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Call the Sons of Sam Horn! Get Matt Damon on the line! Someone tweet @RemDawg! Unfreeze Ted the Head! Avengers Assemble! The Red Sox are set to promote their next top super-prospect, Blake Swihart, today to serve as the primary catcher while Ryan Hanigan is on the shelf. If the legends spoke of in ancient Fenway lore are true, he could be the one who will bring balance back to a Red Sox pitching staff that has looked somewhat questionable in the early going. A late first round pick in 2011, Swihart gathered a lot of buzz in spring training this year after slashing .333/.375/.533 with a HR and 8 RBI. In 18 games with AAA Pawtucket this year he’s hit .338/.392/.382 with 3 doubles and 11 RBI. With just 22 home runs in five minor league seasons I wouldn’t expect much power from Swihart, but as a spray hitter the bat certainly seems to be major league ready. Initially, Boston felt Swihart’s defense needed a bit more seasoning in the minors, but there is unquestionably some offensive upside, especially in Boston’s heavy hitting, run scoring line up. Here’s what Razzball’s prospector Mike said last week about Swihart, who was ranked #11 in his Prospect Power Rankings, “With the injuries and such at the catching position right now, folks will be chomping at the bit to add Swihart to their teams when he arrives.” He’s so right, you guyz, if your fantasy catcher situation is anything like mine, you’re cycling out a cast of characters the likes of Nick Hundley, Tucker Barnhart, Crash Davis and Caleb Joseph, some of whom do more harm than good. I’d take a chance on Blake Swihart if you need a catcher, he’s owned in less than 5% of ESPN leagues but as soon as Brandi-Lynn from Southie finds out everyone will know so act quickly. There is potential runs and average here, and like every Sawx prospect, there is all that sweet, sweet upside, so here’s hoping Blake can rake.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Matt Harvey – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, BB, 3 K and moves to 5-0.  How ’bout them New York Metropolitans? Does that sound weird to say? It feels  weird without the sarcasm. Seriously, though, how ’bout ’em?

Juan Lagares – 2-for-4, run. Grey told you to BUY and Juan tends to bat at the top of the order for the best team in baseball. Nope. Yep, it definitely sound weird and its not just me.

Michael Taylor – 2-for-4. Could be a sneaky play this weekend leading off for the Nats if Denard Span is expected to miss another game or two.

Max Scherzer – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 1 ER, BB, 10 K and his third loss. Yes, he got the loss. Again. Detroit isn’t looking so bad anymore is it? Well, except for the obvious bad parts.

Mike Foltynewicz – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 2 K and his first win. I think Grey told you to BUY Folty yesterday and so you probs got a win for listening! I would hit back on my browser to check for sure, but my therapist says I should try to focus on moving forward.

Joey Votto – 2-for-3, run, 2 SB (4). Brandon Phillips also stole two bases. Meanwhile, in what must have been some sort of alternate universe, Billy Hamilton stole zero bases. I can only assume some kind of Space Jam-like scenario where Phillips and Votto got a hand on Billy’s magic baseball and sapped his super powers pre-game. C’mon you guys, it was funny once but don’t do that again, some of us own Hamilton in fantasy.

Dee Gordon – 3-for-4, run, SB (9). FLASH. AAA-AHHHHHH! Savior of the universe! (Well, Florida, at least. But that’s a great place to start).

Marcell Ozuna – 4-for-4, run, RBI. Ozuna hit ball four times. Ozuna no like hitting for power anymore, because Ozuna work on his short game.

Carlos Carrasco – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 3 BB, 6 K and his third win. So CC2 hasn’t looked quite as strong as he looked before his little head-getting-hit-with-baseball incident, but lets chalk this one up to him facing the terrifying Jays offense and move on. Nothing more menacing than a Blue Jay, right?

Jason Kipnis – 2-for-4, HR (2). Kipnis to fans, “Wait it’s May already? What happened to April, I blacked out.”

Michael Brantley – 2-for-5, HR (1). I loved that Grey loved Brantley last year and owned him all over. But a Michael Brantley you can draft in the late teen rounds, or grab off free agency start of year versus a Michael Brantley I have to draft in the third or fourth round are two very different things. I like Brantley, but I don’t own him anywhere.

Josh Donaldson – 2-for-3, 2 runs, HR (6). Man, am I glad I drafted Yasiel Puig over you. NOT! (Not jokes still kill in Canada.)

C.C. Sabathia – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. It was the pitching duel no one asked for as Justin Masterson (6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 2 K) also pitched well. I wouldn’t own either of these guys with your team, and I have an extreme distaste for you and all my readership. Still, encouraging outings for both sides. Pick them up if you hate yourself.

Alex Rodriguez – 1-for-1, pinch hit HR (6) in the 8th. The homer was A-Rod’s 660th to tie MLB legend Willie Mayes. Because seriously, f— baseball history, and all it’s sacred records and milestones. Clearly, nobody cares. They don’t mean shiiiiiiiit to anybody no more. #whatever #whoevencares #lifeisonlypain

Chris Tillman – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Encouraging outing for Tillman after getting blasted by Toronto in his last time out. Go ahead and pick him back up. I won’t tell nobody.

Alex Colome – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 6 K and his first win. The fans were back at Camden Yards for this one, but I think Wednesdays zero attendance numbers would have been more along the lines of what the Rays players are used to. Zing!

Jon Lester – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 4 K and his first win. It only took one month and $155 million dollars.

Addison Russell – 1-for-3, HR (1). It’s because you dropped him didn’t you! He took it personal.

Jose Quintana – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 BB, 5 K. Is JQ the best starting pitcher in Chicago right now not named Chris Sale? Would you rather own Lester? I don’t think I would.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-3, run. Altoooooooove! I love Altuve because when his fantasy night is over I can put him in my shirt pocket and take him home.

