Sometimes when you take the fielding coach a little too literal, this is what happens. Miguel Cabrera came face to face with his fielding fears and a baseball and the baseball won. A sharp grounder shattered his sunglasses, leaving his right eye a bloody mess. The good news for Miggy, the doctor prescribed a 15 ounce porterhouse. No word if Miggy put it on his eye with or without A1 Steak Sauce. Just thought of something. Since the 2012 All-Star Game is in Kansas City, I’m sure George Brett will throw out the first pitch. You thought he was mad during the Pine Tar Game, wait until he sees Miggy and Hanley playing 3rd. From early reports, it sounds like Miggy will be fine, but Tigers won’t release Miggy’s face X-rays until after this posts on Tuesday, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. An&yswy, hiacte’s– Sorry, I’ll cross my fingers after I’m done with the post. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Joakim Soria – Has UCL damage, which isn’t related to damage caused by a drunk UL Washington. Or as Van Morrison would say, “His elbow doesn’t feel good. His elbow doesn’t feel right. His name is Soria. S-O-R-I-A… And his name is Soria… S-O-R-I-A…” There was talk that Soria should’ve been traded a few years ago. I tend to agree, you don’t have a $12 salad if you can’t make your rent, but that’s neither here nor there now. Some reports are saying Broxton will fill in as the closer. I think Holland will close in Soria’s stead. If you’re desperate for saves, I’d grab both of them. At this point, it’s not clear who will take over the role. I think it’s only about a 55% chance for Holland to be the closer, so you better grab an umbrella.
Chase Utley – Phils are reporting that he won’t be ready for Opening Day. Well, they’re saying doubtful, but I’m saying he won’t be ready. He has lingering pain in his knee and hasn’t had one at-bat all spring. If you already drafted Utley, then you had to know this was gonna happen. Chase’s knee hit every branch on the way down the Utley tree. Or maybe his knee wore out hoisting strippers against a wall. If you haven’t already drafted Utley, I’d push him down a few rounds.
Hong-Chih Kuo – Mariners released Kuo after he gave up 14 runs in 6 2/3 IP. Guess the M’s weren’t happy with the *pinkie to mouth* status Kuo. This is the second time Kuo has battled the yips. Maybe it’s in honor of Yip Yip, the cartoon Taiwanese dog that likes to pickle his milk bones.
Carl Crawford – Yesterday, he took 20 swings off a tee. The day before, 10 swings. By June, the Red Sox are gonna have a portable fan.
Corey Hart – Could play as soon as Friday in a minor league game. No word on whether or not Corey Hart will be wearing sunglasses.
Michael Brantley – Left the game for “precautionary reasons.” He’s listed as “day-to-day.” He should be back in “a few days.” The preceding was brought to you by Zagat.
Jarrod Parker – Was sent down to the minors for a black man’s first name. That’s some cold sheeeeeeeeeet! We’ll probably be seeing Parker in a few months once Tyson Ross and Graham Godfrey, with his loud, piercing voice and penchant for roasting opposing players, overstay their welcome.
Brad Peacock – Things aren’t looking good for my sleeper pickock. Hoping he still makes the rotation, but at the moment it’s looking like a long shot. He’s a top fifty prospect and breezed through Double and Triple-A last year, so I’d hold tight for the time being. Though I am fully expecting the ax to fall on him. Sad emoticon.
Yoenis Cespedes – Will be the A’s starting center fielder to start the season. No word on whether Yoenis’s brothers, Nick and Joe, will travel to Japan to watch him play in the opener.
Gregor Blanco – Word is it would take a “cataclysmic event to keep” Blanco off the Giants roster. Like Bochy finding a hat that fits him at Lids.
Rich Hill – Talk about a name from the past. Red Sox are saying he may get in a game this month. You know what I always liked about Rich Hill? The Sniglets.
Travis Wood – Was shelled yesterday. Or to put it to you all punny like, Wood was knocked around. After the Cubs said Samardzija was set for the rotation, this isn’t great news for Wood. Or Wood’s going limp, if you will.
Jordan Schafer – Due to a sprained hand, Schafer won’t be back into action until Thursday. Need to put your Zimmermania on hold for now.
Skip Schumaker – Sticking with the newly established theme of guys that sound Jewish but aren’t, Schumaker has an oblique tear. Vague! In related news, Allen Craig’s rehab has been progressing well. Here’s Oregon Nut Cups’ Allen Craig fantasy. He wrote it while chasing the dragon.
Chris Carpenter – May make his spring training debut this weekend, so he might still be back for Opening Day. I’m still no fan; not in the Carl Crawford sense either.
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Was optioned to the Rochester Red Wings, which will soften the blow since that sounds like a Japanese baseball team name.
Vladimir Guerrero – Sounds like he might play in Japan. If someone signs him, that’ll say something since Japanese teams are limited to only one non-native player with an L in their name. While over there, maybe he can record an album, “Live at Vladokan.”