James ‘Dr. Freeze’ Andrews – bah! Not when Canada’s finest caribou and shoulder surgeon can do it on the Canadian dime (worth $.09). Erik Bedard will go under the knife for what they are calling exploratory surgery. How appropriate for a pitcher that shares his name with a Viking. Hopefully, it turns out as well as Carlos Silva’s trip to the doctor when his rectal bleeding was diagnosed as his body repelling the massive amounts of salsa he’s eaten throughout the season. Stay tuned, this surgery could effect Bedard’s 2009. The USS Mariner has already sunk, and now they have to start worrying about next year being lost to sea. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Volstad – 8 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER. The Astros quadrupled their hit total of the last two games. Zoinks!
Josh Beckett – Red State Jeter threw eight innings of three hit baseball against the Rays. Encouraging sign going forward or he just likes facing the Rays? You make the call!
Shaun Marcum – Left the start with forearm numbness. Drop him. He’s done.
Fernando Tatis – Done for the year with a separated shoulder. Right now his mom must be a praying Tatis — oofa!
Ryan Shealy – Don’t skim past this name. HR yesterday and… I see you skimming. Stop! He has five home runs in the last four games. Ride the hot streak.
Fernando Rodney – Blew a 2 run-lead in the 9th without registering an out. It’s become so commonplace for him to blow saves that we call Kazaam whenever he comes in. Because if he’s pitching, it’s automatically going to be a non-save situation for the Tigers.
Todd Jones – We miss you.
Dan Haren – Nothing like pitching against SF to right the ship. 9 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks. The Giant offense is the equivalent of a rebound fuck….
Matt Cain – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 2 ER. After struggling for a little over a month, just needed to face the Diamondbacks to look decent. Still wouldn’t trust him going forward.
James Parr – 4 1/3 innings, 4 earned runs and 10 hits as Parr hit a bogey.
Brandon Morrow – 4 IP, 6 ER. What frustrates me further, I told everyone not to go near him when he returned. Then he threw a great game against the Yankees and seemed to be properly stretched out. Surprise, he’s not.
Derek Lowe – Since an awful May, he’s been amazing. 127 IP, 11 W, 2.90 ERA, 1.02 WHIP. With his sinker working so well, Torre was tempted to call him White Wang, but that name’s already taken by someone in nearby San Fernando Valley.