Jose Bautista left yesterday’s game as Jose hip got amiss and he hit the DL. In his place will be Anthony Gose and Kevin Pillar, who’s good friends with Jason Paritek and Kevin Poukilis, but even Pillar can’t stand Jonathan Ppappelbon. Pillar said, “He’s a pancing fool!” In the minors this year, Pillar had nine homers and 23 steals while maintaining a .300+ average. He profiles as a fourth outfielder, but you never know when someone gets hot. He hasn’t yet though. Meanwhile, Gose is good if you have the need…the need for speed! Or so says Maverick. Gose stole 70+ bases some years in the minors. No, that’s not a misprint. Unfortch, he never heard that anonymous credo, you can’t steal first. Together, they’re interesting from a Jays’ perspective. Together, not so much from a fantasy one, unless one steals the job (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, duck, duck, Gose!). In AL-Only leagues, I’d grab the Pillar and wait until someone says, “Hey, you making sure the Parthenon doesn’t fall?” In deep mixed leagues, I’d grab Gose if you’re desperate for steals. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Rajai Davis – 3-for-8, 1 run, 3 RBIs and his 37th steal. The King of SAGNOF was handed a dead pheasant after the game until he loudly pronounced, “No, Lawrie, I do it for the peasants, you imbecile!”
Robinson Cano – 6-for-8, 5 RBIs and his 23rd homer. For soon-to-be free agent Cano, Arte Moreno just wrote a check with seventeen zeroes and said Cano can fill in the first number.
Jayson Nix – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs as he had a slam in the 2nd game of the doubleheader and a legs in the first game for the always genteel Ernie Banks slam and legs.
Joe Mauer – To the DL with a concussion. Oh, no, Morneau — The Concusstador — is contagious! Clear the clubhouse, Gardy, you don’t want it infecting…Um…Who else plays for the Twins? Dozier? He already sounds dizzy. Plouffe? He sounds like the sound a turd makes when it hits toilet water. Who else? Hrbek? He still play for them?
Justin Morneau – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 15th homer as he hits .267 on the year. After the game, Morneau appeared on the news saying, “He was happy that all the fans have stood by him through tough times.” Only it wasn’t your average news program, it was Morneau wearing on his head a cut-out cardboard box and rabbit ears.
Rick Porcello – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Twins. I still have love for Porcello. Much more than when the season started. Yes, here comes the but. But you can’t start a guy who can’t put away the Twins, after barely getting through the White Sox and Yankees. I’m gonna like Porcello next year for the first time in his career, but, for now, I wouldn’t go near him unless you were desperately chasing wins.
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-3 with a grand slam. Au Shizz!
Patrick Corbin – 9 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.45. Here’s what I said about him three months ago, “On a scale of one to ten for most surprising starters, Corbin is a one. One being the best. When you beat your high score in Mario Kart you never scream out, “I’m number ten,” do you? Okay, so don’t question my numbering. On a scale of one to ten for how likely it is Corbin keeps this up, it’s around a 5, the number made famous by Short Circuit. Didja know before Short Circuit people would count 1, 2, 3, 4, 6? Corbin’s not a 1.44 ERA pitcher, but he’s not what he seemed like coming into the year either. His fastball has jumped in velocity, which has helped all of his pitches. I don’t own him, which butters my grr’s. Luckily, you own him and he looks like he can be a mid-3 ERA, 1.20 WHIP, 7 K-rate guy, i.e., a fantasy two to three.” And that’s me quoting me! All of that still applies (hence the reason I quoted it). In reality, he’s not this good, but, even luckier for you, this is fantasy. Will be interesting to see how overdrafted he is next year, so, for that sake, keep your ERA down to an absurd sub-2.50.
Martin Prado – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th homer. Since the All-Star break, he’s hitting .370 with 4 homers and 25 RBIs in 119 ABs. Prorate that over a full season and he’s the new Tommy Herr, the middle infielder who did so much with so little. But I wouldn’t anoint him the Herr apparent yet.
