Nolan Reimold has started this season like I thought he’d start the 2009 season. And the 2010 season. And the 2011 season. See a pattern? If not, I suggest answering C on all standardized tests and lowering your safety school expectations. It feels like Reimold’s been sleeping on his post-hyper’dom since Branch Rickey was just a twig. He has 25-ish homer power and 10-ish steal speed. If he gets on one, he hits 30 homers and steals 15 and is a top 25 outfielder. If he hits his head on his post-hyper-ness, you drop him. In my Nolan Reimold fantasy from January, I gave him the line of 65/24/80/.250/10. Don’t wanna trust January Grey because he’s been known to hit the bottle? ZiPS updated their projections for Reimold to 65/22/68/.260/10. So don’t trust me. But you gotta trust someone in this life. You can’t go it alone. Cause when you let people in, the world opens up to you. I think the preceding was a speech given by Patrick Dempsey in an 80’s movie that was followed by a slow clap. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Henry Rodriguez – I wish I was in one of the 90% of ESPN leagues where HanK-Rod isn’t owned, but it might be impossible because at least 75% of the ESPN ten-team leagues are one guy who owns all 10 teams with ten alias then goes into the ESPN forums and says, “I’m going to grace you with my presence and answer a few questions. If you wish to know my credentials, look at my virtual trophies on my virtual mantle on my virtual profile.”
Jake Peavy – Which Peavy are we getting? The one that’s good when he’s pitching or the one that’s not good at pitching because he’s injured? Isn’t it clear? I didn’t say, “Isn’t it the clear?” Now, now.
Lance Lynn – You know why there’s so many repeat customers in these Buys? Because people picking up players in ESPN leagues are like De Niro in Awakenings. Lynn’s pitching well, pick him up and save that fear of success for your real life and leave it out of your fantasy life.
Danny Duffy – A starter with more Ks than innings pitched is all right by me. Plus, his mom’s name is Muffy. What’s not to like? Not rhetorical! Seriously, tell me. (I am prepared for this to come back to haunt me on Sunday when he faces the Blue Jays. I’m looking ahead, young, prematurely balding man!)
Jake Arrieta – Between Krispie getting DL’d and Gardner getting DL’d (about an hour), I owned Arrieta. I was looking at a way to make my team private, so youse couldn’t see it. See, I really don’t like taking flyers on O’s SPs and would tell you the same if you asked. AL East + terrible team = Not a’ight-a. But Arrieta’s WHIP is intriguing (0.89). He’s faced two terrible teams, and, keep in mind, I immediately dropped him when I needed another outfielder, but, yeah, I did pick him up. He’s around a 7-ish K-rate and a high 3 ERA pitcher in the best case scenario. The way he’s keeping his walks in check right now is something to watch. If you grab him for the Angels game tomorrow, I’d leave him on my bench in most mixed leagues to see how he does.
Alejandro De Aza – Odd that he has more homers than steals, but that will invert while he still chips in some power. He’s the new pride of the Dominican Republican. Or DR Pride, which is not the same as the shirtless guy with the stethoscope and the ass-less chaps.
Luke Scott – I told you to pick him up last week and now he’s owned in 3.5% of ESPN leagues. We are the three point five percenters! How’s that for rippling the fantasy baseball world?! You best recognize!
Mike Trout – On our last podcast, Rudy said he thinks Trout will be up by May 15th. I think that’s crummy with crackers, but if you’re a Rudy loyalist with a pic in your fro, then you should own Trout right now.
Denard Span – He’s healthy! That’s all I got. I picked him up in my RCL because I lost Gardner and was looking for some cheap speed, but, most importantly, Rudy was the one who dropped him, so any chance to rub salt is valid enough for me. Though waiting for Span to exact any revenge against Rudy is like hiring a contract killer who thinks a spliff is a blunt object.
Matt Carpenter – I just went over him this morning. Don’t make me go back there!
Chris Davis – This week’s Buy is coming to you from downtown Baltimore, “Our crabs are better than your lady’s!” At some point, I think the bottom is gonna fall out so bad for Davis that you’ll look up and he’ll be batting .095, but right now he’s hitting, so there’s that.
Mike Aviles – Grab Aviles while Jacoby is D’Ellsburied and your MI spot is as disagreeable as any camel that has ever been on TV or film. (Talk about an animal that needs its own anti-defamation league. “Let me ask you this, haters of the camel, what other animal is dragging your stupid ass through the desert with no water? Let’s see you ride on the back of your corgi!” That’s me as I stump for the hump.)
Gaby Sanchez – You thought he (she?) had no power in the old (ugly) Marlins ballpark? Welcome to the new (ugly and large) park! I wouldn’t drop him (her?) for Jeffrey Loria’s address so you can egg his house, but… Actually, I’d consider that trade-off. Nah, seriously, I wouldn’t drop him, but maybe you can use him as an artificial sweetener in a trade.
Paul Goldschmidt – This one hurts, because I really did like him in the preseason, but as long as Gibson’s slo-mo arm pumping Overbay into lineup, you need alternatives. In most leagues, I wouldn’t drop AuShizz out right, but he needs every day playing time for the majority of mixed leagues.
Logan Morrison – We’re pot-committed to Stanton and his wonky knees (wonknee). I’m not selling him for pennies on the dollar. Morrison, on the other hand, has a wonknee and he doesn’t have 40 homer power and he’s playing in a stadium where the coach needs binoculars and glow sticks to direct his outfielders where to play. As he waves glow sticks, Ozzie says, “Oye, Rooster, are the outfielders moving to the right?” As he looks through binoculars, Joey Cora says, “I think you’re directing the nacho guy in section 7 B.” Ozzie, “Puta, this is the worst stadium the devil ever puked up!”