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Face Off, an American classic. If you haven’t watched it, [email protected]#! off. Your life is incomplete. I was going to write a brief synopsis of the movie, for those that haven’t seen it, but I don’t want those folk reading my piece anyway. Go watch the damn movie!!! For those of you on tilt and want to rip my head off, I do love you guys…especially since you actually took the time to read what I just wrote. Seriously, though, the Razzball community is the best thing out there.

So, why Face Off  for this week’s Bear or Bull?

In the most brilliant maneuver since the Greeks infiltrated Troy with a wooden horse, the Dodgers infected a division rival while keeping one of their top pitchers. Here’s how it went down:

  • 11/4/15 – Zack Greinke elects for free agency
  • 11/16/15 – Dodgers sign RHP Luis Pasen to a minor league contract
  • 12/8/2015 – Arizona Diamondback sign Greinke to a six-year, $206.5 million contract
  • 1/7/16 – Dodgers sign Kenta Maeda

Who’s Luis Pasen? Exactly. If you say his name fast enough, it sounds like “patsy.” If you say it doesn’t, please refer to the 11th word in the intro. Anyways, right after Pasen was signed, both he and Greinke were whisked away to the secret underground surgery room underneath Chavez Ravine, where Jamie McCourt would allegedly “work out.” Farhan Zaidi and Andrew Friedman both spent hours debating whether they should go the superficial Hollywood way or go 100, as the kids say. The surgeons were called in and Greinke’s face was removed and melded onto Pasen’s. During that process, Zaidi and Friedman were informed that a sushi chef in Little Tokyo had committed seppuku after learning that he had been serving fake salmon to his customers. His face was removed and put onto Greinke.

Now, according to medlineplus.gov, face reconstruction surgery takes about 6 weeks to heal. I couldn’t find information on total face removing and melding onto another person, so I’ll just go with the status quo here. If you look at the time from when Pasen was signed to when Kenta Maeda was signed, that’s around 6 weeks. Hmmmmm. The topper to the whole caper was getting the Diamondbacks to take Pasen…I mean Greinke…and pay him $206 million. For those wondering, Pasen does get his base salary plus a face replacement fee. The rest goes into the Dodgers war chest. Hey, the US government has a black budget. You think that shit doesn’t happen other places as well?

So, if you’re keeping track at home, Pasen turned into Greinke, who turned into Maeda. But…for you Hardy Brothers out there, that leaves a minor league roster spot open. So, the Dodgers “drafted” Andre Scrubb in the 2016 MLB Draft. C’mon man!!! Scrubb? Really? Dude doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page. Gotta give credit to Zaidi and Friedman, though, because the back story and pictures plastered on the internet are of first-rate quality.

Oh, Son!!! You are one crazy Korean man!!! Am I? Let’s break it…break it…break it down.

They both throw from the right side. Both have similar arsenals: fastball, slider, curveball, and change. Both throw their fastball in the 89-92 mph range. When with the Dodgers, Greinke had a K/9 in the 8-9 range. Maeda was 9.17 last year. The batted ball and plate discipline numbers were all very close to each other. The only difference was that Maeda gave up more walks and home runs. Is the Son still crazy now?

Ok, let’s get serious. NFBC ADP has Greinke as the 21st pitcher off the board and Maeda the 22nd. That seems kind of crazy to me. I’m guessing people are betting on a bounceback from Greinke and the league figuring out Maeda the second go around. Makes sense. But didn’t you just read the above!!! That ain’t Greinke!!! Ok, my bad. Back to serious mode. Chase Field, where Greinke pitches half of his games, was the second-most generous stadium in all of baseball last season for homers. Any wonder why his HR/9 was 1.30 last season? In fact, the last time it was at 1 in the major leagues was back in 2011. The most troubling things for me regarding Greinke are that his fastball was rated as one of the worst in all of baseball last year (20th-worst to be exact), which correlates to the swinging strike rate going down and contact rate going up. Batters made contact on 90.5% of pitches in the strike zone last year, after being in the 85% range the prior three years.

Pay for the real Greinke. It’s up to you to figure out who that is, though.

VERDICT:

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    • Son

      Son says:
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      @Hot Rod: Thanks for the link. Something to monitor for sure, but it is still only Spring Training.

      Crazy and Nic Cage go together like milk and cereal. Mmmm mmmm good

      • Fungazi says:
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        @Son: and now they both starring b-flicks on Netflix with hair plugs. Ah well

        • Son

          Son says:
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          @Fungazi: Yeah, getting old sucks. They will always have a special place in my heart though

          • Fungazi says:
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            @Son: Me too along with Willis and a bunch of other guys that got old.

