That title is for all of you metrosexual readers, and you thought I’d forget about you. My apologies to our four girl readers that I didn’t go with the title, “A’s Sign the 4th Yoenis Brother.” I know how much you love their music. So the A’s signed Yoenis Cespedes yesterday, the latest Cuban raftee. Is Cespedes Spanish for six feet? That’s gotta be a challenge to get them all in the batter’s box! Though it will make it easier to run up outfield fences like Bo Jackson and he’ll have three times the hip rotation of the average hitter. He’ll be faster, but 1) Will have three times the chance of pulling a hamstring and 2) Will have to dive headfirst or he’ll be real easy to tag out. So the A’s signed the Human Cespedes, but what can we expect from him for 2012 fantasy baseball?
Since thirty-six million dollars, the price paid for Yoenis, is three times Beane’s yearly salary (according to Hollywood), I think Yoenis gets a starting job and is given every chance to succeed. “The playing time is there — now the Yoenis is on you!” That’s Jonah Hill in the sequel because he screams puns now that he’s skinny. The speed that Yoenis shows in his Tom Emanski-produced videos is great, but I think Emanski might be putting some CGI effects on there. I’m willing to give him 12 steals, which is optimistic since he won’t know pitchers’ moves. The power is another question. Last year in Cuba, he clubbed a new Cuban record of 33 home runs (354 ABs), though right now it’s sorta been an explosion of home runs in Cuba. Castro, you juicing the balls? Last year in Cuba, Jose Abreu (check Ancestry.com for his relation to Bobby) hit 33 homers too in only 212 ABs. Yoenis’s Cuban park was also one of the easier parks to hit in, but he hit quite a few on the road (18 of 33). Now some have concluded that playing in the Cuban league can be compared to A ball. That would leave new raftees in a hole. Put another way, if you grab Yoenis in a fantasy draft too soon, you might be an a-hole.
Clay Davenport uses one part magic and two parts gumption to come up with a formula to translate Cuban stats to the majors. He has Yoenis down for 22 homers and a .245 average with 8 steals. That wasn’t considering the A’s play in another one of those -co parks that does no favors for hitters. So the best case scenario is Adam Jones and the worst case scenario is the Bay of Pigs II with Yoenis’s value serving as a torpedo. For 2012, I’ll give Yoenis the line of 65/20/80/.250/12. If you take those projections, you’ll probably know where he’s going to get ranked. If you need a hint, it’s in the top 40 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball. Not someone I would want to take a chance on in most fantasy leagues, unless he’s coming as a bargain. Also, the outfield suddenly gets real crowded in Oaktown for others. Can always give Bubb Rubb a call, I’m sure he can find trouble for one of them. I believe starting now will be The Cereal, Josh Reddick and Yoenis Cespedes. You know who can’t catch a break? The Lisper’s Nightmare, Seth Smith — Thith ith ridiculouth!