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James ‘Dr. Freeze’ Andrews – bah!  Not when Canada’s finest caribou and shoulder surgeon can do it on the Canadian dime (worth $.09). Erik Bedard will go under the knife for what they are calling exploratory surgery. How appropriate for a pitcher that shares his name with a Viking. Hopefully, it turns out as well as Carlos Silva’s trip to the doctor when his rectal bleeding was diagnosed as his body repelling the massive amounts of salsa he’s eaten throughout the season. Stay tuned, this surgery could effect Bedard’s 2009. The USS Mariner has already sunk, and now they have to start worrying about next year being lost to sea. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Volstad – 8 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER. The Astros quadrupled their hit total of the last two games. Zoinks!

Asdrubal Cabrera – HR yesterday. Since I told you to pickup Asdrubal, he continues to be productive.

Josh Beckett – Red State Jeter threw eight innings of three hit baseball against the Rays. Encouraging sign going forward or he just likes facing the Rays? You make the call!

Shaun Marcum – Left the start with forearm numbness. Drop him. He’s done.

Fernando Tatis – Done for the year with a separated shoulder. Right now his mom must be a praying Tatis — oofa!

Ryan Shealy – Don’t skim past this name. HR yesterday and… I see you skimming. Stop! He has five home runs in the last four games. Ride the hot streak.

CC Sabathia/Prince Fielder – CC finally got his first loss.  Fielder finally is on a roll again hitting 2 HRs.  Can’t you see – it’s a see-saw.  Only one can be high at a time.

Fernando Rodney – Blew a 2 run-lead in the 9th without registering an out.  It’s become so commonplace for him to blow saves that we call Kazaam whenever he comes in.  Because if he’s pitching, it’s automatically going to be a non-save situation for the Tigers.

Todd Jones – We miss you.

Dan Haren – Nothing like pitching against SF to right the ship.  9 IP, 0 ER, 12 Ks.  The Giant offense is the equivalent of a rebound fuck….

Matt Cain – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 2 ER. After struggling for a little over a month, just needed to face the Diamondbacks to look decent. Still wouldn’t trust him going forward.

James Parr – 4 1/3 innings, 4 earned runs and 10 hits as Parr hit a bogey.

Brandon Morrow – 4 IP, 6 ER. What frustrates me further, I told everyone not to go near him when he returned. Then he threw a great game against the Yankees and seemed to be properly stretched out. Surprise, he’s not.

Derek Lowe – Since an awful May, he’s been amazing.  127 IP, 11 W, 2.90 ERA, 1.02 WHIP.  With his sinker working so well, Torre was tempted to call him White Wang, but that name’s already taken by someone in nearby San Fernando Valley.

  1. wassup says:
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    You know anything about this Ryan Shealy guy. He’s hit 5 hr in 35 at-bats and im guessing he will cool but I might as well pick him up while he’s hot. He’s getting everyday playing time but is he for real?

  2. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @wassup: He’ll probably not get to next Wednesday hot, but just in case you should pick him up. Just don’t drop anyone too valuable.

  3. Wombaty says:
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    Fielder and CC on one see-saw? Poor apparatus. How could you let that one slip by?

  4. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    Morrow. Ugh. Grey, man… I want $.25 back from that Pina Colada I bought you. Nah, just give me a sip at least! If it’s any consolation, I got a Cleveland Streamer from Parr. Damn.

    I think I met White Wang when I lived in Sherman Oaks… nice fellow, and a hellova pitching arm. Yowzah!

  5. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Wombaty: Hehe

    @IowaCubs: I hate Morrow. I warned people against him for weeks then he looked so solid against the Yanks. Ugh. I threw up a little in mouth watching him. It tasted like Pina Colada. Yum!

  6. cubbies299 says:
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    I’m getting big sit vibes for Garza. Thoughts?

  7. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @cubbies299: Every other start, he’s been good. So that means he should be good tonight. I think that’s BS. I’m not trusting him and sitting him in anything from 12-team leagues to shallower. Of course, it depends on your situation. If you’re in a H2H match up where ERA and WHIP don’t matter and you’re just trying to get some Ks, IP and wins, then you start him.

  8. knighttown says:
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    For those of you looking for more HR’s on your bench, Paul Konerko is back. Already this year, on my bench, Paul has hit…just a sec, let me see how many HR’s he has…16?…so Konerko has 16 Sonofabench HR’s for me this year. Looking to break Cliff Johnson’s all time record of 20 bench home runs.

    I dropped Butler for him because he’s become pre-AAA Billy, and that Billy is a bad, bad player.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @knighttown: “Looking to break Cliff Johnson’s all time record of 20 bench home runs.” — Ha, that’s a great call.