Evan Gattis – 2-for-4, 2-run HR (3). Gattis has turned it on this week past and credits “giving back” as the reason. When asked why he’s volunteering all his free time at the soup kitchen, he said the food is free and it’s actually not that bad.

George Springer – 1-for-3, HR (4). May is here! Springer has sprunger! BUY!

Nelson Cruz – 2-for-4, HR (11). Another jack for Nelly! Errtime! It’s funny how Nelson Cruz becomes one of the best power hitters in baseball after  he leaves Texas.

Logan Morrison – 2-for-4, HR (2). He live tweeted and vined this home run. He had a camera installed in his helmet. I’m not saying you should pick him up, but you should probably follow him on twitter.

Kendrys Morales – 2-for-4, 3 RBI. Now this is the Kendrys Morales we all thought he could be someday, back when he was just simply Kendry.

Chris Young – 5.0 IP, 0 hits, 3 BB, 9 K and his second win. Filled in for Edinson Volquez, admirably. Said Edinson, “I couldn’t have pitched better myself. Literally. I mean that. He should really be the starter, not me.” Err, don’t be so modest now, Edinson, KC spent a lot of money on you.

Mark Canha – 2-for-4, HR (3). Canha get a what what!

Colby Lewis – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 8 K. What a weird night of baseball. Very little offense, with a bunch of lower tier starters pitching gems. Pitchers who’d I’d be hard-pressed to recommend because I like you guys. Pitchers like Colby Lewis.

A.J. Burnett – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 7 K. A.J. has been solid and should probably be owned in most leagues at this point. I don’t understand why he’s not. Is it because we don’t like him? Because that is not how you fantasy.

Lance Lynn – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 10 K. Lynn traded his wins to the devil for Ks. Which is cool, I guess. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the Cards he also traded Wainwright’s left Achilles. Not cool, Lance. Did I use unbeknownst correctly there? I’m trying to impress the four girl readers. I also write poetry, ladies!

Jason Heyward – 0-for-2, 2 SB (3). With Heyward moving down in the order, Wong must be moving up, right!? WRONG! Or I guess I should say WONG.

Jon Jay – 2-for-5, run as he led off. Jay usually offers very little outside of batting average but if he continues to lead off, like a universal remote control, that changes everything. He’s batting .476 in the past week and could be a good source of runs at the top of the line up.

C.J. Wilson – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 5 K. Hey, Mr. Wilson! Why is it you aren’t owned in more leagues? You’ve got a 2.76 ERA and 1.06 WHIP. Is it because people hate you? Yeah, I get that a lot.

Chris Heston – 6.1 IP, 5 hits, ER, 5 K. Yawn. I tire of these pedestrian pitchers. Bring me an ace. Meh. Well, Heston gets San Diego next week and I could see using him there.

Yangervis Solarte – 2-for-5, 4 RBI. Derek Norris and Yonder Alonso added three hits a piece as the Friars scored 13 runs on 14 hits. But enough about the Ying, let’s talk about The Yang. Bud Black seems to like Solarte batting second behind Wil Myers which makes him all the more valuable. He’s hitting .364 with 7 RBI in the past week, and batting in front of Kemp and Upton ain’t too shabby. He’s available in over 80% of leagues to fill your corner and middle infield needs.

Justin Upton – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBI, 2 SB (3). Yes, Jupton! More games like this. Now THAT is how you fantasy.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-3, HR (4). Seems like now might be a good time to buy low on Arenado. If Nolan were an Avenger he’d be Iron Man, because he’s my favorite. And I’m not just saying that because I like him in fantasy, I’m saying that because I’m biased and he’s my best friend. I’m not delusional or anything. By the way Giancarlo Stanton and Mike Trout are coming by my beach house later to play Oculus Rift. If you want to come, hit me up on my new Apple watch and I’ll come pick you up in my Maserati.

DJ LeMahieu – 2-for-3 as he led off. You made it, DJ! Leading off! You did it! That makes it way more worth owning you, and not just for the free club drugs and glow sticks. Now play me some T-Swift, I got the need to dance, man!

Carlos Frias – 5.1 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 3 K and his second win. My best robot friend and former lover Stream-O-Nator called this one. If the film Ex-Machina has taught me anything, it’s that robots are the scary kind smart and creepy kind of sexy all at the same time. Still, Frias is another S.P. that’s hard for me, a human non-android, to recommend. Mostly, because I’m a Scientologist now and I try to disconnect from all Suppressive Persons. Frias will take Brandon McCarthy’s spot in the rotation and since Dodgers pitchers can mean wins, he’s definitely on my streamer radar now. But I wouldn’t expect him to get any sympathy from Xenu in the afterlife.

Joc Pederson – 1-for-3, Grand Slam HR (5) as he led off. He did, because that’s how he do. He’s Joc like that. Ya heard?

Andre Ethier – 2-for-3, HR (4). Andre has now homered in back to back games. In fantasy we call that “trill beanz.” Ethier Said Than Done! Lolz! I almost made ‘Dre my lede, because of a.) that incredible headline, that I know you loved and 2.) because I feel like he should be owned everywhere while Puig is roasting, and he’s hardly owned anywhere. Grey reluctantly told you to BUY Scott Van Slyke, but I like Ethier because he’s older and more overpaid-er. Sure, he won’t play everyday, but he has 3 homers and 6 RBI in the past week, he should be owned in over 10% of leagues, people! Nowadays everybody wanna talk, ’bout Joc Pederson, how he’s hitting grand slams, but everybody acts like they forgot about ‘Dre. “Don’t be everybody, be somebody.” Words to live by. My words.

Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!