Twins aren’t winning. Twins haven’t won all year, actually. You can look it up. They’re 0-for-2011. But Ben Revere wants to steal bases for no reason. I love that. I’d prefer my fantasy players act selfishly and just try to inflate their own value. Maybe that’s lame, but we’re talking about fantasy baseball. We’re not talking about getting chicks with your IROC. When a player tries to inflate his own value, it helps us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!). With so many players shut down or resting for the playoffs, the best thing we can hope for right now is someone who just wants some stats. Revere is the player. In the last week, Revere is hitting .464 with 5 runs, 4 RBIs and 3 steals. In the last ten games, he has 7 steals. (BTW, the Twins lost each of those ten games. Ha!) He’s not glamorous, you’re not going to want to keep him for next year (outside of very deep leagues that have a “Must Have A Ben” clause), but if you need steals, grab him quick. Now if only Revere played for the Red Sox, it would be like a player on the Yanks named Sam Yonkers. Or a Jimmy Burbank on the Dodgers. Or Sadaharu Tacoma on the Mariners. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Mike Carp - He’s hitting .400 over the last week with two homers. This from our frequent commenter, Rabbit, “So how much of a team can you fill up with fish-themed players? You’ve got Carp, Trout, and Anthony Bass. I’d say you can include Jason Bay and Dan, Tim and Kyle Hudson (but not Vernon Wells – the first two bodies of water contain fish, the other better not) and maybe one of the Thames (whichever one pronounces his name like the river). Jerry Sands and Brandon Beachy seem a close enough fit. If you push it a bit, your catcher could be Pierzynski (Where do you fish from? The pier, Zynski.), and maybe you could have Wilson “Exxon” Valdez (he sure killed a lot of fish).”
Nolan Reimold – Has three homers and three steals in the last ten games. Sure, he’s flopped a bunch in the past, but who are you to judge Reimold? Fred Savage?
Jerry Sands – Him and Bugsy helped build Vegas and now Sands is hitting .458 over the last week with 2 homers.
Salvador Perez – In his short time in the majors, he’s hitting .344 with 2 homers. In the even shorter time of the last week, he’s hitting .579 with one homer. In the even shortest time of his last at-bat, he’s 1-for-1. That’s batting one thousand! Use Ted Williams’s frozen medulla oblongata and carve out Perez’s Hall of Fame plaque!
John Mayberry Jr. – With the Phils clinched, Mayberry’s seeing more time and hitting (.409 with 2 homers in the last week). It’s Mayberry BFD.
Greg Holland – Besides the saves (which he is getting now), he’s had a much better year than Soria. How’s dem apples? Delicious!
Mike Aviles – Starting at 3rd base for the Sawx over the last week and he’s hitting .385 with 2 homers. Last September, he had 6 homers and hit .357. I accept this H2H trophy on behalf of all the men and women in the Armed Forces, and Mike Aviles.
Eric Young Jr. – Do I dare recommend him again? I dare, I dare. Do you care to pick him up again? You care, you care. Do you have someone to change your baby’s diaper? Au pair, au pair.
Mike Moustakas – Over the last seven days, he has 2 homers and is hitting .500. Finally, someone sprayed some Windex on his bat.
Lonnie Chisenhall – It seems inevitable that all of these guys that are hitting in September are going to be overrated next March. Cust kayin’.
Brent Morel – Not only is he hitting (4 homers in the last ten games) but he seems like a funghi.
Joakim Soria – I don’t think he’s going to pitch again this year. Seriously, no Joakim.
Mitch Moreland – Before he just wasn’t hitting, now he’s not playing. You see how that could hurt his value? I.e., stop your Mitchin’.
Brett Lawrie – You guys will always have those moments you shared. No one can take those from you. Not even the IRS.
Troy Tulowitzki – Unlike previous years, the Rockies threw up the white flag in late August. Hey, on the bright side, you don’t need a huge September from Tulo to make his season worthwhile.
Carlos Gonzalez – Probably done for the year. His season ending stats are 92/26/92/.295/20. My preseason projections were 90/24/95/.285/20. Is that a boo-ya? Or just boo-ya adjacent?
Anyone that is not going to help you win right now – There’s no time left, drop anyone that is not playing and add players that are. Now excuse me while I go see Moneyball. BTW, I’d love to hear a review of Moneyball by Joe Morgan. “Is that John Kruk playing opposite Brad Pitt? He was excellent! I didn’t know he could play so Jewish.”