Tony Cingrani – Left yesterday’s game with a lower back strain. Never a good sign when a pitcher leaves mid-start with an injury, and even worst sign when a Reds pitcher does because Dusty usually just has them rub some calamine lotion on what ails them and sends them back out there.
Johnny Cueto – Will have an MRI on Wednesday. If his lat is healed, he’ll throw again. Put into layman’s terms, he’s nowhere near returning.
Yasiel Puig – 1-for-2 with his 12th homer. Didn’t start the game, and was fined for being late to Crayola Canyon. When asked why he was late, Puig said, “I’m Cuban. I’m in Miami. Do the math.”
Juan Uribe – 2-for-5 and a steal, while hitting over .550 in the last week. Felt I should’ve mentioned yesterday after the 3-for-4 day, but I didn’t. Mea culpa. Well, he’s here now and he’s a hot schmotato that usually can go on a two-week tear.
Cameron Maybin – Shut down for two weeks as he seeks out a second opinion on his knee. Where’s he seeking it out from, Kuala Lumpur? I’d think a major league baseball team could find a doctor to come by a little quicker.
Tyson Ross – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Two of the earned runs were given up by Thayer, which ironically gave me a headache, if I can use ironically incorrectly, but Ross’s start was still about as bleh as you can find. I streamed him here and didn’t even wait until the game was over to drop him. As Jay-Z would say, on to the next one.
Jedd Gyorko – 1-for-4 and his fourth homer in the last ten days. Rudy IM’d me, “Gyorko hit another homer. How you like dem dumplings?!”
Starling Marte – Sat out his second straight game because his right finger was sore. He only has one right finger? Does he have nine on the left hand?
Neil Walker – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 8th homer. *claps hands* I dozed off. What happened? Okay, where are my pants? Seriously, not cool!
Donnie Murphy – 2-for-4 and his third homer in the last two games. Nope, have no idea where it’s coming from. Nope, don’t think it continues very long. Yup, would grab him to see if it continues for just a few more days.
Wilson Ramos – 2-for-5, hitting near-.350 in the last week. If I were stranded on a deserted island for five weeks and wasn’t getting anything from my catcher, I’d play with Wilson.
Dan Haren – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. As I’ve been saying for a few weeks now, his schedule is easy and he looks like he’s found a groove. I didn’t like him for a while this year, but if he’s going well, then I ain’t hatin’, I’m liberatin’ you to own him.
Sonny Gray – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, 1.44 ERA. To misquote Woody Allen, watching Gray is like having sex with someone I really love…me.
Nick Franklin – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, but left the game with a laceration on his left knee that required stitches. The Mariners equipment man quickly jumped to and stitched Farquhar on there.
Matt Dominguez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer and his 3rd homer this week. The average ain’t pretty and you’d probably rather watch Say Yes To The Dress than the Astros, but Dominguez is swinging a hot bat.
Xander Bogaerts – 0-for-3 and lifted late in the game so Drew could get in. Not great, admittedly, but you bought the cow, at least see if it has any milk. Assuming that was a cow and not a bull.
Danny Salazar – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. Looks around what we can expect from him now that the Indians have put him on a very short leash. Still has nasty stuff that can get swings and misses, but seems prone to the long ball and wouldn’t be surprised if we see very few games where he goes deeper than the sixth inning.
Justin Upton – Day-to-day with back spasms. At least now his hot and cold streaks aren’t the only things that are spastic.
David Wright – Said he would return this year, after Terry Collins said he had some doubts. On a for serious, Wright’s always the gamer and I wouldn’t be surprised if he does return, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be any great shakes like Sonic, the burger place, not the hedgehog.
Zack Wheeler – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Braves. Totally commendable start with a win that made it all go down a little smoother. I feel like I’m jacked on Red Bull and vodka thinking about what he can do next year.
Marlon Byrd – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer. DING DING DING!!! Wait, balloons are falling from my ceiling. What’s going on? There was an unknown contest started in March that I wouldn’t be able to mention Byrd in 25 roundups? Wow, what have I won? The privilege to tell hundreds of people next year not to draft him? Sweet!
