David Ortiz must not have fed the meter yesterday because he was fitted with a boot. Southie police officer, “You ahr naht above the lah! Now sign my badge for my boy, Tommy.” Turns out Big Papi has right heel bursitis, which is a fancy word that eHow has seven useless articles about that is essentially inflammation. Now if he has a doctor that stutters, no one will know if he’s saying “heel heel” or “heal heel.” Or maybe he’s not a stutterer at all, but everyone who finds out his occupation just thinks he stutters because he says he’s a heel healer. These are the things I worry about. Your fantasy team should only have bunny ears without Papi for about a week. He’s a quick healer (heel healer, heel? Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever?) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Adrian Gonzalez – Francona said he thinks his sore neck is to account for A-Gon’s lack of power. I’m not so sure, McGwire and Canseco had no necks and they hit plenty of homers.
David Price – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Last year, his xFIP was high and his walk rate was a bit high. This year, it’s the polar opposite. Right now, he’s pitching much better than even his 3.59 ERA is showing with a great K and walk rate. In 2012, we’re gonna have to go all in again with Price.
Evan Longoria – 1-for-3 with his 19th homer. In 343 ABs, he has 67 RBIs and only 79 hits. I’m sure Jayson Stark could write a whole article about that, but that’s all I have to say on that subject.
Brian Wilson – Out for a few days with an inflamed elbow. Pablo Sandoval, “Can I make smores on his elbow?” I have no confirmation of this, but it sounds like Wilson’s headed for a DL stint. If you can, I’d grab Ram-Ram and Affeldt, in that order assuming you don’t convert these posts to Hebrew.
Miguel Olivo – Sat out yesterday, and left Tuesday’s game after being hit in the jaw with a foul tip. That was like watching a sequel to Carlos Zambrano vs. Michael Barrett, except the ball wasn’t as tightly wound as Zambrano.
Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks. His WHIP is now 1.24, he has 154 Ks in 132 2/3 IP and 154 Ks to 50 walks. How is his ERA 4.41? Actually, don’t answer that, just give it as a reason to your leaguemates next year why they shouldn’t draft him, then you do.
Michael Cuddyer – Will probably end up on the DL Thursday morning, which is right now. Hey!
Rene Tosoni – 2-for-3 with his 3rd homer. Pretty marginal player but he makes a wonderful salmon en papillote.
Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. He finally gets his ERA under 4. I’m sure in March you were expecting me to say that in the middle of August.
Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-3 with his 17th homer and 64 RBI. He’s also batting .311. I would’ve gave my Ken Phelps rookie card for Stephen Drew to put up those numbers this year. (BTW, you wanna laugh? Read Ken Phelps’ Wikipedia summary. Tell me he didn’t write that himself. It’s like saying, “His coke bottle glasses hides his warm inviting eyes.”)
Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. ERA is now at 3.33. He’s been completely serviceable this year, but there’s some pitchers I just won’t own, no matter the matchup. Lohse is one of tohse.
Allen Craig – 4-for-5 with two homers. I need to see him guaranteed everyday ABs before I’d add him.
Jose Tabata – Hit his 4th homer in his 2nd game back. I wouldn’t grab him for the power, but if you’re hurting for speed you can swing for Tuh-bata-bata-bata.
Derek Jeter – 4-for-5 as the Yankees wore their 2009 throwback uniforms.
Kyle Blanks – Sat out yesterday with back soreness, which left fans in the left field bleachers confused why their tickets said obstructed view.
Brandon Allen – 1-for-2 and he got the Paul O’Neill home run — a triple and a error.
Kurt Suzuki – 2 homers. He must be drinking the same Hawaiian Punch as Shane Victorino.
Nick Markakis – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th home run. He must’ve sprayed his bat with Windex.
Jair Jurrjens – 6 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K vs. the Aints. I would’ve started Jar-Jar in this start too, so I get it, but it’s always a risky proposition when a pitcher is returning from the DL, especially one whose peripherals are saying he’s not pitching as well as his ERA is saying.
Johnny Cueto – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. ERA is now at 1.89. For the love of Murray Chass, please don’t let the correction come until next year.
Nate Eovaldi – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks. He didn’t quite *pinkie to mouth* domiNate. Just about any NL West starter is worth a looksie, but Eovaldi is likely to get shutdown or moved to the bullpen after his next start or two.
Jose Reyes – Scheduled to run Friday. I don’t think he has the requisite credentials but he can’t be worse than Michelle Bachman and Rick Perry.