  10. knighttown says:
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    Just as a reminder folks, before we all break up and focus on other things for the winter, to click that donate box so Grey and Rudy can keep this site going next year. Or don’t. You decide.

    Appreciate the season long advice man. This was my first season playing fantasy baseball and I hadn’t even watched it in years. I literally had never hear of JJ Putz when I got my fantasy baseball guide (I wish I still hadn’t) so it’s easy to say my victory over experienced gamers was well worth the $14,000,000 Canadian drakmas I donated.

  11. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @knighttown: As I emailed you, that was very kind of you. Mucho appreciado.

  12. grey -
    do we have enough money yet to go to sizzler? c’mon, you promised…

    rudy

  13. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: I thought you wanted Friendly’s. What, no Fribble?

  14. oh, and I can’t believe you didn’t publish my advice on today’s SD @ COL game which was to pick up Livan Hernandez! Everyone knows that he’s gold once he crosses the 115 ER barrier….he maybe has an outside chance of getting that ERA under 6.00!

  15. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: Cutting room floor.

    Why didn’t MTV invite Isaac from Australia for The Island? Too obvious. He really did have a kid? What’s your take?

  16. Steve says:
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    No sign of Buchholz in a close game. What’s up with that? Don’t the Rox trust him any more?

  17. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I saw the same thing in a league of mine where I have him and I need holds. Rox might be trying to limit him in the home stretch.

  18. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: @Grey: Hehe

    After I mathematically eliminate everyone in my 10 team 7×7 roto I’ll send you to Sizzler. It’s still a buck two 99 right?

    Re; mathematical elimination

    Is there a formula to calculate that for roto? Any quantum physics majors out there?

  19. Doug Ault says:
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    Vlady is supposed to start either today or Thurs,I hate the west coast time diff when it comes to deciding who to plug in.I figure they’ll put him in against the lefty tonite,but who the hell knows.I’m in a dog fight for first and I’d hate to leave him on my bench if he’s in.

  20. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Cuddle Boys everywhere just shed a little tear.

  21. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: There’s got to be some quantum physicians in The Bootheel, no?

    @Doug Ault: I’d bench him to be safe. He hasn’t hit the A’s well this year and they might pull him in the later innings if the Angels are being blown out or if they’re blowing out the A’s.

  22. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: So true my New Zealand friend, so true.

  23. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Closest thing to it would be Fred down at the feed store. He wore his sister’s shoes to school but by gawd he had shoes.

  24. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: He knew he needed two shoes, right?

  25. There are only 3 types of people that I like to see on the challenges (in descending order):
    1) Crazy people
    2) Promiscuous girls
    3) Funny people

    Isaac had #1 and #3 potential. Doubtful that he could reach the #1 heights of a CT but seeing imaginary black birds when someone died and snorkeling in a fish tank had some promise.

    Beats having the rest of the Australia morons doing the normal puking, “they’re gearing for the newbies’ antics…

  26. Doug Ault says:
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    @Grey:Sounds like a plan,who wudda thunk I’d be pinning my hopes on DeWayne Wise,uggh,but at least I scooped Duchscherer off waivers

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: The “Promiscuous girls” category is strong for vicarious thrills, i.e.”I wish I was Abram right now,” but they add a lot less in my mind than “Out of shape but conniving girls.” Come back, Tina and Beth!

    @Doug Ault: I wouldn’t put too much weight in Duchscherer. He was over his innings already and will probably get shutdown again.

  28. BigFatHippo says:
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    According to Yahoo, Wigginton and KazMat are both playing.

    Schmohawk Nation, rejoice……………….

    Houston will get 4 hits tonight.

  29. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Don’t forget Pence, he’s turned in some utter schmohawkian games lately.

  30. Doug Ault says:
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    @Grey:I hope to squeeze one decent start out of him against the M’s this weekend,only 2 points separate 5 teams from the top spot in my 12 team league.I’ll be in Vegas most of next week so I’m probably screwed anyway

  31. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: I forgot Pence a long time ago.

  32. @Grey: You’re right. The conniving ones are more fun. Amended to:

    1) Crazy people
    2) Conniving people
    3) Slutty girls
    4) Funny people

    Australia folks are none of these four.

  33. Steve says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: @Doug Ault: So – it’s not just NZers who think Australians are morons. Excellent.

  34. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Doug Ault: Being screwed in Vegas isn’t the worst thing.’

    @BigFatHippo: As many have.

    @Rudy Gamble: The quadruple threats, CT, Beth, Tina, etc are rare too. I hope there’s a few exposed kooks/backstabbers/sluts/clowns on this one. I get the feeling they’re trying to make Kenny that. We’ll see if it works.

