It’s been a rough month for Ryan Braun, you guys. A top three pick in the preseason, he’s on pace for career lows in home runs and steals, he could be seriously implicated in this biogenesis business depending on what delivery service he decides to use this time (go with USPS, they guarantee to screw it up), and don’t even mention the Game of Thrones “Red Wedding” to Ryan, because he’s taking it all pretty hard. Braun hits the DL for the first time in his career for his thumb injury, but owners knew this was coming. The move is retroactive to Monday so he could return at the end of June. If he comes back with an comically over sized thumb and hits 20 homers and steals 20 bases going forward, we’ll know everything is back to normal. Logan Schafer went 3-for-5 last night and was one of several Logan’s in this weeks BUY/SELL. He’s available everywhere. As long as Braun’s out Schafer should see plenty of playing time. I will call him Weapon X. Berserker! He’s no Hebrew Hammer, but Schafer’s got some below average to decent power and speed and could be a useful fill in if you need an outfielder while Braun’s on the shelf.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:
Salvador Perez 2-for-5, run, RBI. The Royals win their ninth game in their last 10, and they owe it all to Billy Butler who was 2-for-4 with 3 RBI. It’s gotta be that Billy Butler BBQ sauce, ya’ll! The BBBBQ! Real Kansas City Q, too, as if there’s any other kind!
Matt Moore 5.1 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, 4 BB, 4 K. (BBQ) Sauced! Matt’s given up 26 hits and 19 runs in his past three starts. No Moore! Make it stop.
Matt Joyce 2-for-4 with his 13th HR. Matty, Matty, Joyce, Joyce has a nice little six game hitting streak going on, with 3 homers in the past five games. That’s better than bad, it’s good!
Justin Masterson 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 1 ER, 4 BB, 10 K. In 2017, Masty will win his second Cy Young award and I will still insist it’s smoke and mirrors and the regression is coming.
Chris Davis 1-for-3 with his league leading 22nd HR. CHRIS THE DISH! Nobody calls him that…YET, but keep hitting home runs and pretty soon everyone’s gonna call him that.
Chris Tillman 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 4 BB, 3 K and his 7th win. Tillman of Steel. Looking more and more legit by the outing. What a Friday for the Chrises of the world! I heard Chris Nolan has a movie out, and it’s pretty super, and my friend Chris got an extra nugget in his 5-piece. A 6-piece, ya’ll! The baseball gods work in mysterious ways.
Jeff Locke 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 5 K. Still available in about 15% of leagues. The Dodgers left LAX and were lost when they met J. Locke. It was probably his suitcase full of knives that threw them off.
Jason Grilli 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 K, 24th save in 24 chances. If he goes 25-for-25 the Pirates buy him a custom platinum Grilli. Then he has to film a hip-hop video. Those are the rules.
Jose Fernandez 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 10 K and his 4th win. Well, hello there! Have we met? Jo-fer was dealing in this one and even had an RBI. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha! Giancarlo Stanton had three hits with 2 RBI and Steve Cishek got the save, and for one night, the Marlins were like a real baseball team.
Scooter Gennett 3-for-5 with his 1st HR. You think he’s good, you should meet his brother Vespa and his cousin Segway. Those dudes can fly!
Jay Bruce 1-for-4 with his 11th HR. Hit a walk off HR in the tenth inning. Jay says he gets high off the “Bruuuuces” from the fans in moments like that. I told him I could totally imagine that feeling, and it must be great. Then I realized I wasn’t actually interviewing him.
Kris Medlen 6.0 IP, 9 hits, 4 ER, 4 K. Not helping your case to stay in the rotation there, Krissy. Lucky for you, Brandon Beachy suffered a setback in his elbow rehab, and Medlen will likely get another shot! “Robin, gets another shot!” Obscure movie references, anyone?
Madison Bumgarner 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 10 K. Maddy took a no-hitter into the sixth but Chris Johnson ruined everything. The Mad Bum really loves pitching against Atlanta, he’s got a 0.64 ERA with two wins and 21 Ks against ATL. He’ll get the Padres next week, but you better believe he’ll be wishing they were the Braves.
Mark Buehrle 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 7 K and his 3rd win. He’s got a 1.91 ERA in his past five starts, but I still can’t recommend him outside AL-Only leagues. I actually grabbed him for this start, but I was taking LSD in the woods at the time and everything looked 10 times better than it actually was.
J.P. Arencibia 1-for-4 with his 13th HR. It’s been a rough month for the paisan, but he hit a spicy meatball-a over da fence-a! Gratzi!
Colby Rasmus 1-for-3, 3-run HR, his 11th. We call that a Colby-jack. Tastes great on a burger!
