The Carpenter/Gallardo duel reminded me of Landon and Brittini taking on Mark and Rachel as they competed to see who could slide the furthest on giant blocks of ice while wearing nothing but speedos. (BTW, Nice to see Mark battling the ageism of MTV. Stick it to man! Wait, he is a man. Show those rapscallions, gramps!) Chris Carpenter went 8 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 10 Ks, then Yovani Gallardo removed his fey white gloves and went 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 Ks, i.e., the other end of the duel. Going forward, I’d trade Carpenter away and trade for Gallardo. You may be right, I may be crazy. Gallardo can throw 200 Ks and a sub-4 ERA. While Carpenter will be tremendous if healthy, but that if is supersized. Now, no one’s saying to trade him for a Circuit City gift card, but I’d see what kind of deals you can broker. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Matt Capps – He fell to the ground in pain like he was just, um, capped as a line drive hit him in the arm. It looked as if it could lead to a DL stint. I grabbed John Grabow in every league. Jesse Chavez might see some chances, but I’m not intoxicated enough to own two Pirate relievers.
Phil Hughes – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. Hughes remembers where he lost his “Next Big Thing” Award. It was sitting next to his “Can’t Decide Whether He’s Good Or Not” trophy.
Nelson Cruz – Last six games, 5 homers, 4 steals, batting .294 on the season. I say he gets up to about .309 then it bottoms out to .275, then he cranks it up to .304, then trips up to .280, then… Well, you get the picture.
Gil Meche – Was a mess throwing 73 pitches through two and a third innings. Somehow only allowing two earned. I’d run him out there in his next start vs. the White Sox, then we might need to reevaulate.
Wandy Rodriguez – 4 IP, 12 baserunners, 6 unearned runs. The Lords of Fantasy Baseball granted me my one wish this year and made Wandy’s 1st inning debacle all unearned runs. Tie my to the WHIPping post and call me grateful.
Aaron Harang – After hours of a rain delay, Dusty sent Harang back out there for one out to get a Win. Arm injuries be damned! Leave it to Dusty.
Joey Votto – Seems to only have an ear infection at the inception of the game. Is he trying out for the Fear Strikes Out remake? You my friend are no Anthony Perkins.
Hunter Pence – Quietly hitting .358 on the season. I say quietly because he only has 5 HRs and 5 steals. Hey, you’ll take it and like it, but I have to think the average will come down — but the power should go up.
Jonathan Papelbon – Got the save but gave up two earned and another homer. There’s a few options in the Sawx bullpen for Tito to turn to, but I don’t think it’s going to get that far for another week or two of meltdowns.
Joe Mauer – He didn’t start, but he did get another homer. Without seeing the highlights, I’m going to assume he hit this one from the bench.
Francisco Liriano – 4 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners. F-Liriano. No, that’s not a nickname. That’s my sentiment.
Jorge De La Rosa – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER. Hey, only two walks!
Juan Pierre - 2-for-6, 2 Runs, 3 RBIs and .385 on the season. When Manny returns, Pierre may be traded to a club that needs a full-time outfielder, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Mr. T – Sung the 7th inning stretch in Wrigley yesterday, but even more comical is the groans he made throughout the half inning he was in the booth. If I had the techno know-how, I would’ve recorded the audio. After a double play, Mr. T, “Grrr… Oh, man. Grrr…. Grrr…”
Chad Gaudin – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER. Someone remind never to start him outside of Petco.
Matt Lindstrom – Got the save yesterday while only walking one. When I’m modifying walk with “only,” he’s still not out of the woods.
George Sherrill – Recorded his 10th save and his ERA’s down to 2.75. Making a run for Donkey-corn status.
Brian Roberts – Hurt his shin then stayed in the game to double and triple. Yeah, that doesn’t sound too serious.
Kenji Johjima – His little piggy went to the hospital in a splint. Rob Johnson’s as boring as his name. Maybe Jeff Clement is finally removed from purgatory. (Speaking of purgatory, I saw Angels & Demons this weekend. Grey leaves his computer! News at 11! For the trailer… From a terrible book to an awful movie, watch as Tom Hanks, with distractingly dyed hair, runs around in search of pointing statues! Everyone seems guilty, except the guy who is! At least there’s no albinos!)
Adam Kennedy/Ichiro Suzuki – These two opposing lead-off hitters both went 4-for-4. According to Elias Sports Bureau, this was the first time two lead-off hitters in the same game both went 4-for-4. Actually… They didn’t say that. But this was heard recently around the offices, “For the third time this week, Bob put his garbage can on his desk and labelled it, ‘In.'”
Francisco Rodriguez – Not sure how in two days he went from “crying over back pain” to the mound with his violent delivery, but there he was again. Guess he’s *pinkie to mouth* OK-Rod.
Jose Reyes – Still out. Does Votto and him share a doctor? Maybe one of them can call K-Rod’s.
Vladimir Guerrero – Returned to the lineup and went 0-for-4. Hey, he had a better game than Ervin.
Alexei Ramirez – Now apologize for hating him for 2 months. Not to me, to him.
Carlos Quentin – Left the game after running out a double. His heel could nag him all year. Can they give someone a cortisone shot in the heel? Seriously, anyone know? Anyone, besides Joey Votto’s doctor.
David Price – 3 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 BBs, 6 Ks. Price continued where he left off in Triple-A, which is not good. He’s walking too many guys and his home run rate is up. Hopefully, he can figure out his major malfunction.
J.P Izzywheelfourson – Meet Implosion. Implosion meet J.P. Izzywheelfourson. For those keeping track, and you all should be, Nelson pitched a perfect 7th and Wheeler didn’t pitch at all. So Izzy may have been the closer coming in, but Wheeler and Howell move up just by staying out of that meltdown and Nelson moves up by pitching well. Or… Izzy + Balfour < Nelson + Wheeler + Howell = Ulcer.