  35. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Really? I wasn’t aware of that. We’re talking about Americans who were in Australia. And everyone knows Americans are dopey.

  36. Steve says:
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    @Doug Ault: @Grey: Sorry Doug, that previous ‘@’ was aimed at ‘@’ Grey.

  37. They should just invite Manny Ramirez.

  38. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Rudy Gamble: Way to bring it back to baseball.

  39. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Oh – misread that. They’re not really morons – although they do have their share like everyone else.

    Re: Americans. Razzball company excepted, obviously.

  40. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Steve: No, I’m pretty sure I’m a moron.

    Wait a minute, I’ll ask my employees.

    Yeah, it’s unanimous.

  41. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Do your employees call you BigFatHippo?

  42. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Not if they like getting a paycheck.

  43. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Ha!

    @Doug Ault: Are you an Elvis impersonator? Or an Elvis impersonator heckler?

  44. Steve says:
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    After throwing 2 innings yesterday and one the day before, will Jensen Lewis be rested today/tonight, you think?

    If so, Perez or Mike G in his place? I’m thinking Perez.

  45. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Might be rested. It’s a decent gamble. I’d go Mike G.

  46. Doug Ault says:
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    @Grey: Any excuse for an Elvis impersonator clip works for me ;-)

  47. Steve says:
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    How does Razzball nation feel about Elvis (the real one)? Cheesy crap or The King? Have to admit, I’m a bit of a fan. Peter Guralnick’s two-volume biography is a fantastic read.

  48. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Doug Ault: Gotcha. It would’ve been awesome if that was you.

    @Steve: I actually have a gold-plated framed picture of fat Elvis in my kitchen. I’m not a fan though. I just have it there so when people ask me about it I can say, “This is my kitsch-en.”

  49. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Boom-tish!

  50. Doug Ault says:
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    @Steve:I prefer the Phat Elvis

  51. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I’m being for real. I also have a framed picture of a cat making sushi. Which has no significance at all and I’m really not sure why I have it. I’m not even really a fan of cats. I do like sushi. Hmm… Maybe I’ll take it down.

  52. Doug Ault says:
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    @Grey: I suggest you get a Col Sanders piggy bank too,I get raves from visitors when they see mine

  53. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Oh – wasn’t doubting you at all. Just a pun worthy of a quick drumroll followed by a cymbal crash.

    I can’t believe you have both of those pictures, but not one of dogs playing pool.

    @Doug Alt: Post-Army-But-Pre-Fat-Elvis for me.

  54. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Doug Ault: I have Benihana Buddhas to hold loose change.

    @Steve: They’re playing poker. Pool would be awesome though. Or bowling. Do you have bowling in NZ?

  55. Steve says:
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    @Grey: It is, of course, the poker picture that is more famous.

  56. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Steve: My brother has that same print in his poker room, too bad he doesn’t have dogs playing poker in his pool room.

  57. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Have you ever bowled? I went recently and I bowled a 90 and beat my girlfriend and her friend. I felt like a real lamer.

    I never saw the pool one before. You Kiwis have some funny ideas!

    @BigFatHippo: I like that. You should do that when he’s not looking and see if he notices.

    @BigFatHippo: @Steve: BTW, you and Steve are going H2H for the most comments. After me, of course. Nice.

  58. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Show em what they’ve won, Grey.

    A new car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That just means we’re blowhards.

  59. Steve says:
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    @Grey: I’m at work with unlimited internet access – gotta do something with it.

    I have bowled, but it was years ago, don’t remember my score. BTW, not sure that NZers own the idea of dogs playing pool – you can thank Uncle Google for that one ;-)

  60. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: “That just means we’re blowhards.” Hehe — Nah, I like the comments. They amuse me. I feel like it’s the least you people could do! — Joking.

  61. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: The least we can do.

    I always do the least, it’s got me where I’m at today.

    @Steve:

    If you click on the arrow under their name it transfers it to your post. Took me a month to figure that out, made it a lot easier than typing @Baronvon er BVV. No more Doug Alts eh?

  62. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: After 500 comments, you didn’t know about the arrow thingie? Oh, boy. I think there’s some Aussies somewhere talking about Kiwis.

  63. Steve says:
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    @Grey et al: Steady on, boys. I know all about the arrow thingie. In Doug’s case above, I had clicked the arrow below the wrong person and was attempting to manually remedy my mistake.

    That will teach me to take things into my own hands.

  64. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Steady on? Is that Kiwi talk?

  65. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Steve: Ha, my bad.

    That doesn’t rule out Aussies talking about Kiwis, I’m sure it happens. If Grey ever starts an Australian Rules football site we’ll find out.

    There’s a thought Grey, Australian Rules Fantasy Football.

