuff to make a badass nickname stick.

  89. Fletch says:
    (link)

    A. Hill or Espinosa?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Espinosa…

Comments are closed.