Jason Bay has been terrible. Like Don Mattingly’s wife in a mugshot terrible. In June, J-Bay hit .230 and 4 homers, but he was hitting the cover off the ball in June compared to July. In July, he’s hitting .203 with 1 homer. This month Garrett Jones has hit more homers during REM sleep. The optimist in me says Bay will hit 15 homers and .300 the rest of the way with ten steals. The pessimist in me thinks he’ll be benched in favor of Chris Duncan. The realist looks at all of his splits and sees a guy that has been consistent throughout his career, minus a season (2007) when he was battling knee problems. The surrealist in me thinks Bay will hit a line drive up the middle that will ricochet off the pitcher and shoot to the 1st baseman who will smack the ball into center, then the ball will slowly roll back towards the infield until God tilts the field and the ball rolls towards the 3rd baseman, but God tilts too far and the field freezes causing the ball to roll back towards the catcher. In all likelihood, Bay’s 2nd half should be somewhere in the realist realm (though it would be cool if the surrealist was spot-on). I think Bay can give you 10+ homers, .280 average and a handful of steals. Right now, I’m actively trying to acquire him in one league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ted Lilly – After he was rocked by the Phils, I said he might end up on the DL. Lo and behold, voilà, alas, see that, told ya so, etc. Lilly’s now on the DL. Will miss about a month.
Kevin Millwood – Left after two innings because of tightness in his glutes. That never bothered Richard Simmons.
Chad Gaudin/John Lannan – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners and 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, respectively, with two no decisions. Watching the Nats and Padres really tested my love for baseball. I don’t want to test fate for the off chance Tom Paciorek is rehired, but listening to Bob Carpenter and Dibble is like sitting next to Ted Striker on an airplane.
Everth Cabrera – It was about five games ago, I said I’m selling back all of my old EverCab CDs at Amoeba, now he has 4 straight games with a steal. SAGNOF!
Kyle Blanks – HR yesterday. Rudy’s pride and joy now has three homers in the last week (while batting about .240).
Daric Barton – 2-for-4, after he finally did something he left the game with a hamstring strain. If he were a bigger name, he could have had the lead with the title, Barton Fink.
Brett Gardner – Headed to the DL with a broken left thumb. So much for the Fonzie impersonations.
Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks. Sticking with the newly-established Brett theme, Cecil now has three solid starts in a row and gets Oakland next.
Joe Blanton – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks. Now has a 2.55 ERA through the last two months. I’ve been starting him everywhere for the last three weeks in a 12 team league. I’d own him in a 10 team league at this point.
John Smoltz – 5 IP, 6 ER. I know he had a lot of great years. But your nostalgia is hurting you like when you sneak off into your attic and look at photos of you with your one true love. Burn the photos, man. She’s married with kids.
Nolan Reimold – .417 and three steals since The Break. No idea where this newfound speed is coming from, but he’s capable of a few week streak where he’s ownable in all leagues.
Kelly Johnson – 3-for-4, HR and steal yesterday. Whatever Yunel was drinking last week, Johnson seems like he’s bogarting it now.
Jason Schmidt – 3 IP, 4 ER. Yup, sounds about right.
Russell Martin – Hit his third homer yesterday. He would be leading the league if this were April 7th.
Anthony Swarzak – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER. I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.
Seth Smith – 1-for-2, 1 steal. After being declared the starting left fielder, he didn’t get the start Friday or Saturday. Obviously Jim Tracy put starting in quotes.
Aaron Cook – 7 IP, 2 ER and the Win. The third starter I had going yesterday in my crapfecta of pitchers (the other two were Lannan and Gaudin). As I’ve said (numerous times) before, there is so much pitching out there you don’t have to have the exciting names (Liriano, Ervin Santana, Smoltz, Porcello, any number of rookie pitchers) to be competitive in pitching. Boring works too.
Justin Morneau – 2 HRs yesterday as he makes his case for MVP. Judge Grey presiding in the case of Morneau versus the AL field. Without the runs and A-Rod hanging with Madge, what do you got? A sucka in a uniform callin’ his shot…
Ervin Santana – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER. He’s mocking you now. You took the flier; it didn’t work. Let him go. You’ll feel much better when he’s doing this to someone else’s team.
Gerardo Parra – Rico Suave’s mocking me now. I held him for so long in a deep league. Since I dropped him last week (4 games ago), 2 homers, 7 RBIs, 4 Runs and one steal.
Tony Pena Jr. – To go reverse Ankiel on us and become a pitcher. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em…