  66. Steve says:
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    @Grey: I suppose it probably is. Never really thought about it – I like to consider myself a citizen of the world, Grey.

  67. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I used to love that when I was younger. It was like football with ten times as many field goals.

    @Steve: Well, you do like baseball and you live in NZ, so that’s a start.

  68. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Kinda like a Rams game this year eh?

    Can’t believe I own PSLs for those schmohawks, they oughta refund my money. Does Los Angeles want their team back?

  69. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Most of LA didn’t know they had a team or that they lost one.

  70. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Indeed. Looks like Markakis might have his swing back too.

    At least until I get him back in my lineup.

    And a HR for Car-Go today as well!

  71. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: True that.

    They don’t really back their teams do they? I mean, unless you’re the Lakers, but then you have to be a celebrity to get good seats.

    I remember when the melonheads came here from LA, watermelons on their heads and all. Didn’t really catch on here, people looked at them and thought “what are those fellas doin with perfectly good crops on their head?”

  72. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, CarGo’s been real hot. I grabbed him on just about every team.

    @BigFatHippo: Nah, no one cares at all out here. Especially the people that go to the games.

  73. BigFatHippo says:
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    Billingsley struggling against the Pirates. Here’s hoping Webb bails out my ERA and WHIP.

    fuck, grand slam LaRoche.

  74. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Hope you don’t have Sheets. Looks like he might be injured. The Brewers collapse continues.

  75. cubbies299 says:
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    Couple questions. Would you cut bait on Swisher in a 12-team keeper league? I nabbed him as a poor-man’s Adam Dunn but he’s been playing more like a poor-man’s Jack Cust. I’m in the fantasy finals this year, so drop him for werth or a spot-start to free up space? Also, thanks for the call on Garza. I did not need that ERA after Kazmir’s kapow 2 nights ago. Also, do you see any value for Phil Hughes down the line?

  76. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Blame it on Ned Yost. They do everything else. It’s never the players fault.

    No, I never have Sheets.

    BTW, I voted for Ned’s Dead, Baby. Nice Pulp Fiction reference, Butch.

  77. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @cubbies299: Drop him for Werth.

    re: Hughes — No, not worth the headache.

    @BigFatHippo: Yeah, Zed’s Dead is my favorite too. Not surprised that most went for Yost infection. That’s probably the funniest. I don’t even understand the first one.

  78. cubbies299 says:
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    Thanks, also christian guzman is inexplicably a free agent. I could drop Swisher for him and avoid playing Tulo in the championship (I can’t drop Tulo cuz his keepability’s too sexy). He’s yawntacular, I know, but perhaps he helps offset having Uggla, Krispy, and just about every other high-volume K-fiend in the MLB.

  79. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: So what do we say about the Brewers now?

    Sveum, wouldn’t wanna be em?

  80. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @cubbies299: I’d go for Werth, instead of Guzman and deal with Tulo.

    @BigFatHippo: The Brewers and the Mets are both limping into the playoffs but you never know if one of them gets hot in the playoffs. The Brewers are more dangerous in the playoffs (if Sheets is okay), because of their pitching. The Mets don’t have the pitching after Johan for the playoffs, in my estimation.

  81. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: I’d be willing to bet the Phillies win the division and the Mets are left to fight for the wild card with the Brewers. Doesn’t look like any team wants it.

    Ahh, what could have been, if only the Cardinals hadn’t blown 30 saves.

  82. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Has it been 30 saves? Yikes.

    Yeah, the Phillies are a possibility too. I don’t think their stadium or their pitching would do well in a short series either.

  83. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Looks like Doumit isn’t as worn down as we thought. Don’t regret dumping him for Sandoval, though.

  84. Steve says:
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    And Jensen Lewis is more durable than we thought…

  85. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Apparently.

  86. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Happ outpitched Jurrjens too, I thought Mike G. might get a save chance.

  87. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: BTW, do you still have J. Upton in?

  88. Steve says:
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    @Grey: You know it!

  89. Steve says:
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    Tough one to answer, but what’s the likelihood of EE being back in the Reds’ lineup tomorrow?

  90. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: He has a left wrist issue, which doesn’t sound like something that he’s just going to be okay with. I wouldn’t count on him.

  91. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Thanks. Have gone for Teahen to fill an empty 3B slot for tomorrow.

    Or is Collaspo a better bet?

  92. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I’d go Teahen.

  93. Steve says:
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    @Grey: One other possibility is to move Sandoval to 3rd and pick up Doumit, but Doumit usually rests if there is a day game after a night game doesn’t he?

  94. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah, I don’t trust catchers on short schedule days. Most times, they do indeed rest.

  95. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Thank-you. And good night.

  96. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: I’m not getting to bed for a little while. I got a late start on the roundup.

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