Ike Davis – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Supposedly, it wasn’t any ordinary homer either. The pitch would’ve been behind most hitters. I keed. He’s been hitting better since he returned (with two homers this week), but he has been sitting vs. lefties, as he should be.
Eric Young – 1-for-4, 2 runs and 2 steals. SAGNOF!
John Danks – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks with a 4.22 ERA as he went against Ervin Santana (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks) with a 3.13 ERA. These two guys are essentially the same pitcher. You know the difference? Ervin’s got magic.
Gordon Beckham – 1-for-4 with his 4th homer. I nearly picked him up the other day because I needed runs, but since he returned from his slight injury, he hadn’t done much. Now I will consider him again, though probably won’t grab him because he’s Gordon Beckham. Let’s see him lift that stigma!
Avisail Garcia – 3-for-4 with a hit in nine of his last ten games as he hits near .375 in the last week. If he were playing on the Yankees or Red Sox, he’d be 97% owned and everyone would be talking about him. He’s at 1.9% owned and no one cares but me. Well, phooey to you!
Kolten Wong – 3-for-5 and his 3rd steal in five games and is now batting 2nd. I get it; he was a whole lot more exciting before he came up. Yay, unknown. Lowercase yay, known. But, c’mon, where’s the excitement? What’s Wong with Wong?
Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 4 ER, 12 baserunners, 2 Ks, 3.97 ERA. I’d hold him if I really needed Ks, but I think the time has come when he’s finally hit streamer territory in shallower leagues where ratios are more your priority. Or a priori, for our Latin American readers.
Mike Trout – Sat out again with soreness in his hamstring, but he’s hoping to return today. He said he just needs to see how he feels when he wakes up, which is a double-edged sword since then his hamstring will be sleeping with the fishes.
Jorge de la Rosa – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Phils. This was the kinda of start where I immediately went to see what the Stream-o-Nator had to say. Turned out, not much, but it does like dlR’s next start vs. the Marlins. Go figure!
Troy Tulowitzki – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in as many games. The good news for all you Witzki-heads is when he gets hot, he gets smoldering. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him hit ten homers in the next two weeks. Wouldn’t be happy about it since I don’t own him. The good news for his non-owners is there’s always a 30% chance of it straining obliques.
Wilin Rosario – 1-for-4 with his 18th homer. Continues to amaze me how underappreciated he is. Also amazes me how underappreciated isn’t in my spellchecker. Totally underappreciated word!
Rafael Betancourt – Got the save yesterday. This was his first since he returned from the DL, but the Rox have been saying all along he would take back the closer job. This was one time I was hoping they were lying. Am I my Brothers keeper? No, now I am not.
Ryan Howard – Will begin baseball activities. Well, since he’s a baseball player, that’s a positive step.
Alex Cobb – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as he held the Orioles in check. Or dzet with a funny squiggly line over the E, if it’s in Czech. Looks like Cobb is a must-start in all leagues and can be trusted. Sorry, that was a blatant attempt by me to jinx him.
Yunel Escobar – 3-for-5, 1 RBI, hitting near .400 in the last week. Ugh, I know it’s hard to build up enthusiasm for him, but he’s hitting, what do you want from me?
Jim Johnson – 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, but looked far worse as he gave up two inherited runs and barely got out of the inning. Not that long ago I went over how Johnson should be replaced, so search the site if you wanna read that. I’ll just give it to you plain and simple like that Forest Whitaker eye you have, Tommy Hunter and K-Rod should be owned. Hunter seems to have the inside track, but I’d grab both if you really need saves.
Matt Wieters – 1-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer and his 4th homer this week. He’s had perhaps his best week ever with Paul F. Tompkins. He’s had good months before, so I’m not sure if this is anything yet, after all, he is hitting .218 in August.
Jeff Francoeur – Designated for assignment. Frenchy will latch on somewhere, or, worst case scenario, there’s always the next WBC and playing for Team France. I hear they’re gonna be great with returning players, Pepe LeCordon Bleu and Juan Pierre.
Chad Gaudin – Hit the DL with carpal tunnel. The live video chat on GurneyGirl.com can be addicting.