            • Son

              Son says:
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              @Fungazi: Willis is a good one, especially since he saved the Nakatomi Plaza in LA

  1. Foul balls says:
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    Just traded Greinke in one of your leagues for K Morales yesterday, this article just reinforced my decision. Thirteen years and approximately 2,300 innings takes a toll.

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @Foul balls: Yeah, not a fan

  2. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    This is so random but I love it. Great movie + actually never looked at Maeda as “Good Grienke” until now, though the comparison makes sense.

    So what’s the one foolproof way to prove your face-off theory?

    Find Grienke’s kid(s) and see which pitcher does the face waterfall to them.

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @Duda Want to Build a Snowman?: Haha. Thank you sir. That is the highest compliment I’ve ever received.

      As for evidence….

      Find the identity of the dead sushi chef

  3. The Great Knoche says:
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    Yeah really wishing I hadn’t been so drunk on Saturday when I took Greinke in our NFBC. It seemed a good idea at the time.

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @The Great Knoche: Haha. Most things do. You never know. It’s still within the range of outcomes that he can have a good year. If not, then you have an excuse to drink more, but you probably don’t need an excuse for that

  4. JB says:
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    Son – Super entertaining article. Perfect for my afternoon constitutional.
    Do you have hunch on Votto this year? More of the same goodness, or will he regress like he occasionally does?

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @JB: Glad you enjoyed it JB. I had fun writing it. As for Votto, no worries whatsoever. Dude is a freaking machine.

  5. J-FOH says:
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    You take a movie with two awful actors, not saying their movies aren’t entertaining and comped a turd and a golden Japanese god. Maeda is insulted by our resident KO REEEEEEEE ANN

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @J-FOH: Don’t you ever say that about Travolta and Cage!!! Your blasphemy shall not go unpunished!!! I do agree on the turd and golden Japanese god dichotomy though. I see that you truly are wise, as I couldn’t expound too much praise upon my Japanese homie, in honor of the older generation of my family tree.

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Son: on the whole Cage and Travolta are like the Burger King and KFC of acting. They’ll only do in a pinch and leave you empty in the end. Now I get the both made great movies like Saturday Night Fever and Pulp Fiction for Travolta and Valley Girl and Moonstruck for Mr. Copala..er I mean Cage

        • Son

          Son says:
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          @J-FOH: Cage is terrible, but that’s why he’s the best! I used to see him clubbing in KTown once in a while, so he’s probably my Eskimo brother. Always gotta get your family’s back right?

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Son: Ive never banged a Korean broad *grabs bucket list and writes a new entry*

            • Son

              Son says:
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              @J-FOH: Good luck

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Son: thanks for the tip

                • Son

                  Son says:
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                  @J-FOH: First, you must watch all of Nicolas Cage’s movies. Then, build a shrine with this picture, http://cdn1-www.craveonline.com/assets/uploads/gallery/the-essential-nicolas-cage-15-must-see-movies/con-air-1997.jpg,. Repent for your blasphemous remarks. Then, the spirit of Cage shall fill you and guide you through the streets of Koreatown. You shall then be able to cross off that item on your bucket list…..

                  If you end up at a massage parlor, then you must not have repented properly.

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Son: oh I never thought of that. I must have already been with a korean

                    • Son

                      Son says:
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                      @J-FOH: Did she say “Too Beaucoup”?

  6. malamoney says:
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    Great read!

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @malamoney: Thanks malamoney!

  7. OldNavy says:
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    I still want Verlander and his 15 years in the league.

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @OldNavy: Who wouldn’t?

  8. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:
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    before reading this, what % of anybody would take greinke ahead of maeda anyway? i mean people around here, not just fantasy ADP stats. i got the under on 18%

    • Son

      Son says:
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      @Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey: I agree with you, but the two are being drafted in the same area. For instance, in my NFBC draft, composed of Razzballites, Maeda went in the 6th and Greinke in the 7th. The ADP data I used for this piece was from NFBC, which seems to consist of some pretty sharp people.

      • Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:
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        @Son: i stand corrected completely here, i’m doing my own mish mash of grey and rudy’s OPS/QS + holds for about 570 players to cover all my league sizes (2/3 OPS vs Grey’s 1/3 for hitters, .75 QS to .25 Grey for SP and 100% for RP from holds rater) , and lo and behold who are BACK TO BACK IN VALUE, but maeda/greinke. i still won’t be ever taking the greinke side of that, but very surprised to find them close by the raters and Grey.

        • Son

          Son says:
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          @Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey: All good. I’m with you, as I’m on the Maeda side. Seeing those 2 right next to each other really jumped out to me as well.

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