Adam Lind 2-for-4, run, RBI. I feel like he waits until everyone who ever had faith in him and drafted him has given up and dropped him before tearing it up again. Way to be, Lind!
Edwin Jackson 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 1 ER, 3 BB, 7 K. Grey says you should BUY and E-Jax’s ERA has dropped considerably over his past few starts, so at a little over 30% RCL ownership he’s a good add. But I’d need Theo Epstein to convince me to start him next week in St. Louis. Whaddaya say, Theo? You can call me on my cellular telephone, or we can go to a pub and grab a Samuel Adams Lager while you explain to me why I should start him. Then maybe you can hire me to be the fat Jonah Hill to your Brad Pitt. #dreams
Anthony Rizzo 3-for-4, 2 runs. More Cubbies! Grey told you to BUY him, too! Maybe that guy knows what he’s talking about. Here’s what Grey said about Rizzo, “…he could hit 10 homers in the matter of two weeks.” Whoa, you hear that? He is going to hit ten homers in the next two weeks! Grey said! And I was in no way taking that out of context.
Erik Bedard 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 1 ER, 6 K and his second win. He had promised the save to Jose Veras for Father’s Day, so really this game was must win or disappoint the dad kind of stakes. Apparently Veras gives off the fatherly vibe in the clubhouse, but don’t take my word for it — I’m making this up as I go!
Chris Sale 8.0 IP, CG, 5 hits, 2 R, 0 ER, 14 K. Blame it on fast ball speed, babeee! SALE! It was the first time in franchise history a pitcher had 14 strikeouts and lost. Possibly related news, Chris has cancelled the team’s Sunday canasta game.
Rick Porcello 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 5 K. He’s got a 0.70 WHIP over his past four games with a 29 strikeouts to just 4 walks. You’ve burned me so many times in the past, Rick. Of course I’m buying this. I am the biggest sap around. I let telemarketers put me on hold. Homeless people ask me for change, and if I don’t have it I’ll offer them my watch. Anyway, Porcello’s still young, which means he has plenty more opportunities to burn me. Bring it on. “Just call me Johnny Storm, the Human Flamer.”
Eric Stults 9.0 IP, 2 hits, 1 ER, 3 K. Hodgepadre! Stults was on point in this one, his 4th straight quality start. He gets the hobbled Giants next week and is owned in a little over a quarter of RCL leagues. Stream him like its your birthday, shorty.
Trevor Cahill 5.2 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, 10 K. The 10 punch outs tied a career high and were a welcome sign as Trev’s been awful lately. He’s out there in about 30% of RCL leagues and gets the MIA Marlins next week. You know what to do.
Oliver Perez 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 1 K, SV. Oliver Perez!? COME ON! Is he the new closer? Will Carter Capps get the next chance? Is Tom Wilhelmsen ready already to reclaim the role already. Nobody knows! Pick up Oliver Perez if you need saves and you hate yourself.
Nick Franklin 2-for-5, run. Wow! The BUYs were out in full force Friday night. Fun fact! His great-great-great grandfather Benjamin lived to be 84 years old, that’s one more than the number of RBIs hit by Sandy Alomar in 1997!
Mike Zunino 1-for-3 with his first major league home run. Another BUY this week (this is getting out of hand) and still under 40% owned. Why do some rookies get more love than others? Keep hitting dingers and Mike could erase the pain left behind by Jesus Montero. Zunino is the second coming!
C.J. Wilson 7.0 IP, IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 4 K and his 5th win. The Halos had 13 hits including 3 hits apiece from Albert Pujols and Mark Trumbo. CJ was the loser of five straight games coming into last night, so he might be a good buy low candidate to target, he’s better than his 1.43 WHIP and I bet owners will unload him for cheap.
Domonic Brown 1-for-5 with his 7th SB. But more importantly he hit third in the line up, which is probably the best move Philadelphia’s made all season.
Josh Rutledge 1-for-5, 2-run HR, his 6th as he led off. Grey said to BUY and yes, you should pick him up. He’s back with a bang! Who needs Tulo when you got “The Enigma” Josh Rutledge — Amiright!? No? Sorry, Tulowitzki owners, I know your wound is still fresh.
Carlos Gonzalez 4-for-4 with his 19th HR and 13th SB. The slam & legs! And you thought he might be headed to the DL? Think again — Carlos wouldn’t do you like that! CarGo ordered his slam and legs up with pico de gallo and a whole lot of guac. All that good fat is good for the power stroke. If this is the end, Seth Rogen, I want to go out with Carlos Gonzalez on my fantasy team.
Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!